Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind the Proscenium, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo On Kino, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Snow White and the Huntsman, Kristen Stewart, Charlize Theron, Rupert Sanders, Chris Hemsworth, Evan Daughtery, John Lee Hancock, Ian McShane, Bob Hoskins,

Snow White and the Huntsman [REVIEW]

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind the Proscenium, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo On Kino, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Snow White and the Huntsman, Kristen Stewart, Charlize Theron, Rupert Sanders, Chris Hemsworth, Evan Daughtery, John Lee Hancock, Ian McShane, Bob Hoskins, Snow White and the Huntsman

With Wit, Reviewed by Kimmo Mustonenen

Strange things are strange.

The expected is not reality.

The world is inside out.

Kristen Stewart can act.

I am not drunk.

I am not high.

Kristen Stewart is not only the non-suck, but damn fantastic!

The largeness of my eyeballs was for the surprise of the seeing what could not be the truth.

I saw the “Twilight” turds.

My brain is the dumber for with the seeing of them.

Now this.

Can nothing be counted on?

Plot?  Eh.

“Snow White and the Huntsman” is a quite remarkable result of his ham.  What can be silly or melodramatic dialogues spoil everything in the fantasy genre.

Not the case here, I say.

At least the original version here applies mostly to the right, concise tone.

How many times have you seen that the effects are working against history and starting to block everything?

Maybe I am (a little) drunk.

But as brilliant as the dwarf throng of normal height, shrunken actors is tricky, as little is the film with it.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind the Proscenium, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo On Kino, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Snow White and the Huntsman, Kristen Stewart, Charlize Theron, Rupert Sanders, Chris Hemsworth, Evan Daughtery, John Lee Hancock, Ian McShane, Bob Hoskins,And how often fantasy movies take on the love story to the girls something to offer – here is waived boldly on the topic of love, and in general to any psychology that goes beyond simple motivations.

But this movies motivations?  Not silly.

It is Snow White and a frickin Huntsman!  This is not “Citizen Kane.”

Or even the subject of my current cinematic hard-on, “Prometheus.”

And Thor was in it.  Cool.

Charlize Theron?  Hot.  And icy.

Like a sore muscle balm, but one that is ready for the sex.  No Icy-Hot on my Johnson!

Dwarves?  Seven!

Had I smoked the sweet smoke I would have freaked the fuck out.

The dwarf from “Deadwood” was my the favorite.  The “Roger Rabbit” dwarf was cool, too.

Back to Kristen Stewart.

What the hell?

WHAT THE HELL?

I would like to write my reviews in advance.  She has put the fool on my brain.

My pre-write: “As wooden as the Pinocchio, with fish charisma, Stewart brought sleep to my face in minutes.  The sound of major suckage was her acting – suck, suck, suck went Kristen Stewart.”

I cannot now use this.  I must now stay awake for entire movie times.

God dammit!

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Reese Witherspoon, Water For Elephants, Robert Pattinson, Christoph Waltz, Paul Schneider, Jim Norton, Hal Holbrook, Mark Povinelli, Richard Brake, Stephen Monroe Taylor, Ken Foree, Scott MacDonald, James Frain, Sam Anderson, John Aylward, Brad Greenquist, Tim Guinee, Donna W. Scott, E.E. Bell, Kyle Jordan, Aleksandra Kaniak, Ilia Volok, Bruce Gray, Jim Jansen, James Keane, Ivo Nandi, Karynn Moore, Andrew Connolly, Doug McDougal, Tracy Phillips Rowan O'Hara, Water for Elephants, Tai, Uggie, Ice, Sita Acevedo, Danny Castle, Michael Coronas, Aloysia Gavre, Francis Lawrence, Andrew R. Tennenbaum, Erwin Stoff, Gil Netter, Kevin Halloran, Alan Edward Bell, Ana Maria Quintana, Chad Holmes, David Crank, Denise Chamian, Molly Allen, Sasha Veneziano, Kimmo MustonenenKimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S.  Next week I review, finally, “Prometheus.”  It had better be the good – or even better.  The review has been for months written.  Best movie ever.  I am now scared.  With this new knowledge, I will have to see every movie that is by me reviewed.  Shit.

