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May
03

Of Course I Bribed Chinese Officials

Andrew D. Gilchrist, Ari Emanuel, Ayn Rand, Ben Silverman, blog advertising, Camel Turkish Gold, Chairman's Blog, cigarette advertising, Daniel J. Herko, Daniel M. Delan, Forensics, High School Forensics, Jay McBee, Jeff Weiner, Khan Manka, Lisa J. Caldwell, Manka Bros., MBS, Nikki Finke, R.J. Reynolds, Robert H. Dunham, Sharon Waxman, Terry Semel, thewrap.com, Walton T. Carpenter, world's largest media company, Chinese bribery, Hollywood in China, Mao Zedong, Cultural Revolution, making movies in ChinaWhat’s the big freakin’ deal?

Have you ever tried doing anything in China?

It’s impossible if you don’t bribe.

If you don’t bribe, you don’t get in the country.  (You suddenly have issues with your visa?)

If you don’t bribe, you get a hotel room with a disgusting hole in the floor instead of a western toilet.

If you don’t bribe, your car breaks down in the middle of some god forsaken scrub land in the hills outside of Beijing.  Then you have to sit on the side of the road while your driver laughs at you and then proceeds to sacrifice a chicken and cooks the legs for lunch using his cigarette lighter.

If you don’t bribe, you don’t do business in China.

Andrew D. Gilchrist, Ari Emanuel, Ayn Rand, Ben Silverman, blog advertising, Camel Turkish Gold, Chairman's Blog, cigarette advertising, Daniel J. Herko, Daniel M. Delan, Forensics, High School Forensics, Jay McBee, Jeff Weiner, Khan Manka, Lisa J. Caldwell, Manka Bros., MBS, Nikki Finke, R.J. Reynolds, Robert H. Dunham, Sharon Waxman, Terry Semel, thewrap.com, Walton T. Carpenter, world's largest media companyBut it really doesn’t take much.  It’s not nearly as expensive as the bribes I had to pay to American officials and union bosses.

You would be amazed how much work you can get done in China just by dangling a carton of Camel Turkish Gold cigarettes in front of someone.

Funny story – I was in China a couple of years ago visiting my girlfriend on the set of our movie “Tae Kwon Doug”.  When I got to the set, no one was doing anything.  The Chinese crew was playing some bizarre game with colored tiles and drinking some white lightning dragon fire pure alcohol.

I started to ask the American actors what the fuck was going on and I was told the bribe we paid in order to start shooting was in local RMB currency and not in American dollars.  Local RMB is like toilet paper to the Chinese.  American dollars are preferred.

I immediately fired the American producer, pulled out a few $1 bills from my pocket, spread them around – and suddenly, everyone was ready to work.

As a bonus, I threw in a carton of Camel Turkish Gold and a bottle of American whiskey.  We finished shooting the entire movie in three days.  It was supposed to be a six week shoot.

That’s what I call results.

So… memo to the Department of Justice… if you want me to cooperate with your little investigation into our business practices in China, it’s going to cost you a few dollars, a few cigarettes and a whole lot of booze.

Adam Fogelson, Alan Spoon, Alexander von Furstenberg, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Arthur Martinez, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Brad Grey, Brian Roberts, Bryan Lourd, Chase Carey, Craig Smith, David Geffen, David Rosenblatt, Donald R. Keough, Donna Langley, Edgard Bronfman, Electus, Ezra Kucharz, fairy tale movies, Graham Stanton, Greg Blatt, Greg Morrow, Greg Stevens, Gregg Winiarski, Hans Woolley, Harry Sloan, Hey Diddle Diddle, Jason Stewart, Jay Herratti, Jeff Sagansky, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Jill Kennedy, Joanne Hawkins, Joey Levin, John C. Malone, John Ferriter, John Foley, John Malone, Josh Abramson, Jr., Kara Swisher, Khan Manka, Louis Castle, Manka Bros., Mark Stein, Michael Eisner, Michael Schwerdtman, Michael Zeisser, Nikki Finke, Notional, On Medea, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Richard F. Zannino, Rick Finkelstein, Ricky Van Veen, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Scott Garell, Scott Savitz, Shana Fisher, Sharon Waxman, Stacey Snider, Steve Burke, Steve Jobs, Steven Spielberg, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, Thomas J. McInerney, Tina Brown, Tony DiSanto, Victor KaufmanKhan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios - The World’s Largest Media Company

 

Permanent link to this article: http://mankabros.com/blogs/chairman/2012/05/03/of-course-i-bribed-chinese-officials/

7 comments

1 ping

  1. Rafael Duenda says:

    Make bribery legal, like prostitution is: long-lived, oldest, impossible to weed out.

    US companies bribe?????

    Never! Say it ain’t so, Khan! Only Chinese are corrupt.

  2. Joel T says:

    Hilarious and exactly right. It’s doing business in China, of course bribing government officials was involved.

  3. Tyson Dyckson says:

    Bribery? In China? Are you sure about that? I’ve been here 5 years and I’ve never known anyone willing to take a bribe!

    Seriously though, you’re right Khan, this is how things get done over here. It is one of the reasons the disparity between rich and poor is so high and why the students I teach sometimes can’t get Canadian Visas to go study. You have to show the government you are applying to how you got the cash (i.e. receipts).

  4. Andrew Carter says:

    I really must challenge whether you have ever been anywhere even remotely close to China – indeed, anywhere beyond the borders of Fantasyland

    I have lIved in China for several years, and there is indeed corruption; this is true of many places including the continental USA, as discussed in your article.

    However, the idea that locals prefer US$ to RMB, Camels to Chinese cigarettes, or American Whisy to local “baiju” is a fallacy. The standard perception of most Americans – and I draw this from my employees, my business contacts and my wife’s Chinese family and social network – is that they are superficial, immature and ostentatiously emotional. This stereotype is of course no more valid than that which you express of the Chinese themselves, but goes some way towards dispelling the impression that the Chinese in some way kowtow to American’s innate superiority or superior wares and technology.

    It may consequently come as a considerable surprise to you and some of your readers that the US “strategic pivot” towards Asia has not been well received amongst the natives – and not just the Chinese. The unease expressed in Okinawa and Japan is echoed elsewhere – notably the Philippines, in Thailand and surprisingly also in Singapore http://www.atimes.com/atimes/Southeast_Asia/NE08Ae01.html

    The world is changing, and “The White Man’s Burden” which Kipling ascribed to the USA 110 years ago is no more onerous than ever. Read the poem, and weep :

    http://historymatters.gmu.edu/d/5478/

    1. David Wolf says:

      Don’t fret, Andrew. Khan Manka and his studio are the figments of some very active imaginations, as is the content of this post.

      http://www.tiawood.com/articles/news/2-internet-news/511-manka-bros-worlds-biggest-online-media-company.html

  5. What says:

    What?

  6. Chinese Official says:

    Thanks, Khan. We always love when you come to China.

  1. Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2013 – Day 3 – The Drunkening » Chairman's Blog says:

    [...] led a panel this morning on “How To Properly Bribe Chinese Officials.” I’ve written on this in the past – and have learned over the years you can actually get a lot more accomplished by offering [...]

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