Good morning.
Today, before I go pound Slivovitz shots with the gamer geeks at E3 (more on that tomorrow), I am announcing – with the full cooperation of Robin Rafe – President of the Manka Bros. Theatrical Group – a complete strategy shift in the way Manka Bros. develops, produces and distributes films for all of the theatrical divisions (Manka Bros. Films, Manka Highbrow, Manka Dogme, Manka Docs, and Manka Shorts).
From today forward, we will only be producing movies with BIG IDEAS.
- A guy trying to cure a disease in his basement is a small idea.
- The moon landing is a small idea.
- Saving the family farm? Not on my watch. If you want to save the fucking family farm – call Fox Searchlight or Sony Classics.
The Theatrical Group has been thinking small for too many years – and that changes today. For Christ’s sake, just look at the 2011 Slate for Manka Bros. Films! A movie about Sign Spinners? “My Autumn In Milan“? Are you fucking kidding me? (Though I must say, I do like our chances with the “Hey, Diddle Diddle” – you can’t go wrong with a fairy tale movie!)
So… this is your mandate.
BIG IDEAS.
I want ideas about saving galaxies and saving planets. Global wars. Boxing Presidents. Superheroes (but not mild-mannered ones – BIG SUPERHEROES WITH BIG IDEAS!). If X doesn’t do Y then the planet explodes! Shit like that.
I want Jesus to come back to the earth, read our scripts and say “Man, that’s a BIG idea!”
And I don’t want to hear any complaints from Manka Highbrow (your 2011 Slate is pathetic as well) or Manka Dogme.
Just because you’re low-budget arthouse labels doesn’t mean you can’t have BIG ideas. No more punks who don’t comb their hair and talk about how they don’t know what they want to do with their lives. You can be poor and have a big story – just look at Moses.
Get to work. If you need me, I’ll be drunk.
Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s LARGEST Media Company
Hopefully this means we’ll actually be able to find one of your movies in theaters. And I want to see the sign spinning movie!
Here’s a Big idea for a movie. Set in 2013 the economic collaspe has finally hit. People are eating the bark off the trees in LA. The President is in Jail for doing a shitty job, and people are breaking into prisons for a free meal and clean sheets. Bread lines are non existent, importing food from other countries is too expensive since the oil crisis hit, 50 million Phillipinos showed up en masse and took over Canada after their country was destoyed by a Supervolcano exploding.
You can have your developers write the details.
I didn’t get it at first, I had to read it a second time. The first time, I expected cheers for how great the Bilderbergs are. The second time, I realised the tongue in cheek. Way to go, you are my kind of guy. Guess what, you’ll never be invited back again.
What a novel concept — Big ideas at Bilderberg. Is “The Bavarian Connection” to be filmed in Germany too far from Switzerland, and is the next step beyond the Stuxnet computer virus too small for Manka Bros. Studios to handle. History will tell.
Keith Warn Ibex Productions