Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo On Kino, Kyrle Lendhoffer, RIPD, R.I.P.D., Robert Schwentke, Phil Hay, Matt Manfredi, David Dobkin, Peter Lenkov, Jeff Bridges, Ryan Reynolds, Kevin Bacon, Mary-Louise Parker, Stephanie Szostak, James Hong, Marisa Miller, Robert Knepper, Mike O'Malley, Devin Ratray, Larry Joe Campbell, Michael Coons, Christina Everett, Michael Two, Lonnie Farmer, Piper Mackenzie Harris, Ben Sicane, Duncan Putney, Bill Mootos, Kortney Adams, Michael Yebba, David Curtis, Kachina Dechert, Cheryl McMahon, Georgia Lyman, Matt McColm, Catherine Kresge, John Burke, Joe Stapleton, Michael Steven Costello, Naheem Garcia, Lance Greene, Tobias Segal, Toby Huss, Mike Judge, Jon Olson, Diana Afonso, Zoe Aggeliki, Charlie Alejandro, Mel Alejandro, Kilo Alexander, Emmalyn Anderson, Jacqueline Asbury, Stephanie Atkinson, Morgan Berhard, Ronald Boone, David Boston, Van Brockmann, Paul Bronk, Jeff Buco, Rick Burtt, Nicholas Cairis, Anthony Celona, Seth Chitwood, Jonathan Cornett, Diane Curran, Nick Dash, Bob Dio, Aaron Dorsey, Samantha Durand, Alexandra East, Kimberly Evan, Eric Ferraz, Steve Flynn, Shawn Fogarty, Jim Ford, Jane Forrestal, John Franchi, Victor Franko, Chris Fries, Kimberly Giardino, James Gifford, Suzanne Gilles, Jayne Costello Goode, Jon Gould, Rosemary Howard, Frankie Imbergamo, Stacey Forbes Iwanicki, Timothy Jacobs, Robert Kenney, J Parker Kent, Joshua Koopman, Stephen Kyle, Jason Leal, Daniel Lwoney, John Macey, Tom Mariano, Jeff Martineau, Adriano Masciarelli, Robert Masiello, Tricia Clift McCrone, Mariano Mendoza, Thomas Miller, Chillie Mo, Christine Moody, Ken Murray, Dillon O'Donnell, Chris Palermo, Steve Perry, D.J. Pierce, Laura Pizzuti, Christopher S Porter, Suzanne Prunty, David Pulson, Carrie Ann Quinn, Donna Glee Reim, Erin Reinhard, Jonathan Retamoza-Davila, Floyd Richardson, Gary Roscoe, Manajhjanihe Royalle, Kathryn Shasha, Dakota Shepard, Morgane Slemp, Donny Soares, Matt Soscia, Cody Sousa, Matthew Spinale, Franz Strassmann, Strea, David Struffolino, Josh Sussman, Bill Thorpe, Lucia Vecchio, George Vezina, David Weindel, Mike Wendt, Mary Wexler, Jamie Christopher White, Chris Whitney, James Wilcox, Wes Williams, Jimmy Wong, Tony Wright, William Xifaras, Adam Zalt, David Dobkin, Michael Fottress. Keith Goldberg, Peter Lenkov, Ori Marmur, Jonathon Komack Martin, Neal Moritz, Mike Richardson, Christophe Beck, Alwin Kuchler, Mark Helfrich, Carolyn Pickman, Tricia Wood, Alec Hammond, Lori Agostino, Priscilla Elliott, David Scott, Susan Lyall, Frank Cuomo, Robin Le Chanu, Lisa Rodgers, Jason Altieri, David Ellis, Frank Capra, Luke Crawford, Kevin Thomas Roy, Kimberly Aguirre, Eric Olin Anderson, Bethany Andriuzzo, Stephanie Atkinson, Alyssa Barnes, Sean Becker, Alix Belleville, Diane Benton, Jacob Brades, Jessie Bridges, Mike Buonanno, Christine Colburn, Kelly Cronin, Jane Finn Foley, Jeremy Fiske, Mollie Vera Grace, Chase Hall, Kate Jurdi, Catherine Kagan, Paul Kahl, Jessica Lamendella, Peter Lowe, Rebecca Locke, Chuck Slavin, Paul Anthony Speziale

R.I.P.D. [REVIEW]

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo On Kino, Kyrle Lendhoffer, RIPD, R.I.P.D., Robert Schwentke, Phil Hay, Matt Manfredi, David Dobkin, Peter Lenkov, Jeff Bridges, Ryan Reynolds, Kevin Bacon, Mary-Louise Parker, Stephanie Szostak, James Hong, Marisa Miller, Robert Knepper, Mike O'Malley, Devin Ratray, Larry Joe Campbell, Michael Coons, Christina Everett, Michael Two, Lonnie Farmer, Piper Mackenzie Harris, Ben Sicane, Duncan Putney, Bill Mootos, Kortney Adams, Michael Yebba, David Curtis, Kachina Dechert, Cheryl McMahon, Georgia Lyman, Matt McColm, Catherine Kresge, John Burke, Joe Stapleton, Michael Steven Costello, Naheem Garcia, Lance Greene, Tobias Segal, Toby Huss, Mike Judge, Jon Olson, Diana Afonso, Zoe Aggeliki, Charlie Alejandro, Mel Alejandro, Kilo Alexander, Emmalyn Anderson, Jacqueline Asbury, Stephanie Atkinson, Morgan Berhard, Ronald Boone, David Boston, Van Brockmann, Paul Bronk, Jeff Buco, Rick Burtt, Nicholas Cairis, Anthony Celona, Seth Chitwood, Jonathan Cornett, Diane Curran, Nick Dash, Bob Dio, Aaron Dorsey, Samantha Durand, Alexandra East, Kimberly Evan, Eric Ferraz, Steve Flynn, Shawn Fogarty, Jim Ford, Jane Forrestal, John Franchi, Victor Franko, Chris Fries, Kimberly Giardino, James Gifford, Suzanne Gilles, Jayne Costello Goode, Jon Gould, Rosemary Howard, Frankie Imbergamo, Stacey Forbes Iwanicki, Timothy Jacobs, Robert Kenney, J Parker Kent, Joshua Koopman, Stephen Kyle, Jason Leal, Daniel Lwoney, John Macey, Tom Mariano, Jeff Martineau, Adriano Masciarelli, Robert Masiello, Tricia Clift McCrone, Mariano Mendoza, Thomas Miller, Chillie Mo, Christine Moody, Ken Murray, Dillon O'Donnell, Chris Palermo, Steve Perry, D.J. Pierce, Laura Pizzuti, Christopher S Porter, Suzanne Prunty, David Pulson, Carrie Ann Quinn, Donna Glee Reim, Erin Reinhard, Jonathan Retamoza-Davila, Floyd Richardson, Gary Roscoe, Manajhjanihe Royalle, Kathryn Shasha, Dakota Shepard, Morgane Slemp, Donny Soares, Matt Soscia, Cody Sousa, Matthew Spinale, Franz Strassmann, Strea, David Struffolino, Josh Sussman, Bill Thorpe, Lucia Vecchio, George Vezina, David Weindel, Mike Wendt, Mary Wexler, Jamie Christopher White, Chris Whitney, James Wilcox, Wes Williams, Jimmy Wong, Tony Wright, William Xifaras, Adam Zalt, David Dobkin, Michael Fottress. Keith Goldberg, Peter Lenkov, Ori Marmur, Jonathon Komack Martin, Neal Moritz, Mike Richardson, Christophe Beck, Alwin Kuchler, Mark Helfrich, Carolyn Pickman, Tricia Wood, Alec Hammond, Lori Agostino, Priscilla Elliott, David Scott, Susan Lyall, Frank Cuomo, Robin Le Chanu, Lisa Rodgers, Jason Altieri, David Ellis, Frank Capra, Luke Crawford, Kevin Thomas Roy, Kimberly Aguirre, Eric Olin Anderson, Bethany Andriuzzo, Stephanie Atkinson, Alyssa Barnes, Sean Becker, Alix Belleville, Diane Benton, Jacob Brades, Jessie Bridges, Mike Buonanno, Christine Colburn, Kelly Cronin, Jane Finn Foley, Jeremy Fiske, Mollie Vera Grace, Chase Hall, Kate Jurdi, Catherine Kagan, Paul Kahl, Jessica Lamendella, Peter Lowe, Rebecca Locke, Chuck Slavin, Paul Anthony SpezialeR.I.P.D. 

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

Our brains can be crap.

Yes, this happens.

We think the excited, only for the suck to rise.

Why can this be for the happening?

We crave good.

I will give anything more than ever the chances it (“good movie, please Odin” speaks my brain) deserves.

I am for wanting every movie that is watched to be the greatness that was “Shark Night 3D”.

The universe thinks I deserve a worsening. So the universe makes me be with “R.I.P.D.”

Lord.

A mess this is in my mind place. My brain crap is now confusion.

I have seen this movie!

Three times.

