tag:mankabros.com,2007-08-21:/chairmans-blog//7 2010-03-09T19:34:47Z The Chairman & CEO of Manka Bros. Studios - The World's Largest Media Company - speaks out Movable Type Publishing Platform 4.0 tag:mankabros.com,2010:/chairmans-blog//7.517 2010-03-09T17:38:39Z 2010-03-09T19:34:47Z

Good afternoon from Yas Island - Abu Dhabi U.A.E. 

I am dictating this blog from a mud bath in the giant purple Yas Hotel Spa Resort.  Thanks to Stefania Bianchi and Nour Malas from the Wall Street Journal for taking this down and getting it to my office.  I apologize for the smell.

When the U.A.E. ruler and prime minister Sheik Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum called me over the weekend to see if I could come to speak at the Abu Dhabi Media Summit, I told him absolutely not.  I was preparing for another disastrous night at the Oscars (in which Manka Bros. was shut out yet again!) and did not want to travel 10,000 miles (or whatever) to speak about Manka Bros.' future in the Middle East. 

As far as I'm concerned, there isn't a future for Manka Bros. in the Middle East.  Construction of our Manka Fun Park in Yemen has gotten off to a horrible start due to various terrorist acts in and around the park site, so optimism about the future is not something I'm feeling right now.

But, in a stunning coincidence, as I was speaking to the Sheik, Rupert Murdoch called from his airport and asked if I wanted to hitch a ride to Abu Dhabi on his jet (The Roger Ailes 1). 

It's hard to turn down Rupert - so here I am. 

(Note:  To Ethan Rubidoux, we're stopping through Yemen on the way back to check on Manka Fun Park Yemen's progress.  Please triple my personal security and make sure Johnny Walker Blue is stocked in the mini-bar).

I will be speaking at the Abu Dhabi Media Conference tomorrow morning.  It will most likely be a variation on my recent speech to the Davos World Economic Forum. 

Rupert spoke tonight.  He rambled on and on about freedom of the press in the Middle East (or some such bullshit).

Hey Rupert, from one freedom crusher to another - "Nice try."  Think the Sheik's will that crap from the owner of Fox News? 

Rupert was supposed to meet me here at the spa after his speech but I haven't seen him yet.  He has two hours blocked out for a chemical peel.

Later tonight, I'm meeting Eric Schmidt at the Noodle Box here at the hotel.  He wanted to meet at the Wandering Camel Discoteque (something like that) but I had to take a pass.  My knee has been f-ed up ever since I took a tumble down Whistler while at the Vancouver Olympics.  Dancing until dawn is something I can't really handle right now. 

Eric wants Manka Bros. to go exclusive to the Google Android with our mobile content.  I'm going to tell him the only way we would agree to that would be if he changed his name to Steve Jobs and changed his company name to Apple. 

He won't respond well to that.  But I don't respond well to others trying to push around The World's Largest Media Company!

Here's Rupert now (with Steve Ballmer - and three other guys carrying Steve's stuff). 

Wish me luck tomorrow.  I just pray they let me leave the country after I destroy their delusions of creating a "New Media Paradise" in the middle of this miserable desert.

Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios - The World's Largest Media Company

]]> tag:mankabros.com,2010:/chairmans-blog//7.513 2010-02-26T21:31:32Z 2010-02-26T22:04:02Z

Good morning.  Yesterday, as I was having my monthly lunch with Sumner Redstone at the Hamburger Hamlet in Hollywood, David Geffen stopped by to say hello and asked if he could join us.  We've all known each other for years but it was the first time the three of us ever sat down to a meal.  Geffen ordered another Turning Leaf Chardonnay and a shot of Gordon's vodka and had a seat.

We exchanged a few words about the news that he was Carly Simon's "You're So Vain" inspiration.  He said he thought that song was about him.  I asked him if he wanted to get back into the music business and, if so, would he be interested in taking over Manka Bros. Records - which really needs a shot in the ass (Seamus is coming in far below expectations). 

