So, this morning, I returned to the studio after a quick vacation at my house in the Seychelles - feeling relaxed, very tan and ready to make 2013 the biggest and most profitable year in Manka Bros. history.
I even had a smile on my face.
One of my assistants (Vicky, I think??? – the one with the thing on her face), even told me that I looked happy for the first time ever. And then she told me that the Golden Globe Nomations were out – and a copy was on my desk.
I sat down at my desk. A very nice bowl of high-fiber fruit was waiting for me (because I ate way too much extra sharp cheddar cheese on vacation). I made a quick check of the list.
Hmmm… no Manka Bros. titles.
I looked a little closer. Nope.
That’s really odd. I sent cases of Slivovitz to every goddamned loser in that ridiculous organization.
There must be some mistake.
To hedge my bets even further (and with a line-up like we had last year, I shouldn’t have had to bribe anybody), I sent cartons of Camel Turkish Blend cigarettes
Then I thought, perhaps we were so loaded down with Television nominations the HFPA felt it would have been too much to give us a Theatrical nomination.
Hmmmm…. no TV nominations either.
I mean, what in the fucking goddamned shit is going on?!!
Adding insult to injury is the fact that Steven Spielberg got nominated for that crap fest “Lincoln.” Are you fucking kidding me?
Spielberg hasn’t made anything decent since that Joan Crawford “Night Gallery” episode!
Did the Hollywood Foreign Press not see “The Moonbeamers”?
Did they not see “Linguini & Clam Sauce”?
Well, Hollywood Foreign Press, don’t worry about nominating us next year – I am done with you.
You’re a bunch of freakin’ chain smoking idiots who pass out nominations based on who will go to the disco with you.
FYI, none of you have a dickwad’s chance in Hell with Anne Hathaway.
P.S. – Please return my very expensive booze and cigarettes. There are many others in this town more deserving of my bribes.