So the current polls have something called “Newt Gingrich” leading the Republican field by over 10 percentage points.
To quote my daughter: “This is some seriously fucked up shit.”
First of all, there needs to be a Constitutional Amendment drawn up immediately that says “No one named Newt Gingrich shall ever be allowed to become President of the United States.”
He’s just a nothing – basically, the biggest “so what?” in the history of the country.
No platitudes here – all true.
I seriously believe this guy would be just as excited to have a part as a mailman on “Two Broke Girls” as he would to be President of the United States.
Any attention is good for someone like Newt Gingrich who just likes to pontificate on any subject – regardless if he has knowledge or not. He doesn’t care about where he is or how important the matter may be – he just likes to talk – in a really boring way and without any sense of consequence.
Imagine President Newt Gingrich and the things he may say:
President Newt Gingrich: “You want to know where I keep the nuclear codes? It’s actually a pretty interesting story, Old Farmer at a random Denny’s – I keep them in the vegetable drawer of my private refrigerator – it’s the one drawer that didn’t have any food in it. Bill Clinton used to keep the codes in his pants – ha ha – get it? Because he cheated on his wife! I stopped doing that one wife ago!”
President Newt Gringrich: “I told Vladimir Putin I would back him up in an illegal election if he would open up Russian theatrical distribution for my documentary Nine Days That Changed The World.”
President Newt Gingrich: “I don’t have time to talk about the budget today, I’m signing copies of my ‘State of the Union Speech’ at a Books A Million in Annapolis. Sean Hannity’s buying free coffee and donuts for everybody.”
President Newt Gringrich: You know, I’m the only historian ever elected President. Which means I know – based on historical fact – who all the great Presidents were like Ronald Reagan and all the shitty Presidents – like Jimmy Carter.”
Etc. etc. etc. – you get the idea.
‘Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal. However, should there be at any time in the future a man named Newt Gingrich who decides to run for President – he must not be allowed for the betterment of the world…’
It’s very simple: No one named Newt Gingrich is allowed to be President of the United States.
He’s just not allowed.
If Honest Abe doesn’t like Newt, neither do I…