He declined and said the only thing that interests him now are those little Japanese trees.  Sumner asked Geffen about his art collection and if he'd be willing to sell a few of his more valuable pieces (in reality, Sumner couldn't afford a wall covering from Pier 1 right now).

As they kept talking, a light bulb went off in my head.  I would like to buy some art.  I'm sitting on an enormous pile of cash and need to do something with it.  Banks and stocks are certainly no place to put money these days.  And after the massive layoffs and cutbacks at Manka Bros. last year, it might just be the thing that would cheer me up.  I'm sure the remaining employees at the studio would really get a kick out of knowing their boss has just bought some really great art for his house and office.  And, from what I understand, there are some real bargains out there because of the recession.

So I started to pick David Geffen's brain.  He said his main focus is post-World War 2 Abstract American Art.  Well, that's the most boring fucking thing I could ever imagine.  What I want are Picassos and Van Goghs - art that people have heard of. 

He said he had a few original Picasso sketchbooks that he may be willing to part with... for the right price.  And he had some personal items of Van Gogh - a couple of shoes and an unused toothbrush. 

That kind of shit doesn't interest me at all.  I want that Starry Night painting or the Chick Playing the Lute.  He said he didn't own those.

He mentioned Jackson Pollock and I reminded him of the horrible box office grosses of the movie Pollock.  He reminded me of the horrible box office grosses of Vincent & Theo (which I blame more on Robert Altman than anything else).

I could go on about our insane conversation, but I won't (Geffen went on and on about the brilliance of Damien Hirst and Jeff Koons - I looked them up and they are freaks).

Here's the deal - I want to buy some art.  Anyone at the studio who knows something about it - let me know.  There must be a couple of Art History majors floating around the Script Development Department (God knows we have enough Folklore Mythology majors).  Perhaps I'll even invite you to lunch in my executive dining room.

Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios

]]> tag:mankabros.com,2010:/chairmans-blog//7.508 2010-02-10T17:20:13Z 2010-02-10T17:32:02Z

my keynote speech in Davos with a new sense of optimism about our business.  After the global success of Avatar and the record-breaking television ratings of the Super Bowl, Old Media is back and we must quickly capture this lightning in a bottle before the New Media geeks take it away from us again.

So... with the recent layoffs and terrible financial news that our company endured last year, it is more important than ever for us to get our ducks in a row.  That said, I am arranging a senior management offsite in about a month to determine where we will go from here.  

I have narrowed our offsite location choice down to either Bali or the The Maldives. 

Please vote on your preference via email or leave a blog comment.  I'll make the final decision in the next few days.

Now, more than ever, we need to commit our resources smartly in order to prosper in this very difficult economic environment. 

Also, congratulations to Lloyd Grohl, he was the winner of the Manka Bros. Super Bowl pool.  Please drop by my office for your $15,250 winnings.  Asshole.

Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios ]]> tag:mankabros.com,2010:/chairmans-blog//7.504 2010-01-28T17:19:29Z 2010-01-28T20:20:30Z

[Manka Bros. Studios Chairman & CEO Khan Manka, Jr. gave a keynote address today at the Davos World Economic Forum in Switzerland.  He wanted me to post a transcript of his speech for everyone at the studio to read.  It is posted, unedited, below. -- Vicky Adler-Modry - Senior Executive Assistant to Khan Manka, Jr.]

KHAN MANKA, JR. ADDRESSES THE 2010 DAVOS, SWITZERLAND WORLD ECONOMIC FORUM - JANUARY 28, 2010

Khan Manka, Jr.:  Thank you very much President Sarkozy for that incredible introduction.  I had no idea of the impact I and my company have had on you throughout your life.  I was genuinely moved by your words.  Give my love to your smoking hot wife.

[French President Nicolas Sarkozy embraces Khan Manka, Jr. and exits the stage.]

