January 2008 Archives

Let's go people!  I need tickets for the Kodak Theater Democratic Debate tonight.  All the moguls are going to be there and I haven't got a ticket!  I need to leave here in about 15 minutes.  Please bring by four tickets in the next 5 minutes.

Also, it would be helpful if somebody would fucking tell me who were are officially endorsing.  If I'm asked the question who I am supporting I need to have A FUCKING ANSWER!

Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios

After a week of begging and crying like a little baby bitch, Bob Delavian has been rehired by Manka Bros. Studios.  He will be responsible for shining the shoes of senior management.  It's possible, if he does a bad job, I will make him shine the shoes of all Manka Bros. employees.

To senior management employees who would like to take advantage of this free shoeshine offer - send your shoes to Gardener Shed B.  This is also where Bob will be living for the next couple of months - so drop off your shoes at any time of day.

 

To Kim Felber, our new Head of Publicity, I urge you to send all the shoes in your very expensive collection to Bob where he will shine them and personally deliver them to your office (which used to be his office before he fucked up so badly).

Thank you.

Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios

My doctor advised me not to get angry if we didn't receive any Academy Award nominations (which we didn't... of course).  I told my doctor to go fuck himself (which he didn't, I'm sure).  I just don't know what to do any more.  You are all so terrible at your jobs.  If you had any respect for yourselves at all you would fire yourselves or kill yourselves or kill each other.

Perhaps, in the future, I'll just communicate with little sad faces like the one here when I'm not happy with your work. 

I've seen the 2008 Film Slate and it doesn't give me any confidence that things will change this year. 

I suppose my only option left is to buy a Lifetime Achievement Award from the Academy like Spielberg had to do. 

If any of you do decide to kill yourself - let me know.  I would like to watch.

Khan Manka Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios - The World's Largest Media Company

 

Bob Delavian (and much of his staff) has been fired!

I AM SICK OF NOT WINNING ANYTHING AT THE GOLDEN GLOBES!  I called Mr. Delavian (which isn't even his real name) after the "press conference" and fired him.  No one has ever been as bad at a job as Bob was at his.  He was really terrible and I certainly hope he doesn't land on his feet.  He tried to make excuses by saying that we weren't nominated for any awards - so how could we win any awards?  This is the type of bullshit excuse making that Manka Bros. does not need!

And somebody could have told me there was no Golden Globes dinner.  I looked like a fool.

Khan Manka Jr. - Chairman & CEO, Manka Bros. Studios

Other companies are laying off employees faster than Manka Bros.  I don't understand why we always have to be behind the other studios!  We are the WORLD'S LARGEST MEDIA COMPANY! 

I want to lay off people today.  A little help, please!

Khan Manka, Jr. - CHAIRMAN & CEO

I saw that "American Gladiators" did amazing ratings for NBC.  MBS or any of our other networks could really use a show like that and we wouldn't need any writers.  If we don't have a show like that - I would like one (or two or three) on the air by the end of the week.

Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios

I am back in the country and will be at my Holmby Hills house.

Please do not disturb me until January 7th. 

Keep working. 

I'm thinking of laying off quite a few people. 

Give me any ideas you have on who it should be.

Khan Manka Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios