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Jan
24

The Academy Of Motion Picture Arts And Sciences Can F Itself

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Producers Guild of America, 2011 nominations, Steven Spielberg, Mark Gordon, Hawk Koch, Gary Lucchesi, Hayma "Screech" Washington, Shuler Donner, Gale Anne Hurd, John Hadity, Marshall Herskovitz, Jeffrey Lerner, Chris Thomes, Amy Jacobson Kurokawa, Darla K. Anderson, Fred Baron, Jerome Calimeri, Bruce Cohen, Kathleen Courtney, Maureen Dooling, Tracey Edmonds, Shoshanna R. Ezra, James Fino, Tim Gibbons, Richard Gladstein, Gary Goetzman, Brian Grazer, Sarah Green, Vanessa Hayes, Rachel Klein, Christina Lee Storm, Megan Mascena-Gaspar, Chris Pfaff, David Picker, Lydia Dean Pilcher, Judy Race, Alison Savitch, Paula Wagner, Stephen C. Grossman, George A. Sunga, Dana Kuznetzkoff, Mark Marabella, David Fox, Jeff Gomez, John Hoffman, Nelle Nugent, Amy Robinson, Peter Saraf, Roger Birnbaum, Ian Bryce, Donald DeLine, David Friendly, Ali LeRoi, Lori McCreary, Erin O'Malley, David Picker, Lydia Dean Pilcher, Cathy Schulman, Josh Schwartz, Karen Spiegel, Mike Tollin, Paula Weinstein, James Fino, Kendall Allen, Michael Bellavia, Dina Benadon, Laurent Bouzereau, Mariana Danilovic, Jeanette DePatie, Shawn Gold, John Heinsen, Derek Hildebrandt, Charlotte Huggins, Sophia Kim, Cindy Pound, Marc Scarpa, Deborah Todd, Chris Williams, Felicia Wong, Susan Zwerman, Jeff Lerner, Kimberly Austin, Christina Lee Storm, Suzette Brown, Jerome Calimeri, Carrie Certa, David Hartle, Susan Sherayko, Rebecca Graham Forde, Terra Abroms, Derek Bartholomaus, Wendy Wallace, Maureen Dooling, Jen Haire, RJ Hume, John Peterman, Mitchell Ferm, Allen Maris, Vance Van Petten, Chris Green, Nikki Livolsi, Kyle Katz, Jo-Ann West, Bryce Averitt, Diane Salerno, Erik Bogh, Will Bryan, Scott Bengston, Mitzie Rothzeid, Patrick Gerety, Ben Silverman, Colin Firth, Harrison Ford, Jake Gyllenhaal, Laura Linney, James McAvoy, Mo'Nique, Julianne Moore, Christoph Waltz, Colleen Atwood, Milena Canonero, Betsy Heimann, Judianna Mokovsky, Ha Nguyen, Ken Adam, Rick Carter, Lilly Kilvert, Rusty Smith, George DeTitta, K.C. Fox, nancy Haigh, Leslie Pope, Sandy Reynolds Wasco, Russ Alsobrook, Robbie Greenberg, Julio Macat, Hiro Narita, Amelia Vincent, Wes Anderson, Roger Corman, Lasse Hallstrom, Mike Leigh, Errol Morris, Lone Scherfig, Joe Berlinger, Liz Garbus, Alex Gibney, Mark Lewis, Julia Reichert, Michael Barker, Peter Chernin, Camela Galano, Brad Grey, Lisa Henson, Bill Mechanic, Robert Shaye, Patrick Wachsberger, David Brenner, Lisa Zeno Churgin, Lynzee Klingman, Michael Tronick, Billy Weber, Lois Burwell, David Marti, Montse Ribe, Ve Neill, Aldo Signoretti, Kazuhiro Tsuji, Bryan Adams, Eric Clapton, The Edge, Michael Giacchino, Suzana Peric, Dean Pitchford, Arthur Cohn, Eric Fellner, Samuel Goldwyn, Charles Roven, Jennifer Todd, Suzanne Todd, Duncan Clark, Therese Curtin, Rob Friedman, Nancy Utley, Jochen Alexander Freydank, Martin McDonagh, Dean Parisot, Signe Baumane, Sharon Calahan, Pete Docter, Chris Landreth, Bill Plympton, Wendy Tilby, Chris Wedge, Karen Baker Landers, Willie Burton, Benjamin Burtt, Anthony Ciccolini, Mary Jo Lang, Virginia Cook-McGown, Dean Zupancic, Eric Brevig, John Frazier, Michele Moen, Mark Stetson, Hoyt Yeatman, Hossein Amini, Judd Apatow, Guillermo Arriaga, Diablo Cody, Geoffrey Fletcher, Christopher Hampton, Robin Swicord, Grover Crisp, Ray Dolby, Sarah Halley Finn, Ron Stein, Beverly Joanna Wood, Peter Dinklage, Jennifer Hudson, Wes Studi, Michelle Williams, Pedro Almodovar, Lisa Cholodenko, Christopher Nolan, John Singleton, Kathleen Bennett, Bono, T Bone Burnett, Pablo Helman, Van Ling, Helena Packer, Lynzee Klingman, Demian Bichir, George Clooney, Jean Dujardin, Gary Oldman, Brad Pitt, Kenneth Branagh, Jonah Hill, Nick Nolte, Christopher Plummer, Max Von Sydow, Glenn Close, Viola Davis, Rooney Mara, Meryl Streep, Michelle Williams, Berenice Bejo, Jessica Chastain, Melissa McCarthy, Janet McTeer, Octavia Spencer, Alain Gognol, Jean-Loup Felicioli, Fernando Trueba, Javier Mariscal, Jennifer Yuh Nelson, Chris Miller, Gore Verbinski, Robert Gould, Stuart Craig, Stephenie McMillan, Dante Ferretti, Francesca Lo Schiavo, Anne Seibel, Helene Dubreuil, Rick Carter, Lee Sandales, Guillaume Schiffman, Jeff Cronenweth, Robert Richardson, Emmanuel Lubezki, Janusz Kaminski, Lisy Christl, Mark Bridges, Sandy Powell, Michael O'Connor, Arianne Phillips, Michel Hazanavicius, Alexander Payne, Martin Scorsese, Woody Allen, Terrence Malick, Danfung Dennis, Mike Lerner, Marhsal Curry, Sam Cullman, Joe Berlinger, Bruce Sinofsky, Wim Wenders, Gian-Piero Ringel, TJ Martin, Dan Lindsay, Richard Middlemas, Robin Fryday, Gail Dolgin, Rebecca Cammisa, Julie Anderson, James Spione, Daniel Junge, Sharmeen Obaid-Chinoy, Lucy Walker, Kira Carstensen, Anne-Sophie Bion, Kevin Tent, Kirk Baxter, Angus Wall, Thelma Schoonmaker, Christopher Tellefesn, Martial Corneville, Lynn Johnston, Matthew Mungle, Nick Dudman, Amanda Knight, Lisa Tomblin, Mark Coulier, J. Roy Helland, John Williams, Ludovic Bource, Howard Shore, Alberto Iglesias, Bret McKenzie, Sergio Mendes, Carlinhos Brown, Siedah Garrett, Thomas Langmann, Jim Burke, Jim Taylor, Scott Rudin, Brunson Green, Chris Columbus, Michael Barnathan, Graham King, Letty Aronson, Stephen Tenenbaum, Michael De Luca, Rachael Horovitz, Kathleen Kennedy, Patrick Doyon, William Joyce, Brandon Oldenburg, Enrico Casarosa, Grant Orchard, Sue Goffe, Amanda Forbis, Wendy Tilby, Peter McDonald, Eimear O'Kane, Max Zahle, Stefan Gieren, Terry George, Oorlagh George, Andrew Bowler, Gigi Causey, Hallvar Witzo, Lon Bender, Victor Ray Ennis, Ren Kylce, Philip Stockton, Eugene Gearty, Ethan Van der Ryn, Erik Aadahl, Richard Hymns, Gary Rydstrom, David Parker, Michael Semanick, Ren Klyce, Bo Persson, Tom Fleischman, John Midgley, Deb Adair, Ron Bochar, David Giammarco, Ed Novick, Greg Russell, Gary Summers, Jeffrey Haboush, Peter Devlin, Gary Rydstrom, Andy Nelson, Tom Johnson, Stuart Wilson, Tim Burke, David Vickery, Greg Butler, John Richardson, Rob Legato, Joss Williams, Ben Grossman, Alex Henning, Erik Nash, John Rosengrant, Dan Taylor, Swen Gillberg, Joe Letteri, Dan Lemmon, R. Christopher White, Daniel Barrett, Scott Farrar, Scott Benza, Matthew Butler, John Frazier, Nat Faxon, Jim Rash, John Logan, Grant Heslov, Beau Willimon, Steven Zaillian, Aaron Sorkin, Stan Chervin, Bridget O'Connor, Peter Straughan, Annie Mumolo, Kristin Wiig, J.C. Chandor, Asghar FarhadiGood evening from Davos!

I am here preparing for my keynote address tomorrow to the World Economic Forum (I also spoke here two years ago).

The subject of my speech will be the importance of media in the global economy and how Hollywood will defeat Silicon Valley after their recent challenge to bring us down.

Paul Graham of Y Combinator is an idiot who says Hollywood has peaked.  Manka Bros.’ blogger Jill Kennedy at OnMedea got it right when she said “Y Combinator Is a Stupid Idea.”

Listen, geeks, just because you talk like the characters on “Big Bang Theory” doesn’t mean you can write their dialogue.  There are people who are professional comedy writers and there are people who are computer engineers.  Rarely do the two sides of the brain come together allowing you to do both well.

But I’ll get into that tomorrow.

Today, I am here to say The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences can go fuck itself.

Who in the fuck do you have to give a bottle of Slivovitz to in order to get a goddamned Oscar nomination!  (Or if you’re in the Hollywood Foreign Press – who can also fuck off – who do you have to give a carton of Camel Turkish Gold cigarettes.)

JESUS CHRIST!

Now, I’m a little drunk (at my normal barstool in Davos at the Hotel Eden), and tomorrow I may deny ever writing this, but today, I am fucking pissed off!

Adding insult to injury is the fact that Steven Spielberg got a nomination for “War Horse” - are you fucking kidding me?

Spielberg hasn’t made anything decent since that Joan Crawford “Night Gallery” episode!

And “Tree Of Life”?  What?!  I guarantee not one of you freaks in the Academy understood at all what was happening in that movie.  Sean Penn said he didn’t understand it – AND HE WAS IN IT!

Did the Academy not see “Freedom Swimmers” starring Michael Phelps?  Did they not see “Last Train To Crazy”?  Or “Bella Sangiovese”?  2011 was Manka Bros. at its finest!

Well, don’t worry about nominating us next year – I am done with you.  You’re a bunch of freakin’ dinosaurs who decide nominations over martinis and cheese toast at The Smoke House.

FYI, here is the Manka Bros. Films 2012 Slate and our Manka Highbrow 2012 Slate.  These are the films you won’t be allowed to nominate.

Your loss, losers.

Adam Fogelson, Alan Spoon, Alexander von Furstenberg, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Arthur Martinez, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Brad Grey, Brian Roberts, Bryan Lourd, Chase Carey, Craig Smith, David Geffen, David Rosenblatt, Donald R. Keough, Donna Langley, Edgard Bronfman, Electus, Ezra Kucharz, fairy tale movies, Graham Stanton, Greg Blatt, Greg Morrow, Greg Stevens, Gregg Winiarski, Hans Woolley, Harry Sloan, Hey Diddle Diddle, Jason Stewart, Jay Herratti, Jeff Sagansky, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Jill Kennedy, Joanne Hawkins, Joey Levin, John C. Malone, John Ferriter, John Foley, John Malone, Josh Abramson, Jr., Kara Swisher, Khan Manka, Louis Castle, Manka Bros., Mark Stein, Michael Eisner, Michael Schwerdtman, Michael Zeisser, Nikki Finke, Notional, On Medea, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Richard F. Zannino, Rick Finkelstein, Ricky Van Veen, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Scott Garell, Scott Savitz, Shana Fisher, Sharon Waxman, Stacey Snider, Steve Burke, Steve Jobs, Steven Spielberg, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, Thomas J. McInerney, Tina Brown, Tony DiSanto, Victor KaufmanKhan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

 

Permanent link to this article: http://mankabros.com/blogs/chairman/2012/01/24/the-academy-of-motion-picture-arts-and-sciences-can-f-itself/

20 comments

4 pings

  1. Hollywood Producer says:

    A very unexciting year. Nothing nominated got across the board great reviews. It’s the year of mediocrity. Probably a good year to sit it out, Khan.

