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Sep
08

Manka Bros. Would Like To Offer Carol Bartz A Job

Allen & Company retreat, Anne Mulcahy, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Bobby Kotick, Carol Bartz, Charlie Rose, Cory Booker, DumbDumb, Electus, Eric Schmidt, Erin Burnett, Gina Bianchini, Harvey Weinstein, Herb Allen, Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference, Herbert Allen, Jean-Bernard Levy, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jerry Yang, John Donahue, Ken Auletta, Khan Manka, Lachlan Murdoch, Lady Gaga, Leslie Moonves, Lionel Barber, Lloyd Grohl, Manka Bros., Marc Andreessen, Marissa Mayer, Mark Pincus, Mark Zuckerberg, Martin Sorrell, Mathias Dopfner, Mike Bloomberg, Niall FitzGerald, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Reid Hoffman, Richard Parsons, Ricky Van Veen, Rob Wiesenthal, Robert L. Johnson, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Sergey Brin, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Jobs, Sun Valley Retreat, Sun Valley Retreat 2010, Terry Semel, Tom Freston, Tom Friedman, Ursula Burns, Vivi Nevo, Warren Buffett, World's Largest Media Company, Rupert Murdoch, Jose Maria Aznar, natalie Bancroft, Peter Barnes, Chase Carey, Kenneth Cowley, David DeVoe, Viet Dinh, Rod Eddington, Joel Klein, Andrew S.B. Knight, James Murdoch, Lachlan Murdoch, Thomas Perkins, Arthur Siskind, John Thornton, Stanley Shuman, Rebekah Brooks, Les Hinton, Teri Everett, jack Horner, Julie Henderson, Reed Nolte, Roger Ailes, Janet Nova, John Nallen, Beryl Cook, Michael Regan, Genie Gavenchak, Brian Lewis, Irena Briganti, Dan Berger, Rosabel Tao, Steven Rubenstein, Suzanne Halpin, Elisabeth Murdoch, Carol Bartz, Roy Bostock, Patti Hart, Sue James, Vyomesh Joshi, David Kenny, Arthur Kern, Brad Smith, Gary Wilson, Jerry Yang, Blake Irving, Ross Levinsohn, Rose Tsou, Rich Riley, Tim Morse, Michael J. Callahan, David Dibble, David Filo, Dr. Prabhakar Roghavan, Jeff Russakow, Elisa Steele, David WindleyGood afternoon.

I am back from my house in the Seychelles and ready to go.  I trust everyone had a good July and August (with the exception of my great friend Rupert Murdoch) and I pray Manka Bros. can finish strong to help save this cesspool of a year.

(If anyone asks me about my summer or how things are going with Leann Womack, you will be fired.)

On my return to the office (by the way, would it have killed anyone to fucking dust my goddamned desk?), I noticed that the idiots on the Yahoo! Board of Directors (yes, I’m talking to you Vyomesh Joshi!) fired CEO Carol Bartz.

Are they out of their fucking minds?

Before Ms. Bartz came along, Yahoo! was nothing but a second-rate search engine with a decent news and finance area.  And now look at them!

Fucking idiots.

I could tell things were bad at Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Retreat this year.  She wasn’t pounding whiskey sours the way I know she can.  She must have known something was coming.

Allen & Company retreat, Anne Mulcahy, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Bobby Kotick, Carol Bartz, Charlie Rose, Cory Booker, DumbDumb, Electus, Eric Schmidt, Erin Burnett, Gina Bianchini, Harvey Weinstein, Herb Allen, Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference, Herbert Allen, Jean-Bernard Levy, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jerry Yang, John Donahue, Ken Auletta, Khan Manka, Lachlan Murdoch, Lady Gaga, Leslie Moonves, Lionel Barber, Lloyd Grohl, Manka Bros., Marc Andreessen, Marissa Mayer, Mark Pincus, Mark Zuckerberg, Martin Sorrell, Mathias Dopfner, Mike Bloomberg, Niall FitzGerald, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Reid Hoffman, Richard Parsons, Ricky Van Veen, Rob Wiesenthal, Robert L. Johnson, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Sergey Brin, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Jobs, Sun Valley Retreat, Sun Valley Retreat 2010, Terry Semel, Tom Freston, Tom Friedman, Ursula Burns, Vivi Nevo, Warren Buffett, World's Largest Media Company, Rupert Murdoch, Jose Maria Aznar, natalie Bancroft, Peter Barnes, Chase Carey, Kenneth Cowley, David DeVoe, Viet Dinh, Rod Eddington, Joel Klein, Andrew S.B. Knight, James Murdoch, Lachlan Murdoch, Thomas Perkins, Arthur Siskind, John Thornton, Stanley Shuman, Rebekah Brooks, Les Hinton, Teri Everett, jack Horner, Julie Henderson, Reed Nolte, Roger Ailes, Janet Nova, John Nallen, Beryl Cook, Michael Regan, Genie Gavenchak, Brian Lewis, Irena Briganti, Dan Berger, Rosabel Tao, Steven Rubenstein, Suzanne Halpin, Elisabeth Murdoch, Carol Bartz, Roy Bostock, Patti Hart, Sue James, Vyomesh Joshi, David Kenny, Arthur Kern, Brad Smith, Gary Wilson, Jerry Yang, Blake Irving, Ross Levinsohn, Rose Tsou, Rich Riley, Tim Morse, Michael J. Callahan, David Dibble, David Filo, Dr. Prabhakar Roghavan, Jeff Russakow, Elisa Steele, David WindleyWell, Ms. Bartz, if I may write at you directly, today is your lucky day.

Manka Bros. - the World’s Largest Media Company – would like to hire you.  And you can pretty much pick which area of the studio you would like to run.

Since everyone seems to suck at their jobs lately, I would be more than happy to fire the person you would like to replace.

It would be really sweet to get rid of Jay McBee – but you may not have much of an interest in television.

We offer a competitive salary and benefits package (comparable to all of the other division heads at Manka Bros. – with the exception of COO Lloyd Grohl who, I think, even earns more than I do).

If you accept, be sure and bring that foul mouth with you.

I would love to see you go off on someone who might accidentally park in your parking spot.  That would make my day!

So, think about it.  Burbank is really nice this time of year.

Adam Fogelson, Alan Spoon, Alexander von Furstenberg, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Arthur Martinez, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Brad Grey, Brian Roberts, Bryan Lourd, Chase Carey, Craig Smith, David Geffen, David Rosenblatt, Donald R. Keough, Donna Langley, Edgard Bronfman, Electus, Ezra Kucharz, fairy tale movies, Graham Stanton, Greg Blatt, Greg Morrow, Greg Stevens, Gregg Winiarski, Hans Woolley, Harry Sloan, Hey Diddle Diddle, Jason Stewart, Jay Herratti, Jeff Sagansky, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Jill Kennedy, Joanne Hawkins, Joey Levin, John C. Malone, John Ferriter, John Foley, John Malone, Josh Abramson, Jr., Kara Swisher, Khan Manka, Louis Castle, Manka Bros., Mark Stein, Michael Eisner, Michael Schwerdtman, Michael Zeisser, Nikki Finke, Notional, On Medea, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Richard F. Zannino, Rick Finkelstein, Ricky Van Veen, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Scott Garell, Scott Savitz, Shana Fisher, Sharon Waxman, Stacey Snider, Steve Burke, Steve Jobs, Steven Spielberg, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, Thomas J. McInerney, Tina Brown, Tony DiSanto, Victor KaufmanKhan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. StudiosThe World’s Largest Media Company

P.S. – If things don’t work out and our Board of Directors has to fire you, I can assure you it will be in person and not via text or phone message.  The Board gets off on seeing the face of the person being fired.

Permanent link to this article: http://mankabros.com/blogs/chairman/2011/09/08/manka-bros-would-like-to-offer-carol-bartz-a-job/

14 comments

2 pings

  1. Molly Glover says:

    Don’t do it, Khan. You guys are terrible without her. No need to sink further.

  2. Doug says:

    Gotta love her telling the board to fuck off and the reporters to fuck off. She must be a blast at home. “Good morning, we’re here to cut your lawn…” “Fuck off.” “Special delivery – flowers.” “Go fuck yourself.” She’s awesome.

  3. Dan Bushey says:

    Fired, over the telephone? Chicken-shit coward!! I’d like for that pecker-wood TRY that shit with ME!! I’d rip his phone out of the fucking wall!!

    Signed: DANIEL L. BUSHEY

  4. Chan Ho Park says:

    I think there was a vision issue with Carol Bartz. No idea where she wanted to take the company. I mean, what does Yahoo do? I use Yahoo Finance. I check sports scores there. How much many does that bring in? I think all the second tier search companies should band together and try and make a decent alternative to Google. That sort of makes sense. Or they can just go out of business.

  5. Airbrushed Carol says:

    Sounds great, Khan. When can I start?

  6. Bottom Picture Carol says:

    Go fuck yourself, Khan.

  7. Epic Fail says:

    The terror is over. Manka Brothers terror is just beginning.

  8. Tres Bien says:

    Fantastique! I luv Manka Bros.

  9. Alan says:

    Kahn,

    I can tell that Carol would be a great fit just about anywhere in your organization. Just compare your logo to that of Sun Microsystems – she’ll feel right at home.

    Alan

  10. Cindy BB says:

    And now AOL & Yahoo are talking about a merger. What a disaster both of those companies are. Carol Bartz was a complete failure.

  11. Insider says:

    uh..yah speaking for someone who watched her chest beating and posturing on the inside..She took a company with no direction, gave them a vague soulless mission statement, offered little in the area of vision and raped what bit of R&D did exist then took mediocre earnings at best and turned them into lackluster and snoozer. I think that’s what Charlie Sheen calls “Winning”. you are right..watching her theatrics is AWESOME for about 6 months..after that people wanted results…once the expectation became apparent to her she then spent a lot of time redirecting blame, firing other people and well..did basically nothing that she promised to deliver on. A good ceo can right a sinking ship..look at what Job’s did back in the late 90′s..He took and grabbed Apple just as it was about to dive off the cliff of inevitable non-existence and made it one of the largest cool gadget companies on the planet and put a dent into the OS share that Windows had claimed. The only thing Bartz knows how to do is setup a good deal that helps only her back pocket..

  12. Phoeni says:

    Seriously? Before Carol Yahoo was a “second rate search engine”? Just how far can you morons look? It was a giant in Asia, which is the no.1 market in the world, and the only one growing. Either get your act together and have Carol and her new cronies visit Asia, and learn it quickly, or your existence will make as much sense as this dumb post.

    1. Khan Manka, Jr. says:

      ‘Morons’ like a fox.

  13. The Yahoo Messenger says:

    This Carol did a right royal snow job on Yahoo! and sunk it further into the bog! And on a nice pay packet too!!!

    Anyways, we’re doing our little bit to support at least one part of Yahoo that was great: The IM!

    The Messenger

  1. Manka Bros. Would Like To Offer Scott Thompson A Job » Chairman's Blog says:

    [...] been a great recruiting opportunity for us here at Manka Bros., having previously offered jobs to Carol Bartz and Jerry Yang (still waiting to [...]

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