Tag Archives: Andy Rooney

When John Glenn Circled The Earth

Posted on February 20, 2012 by Lester

There’s not a man outside waiting to kill me if I step out of my house and there’s NOT a terrible flu virus killing off the old people of the world (Swine Flu is for pussies!). The only problem, as I see it … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged AARP, Afghanistan, aging, Alf Landon, Andy Rooney, Antonio ( "El Bailarín" ) Ruiz Soler, Arbys, Ari Emanuel, Art LInkletter, Ben Silverman, bleeding from the ass, brown spot on stomach, cannibalism, Carmen Amaya, Charles de Gaulle, CNN, colon bleeding, colostomy bag, Ding Dong Ditch 'em, Douglas Macarthur, east lansing, Edgard de Larminat, El Farruco, elephant toilet, Erich Von Manstein, Flamenco, Flaming bags of manure, Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, Friendship 7, Garrison Keillor, George Burns, George Herbert Walker Bush, Iraq, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, John Glenn, José Greco, Joseph de Goislard de Monsabert, Juan Manuel ( "El Farruquito" ) Fernández, Khan Manka, Korean War, La Argentina, La Argentinita, la trucha, lansing state journal, Lawrence Welk, Lester, lester aldrich, Lew Wasserman, Maginot Line, Manka Bros., Mercury Atlas 6, Michigan, octogenarian, old man blog, Paul Harvey, Rupert Murdoch, Satan, Seven Plagues of the Bible, Spain during World War 2, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, those damn kids, VFW Hall, Vicente Escudero, Vietnam War, World War 2, World's largest Media Company | 2 Comments

Lester Aldrich Has Colostomy Bag Issues And Can’t Straighten His Fingers…

Posted on November 10, 2011 by Lester

Hello, this is Mrs. Aldrich – Lester Aldrich’s wife. He wanted me to type something here to tell you that he can’t write his column today because he has issues with his colostomy bag (see right) and can’t straighten his fingers. … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged AARP, aging, Alf Landon, Andy Rooney, Arbys, Ari Emanuel, Art LInkletter, Ben Silverman, bleeding from the ass, brown spot on stomach, cannibalism, CNN, colon bleeding, colostomy bag, Douglas Macarthur, east lansing, elephant toilet, Garrison Keillor, George Burns, George Herbert Walker Bush, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Khan Manka, Korean War, lansing state journal, Lawrence Welk, lester aldrich, Lew Wasserman, Manka Bros., Michigan, octogenarian, old man blog, Paul Harvey, Rupert Murdoch, Satan, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, those damn kids, World War 2, World's largest Media Company | 1 Comment

Pension Fund Shot?

Posted on September 29, 2011 by Lester

Retirement money dried up? Stop your bitching and do what me and Mrs. Aldrich do – EAT DOG FOOD. And not that premium Alpo crap – I’m talking Chappie Original Dog Food Meal! Me and the Mrs. have been through tougher times than this. … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged AARP, Afghanistan, aging, Alf Landon, All In The Family, Alpo, Andy Rooney, Antonio ( "El Bailarín" ) Ruiz Soler, Arbys, Archie bunker, Ari Emanuel, Art LInkletter, Ben Silverman, bleeding from the ass, brown spot on stomach, cannibalism, Carmen Amaya, Chappie, Charles de Gaulle, Chiang Kai-Shek, Chinese Civil War, CNN, colon bleeding, colostomy bag, Communists, Confucius, Ding Dong Ditch 'em, Dog Food, dope smoking, Douglas Macarthur, east lansing, Edgard de Larminat, El Farruco, elephant toilet, Erich Von Manstein, Flamenco, Flaming bags of manure, Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, Friendship 7, Garrison Keillor, George Burns, George Herbert Walker Bush, Iraq, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, John Glenn, José Greco, Joseph de Goislard de Monsabert, Juan Manuel ( "El Farruquito" ) Fernández, Khan Manka, Korean War, La Argentina, La Argentinita, la trucha, lansing state journal, Lawrence Welk, Lester, lester aldrich, Lew Wasserman, Maginot Line, Manka Bros., Mercury Atlas 6, Michigan, octogenarian, Octogenarian Revolution, old man blog, Paul Harvey, Rupert Murdoch, Satan, Seven Plagues of the Bible, Spain during World War 2, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, those damn kids, VFW Hall, Vicente Escudero, Vietnam War, Virg Bernero, VJ Day, World War 2, World's largest Media Company | 1 Comment

I Was A Teenager In The Great Depression

Posted on August 8, 2011 by Lester

… My father was unemployed. We had very little food. We never bathed. I didn’t go to school very often. But I was a teenager so I didn’t give a shit about any of that stuff. I just wanted to … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged AARP, aging, Alf Landon, Andy Rooney, Antonio ( "El Bailarín" ) Ruiz Soler, Arbys, Ari Emanuel, Art LInkletter, Ben Silverman, bleeding from the ass, brown spot on stomach, cannibalism, Carmen Amaya, Charles de Gaulle, CNN, colon bleeding, colostomy bag, Douglas Macarthur, east lansing, Edgard de Larminat, El Farruco, elephant toilet, Erich Von Manstein, Flamenco, Garrison Keillor, George Burns, George Herbert Walker Bush, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, José Greco, Joseph de Goislard de Monsabert, Juan Manuel ( "El Farruquito" ) Fernández, Khan Manka, Korean War, La Argentina, La Argentinita, la trucha, lansing state journal, Lawrence Welk, lester aldrich, Lew Wasserman, Maginot Line, Manka Bros., Michigan, octogenarian, old man blog, Paul Harvey, pension fund, richard fuld, Rupert Murdoch, Satan, Spain during World War 2, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, the great depression, those damn kids, VFW Hall, Vicente Escudero, Vietnam War, World War 2, World's largest Media Company | 3 Comments