“Men Are Black,” “Men Are Black II,” and “Men Are Black III (in 3D!).”

Tommy Lee Jones (“Abraham Lincoln Laywer”) and Will Smith (“Legend I Am”) put their good foot right in the ass while kicking. New thoughts and stories made my face a happy smile place.

Now this crap. Ugh.

Plot? You know it. I mean, you really know it. I go on anyway.

Nick the Cop (Ryan Reynolds) is killed by Hayes (Kevin Bacon – here, one degree from toilet water). Nick goes to Dilbert Heaven – corporate Heaven would really be Hell, although having the hot, hot, hot Mary-Louise Parker (is she really almost 49? – her soul must have been rented to the devil) there gives it some hope – and he (Nick) gets to become “Death Cop – Deado Killer.”

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo On Kino, Kyrle Lendhoffer, RIPD, R.I.P.D., Robert Schwentke, Phil Hay, Matt Manfredi, David Dobkin, Peter Lenkov, Jeff Bridges, Ryan Reynolds, Kevin Bacon, Mary-Louise Parker, Stephanie Szostak, James Hong, Marisa Miller, Robert Knepper, Mike O'Malley, Devin Ratray, Larry Joe Campbell, Michael Coons, Christina Everett, Michael Two, Lonnie Farmer, Piper Mackenzie Harris, Ben Sicane, Duncan Putney, Bill Mootos, Kortney Adams, Michael Yebba, David Curtis, Kachina Dechert, Cheryl McMahon, Georgia Lyman, Matt McColm, Catherine Kresge, John Burke, Joe Stapleton, Michael Steven Costello, Naheem Garcia, Lance Greene, Tobias Segal, Toby Huss, Mike Judge, Jon Olson, Diana Afonso, Zoe Aggeliki, Charlie Alejandro, Mel Alejandro, Kilo Alexander, Emmalyn Anderson, Jacqueline Asbury, Stephanie Atkinson, Morgan Berhard, Ronald Boone, David Boston, Van Brockmann, Paul Bronk, Jeff Buco, Rick Burtt, Nicholas Cairis, Anthony Celona, Seth Chitwood, Jonathan Cornett, Diane Curran, Nick Dash, Bob Dio, Aaron Dorsey, Samantha Durand, Alexandra East, Kimberly Evan, Eric Ferraz, Steve Flynn, Shawn Fogarty, Jim Ford, Jane Forrestal, John Franchi, Victor Franko, Chris Fries, Kimberly Giardino, James Gifford, Suzanne Gilles, Jayne Costello Goode, Jon Gould, Rosemary Howard, Frankie Imbergamo, Stacey Forbes Iwanicki, Timothy Jacobs, Robert Kenney, J Parker Kent, Joshua Koopman, Stephen Kyle, Jason Leal, Daniel Lwoney, John Macey, Tom Mariano, Jeff Martineau, Adriano Masciarelli, Robert Masiello, Tricia Clift McCrone, Mariano Mendoza, Thomas Miller, Chillie Mo, Christine Moody, Ken Murray, Dillon O'Donnell, Chris Palermo, Steve Perry, D.J. Pierce, Laura Pizzuti, Christopher S Porter, Suzanne Prunty, David Pulson, Carrie Ann Quinn, Donna Glee Reim, Erin Reinhard, Jonathan Retamoza-Davila, Floyd Richardson, Gary Roscoe, Manajhjanihe Royalle, Kathryn Shasha, Dakota Shepard, Morgane Slemp, Donny Soares, Matt Soscia, Cody Sousa, Matthew Spinale, Franz Strassmann, Strea, David Struffolino, Josh Sussman, Bill Thorpe, Lucia Vecchio, George Vezina, David Weindel, Mike Wendt, Mary Wexler, Jamie Christopher White, Chris Whitney, James Wilcox, Wes Williams, Jimmy Wong, Tony Wright, William Xifaras, Adam Zalt, David Dobkin, Michael Fottress. Keith Goldberg, Peter Lenkov, Ori Marmur, Jonathon Komack Martin, Neal Moritz, Mike Richardson, Christophe Beck, Alwin Kuchler, Mark Helfrich, Carolyn Pickman, Tricia Wood, Alec Hammond, Lori Agostino, Priscilla Elliott, David Scott, Susan Lyall, Frank Cuomo, Robin Le Chanu, Lisa Rodgers, Jason Altieri, David Ellis, Frank Capra, Luke Crawford, Kevin Thomas Roy, Kimberly Aguirre, Eric Olin Anderson, Bethany Andriuzzo, Stephanie Atkinson, Alyssa Barnes, Sean Becker, Alix Belleville, Diane Benton, Jacob Brades, Jessie Bridges, Mike Buonanno, Christine Colburn, Kelly Cronin, Jane Finn Foley, Jeremy Fiske, Mollie Vera Grace, Chase Hall, Kate Jurdi, Catherine Kagan, Paul Kahl, Jessica Lamendella, Peter Lowe, Rebecca Locke, Chuck Slavin, Paul Anthony SpezialeReally.

He is paired with Tommy Lee Jo- No.

Shit! He is paired with Roy (Jeff Bridges) who talks with his mouth like he has had a stroke.

Or two.

They are disguised to be a Chinese and Hot Boob-ula Chick (Marisa Miller – so hot when on the page and not moving, not so hot when talking). We must never know they are just actors, acting badly.

They are after “Deados” – dead people who are escaping the movie to get to a real life. Like T.V.’s “Reaper”, only less good stuff.

Nick wants to be with his not dead wife again.

Did it happen? Did I care?

Did I drink so much Kossu that the last 25 minutes where placed in a brain blender to be remembered as “whoooosh”?

I don’t know. No. And yes.

This hot mess did not direct itself. No. First, the story board was published in 2001 (now are you nerds happy?). Then Robert Schwentke needed money and said “sure!  I’ll poop one out for ya!”

Voila! “R.I.P.D.”

Why, Hollywood, why?

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo On Kino, Kyrle Lendhoffer, RIPD, R.I.P.D., Robert Schwentke, Phil Hay, Matt Manfredi, David Dobkin, Peter Lenkov, Jeff Bridges, Ryan Reynolds, Kevin Bacon, Mary-Louise Parker, Stephanie Szostak, James Hong, Marisa Miller, Robert Knepper, Mike O'Malley, Devin Ratray, Larry Joe Campbell, Michael Coons, Christina Everett, Michael Two, Lonnie Farmer, Piper Mackenzie Harris, Ben Sicane, Duncan Putney, Bill Mootos, Kortney Adams, Michael Yebba, David Curtis, Kachina Dechert, Cheryl McMahon, Georgia Lyman, Matt McColm, Catherine Kresge, John Burke, Joe Stapleton, Michael Steven Costello, Naheem Garcia, Lance Greene, Tobias Segal, Toby Huss, Mike Judge, Jon Olson, Diana Afonso, Zoe Aggeliki, Charlie Alejandro, Mel Alejandro, Kilo Alexander, Emmalyn Anderson, Jacqueline Asbury, Stephanie Atkinson, Morgan Berhard, Ronald Boone, David Boston, Van Brockmann, Paul Bronk, Jeff Buco, Rick Burtt, Nicholas Cairis, Anthony Celona, Seth Chitwood, Jonathan Cornett, Diane Curran, Nick Dash, Bob Dio, Aaron Dorsey, Samantha Durand, Alexandra East, Kimberly Evan, Eric Ferraz, Steve Flynn, Shawn Fogarty, Jim Ford, Jane Forrestal, John Franchi, Victor Franko, Chris Fries, Kimberly Giardino, James Gifford, Suzanne Gilles, Jayne Costello Goode, Jon Gould, Rosemary Howard, Frankie Imbergamo, Stacey Forbes Iwanicki, Timothy Jacobs, Robert Kenney, J Parker Kent, Joshua Koopman, Stephen Kyle, Jason Leal, Daniel Lwoney, John Macey, Tom Mariano, Jeff Martineau, Adriano Masciarelli, Robert Masiello, Tricia Clift McCrone, Mariano Mendoza, Thomas Miller, Chillie Mo, Christine Moody, Ken Murray, Dillon O'Donnell, Chris Palermo, Steve Perry, D.J. Pierce, Laura Pizzuti, Christopher S Porter, Suzanne Prunty, David Pulson, Carrie Ann Quinn, Donna Glee Reim, Erin Reinhard, Jonathan Retamoza-Davila, Floyd Richardson, Gary Roscoe, Manajhjanihe Royalle, Kathryn Shasha, Dakota Shepard, Morgane Slemp, Donny Soares, Matt Soscia, Cody Sousa, Matthew Spinale, Franz Strassmann, Strea, David Struffolino, Josh Sussman, Bill Thorpe, Lucia Vecchio, George Vezina, David Weindel, Mike Wendt, Mary Wexler, Jamie Christopher White, Chris Whitney, James Wilcox, Wes Williams, Jimmy Wong, Tony Wright, William Xifaras, Adam Zalt, David Dobkin, Michael Fottress. Keith Goldberg, Peter Lenkov, Ori Marmur, Jonathon Komack Martin, Neal Moritz, Mike Richardson, Christophe Beck, Alwin Kuchler, Mark Helfrich, Carolyn Pickman, Tricia Wood, Alec Hammond, Lori Agostino, Priscilla Elliott, David Scott, Susan Lyall, Frank Cuomo, Robin Le Chanu, Lisa Rodgers, Jason Altieri, David Ellis, Frank Capra, Luke Crawford, Kevin Thomas Roy, Kimberly Aguirre, Eric Olin Anderson, Bethany Andriuzzo, Stephanie Atkinson, Alyssa Barnes, Sean Becker, Alix Belleville, Diane Benton, Jacob Brades, Jessie Bridges, Mike Buonanno, Christine Colburn, Kelly Cronin, Jane Finn Foley, Jeremy Fiske, Mollie Vera Grace, Chase Hall, Kate Jurdi, Catherine Kagan, Paul Kahl, Jessica Lamendella, Peter Lowe, Rebecca Locke, Chuck Slavin, Paul Anthony SpezialeMust all summer flicks be regurgitated Franken-films that am made from the body parts of other movies. Or be a clone of previous clone movies?

