Reel Suite: February 27, 2009

As I descended the stairs from the Kodak Theatre balcony Sunday night, I spotted Kunio (Kato) in the lobby, jumping up and down.  I could alternately see his head poking out of the crowd, then his Oscar.  When we met up, he was so elated and speaking Japanese a mile-a-minute.  After shaking hands with countless grey-bearded Academy members, Kunio sighed and announced, "Let's party!!!!"  We high-fived and headed for the exit.
 
First stop:  Governor's Ball.  By the time we got to the entrance, the Fire Marshalls had arrived and determined that the tent was overcrowded and no one else could be let in.  I was heartbroken for Kunio.  His first time at the Oscars, he wins, and he can't go to the Governor's Ball for God's sake!  But he was a total mensch about it.  He smiled and insisted we start hitting the other hot soirees around town.
 
Second stop:  Manka Bros. Annual Academy Award Night fundraiser for Moguls Find Lost Kittens, at the Bellaj Banquet Hall in Burbank.  When we entered, a cover band was playing Kajagoogoo's "Too Shy" and we were immediately surrounded by the drunk guys from the Studio Event Planning department, who were pretty much the only ones there.  I spotted Kyle from Maintenance sitting in a stupor in the corner.  Nadine, the seventy-something front gate guard, was solo grind-dancing in the middle of the dancefloor.  There was no food and Kunio was starving.  After he pounded a shot of Jamesons, one of the marketing guys, Cameron, approached him holding two rescued kitties, which caused Kunio to recoil and convulse.  Through his mangled English, I heard him shout, "Allergic!", so I quickly hustled him out of the hall.  In the car, Kunio's throat mercifully only closed up 30%.
 
Third Stop:  The 2nd Annual Circuit City Feed The Fish fundraiser at The Fifth bar in North Hollywood, to call attention to the plight of famished sea creatures around the globe.  Only shrimp was being served, and Kunio hates shrimp.  "I Feel Good" played over and over again on the jukebox.  Attendees included Lauren Tewes, former Yankee second baseman Chuck Knoblauch, city councilman Tom LaBonge and his lovely wife, singer-songwriter Pete Yorn, and TV's Richard Karn.  Kunio posed for a photo with a toothless barfly named Malcolm, pounded a shot of Jager, then whispered to me that he "didn't dig the vibe", so we headed out.
 
When we were in the car, Kunio got a text message from Konstantin Bronzit urging us to join he and the other Short Film nominees at Avalon, where Prince was about to take the stage.  But Kunio told him he had a more exciting destination in mind.  He suddenly demanded I stop at the Studio City Animal Hospital. 

After he made the staff confirm that there were no cats in the immediate area, he burst through the doors and into the operating room, deftly assisting the Veterinarian in a golden retriever's gall bladder removal.  I watched as he held the gall bladder aloft, a single tear rolling down his face.  It meant more to him than five Academy Awards.
 
He was silent and pensive as we made our way back to my townhouse.  In his bedroom, he reverently placed his Oscar on a shelf right next to a jar containing the gall bladder, then drifted off into a deep, satisfying slumber.
 
Apparently, in the middle of the night, he booty-called Tomoko, then went off and got some.  Hey, Oscar winners gotta get laid.  If they don't, what the hell's the point?

Kurt Barnet