In 1944, I Was Ordered To Go To Spain

Posted on July 22, 2011 by Lester

On this date, in 1944, I was ordered to go to Spain after five months of heavy fighting in eastern France. I counted 35 kills in my personal quest to get to the Rhine but my fuck-ass superior officer thought … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged AARP, aging, Alf Landon, Andy Rooney, Antonio ( "El Bailarín" ) Ruiz Soler, Arbys, Ari Emanuel, Art LInkletter, Ben Silverman, bleeding from the ass, brown spot on stomach, cannibalism, Carmen Amaya, Charles de Gaulle, CNN, colon bleeding, colostomy bag, Douglas Macarthur, east lansing, Edgard de Larminat, El Farruco, elephant toilet, Erich Von Manstein, Flamenco, Garrison Keillor, George Burns, George Herbert Walker Bush, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, José Greco, Joseph de Goislard de Monsabert, Juan Manuel ( "El Farruquito" ) Fernández, Khan Manka, Korean War, La Argentina, La Argentinita, la trucha, lansing state journal, Lawrence Welk, lester aldrich, Lew Wasserman, Maginot Line, Manka Bros., Michigan, octogenarian, old man blog, Paul Harvey, Rupert Murdoch, Satan, Spain during World War 2, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, those damn kids, VFW Hall, Vicente Escudero, Vietnam War, World War 2, World's largest Media Company | 1 Comment

The VFW Hall Ain’t What It Used To Be

Posted on May 17, 2011 by Lester

There are now more Goddamned documentary filmmakers in the VFW bar area than actual veterans. Asshole punk filmmakers with their zippo cameras who just learned there was a World War 2 and think that would “make a great movie”!; dickwad … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged AARP, aging, Alf Landon, Andy Rooney, Arbys, Ari Emanuel, Art LInkletter, Ben Silverman, bleeding from the ass, brown spot on stomach, cannibalism, CNN, colon bleeding, colostomy bag, Douglas Macarthur, east lansing, elephant toilet, Garrison Keillor, George Burns, George Herbert Walker Bush, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Khan Manka, Korean War, lansing state journal, Lawrence Welk, lester aldrich, Lew Wasserman, Manka Bros., Michigan, octogenarian, old man blog, Paul Harvey, Rupert Murdoch, Satan, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, those damn kids, VFW Hall, Vietnam War, World War 2, World's largest Media Company | Leave a comment

The Octogenarian Revolution Has Begun!

Posted on May 11, 2011 by Lester

Mrs. Aldrich is absolutely sick of THOSE DAMN KIDS! It’s bad enough she has go to the doctor three times a week and take a bag full of pills each day just to have the strength to watch television, but … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged AARP, Afghanistan, aging, Alf Landon, Andy Rooney, Antonio ( "El Bailarín" ) Ruiz Soler, Arbys, Ari Emanuel, Art LInkletter, Ben Silverman, bleeding from the ass, brown spot on stomach, cannibalism, Carmen Amaya, Charles de Gaulle, Chiang Kai-Shek, Chinese Civil War, CNN, colon bleeding, colostomy bag, Communists, Confucius, Ding Dong Ditch 'em, dope smoking, Douglas Macarthur, east lansing, Edgard de Larminat, El Farruco, elephant toilet, Erich Von Manstein, Flamenco, Flaming bags of manure, Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, Friendship 7, Garrison Keillor, George Burns, George Herbert Walker Bush, Iraq, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, John Glenn, José Greco, Joseph de Goislard de Monsabert, Juan Manuel ( "El Farruquito" ) Fernández, Khan Manka, Korean War, La Argentina, La Argentinita, la trucha, lansing state journal, Lawrence Welk, Lester, lester aldrich, Lew Wasserman, Maginot Line, Manka Bros., Mercury Atlas 6, Michigan, octogenarian, Octogenarian Revolution, old man blog, Paul Harvey, Rupert Murdoch, Satan, Seven Plagues of the Bible, Spain during World War 2, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, those damn kids, VFW Hall, Vicente Escudero, Vietnam War, World War 2, World's largest Media Company | 3 Comments

Once You Hit Old Age…

Posted on May 3, 2011 by Lester

Once you hit old age, doctors must replace some of your parts to keep you alive and shut down other parts that you don’t need all together. Having a colostomy bag is not fun and if I had the choice … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged AARP, aging, Alf Landon, Andy Rooney, Arbys, Ari Emanuel, Art LInkletter, Ben Silverman, bleeding from the ass, brown spot on stomach, cannibalism, CNN, colon bleeding, colostomy bag, Douglas Macarthur, east lansing, elephant toilet, Garrison Keillor, George Burns, George Herbert Walker Bush, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Khan Manka, Korean War, lansing state journal, Lawrence Welk, lester aldrich, Lew Wasserman, Manka Bros., Michigan, Mike Rogers, octogenarian, old man blog, Paul Harvey, Rupert Murdoch, Satan, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, those damn kids, VFW Hall, Vietnam War, World War 2, World's largest Media Company | Leave a comment

A Man’s Ass Should Last His Entire Lifetime

Posted on April 26, 2011 by Lester

I just want to say for the record on this world wide web I type on every week – FUCK MY COLOSTOMY BAG. FUCK IT ALL TO HELL!! You see, sometimes old people like George Burns are allowed to smoke … Continue reading →

I Once Ate A Man In Korea

Posted on April 25, 2011 by Lester

I once ate a man in Korea. I’d prefer not to go into details. The Pentagon told us never to discuss it. I obey my orders from the Pentagon unlike all these pussy generals that parade onto CNN and talk … Continue reading →