As long as the dollars flow to box offices like Kossu flows to my liver nightly we will be seeing the Franken-films forever. Damn…

My thumbs are weird and confusing. They twitched when things went boom. They twitched when the Hot Boob-ula Chick would walk in the slo-mo.

They twitched when I ran out of the most delicious ice cream Bon Bons even chewed by a man (me).

So, for this “R.I.P.D.” I had epileptic thumbs. Pointing every direction but up.

Tell your eyes to wait for “The Conjuring” or “The Smurfs 2.” I kid about the Smurfs. I would rather be shot in the face and eaten by weasels.

I speak the truth.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Reese Witherspoon, Water For Elephants, Robert Pattinson, Christoph Waltz, Paul Schneider, Jim Norton, Hal Holbrook, Mark Povinelli, Richard Brake, Stephen Monroe Taylor, Ken Foree, Scott MacDonald, James Frain, Sam Anderson, John Aylward, Brad Greenquist, Tim Guinee, Donna W. Scott, E.E. Bell, Kyle Jordan, Aleksandra Kaniak, Ilia Volok, Bruce Gray, Jim Jansen, James Keane, Ivo Nandi, Karynn Moore, Andrew Connolly, Doug McDougal, Tracy Phillips Rowan O'Hara, Water for Elephants, Tai, Uggie, Ice, Sita Acevedo, Danny Castle, Michael Coronas, Aloysia Gavre, Francis Lawrence, Andrew R. Tennenbaum, Erwin Stoff, Gil Netter, Kevin Halloran, Alan Edward Bell, Ana Maria Quintana, Chad Holmes, David Crank, Denise Chamian, Molly Allen, Sasha Veneziano, Kimmo MustonenenKimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S.  “Breaking Bad” is about to come to an ending. My sadness is bulging for there will be no more shows to see to. My love for this T.V. showing is so great that I will name my fantasy hockey club “Team Heisenberg” this year. If this is beyond your understanding sign up with Netflix and watch the damn show. Yesterday.

You’re welcome.

HEY – NOW “LIKE” ME ON FACEBOOK PLEASE!

8 comments

  1. Caitlin · July 19, 2013

    This. Is. The. Best. Review. Ever. Hands downs, bitches!

  2. Love it! · July 19, 2013

    This review is so much better that horrible thing I watched in the movie theater today. And this one was free.

  3. John Burns · July 19, 2013

    I love the way you review a film. No punches pulled, no credit for bad actors acting badly, no kudos for a dud.
    Thank you very much!

  4. Rachel M · July 19, 2013

    Maybe the best review I have ever read.I must read more!

  5. Mancada · July 19, 2013

    This review makes way more sense than the movie..

  6. Ray Donovan · July 19, 2013

    Shouldn’t the Jeff Bridges part have been played by Kurt Russell? Jeff Bridges is too good to be in this train wreck.

    • Ella Rae Bates · July 19, 2013

      Kurt Russell is too good for this, too. I’m not sure who deserves to be in this mess. I’m tempted to suggest Dennis Hopper since he’s already left us and can’t be embarrassed by being in such a sub par film. Hmm ..Jack Nicholson might deserve it, but he’s too smart to be in it. Since I’ve mentioned two stars of “Easy Rider”, I’ll add Peter Fonda deserves better. I don’t know…

  7. Webkinz · July 19, 2013

    This is really nice information.