  2. zen4fingcynics says:

    A really bad list this year. Nothing great, I agree. I suppose “The Descendants” – I guess if I had to choose one. I actually thought Crazy Stupid Love was my favorite movie of the year.

  3. Molly Berger says:

    HAHA HA HA! I can’t wait for your speech tomorrow, Khannie baby! Awesome. Don’t worry about the Oscars. They only know bad movies to nominate. Yours are only good, right? They obviously don’t know good mvoies.

  4. Alison says:

    Get rid of the Best Song category. Why even have a category if the stupid music branch can only come up with 2 nominees?? There were plenty of worthy songs. I truly believe some grouchy old guys in this branch deliberately sabotage nominees by ranking them insanely low so they don’t get the points. And let’s not pretend it’s a coincidence that the big snubs in this category every year are the FEMALE song writers. Diane Warren last year, Mary J. Blige and Glenn Close this year. But they will nominate anything Randy Newman writes. Whole thing is a joke. Get rid of the category. It’s branch clearly doesn’t want it or respect other artists enough to respect their work this year.

  5. Super Fred says:

    I’m sure the Academy will be sad to see you go. Perhaps you can start a rival academy of motion picture arts and sciences. it’s seems like a monopoly to me.

  6. TechniGil says:

    Bring it, Mr. Manka. Us tech-type folk are taking over soon. You wish you didn’t make that speech tomorrow. As for the Oscars – no Drive, No Manka = Massive Fail.

  7. Shelly Milner says:

    I have no idea what I just read. I guess I’m sorry you feel that way?

  8. Sid Vicious says:

    I can only agree with one thing…Paul Graham is an idiot.

  9. rixbitz says:

    Very colorfully expressed, sir! My only criticism might be that your pungent post was perhaps a little too brief.

    Have another round of whatever you have been drinking and post a longer one! Cheers!

  10. Marissa Rose says:

    Mr. Manka your films look terrible. I can see why you received no nominations. This the most disappointing year I can remember in awhile. I’m gunning for Michelle and the Descendants.

  11. Ima B. Lieber says:

    What I don’t understand is why you don’t expend your energy on creating a Wikipedia or IMDB page? Your amazing studio seems to only exist as a legend in your own mind. And you’re not even that funny. I’ve seen pornos that exhibited better talent than your trailers. My heart goes out to poor Gretchen Hess.
    Good luck. You need it.

    1. Gretchen Hess says:

      Ima, I’m actually very proud of my work for that horrible horrible studio. they may not pay in actual money, but the Costco breakfast bars were excellent. That’s really all I need.

    2. Chairman says:

      You’ve seen pornos? That’s hot (provided you’re female).

      (dictated but not read)

  12. Kymess says:

    Manka Bros. maybe the biggest media center in the world .. but bigger isn’t always better. Guys are always obsessing over size. you can be smaller … It’s how you use what you got that matters.

  13. Markthe25th says:

    I’m pissed for different reasons. The nominations for “Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close” and Glenn Close in “Albert Nobbs”. What? It is clear from previews that both of these movies were made just for the sake of getting these nominations. As much as I respect both Hanks and Close, I find these vanity projects annoying and symptomatic of the insularity of Hollywood.

  14. Simone says:

    I bow to you Mr. Manka!

  15. F them says:

    F them is right. You are the future. They are the past. Move forward. Not backward. Jump high. Not low. Though your 2012 slate looks pretty shitty. Sorry.

  16. monkey's ball says:

    you dont want to be associated with the Oscars. Billy crystal is hosting. He hasn’t been since… since… well… I’m thinking since Soap. 35 years ago. stay away from this group they’ll all be dead soon and you can take over.

  17. D. J. Fone says:

    If Manka Bros. is, as its web page states, “The World’s Largest Media Company”, then why have I, a movie writer, never heard of any of its claimed titles of the past decade or more?

    And why does the “CEO” feel compelled to drop 5 f-bombs over two paragraphs, and try and impress people by picturing his home’s backyard on the website’s landing page.

    This site reminds me of a former coworkers who calls himself a CEO because he “opened a business” by printing business cards and calling GoDaddy.com to open an $8 per month web page.

    No wonder Mr. Manka hates the Academy. They laugh at him when they’re not ignoring his desperate attempts to get their attention.

    1. Ralph Malph says:

      Yes, because one thing we know about the movie industry – movie mogul executives never use the F word. Never.

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