Good afternoon.
I was just made aware by one of my assistants that Jerry Yang (founder and Chief Yahoo! of Yahoo! – whatever the fuck that means) is leaving the company.
I guess the Board of Directors and the Shareholders finally got their way and successfully shoved him out.
As someone who is constantly being told to leave my own company due to poor performance, I can empathize with Jerry.
My only question is, why didn’t they shove him out after he stupidly refused Microsoft’s $32/share offer to buy Yahoo!?
But no matter – I’m not here to shit on his grave and piss on his legacy. I’m here to offer him a job.
Manka Bros. is the world’s largest media company and can offer a decent salary, dental, medical, life and dismemberment insurance package (God forbid you get dismembered sitting at a desk) that rivals all the other studios in Hollywood (except maybe Disney – you get free Disneyland admission when you work there – that’s a $10,000 value… per trip).
So – Jerry – I know you’re reeling right now and probably worried about where your next paycheck is coming from. But worry no more – your next paycheck is coming from Manka Bros.
You can basically pick which area you would like to work in (except in our online group – your track record is pretty spotty there).
I would be happy to replace any of the suck ass senior executives that are currently running the various divisions. They’re all terrible at their jobs (off the record – no, fuck it – ON the record).
Give me a call at my office at your earliest convenience so we can discuss a start date.
FYI, I will be leaving for the Davos World Economic Forum in a couple of days where I will be giving yet another keynote address – so get back to me before then.
Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO (& Chief Yahoo!) – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company
Khan Manka, Jr. assumed the title of Chairman & CEO of 
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15 comments
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Big mistake says:
January 17, 2012 at 3:49 pm (UTC -7 )
I wouldn’t touch that guy even as a janitor. He made so many strategic mistakes over the years. He will do nothing but bring down the fine name of ‘Manka’.
Molly says:
January 17, 2012 at 3:55 pm (UTC -7 )
Funny. What this might prove is that the new Yahoo CEO is firmly in charge and that is a good thing for Yahoo. The fact that he was able to get Yang out the door is a huge plus in my opinion.
daniel says:
January 17, 2012 at 4:23 pm (UTC -7 )
you stupid fuck :/
atleast he was no a no brainer like you.
Chairman says:
January 17, 2012 at 4:29 pm (UTC -7 )
I have rewritten your response, daniel. I think this is what you meant to say:
“Khan, you are awesome. Jerry Yang is great. It’s a brilliant move on your part to offer him a job. Well done!”
Kat says:
January 17, 2012 at 5:51 pm (UTC -7 )
The corporate bureaucracy pushed Steve Jobs out of Apple in the last century and we all know how that worked out . Not saying that Yang had the quality product vision that Jobs had , just saying the bean counters are usually industry clueless & their decisions are often of ‘value’ for about 90 days .
salih says:
January 17, 2012 at 7:04 pm (UTC -7 )
Can I get a job with you guys, I am not an x-yahoo, but as far as I know I have a yahoo email and I am afraid that my I will loose my id soon.
I respect innovators no matter what ..
Kiranpal says:
January 17, 2012 at 10:17 pm (UTC -7 )
EXCELLENT!!! Even if it was more of a shove than a self-confident decision…it is a good move for Yahoo! It would be a bad move for manka.
Ashley says:
January 17, 2012 at 10:22 pm (UTC -7 )
Jerry Yang for sure played a big part in shaping the internet as we know it today but seem lost vision somewhere a long the way . Yahoo! future already uncertain , not sure if it is too late but unless a visionary grabs the wheel Yahoo will be just another AOL , or maybe already is! Smart move to keep him away from online.
YJ says:
January 18, 2012 at 2:41 am (UTC -7 )
If it was at 2000: “Jerry, we’re so sorry that you’re leaving us, and thank you very much!”
And now at 2012: “Jerry, we’re so grateful that you’re leaving us, and thank you very much!”
Hollywood Producer says:
January 18, 2012 at 8:54 pm (UTC -7 )
He would be crazy not to take it. At Manka brothers you can’t mess things up more than they already are. If he went to a good company he could just mess it up more. at Manka it can’t get any more messed up. Take the job, idiot!
Ang says:
January 22, 2012 at 5:49 am (UTC -7 )
I’ll take the damn job your offering!
suneel says:
March 5, 2012 at 12:35 pm (UTC -7 )
Jerry Yang created one of the first search companies. Yahoo has always been
profitable . Yahoo Finance is best on the net. Yahoo China and Yahoo Japan is a highly valued property. I wonder what you or your company created? Its easy to critic someone.
YahooYoda says:
March 5, 2012 at 7:50 pm (UTC -7 )
And… it’s even easier to CRITIQUE someone – moron!
Molly G says:
March 5, 2012 at 8:48 pm (UTC -7 )
have you seen the judges on American Idol this year? They’re terrible. It’s obviously not easy to critique someone.
rufus regent says:
March 31, 2012 at 9:29 am (UTC -7 )
Funny article, Manka! Just hope your “suck ass” senior executives are not that bad. If so, let’s talk.
Yang needed to move on LONG ago to another chapter outside Yahoo!. He and his ego needed to get unstuck. Best wishes to him. YJ said it perfectly!
Thompson is much more than a bean counter which someone inferred. See his professional bio. He made PayPal what it is today. Good luck to him, the newly configured BOD, the shareholders who have long suffered, and to the employee base and product focus which need streamlining. Some are worried about brain drain; not an issue IMO.
Manka Bros. Would Like To Offer Scott Thompson A Job » Chairman's Blog says:
May 4, 2012 at 12:48 pm (UTC -7 )
[...] opportunity for us here at Manka Bros., having previously offered jobs to Carol Bartz and Jerry Yang (still waiting to [...]