Khan Manka, Jr.:  Thanks to the World Economic Forum Committee - or as I like to call them "The Drunken Dozen" - for choosing me to address this conference.  It's not often that an ex-hippie song plugger from the Laurel Canyon neighborhood of Los Angeles gets this kind of an opportunity.  But it's not often that a hippie song plugger from Laurel Canyon becomes the head of the World's Largest Media Company.  I can thank my bastard dad (legendary Hollywood mogul and Manka Bros. founding brother Harry Manka) for dying 35 years ago and sticking me with this suck ass job.

[Khan Manka, Jr. has to hold while the audience laughs uproariously.]

Khan Manka, Jr.:  Let me get right to it.  You bankers with your ski resort conferences and presentations looking for answers on what went wrong is such a joke to me. 

[A few audible hisses and one very loud "bull shit" is heard from the crowd.]

Khan Manka, Jr.:  Fuck you guys.  The global economy is not a difficult thing to figure out.  Make shit that people want to buy and sell it for a price that people can pay.  There is a reason Manka Bros. is the World's Largest Media Company.  It's simple.  It's because we are the biggest and we are not stupid.  When Jimmy Cameron came to me and said he wanted to make a $400 million dollar movie about blue people set on a distant planet, I passed.  No fucking way am I shooting a movie on another planet.  It's expensive enough in California! 

[Silence.]

Khan Manka, Jr.:  I then asked him if he had any teenage Frankenstein movies.  Actually, he did.  I'm happy to say Manka Bros. has started production on James Cameron's "Frankie Stein" - for a budget that is almost half of what it cost to make "Avatar".  THAT'S good business.  That's why we're still IN business.

[Silence.]

Khan Manka, Jr.:  The media world is especially easy to figure out.  Everybody is trying to come up with new business models, new gadgets, new ways for people to experience the crappy shit we all produce.  Translation:  We've got to exploit this horrible movie or TV series on multiple platforms so we can get our money back.  MAKE GOOD CONTENT AND PEOPLE WILL BUY IT.  If you want to stick it on an iPad or a Lieberscanner 3000, go right ahead.  But first, find writers who can write, directors who can direct, actors who can act, and producers who can produce.   Everything else will take care of itself.

[Applause and a few shouts of approval.]

Khan Manka, Jr.:  You international bankers are a real freaky bunch.  You love to find ways not to give me money for my movies.  It's not like you're strapped for cash.  You recovered and kept all that gold the Nazi's stole, for Christ's sake! 

[There is gasp from the audience.]

Khan Manka, Jr.:  But you'll all be sorry.  We've got a great film slate.  I thought you idiots liked Will Ferrell.  We've got three movies with him ready to go:  "Gregory Lopez: Excellent Plumber", "Ray Edwards: African Explorer", and, my favorite, "Mud Jenkins:  County Assessor".  We're going to make billions with or without your precious money... that you stole!

[A red light flashes in Khan Manka, Jr.'s face.]

Khan Manka, Jr.:  I'm being told to wrap it up.  So I will end with these words from my Uncle - the great Khan Manka, Sr. - "Hollywood is a town where everybody is desperate for success and nearly everyone fails.  But if you are a mogul and you make movies, you will get laid... a lot."  Thank you.  I'll be drinking tonight with the Money Honey at the Hotel Eden bar if anyone would like to come over and get drunk with me.

[Khan Manka, Jr. exits the stage.]

Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios - The World's Largest Media Company

]]> tag:mankabros.com,2010:/chairmans-blog//7.496 2010-01-20T19:44:40Z 2010-01-20T20:09:44Z

To all the acquisition and distribution executives at Manka Highbrow, Manka Dogme and Manka Docs - due to budgetary constraints and the absolutely shitty year you all had in 2009,...

To all the acquisition and distribution executives at Manka Highbrow, Manka Dogme and Manka Docs - due to budgetary constraints and the absolutely shitty year you all had in 2009, you will not be attending the Sundance Film Festival this year.  If you desperately feel the need to attend in order to bid on a movie about Native American pedophiles looking for redemption, then I suggest you quit your job and start a new company that specializes in distributing videos shot on camcorders.

When the economy was good, this was not an issue for us.  We loved to throw money away during the good times.  Sometimes we even got lucky - for instance, when we picked up the rights to Snuffing Out The Magic Fury (which will finally open next month after extensive recuts and reshoots and recasts). 

