You social media punks make me sick!
It’s time for those of us in old media to fight back so we can return to making films and TV shows like the old days.
You people need to realize that fragmentation blows and loss of creative control for the studios sucks.
Manka Bros. has been entertaining the world for over 90 years and you don’t see people screaming and crying to buy our stock! It’s a fucked up system!
New media and all this social networking bull shit is really screwing with what we do best and I’ve had it!
So – LinkedIn had a splashy IPO and is now valued at around $10 billion. (UPDATE: Thank God Groupon and Zynga flopped!)
Considering the insignificance of this crappy little social network (“Next year we may have zero earnings! Whoo-hoo!”), I would peg Manka Bros.’ current valuation (regardless of our current stock price, goddamn it!) at around $1 trillion dollars!
Sounds crazy, right? But at least Manka Bros. makes stuff that people actually want.
Seriously, what the hell do you do on LinkedIn? Meet other people on LinkedIn? Send messages to strangers in the hope they will put you in their “network”?
In Hollywood, this is called stalking.
I have every message that is sent to me filtered by three people. Even someone like Bob Iger hardly ever gets through. I just can’t be bothered – I’M RUNNING THE WORLD’S LARGEST MEDIA COMPANY FOR CHRIST’S SAKE!
And if I need to hire someone (which I believe is a key function of LinkedIn), I will just bring in someone from my family or one my friends’ families. You think I’m going to hire someone from a website?
And if you Silicon Valley freaks keep trying to tell us in Hollywood how to run our businesses, me, Bob Iger, Rupert Murdoch and Sumner Redstone will shut the internet down and ship you nerds off to our MIS departments in Poland.
Or, even better, Manka Bros.’ ‘Facebook Killer’ (Caligula) will launch and make you all insignificant overnight! (We just have a few bugs to work out.)
So… to the newly-minted millionaires at LinkedIn, all I can say is ‘Congratulations and … SELL SELL SELL!’
To the future millionaires (and billionaires) at Facebook, Twitter, Groupon and all those other ridiculous websites, I say ‘good luck’ – I hope LinkedIn didn’t ruin it for the rest of you by manipulating the valuation so much that it scares off future investors.
And, finally, to all the strangers out there who would like to be my Friend on Facebook, please send me a request, I can’t wait to see pictures of the new baby.
Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company
Khan Manka, Jr. assumed the title of Chairman & CEO of 
Loading tweets...
21 comments
1 ping
Fred says:
May 19, 2011 at 12:09 pm (UTC -7 )
I was thinking of getting in at $122 – sound like a good bet, Khan? I would buy Manka stock if I could find the listing.
Shakvilli says:
May 19, 2011 at 12:15 pm (UTC -7 )
There is a scene is the first teenage mutant ninja turtle movie where someone swings a Jose Canseco bat at one of the turtles and ho looks at it and says, “You spent money on that?”
That is the reoccurring thought I have when I think of anyone investing in linkedin
Hugh Jassol says:
May 19, 2011 at 1:29 pm (UTC -7 )
You’re “RUNNING THE WORLD’S LARGEST MEDIA COMPANY FOR CHRIST’S SAKE!” because your Daddy died and left it to you, not because you have any special talent. Or brains, for that matter.
Chairman says:
May 19, 2011 at 3:28 pm (UTC -7 )
F you, huge asshole.
Senor Fish says:
May 19, 2011 at 11:00 pm (UTC -7 )
But blogs are alive?
nun ya says:
May 20, 2011 at 2:34 am (UTC -7 )
this blog was linked from usa today message boards. before that, i never heard of you or your company. and i worked for 2 of the largest cable networks 5 years!
Chairman says:
May 20, 2011 at 9:01 am (UTC -7 )
Well… that’s a shocker but… welcome to Manka Bros. I hope you enjoy your stay.
dew says:
May 20, 2011 at 3:59 am (UTC -7 )
For a website that professes to be religious–why do you allow Jill Kennedy to spout unfounded insinuations at Haley? You employ a bitter child who deserves no public forum to spout her nastiness. But then again companies that usually preach are typically hypocritical therefore I should not be surprised.
Chairman says:
May 20, 2011 at 8:59 am (UTC -7 )
Manka Bros. is not religious. We have a Faith-based division because there is a lot of money in Jesus. But we are far from a religious website. Thanks for your interest, Dew – keep going to the movies. And by the way, read some of Jill’s other blog entries – she’s brilliant.
Chase Walker says:
May 26, 2011 at 2:21 pm (UTC -7 )
Wanna have some fun with a movie? Check us out. From your style, I think we might get along.
Chase
Patrick McCormick says:
May 28, 2011 at 4:40 pm (UTC -7 )
Social Networks dead? Who killed them? Certainly not one of those slow moving, top heavy, dinosaur like companies that have held the media monopoly all these years. God, what a laugh… you guys should make a comediy act out of this…oh…someone just told me that it is.
Jack says:
May 28, 2011 at 5:19 pm (UTC -7 )
Guys relax, this is a parody blog and a fictional company/chairman
Chairman says:
May 28, 2011 at 5:42 pm (UTC -7 )
Thanks, Jack.
Laurie says:
May 29, 2011 at 4:01 pm (UTC -7 )
I think the “About Khan Manka, Jr.” section with the black-and-white photo should have tipped you off. Although “Manka” kinda sounds like it could be a big media company you should have heard of but haven’t. Manka Media. It’s catchy.
Salingers Ghost says:
June 20, 2011 at 4:26 pm (UTC -7 )
I don’t care if he’s real or fictional, I like what he has to say. It’s time to go back to the old days and stop looking forward!
Drewry says:
January 10, 2012 at 8:54 pm (UTC -7 )
working you say social networks are dead and you are the world’s largest media company, when you now rank on Alexa at 15,000 in the United States?
http://www.alexa.com/siteinfo/http://mankabros.com
Chairman says:
January 11, 2012 at 8:47 am (UTC -7 )
Manka Bros. has its scale and growth offline – we are traditional old media. And, yes, the largest in the world.
Modani says:
January 11, 2012 at 6:24 am (UTC -7 )
Social Networks is feeding your blog, you know this title “Social Networks Are Dead” is great and will bring alot readers.
Chairman says:
January 11, 2012 at 8:48 am (UTC -7 )
This is true. I need to figure out how to feed my blog after social networks die. A strategy must be developed.
Rafael Montilla says:
January 11, 2012 at 6:29 am (UTC -7 )
I am 100% agre with you when you sais “there is a lot of money in Jesus”, there are so much people making huge amount of money in the name of Jesus.
Just Askin' says:
February 20, 2012 at 3:41 pm (UTC -7 )
>>… there are so much people making huge amount of money in the name of Jesus.
And there are also many people spending huge amounts of their own money and time to help those in poverty around the world, all in the name of Jesus.
So…are you the former or the latter?
Davos World Economic Forum – 2012 – Khan Manka, Jr. Keynote Address » Chairman's Blog says:
January 25, 2012 at 12:47 pm (UTC -7 )
[...] Francisco and Santa Barabara. Just shut it down. Make all the wine you want – but no more stupid social networks. No more loans. No more IPOs. Just shut the fucker down. The world can get their computers [...]