P.P.S.  The title of “America’s Got Talent” is a lie.  Title more better would be “America Is Full Of Weird People That Want On The T.V. More Than They Have Any Sense Of Shame.”  Summer television.  Son of a bitch.

 

23 comments

  1. What? · June 1, 2012

    Stewart is cast wrong. Does anyone out there believe that she’s “fairer” than Theron? Come on.

  2. AI · June 1, 2012

    The movie was AWFUL!!!!!

    Charlize Theron is good, and I’m actually not talking about the acting, it’s the movie in general. Just terrible.

    *spoilers*

    Awful. Thankfully saw this as part of a goodwill campaign by NBC/Universal for free. Village of what appeared to be tough women crumpled at the sight of men … a dark forest where everyone dies and is afraid to enter except Snow White, except her drunken chaser, except the queen’s brother .. except his army – does ANYONE ever die in the dark forest (nope)?

    Forestland creatures surround SW but apparently are too lame to alert her when the evildoers crash the party, they don’t help during the battle scenes and seem rather useless other than for show.

    True uselessness, however, can be found in William her childhood beau. He infiltrates the bad guys, but is awol during the scenes where he’s needed the most. Why was he even in the movie – to “kind of” stand up to his Dad – but not really?

    SW claims to know the queen, see her thoughts, says she can be killed – then in the “final” confrontation simply waves a sword at her LAMELY. Was that the plan? She has to use the one and only trick taught to her by her male savior – of course.

    4/10 – and 4 is generous

  3. no no no · June 1, 2012

    now youre just lying Kimmo. I’ve seen Kristen Stewart “act” and – no she cant.

  4. saw · June 1, 2012

    ummm i guess no one got the story. its not the outside beauty that counts. its whats within. that’s why Snow was fairer than the Queen. gosh.

    • apple · June 1, 2012

      You tard. Before Snow came along the Queen was the fairest… You really think it was meant as inner beauty? No son. We all got it. You clearly didn’t.

      Kirsten Stewart was God-awful (The script also didn’t help much).

      This movie consists of loads of stunning scenes, but a terrible story filled by terrible characters.

      I’d rather watch The Immortals again. It had bad acting… But the movie had a point

      • dumbdumb · June 1, 2012

        the immortals had a point? no wonder you think the fairest in snow white is about the outer beauty.

  5. Heavy G · June 1, 2012

    Kimmo, I think you were so wasted that you actually watched “Adventureland” – it’s the only movie the Kristen Stewart didn’t totally suck in.

  6. Rini · June 1, 2012

    The movie was okay. Kristen was awful. God awful. But the queen really rocked SW ass :p *spoiler* to then die my a mysterious knife SW happen to have when her sword was knock off her hands. =.= lame. Here I was hoping it was the brother grim version….

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  8. Janine · June 1, 2012

    Okay my daughter had a screen test for this film as Snow White. She is as beautiful as Charlize oh and she could actually act. When we heard Kristen (I can’t act my way out of a paper bag) was cast knew it was a JOKE!

    • REZ · June 1, 2012

      And because its your daughter of course you actually are the most impartial person on the face of the earth to give an objective opinion right??? 😛

  9. Wow · June 1, 2012

    Ummm no offense, but I’m thinking you’re a little bias, I’m sure your daughter is as pretty and talented in your eyes as KStewart is in her own mother’s eyes.

  10. thor · June 1, 2012

    you bunch of whiny haters. you’re hating on the girl but still watch the movie and help it make more than expected. the girl is cashing in on snow white and you’re still glowing green with hate. who sucks now.. you big time.

  11. Lan · June 1, 2012

    Let’s face, Kristen’s popularity makes this movie blockbuster. So quite whining about how bad things about her, the movie is great.

  12. No one · June 1, 2012

    So Thor and Bella are together.

  13. ella · June 1, 2012

    The evil queen is pretier than Snow white in this film.
    I watch this movie because Charlize Theron not stewart.
    When I saw Charlize in this film, I’d say WOW, she’s back on screen and even her acting was scary and very convicing than stewart.

  14. Psycheme · June 1, 2012

    I thing Charlize Theron and Kristen Stewart has an Equal Beauty. So you guys, don’t argue.

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