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Dec
13

The Hollywood Foreign Press Association Can F Themselves

Ahmed Lateef, Aida Takla-O'Reilly, Alena Prime, Alessandra Venezia, Alexander Nevsky, Ali Sar, Ana Maria Bahiana, Andre Guimond, Aniko Navai, Anita Baum, Anke Hofmann, Ari Emanuel, Armando Gallo, Aud Berggren Morisse, Avik Gilboa, Ben Silverman, Cameron Diaz, Cher, Dagmar Dunlevy, Dierk Sindermann, Edmund Brettschneider, Elisa Leonelli, Elisabeth Sereda, Elmar Biebl, Emanuel Levy, Erkki "Erik" Kanto, Ersi Danou, Frances Schoenberger, Frank Rousseau, Gabriel Lerman, Gabrielle Donnelly, George Doss, Gilda Baum-Lappe, Golden Globes, H.J. Park, Hans J. Spurkel, Harvey Weinstein, Helen Hoehne, Helena Mar-Elia, Helmut Voss, Herve Tropea, Hollywood Foreign Press members, Howard Lucraft, Isabelle Caron, Jack Tewksbury, Janet R. Nepales, Jean E. Cummings, Jean-Paul Chaillet, Jenny Cooney Carrillo, Jerry Watson, Jill Kennedy, John Hiscock, Jorge Camara, Judy Solomon, Juliette Michaud, Karen Martin, Khan Manka, Kleo Lee, Lawrie Masterson, Lilly Lui, Lisa Lu, Lorenzo Soria, Luca Celada, Lynn M. Tso, Magnus Sundholm, Mahfouz Doss, Manka Bros., Margaret Gardiner, Maria Snoeys-Lagler, Mario Amaya, Marlene von Arx, Maureen Dragone, Max B. Miller, Meher Tatna, Mike Goodridge, Mira Panajotovic, Mohammed Rouda, Munawar Hosain, Nellee A. Holmes, Noel de Souza, Noemia Young, OnMedea, Paolua Abou-Jaoude, Patrica Danaher, Patrick Roth, Paz Mata, Philip Berk, Ramzi Malouki, Ray Arco, Ricky Gervais, Ricky van Veen, Rocio Ayuso, Ruben V. Nepales, Rui Henriques Coimbra, Scarlett Johansson, Scott Orlin, Serge Rakhlin, Silvia Bizio, The Tourist, Theo Kingma, Vera Anderson, Yenny Nun-Katz, Yoko Narita, Yola Czaderska-Hayek, Yoram Kahana, Yukiko NakajimaSo, this morning, I returned to the studio after a quick vacation at my house in the Seychelles - feeling relaxed, very tan and ready to make 2013 the biggest and most profitable year in Manka Bros. history.

I even had a smile on my face.

One of my assistants (Vicky, I think??? – the one with the thing on her face), even told me that I looked happy for the first time ever. And then she told me that the Golden Globe Nomations were out – and a copy was on my desk.

Fantastic. I couldn’t wait to see how many films from the 2012 Manka Bros. Films slate and/or Manka Highbrow slate made the list.

I sat down at my desk. A very nice bowl of high-fiber fruit was waiting for me (because I ate way too much extra sharp cheddar cheese on vacation). I made a quick check of the list.

Hmmm… no Manka Bros. titles.

I looked a little closer.  Nope.

That’s really odd.  I sent cases of Slivovitz to every goddamned loser in that ridiculous organization.

There must be some mistake.

Ahmed Lateef, Aida Takla-O'Reilly, Alena Prime, Alessandra Venezia, Alexander Nevsky, Ali Sar, Ana Maria Bahiana, Andre Guimond, Aniko Navai, Anita Baum, Anke Hofmann, Ari Emanuel, Armando Gallo, Aud Berggren Morisse, Avik Gilboa, Ben Silverman, Cameron Diaz, Cher, Dagmar Dunlevy, Dierk Sindermann, Edmund Brettschneider, Elisa Leonelli, Elisabeth Sereda, Elmar Biebl, Emanuel Levy, Erkki "Erik" Kanto, Ersi Danou, Frances Schoenberger, Frank Rousseau, Gabriel Lerman, Gabrielle Donnelly, George Doss, Gilda Baum-Lappe, Golden Globes, H.J. Park, Hans J. Spurkel, Harvey Weinstein, Helen Hoehne, Helena Mar-Elia, Helmut Voss, Herve Tropea, Hollywood Foreign Press members, Howard Lucraft, Isabelle Caron, Jack Tewksbury, Janet R. Nepales, Jean E. Cummings, Jean-Paul Chaillet, Jenny Cooney Carrillo, Jerry Watson, Jill Kennedy, John Hiscock, Jorge Camara, Judy Solomon, Juliette Michaud, Karen Martin, Khan Manka, Kleo Lee, Lawrie Masterson, Lilly Lui, Lisa Lu, Lorenzo Soria, Luca Celada, Lynn M. Tso, Magnus Sundholm, Mahfouz Doss, Manka Bros., Margaret Gardiner, Maria Snoeys-Lagler, Mario Amaya, Marlene von Arx, Maureen Dragone, Max B. Miller, Meher Tatna, Mike Goodridge, Mira Panajotovic, Mohammed Rouda, Munawar Hosain, Nellee A. Holmes, Noel de Souza, Noemia Young, OnMedea, Paolua Abou-Jaoude, Patrica Danaher, Patrick Roth, Paz Mata, Philip Berk, Ramzi Malouki, Ray Arco, Ricky Gervais, Ricky van Veen, Rocio Ayuso, Ruben V. Nepales, Rui Henriques Coimbra, Scarlett Johansson, Scott Orlin, Serge Rakhlin, Silvia Bizio, The Tourist, Theo Kingma, Vera Anderson, Yenny Nun-Katz, Yoko Narita, Yola Czaderska-Hayek, Yoram Kahana, Yukiko NakajimaTo hedge my bets even further (and with a line-up like we had last year, I shouldn’t have had to bribe anybody), I sent cartons of Camel Turkish Blend cigarettes

Then I thought, perhaps we were so loaded down with Television nominations the HFPA felt it would have been too much to give us a Theatrical nomination.

Certainly there would be a few shows from the Manka Bros. Television slate on that list. Everyone has told me that Forensics: The New Voices is a virtual lock for a best drama nomination.

Hmmmm…. no TV nominations either.

I mean, what in the fucking goddamned shit is going on?!!

Adding insult to injury is the fact that Steven Spielberg got nominated for that crap fest “Lincoln.” Are you fucking kidding me?

Spielberg hasn’t made anything decent since that Joan Crawford “Night Gallery” episode!

Did the Hollywood Foreign Press not see “The Moonbeamers”?

Did they not see “Linguini & Clam Sauce”?

Or “The Incarceration of Thomas Freeman”?

Well, Hollywood Foreign Press, don’t worry about nominating us next year – I am done with you.

You’re a bunch of freakin’ chain smoking idiots who pass out nominations based on who will go to the disco with you.

FYI, none of you have a dickwad’s chance in Hell with Anne Hathaway.

Adam Fogelson, Alan Spoon, Alexander von Furstenberg, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Arthur Martinez, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Brad Grey, Brian Roberts, Bryan Lourd, Chase Carey, Craig Smith, David Geffen, David Rosenblatt, Donald R. Keough, Donna Langley, Edgard Bronfman, Electus, Ezra Kucharz, fairy tale movies, Graham Stanton, Greg Blatt, Greg Morrow, Greg Stevens, Gregg Winiarski, Hans Woolley, Harry Sloan, Hey Diddle Diddle, Jason Stewart, Jay Herratti, Jeff Sagansky, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Jill Kennedy, Joanne Hawkins, Joey Levin, John C. Malone, John Ferriter, John Foley, John Malone, Josh Abramson, Jr., Kara Swisher, Khan Manka, Louis Castle, Manka Bros., Mark Stein, Michael Eisner, Michael Schwerdtman, Michael Zeisser, Nikki Finke, Notional, On Medea, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Richard F. Zannino, Rick Finkelstein, Ricky Van Veen, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Scott Garell, Scott Savitz, Shana Fisher, Sharon Waxman, Stacey Snider, Steve Burke, Steve Jobs, Steven Spielberg, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, Thomas J. McInerney, Tina Brown, Tony DiSanto, Victor KaufmanKhan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios - The World’s Largest Media Company

P.S. – Please return my very expensive booze and cigarettes.  There are many others in this town more deserving of my bribes.

Permanent link to this article: http://mankabros.com/blogs/chairman/2012/12/13/the-hollywood-foreign-press-association-can-f-themselves/

12 comments

2 pings

  1. LOL says:

    It’s just another bad year at Manka Brs. Great to see nominations for Amy Poehler and Louis C.K.. Parks and Recreation and Louie got snubbed. Smash got nominated? Holy cow, what a joke. The Smash nomination is what you should really be angry about Khan.

    1. Chairman says:

      And I guess you can go Salmon Fishing in Yemen and that’s all great with everybody but if you decide to open a theme park in Yemen, everybody calls you a loser.

  2. Malcolm McCleary says:

    Wow. I’m now reminded why I don’t watch or care about the Golden Globes. Years from now we won’t remember half of these movies but the Manka slate will live forever. I know award shows hate to nominate blockbusters but do they really feel more intelligent nominating that artsy crap.

  3. Losers says:

    The Golden Globes have nothing to do with quality, and everything to do with how much cash gets paid.

  4. Observer says:

    Sorry, Mr. Manka, the system continues to ignore innovative cinema for hackneyed themes.

    1. Chairman says:

      You speak the truth.

  5. Dog Star says:

    I don’t know how the nominations process works, so can someone fill me in? I am surprised to see no love for Game of Thrones or Walking Dead.

  6. Shit storm says:

    It’s an awful list of nominees. The Master was one of the worst movies I have ever seen and the 2nd movie in my life I walked out of. The first was a movie called “Hardware” in the late 80s.

  7. Loren says:

    Hilarious! Good for you!

  8. Keith Warn says:

    Does that mean that I should not try to get an award for our “Kill Her… Not Me” thriller/horror movie?

    Keith Warn Ibex Productions

  9. Bob says:

    Seriously Khan ?

    Even Stevie Wonder doesn’t wanna watch our bullshit.

  10. Daniel says:

    Dear Mr. Manga. I am in your side. I live in Germany and there is only shit in Television. And in Germany each Person have to Pay GEZ 17€ per month. Actually all want Reality Shows. Sincerly daniel

  1. Again, The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences Can F Itself » Chairman's Blog says:

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