Bulgarian Prime Minister Sergey Stanishev Is A Socialist?!

What a nightmare!  Somebody could have told me he was a socialist!  Why the fuck do I pay you people?  You all know how much I dislike socialists.  They make me itch.  And this guy is no socialist let me tell you that right now. 

First of all, he didn't bring shit and didn't share anything with me.  All he did was take take take!  He didn't even bring his own booze and he drinks a lot.  Thank God Slivovitz (a proud sponsor of MBS) sends me a case a month or he would have drank me dry.  This dinner was a complete and total disaster.  And on top of it - I'm hungover and useless today.  I'm going to need a full staff from the studio to come up here and do everything for me.  My leg is killing me.

Let me explain.  First of all, I am a proud Bulgarian-American.  My father (Harry) and uncles (Khan, Sr. and Simeon) immigrated to this country at the turn of the century and our family has lived the American dream for over 100 years - creating the World's Largest Media Company.  Over the years as Americans, we have acquired untold riches and treasure.  But our blood is Bulgarian.  Last night was going to be a great night at my Beverly Hills compound.  I have received many heads of state in the past - but the visit of Bulgarian Prime Minister Sergey Stanishev was particularly exciting for me and I planned accordingly. 

I invited only the best of Hollywood society:  John Cusack, Paul Krassner, Bonnie Hunt, Alice Cooper (who seems to be following me around), Terry Semel, Ashley Wyatt (star of MBS' upcoming show "Severed Fingers"), Marc Shmuger, NHL player Rob Blake, etc. etc.

The only people the Bulgarian Prime Minister brought were a few members of the Bulgarian Women's Choir in their full regalia.  I made a joke to lighten the arrival nerves:  "Hey Prime Minister, 1991 just called the Bulgarian Women's Choir and it wants its 'flash in the pan' back."  John Cusack high-fived me and said "Good one, Khan."  I even repeated the joke in Bulgarian but they just stood there.   That's when the Prime Minister noticed the Slivovitz and that was the end of that.  He, Joey Levitch and Los Angeles City Controller Wendy Gruel pounded a quick shot and then lined them up for the room. 

Only scant images survive my memory from that point on:

• There was a fist fight between Rob Blake and the Prime Minster over Bulgaria's roll in society in a post-Soviet world.

• Joey Levitch stripped naked and sang a song from the failed Broadway Manka musical "Gulag" because he thought 'that's what you commies wanted to hear.'

• Bonnie Hunt and Mort Zuckerman were trying to convince the Prime Minister to visit Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie and get a picture of the twins so that they could all split the millions in profits.  When he wouldn't, they started giving him Indian burns until his security stepped in and tasered Bonnie Hunt.
  

• The Bulgarian Women's Choir were throwing up all over my new furniture and one of them got sick all over Nomar Garciaparra. 
  

• For my own behavior, I'm not going to get into it.  Someone else will have to blog about that - but I don't think anyone else remembers last night.
  

It was a complete disaster and most likely the end of U.S./ Bulgarian relations.  The Prime Minister is still crashed out in my jacuzzi with Audrina from something on MTV called "The Hills".  We turned off the heat hours ago.

The real shame is that my cook and housekeeper Ismarelda prepared an amazing traditional Bulgarian feast and we ended up ordering pizza.

Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios