Good afternoon.
I have very exciting news.
Manka Bros. has entered into an exclusive agreement with The Happy China Magic Film Co. to produce and distribute up to 100 MOVIES over the next 5 YEARS.
This deal is worth up to $2 BILLION and puts Manka Bros. at the top of the entertainment pyramid in China. (Our previous deal with Mao Hollywood Moviepak failed miserably and nearly resulted in our abandoning China altogether due to an insane amount of corruption).
But thanks to all that cheap money – we are freakin’ back!
While we do have reservations about China’s dismal record on human rights and recent history of horrific abuses of its people, $2 billion was just too much to pass up!
Manka Bros. will have complete freedom to make the movies we want to make with the following exceptions:
- Our first 5 films in the joint venture will chronicle Chairman Mao’s amazing rise to power through peace and non-violence (killing only those who truly deserved it). This series will cover his wealthy privileged childhood under the old feudal system of government to his ascension as Chairman of all the people following The Long March and the Chinese Civil War.
- To a lesser extent (and lower budget), we will produce a series of films about Deng Xioping which will also chronicle his life and his help in creating the perfect utopia that exists in China today.
- Slightly more controversial (but Award worthy) will be a film we will produce which finally addresses the Tiananmen Square Massacre from the Central Government’s Historical Truth Document (or HTD) which states that it was actually the students’ fault. What I didn’t realize (which was strenuously brought to my attention by the co-President of the joint venture Guong Fan) is that it was actually the soldiers who were killed by the students. All these years, I thought it was the other way around. I hope the movie we produce will be able to straighten up that little fact.
- We’re also going to make a talking dog movie (featuring a Chinese voice actor who will impersonate Barack Obama’s voice). For some reason the kids over there love American Presidents being portrayed as talking animals! I have put my foot down on this one and got their assurances that the dog will only say intelligent and tasteful things (though I don’t speak or understand Mandarin – so it will be hard to check).
Other than that, we’ll be able to produce whatever films we feel will appeal to the modern Chinese audience. I’m thinking a karate movie or something with a cool dragon would be really big over there.
Photo Courtesy of OnMedea
In financial terms, this deal will result in a windfall to Manka Bros.
For funding only 49% of this venture, we have secured at a minimum 10% of the gross net box office (whatever that is). When you’ve got 1.4 billion people going to the movies, 10% is a shitload of money!
We also have rights to distribute these films outside of China in certain countries and formats (to be decided at a later date).
So that’s it. This is our main focus now since the movie business in the U.S. is doomed forever.
We are deep into China – and we are in it to win it!
Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company
P.S. – I forgot – we also have to do a couple of films about the Cultural Revolution – which they assured me really wasn’t that bad.
Disappointing. It’s not this time I will see a true representation of China’s economic efforts to raise the standard of living in African and South American countries, while leaving their governments to still vote against them in the UN if they so desire.
Or the big lie that has been the Chinese Internet Firewall. Just because some stupid tourist burned the Great Wall by accident.