But only take one, mooches! (And only SVP’s and above are allowed – a guard will be checking the color bar on your employee badge.)
We’re having such a bad year you don’t deserve any – but it’s Rosh Hashanah and my medication has kicked in.
I for fuck’s sake certainly hope year 5,774 is better than 5,773!
Next week, I’m going to give a company wide speech on motivation and morale – two things you have always sucked at.
I’ll be out of the office until Friday and refuse to be bothered.
If you need anything, find someone in senior management who is not Jewish (or find a Jew that I have punished and am not allowing the day off.)