You people need to realize that fragmentation blows and loss of creative control for the studios sucks.
New media and all this social networking bull shit is really screwing with what we do best and I’ve had it!
Considering the insignificance of this crappy little social network (“Next year we may have zero earnings! Whoo-hoo!”), I would peg Manka Bros.’ current valuation (regardless of our current stock price, goddamn it!) at around $1 trillion dollars!
Sounds crazy, right? But at least Manka Bros. makes stuff that people actually want.
In Hollywood, this is called stalking.
I have every message that is sent to me filtered by three people. Even someone like Bob Iger hardly ever gets through. I just can’t be bothered – I’M RUNNING THE WORLD’S LARGEST MEDIA COMPANY FOR CHRIST’S SAKE!
And if I need to hire someone (which I believe is a key function of LinkedIn), I will just bring in someone from my family or one my friends’ families. You think I’m going to hire someone from a website?
And if you Silicon Valley freaks keep trying to tell us in Hollywood how to run our businesses, me, Bob Iger, Rupert Murdoch and Sumner Redstone will shut the internet down and ship you nerds off to our MIS departments in Poland.
Or, even better, Manka Bros.’ ‘Facebook Killer’ (Caligula) will launch and make you all insignificant overnight! (We just have a few bugs to work out.)
So… to the newly-minted millionaires at LinkedIn, all I can say is ‘Congratulations and … SELL SELL SELL!’
To the future millionaires (and billionaires) at Facebook, Twitter, Groupon and all those other ridiculous websites, I say ‘good luck’ – I hope LinkedIn didn’t ruin it for the rest of you by manipulating the valuation so much that it scares off future investors.
And, finally, to all the strangers out there who would like to be my Friend on Facebook, please send me a request, I can’t wait to see pictures of the new baby.