Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo On Kino, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Sony of God, The Bible, Christopher Spencer, Richard Bedser, Colin Swash, Nic Young, Sebastian Knapp, Paul Knops, Darcie, David Rintoul, Gary Oliver, William Houston, Stewart Scudamore, Nonso Anozie, Conan Stevens, Jassa Ahluwalia, Langley Kirkwood, Patrice Naiambana, Joe Coen, Leila Mimmack, Greg Hicks, Andrew Brooke, Louise Delamere, Diogo Morgado, Darwin Shaw, Amber Rose Revah, Matthew Gravelle, Joe Wredden, Paul Marc Davis, Rick Bacon, Fraser Ayres, Said Bey, Adrian Schiller, Paul Brightwell, Simon Kunz, Sanaa Mouziane, Anas Chenin, Roma Downey, Daniel Percival, Noureddine Aberdine, Idrissa Sisco, Hami Belal, Richard Bedser, Mark Burnett, Eduardo Verastegui, Lorne Balfe, Rob Goldie, Robert Hall, Carl Proctor, Alan Spalding, Said El Kounti, Hauke Richter, Claudia Parker, Ros LIttle, Talli Pachter, Christa Schoeman, Brian Edwards, Jess Stevens, Grantly Butters, Alex Gibb, Tony Mitchell, Crispin Reece, Tarik Amchemar, Abdella Baadil, Aziz Mhand, Amin Rharda, Polly Stevens, Garrett Honn, James Jordan, Faycal Attougui, Rodney Berlinlg, Kelly Johnson, Bridie Bischoff, Katie Boxer, Mona Houd, jack Levy

Son Of God [REVIEW]

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo On Kino, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Sony of God, The Bible, Christopher Spencer, Richard Bedser, Colin Swash, Nic Young, Sebastian Knapp, Paul Knops, Darcie, David Rintoul, Gary Oliver, William Houston, Stewart Scudamore, Nonso Anozie, Conan Stevens, Jassa Ahluwalia, Langley Kirkwood, Patrice Naiambana, Joe Coen, Leila Mimmack, Greg Hicks, Andrew Brooke, Louise Delamere, Diogo Morgado, Darwin Shaw, Amber Rose Revah, Matthew Gravelle, Joe Wredden, Paul Marc Davis, Rick Bacon, Fraser Ayres, Said Bey, Adrian Schiller, Paul Brightwell, Simon Kunz, Sanaa Mouziane, Anas Chenin, Roma Downey, Daniel Percival, Noureddine Aberdine, Idrissa Sisco, Hami Belal, Richard Bedser, Mark Burnett, Eduardo Verastegui, Lorne Balfe, Rob Goldie, Robert Hall, Carl Proctor, Alan Spalding, Said El Kounti, Hauke Richter, Claudia Parker, Ros LIttle, Talli Pachter, Christa Schoeman, Brian Edwards, Jess Stevens, Grantly Butters, Alex Gibb, Tony Mitchell, Crispin Reece, Tarik Amchemar, Abdella Baadil, Aziz Mhand, Amin Rharda, Polly Stevens, Garrett Honn, James Jordan, Faycal Attougui, Rodney Berlinlg, Kelly Johnson, Bridie Bischoff, Katie Boxer, Mona Houd,  jack LevySon Of God

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

There are things beyond our seeing.

Understanding is the impossible.

But they are real.

Really.

Some are good (Casper The Friendly Ghost, Caspar in Finland).

Some are not (Magneto).

Some are old (Dracula).

Some are new (Dr. Manhattan).

But all real super-duper people have to come from somewhere with the origin story.

Even the “Son of God.”

For an origin story, it is not too original.

This was on my TV in before times, I am sure of it.

Yes, I drink. Yes, I smoke the sweet, sweet smoke. I am forgetting things. 

But this was on my TV – but with more longer. On the History Channel.

And President Obama was, in it, as the Satan. He is not in “Son of God” that I have seen. 

Am I crazy? Am I victimized by mind tricks? 

No. 

Thank God (not his son, but Odin) for press kit. I read and am relieved. 

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo On Kino, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Sony of God, The Bible, Christopher Spencer, Richard Bedser, Colin Swash, Nic Young, Sebastian Knapp, Paul Knops, Darcie, David Rintoul, Gary Oliver, William Houston, Stewart Scudamore, Nonso Anozie, Conan Stevens, Jassa Ahluwalia, Langley Kirkwood, Patrice Naiambana, Joe Coen, Leila Mimmack, Greg Hicks, Andrew Brooke, Louise Delamere, Diogo Morgado, Darwin Shaw, Amber Rose Revah, Matthew Gravelle, Joe Wredden, Paul Marc Davis, Rick Bacon, Fraser Ayres, Said Bey, Adrian Schiller, Paul Brightwell, Simon Kunz, Sanaa Mouziane, Anas Chenin, Roma Downey, Daniel Percival, Noureddine Aberdine, Idrissa Sisco, Hami Belal, Richard Bedser, Mark Burnett, Eduardo Verastegui, Lorne Balfe, Rob Goldie, Robert Hall, Carl Proctor, Alan Spalding, Said El Kounti, Hauke Richter, Claudia Parker, Ros LIttle, Talli Pachter, Christa Schoeman, Brian Edwards, Jess Stevens, Grantly Butters, Alex Gibb, Tony Mitchell, Crispin Reece, Tarik Amchemar, Abdella Baadil, Aziz Mhand, Amin Rharda, Polly Stevens, Garrett Honn, James Jordan, Faycal Attougui, Rodney Berlinlg, Kelly Johnson, Bridie Bischoff, Katie Boxer, Mona Houd,  jack Levy“Son of God” is last part ofThe Bible – the same! 

Yet very different.

Plot? Well… yes.

The earth starts.

Then a bunch of crap happens, very fast.

Then story. The Virgin Mary (Leila Mimmack) gets knocked up, and in panicking says “God did it! I am no slut but a virgin!” (not in movie was this said, but in real life – disclaimer: I was not there, but I know things).

Then Baby Jesus, Son of God! He grows to a manhood in a blinking eye.

And everyone in the Middle East is from Europe. Cool.

Super handsome Jesus model (Dioga Morgado) is awesome-er than any Son of God that came before (per the film).

He does magic.

He (maybe) does Mary Magdalene (Amber Rose Revah). Who wouldn’t?

He does big talk (“I will change the world!”)

He does bigger magic (raising the dead – suck it Penn and Teller!!!).

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo On Kino, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Sony of God, The Bible, Christopher Spencer, Richard Bedser, Colin Swash, Nic Young, Sebastian Knapp, Paul Knops, Darcie, David Rintoul, Gary Oliver, William Houston, Stewart Scudamore, Nonso Anozie, Conan Stevens, Jassa Ahluwalia, Langley Kirkwood, Patrice Naiambana, Joe Coen, Leila Mimmack, Greg Hicks, Andrew Brooke, Louise Delamere, Diogo Morgado, Darwin Shaw, Amber Rose Revah, Matthew Gravelle, Joe Wredden, Paul Marc Davis, Rick Bacon, Fraser Ayres, Said Bey, Adrian Schiller, Paul Brightwell, Simon Kunz, Sanaa Mouziane, Anas Chenin, Roma Downey, Daniel Percival, Noureddine Aberdine, Idrissa Sisco, Hami Belal, Richard Bedser, Mark Burnett, Eduardo Verastegui, Lorne Balfe, Rob Goldie, Robert Hall, Carl Proctor, Alan Spalding, Said El Kounti, Hauke Richter, Claudia Parker, Ros LIttle, Talli Pachter, Christa Schoeman, Brian Edwards, Jess Stevens, Grantly Butters, Alex Gibb, Tony Mitchell, Crispin Reece, Tarik Amchemar, Abdella Baadil, Aziz Mhand, Amin Rharda, Polly Stevens, Garrett Honn, James Jordan, Faycal Attougui, Rodney Berlinlg, Kelly Johnson, Bridie Bischoff, Katie Boxer, Mona Houd,  jack LevyHe pisses off the powerful (various old Jewish guys, but not in real life). They are so mad that they nail him to the wood. And spear him in the side.

Then it is nothing but death.

The Romans do the last three sentences. Not the Jews. Back off, Nazis.

But wait. More to be. 

Jesus wakes up from dead! 

Freaking out is the only option for Jerusalem, and so the freaking happens – with nice light and background orchestra. 

Then The Jesus gets the heck out of Dodge, never to be seen again.

So. Two confused thumbs, afraid of the Walking Dead. Jesus story was longer on my television, and now you are to pay to see it shorter on bigger screen with expensive mouth treats.

Hmmm. Maybe worth it, maybe not.

There have been better super hero origin stories. And the villains are the suck.

Old Jews are not scaring anyone, and they have no super powers. Except in Hollywood. Those old Jews fill the fear in any living person.

Old Hollywood Jews, if I have offended you my sorry is bigger than any other sorrys. Sorry.

Watch “The Bible” on Netflix. Longer, but you get Obama Satan.

What more is ever wanted?

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Reese Witherspoon, Water For Elephants, Robert Pattinson, Christoph Waltz, Paul Schneider, Jim Norton, Hal Holbrook, Mark Povinelli, Richard Brake, Stephen Monroe Taylor, Ken Foree, Scott MacDonald, James Frain, Sam Anderson, John Aylward, Brad Greenquist, Tim Guinee, Donna W. Scott, E.E. Bell, Kyle Jordan, Aleksandra Kaniak, Ilia Volok, Bruce Gray, Jim Jansen, James Keane, Ivo Nandi, Karynn Moore, Andrew Connolly, Doug McDougal, Tracy Phillips Rowan O'Hara, Water for Elephants, Tai, Uggie, Ice, Sita Acevedo, Danny Castle, Michael Coronas, Aloysia Gavre, Francis Lawrence, Andrew R. Tennenbaum, Erwin Stoff, Gil Netter, Kevin Halloran, Alan Edward Bell, Ana Maria Quintana, Chad Holmes, David Crank, Denise Chamian, Molly Allen, Sasha Veneziano, Kimmo MustonenenKimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S.  Finland 5, U.S. 0. The bronze medal is pretty. Hey America hockey, would you like one?  Really? Too bad, losers. Kossu shots for all (especially my good friends of Old Hollywood Jews)!!!

8 comments

  1. Ragnar · February 28, 2014

    But was it funnier than “Pompeii”?

  2. Megan R. · February 28, 2014

    Nothing is funnier than Pompeii.

  3. Josh · February 28, 2014

    Overall, better than most everything else in theaters these days. A few biblical inaccuracies, though: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10151978954872475&set=a.41781592474.55738.614787474&type=1&theater

  4. Ross Cooper · February 28, 2014

    What’s funny is that they had the hubris to try such a subject a all! The writers, the actors, the studios that attempted to capture the divine without satisfaction. It is an impossibility.

    How about SON OF GOD, FAST AND FURIOUS?? That’s doable and probably will come out in the black. Like the old westerns, the ultimate gunslinger comes to town and cleans up Dodge City. As you know, they always finish with a setting sun and a hanging.

  5. Robert Bailey · February 28, 2014

    It’s not impossible to make a good film about Jesus–you just have to stick to the script: see Pasolini’s “The Gospel According to St. Matthew.”

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