But, too bad, junior executives, there will be no more $600 a night rooms with $1,000 a night "entertainment" bar tabs while you try to sleep with 22-year-old "directors" who would do anything to get their $300 film about an autistic coal miner distributed by a major Hollywood studio.

I realize you've probably already purchased your $400 ski caps that you were planning on wearing throughout the festival because independent film makers are way too cool to shower (and, of course, you have to be just like them).  I guess you'll have to return those at lunch today.

We have a new theatrical policy here at Manka Bros. - WE WILL NOT PRODUCE OR DISTRIBUTE ANY FILM THAT DOES NOT MAKE MONEY!

So for the young writers and directors of the world who make films about:

• The various plights of high school geeks growing up in the 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s;
  
• Immigrants trying to survive in modern day Mobile, Alabama;
• Poets trying to break free from their oppressive capitalist "day jobs"
• Cancer movies of every size and shape;
  
• (and, my favorite) Movies about filmmakers trying to get their films made in Hollywood where everyone who works at a studio is some kind of idiot...

I'm sorry, you'll have to find some other sucker to distribute your story that MUST BE TOLD. 

I hear The Weinstein Company has about $200 left from their billion dollar war chest.  Go ahead and take your precious little film to Harvey Weinstein.  He's not hard to find - he'll be the one smoking.

Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios
The World's Largest Media Company ]]> tag:mankabros.com,2010:/chairmans-blog//7.495 2010-01-20T16:22:11Z 2010-01-20T16:47:10Z

Well, I see the geeks at Manka Bros. Online have put up This Date In Manka History as the day my father died, January 20, 1976.  Normally, I'm too busy to talk about my father's death but I have a little time this morning before a very important mogul-only lunch.  So I have a few minutes (and a very nice Bloody Mary - thank you Vicky) to talk about my dad.

Harry Manka was a real prick.  Not just to me but to all of my mothers (he had six wives - I've never really been sure which one was my real mother). 

But people outside the family loved Harry Manka.  He was called Hollywood's Dark Lord for his habit of holding certain actors and writers hostage in the attic of Building 23 on the studio lot (dubbed "The Tower") until they gave in to his demands. 

Harry Manka had an amazing ability to stay alive.  Most people thought he would die from his sixth heart attack in 1958 - but he would go on to have three more and two strokes over the next 18 years.  He drank a bottle of Crown Royal every day, smoked three packs of unfiltered Camel Turkish Gold cigarettes every day and smoked a box of cigars every day. 

Dad-Dad loved horrible movies and television shows because he was constantly making them.  During the early 1970s, he nearly bankrupt our family and the studio with such gems as Escape From Satan's Planet and Black Illiad.

But this is not a day to piss on my father's grave.  This is a day to remember a man who co-founded the World's Largest Media Company (though it wasn't the largest when I took over in 1976) with my two Uncles - the great Khan Manka (Sr.) who died tragically in 1937 before I was born; and crazy Simeon Manka (1882 - 1958) who died on Hollywood Blvd. wearing only a sandwich board that read "Benny's World of Beef". 

I vaguely remember the day of Harry Manka's death.  I received a call from C.J. Siegal, my dad's personal assistant, who told me he was killed on the golf course after being hit with an errant tee shot.  We knew nothing could kill my dad and suddenly he dies after being hit with a golf ball?  It was crazy.  To this day, no one has confirmed who hit the ball that killed my dad.  But we know.  He was playing with Bob Hope, Joey Levitch and President of the U.S. - GERALD FORD.  Who do you think killed Harry Manka?

C.J. was horrified when I told him I wouldn't be able to come to the house later to be with the family because my band - King Khan - was getting ready for a very important gig at the Starlite Room in North Hollywood.  Plus, later that night I had tickets for Jefferson Starship at the Forum.  Being the son of a movie mogul, I always got backstage passes and nothing was going to stop me from using them.

The same day - January 20, 1976 - as per my father's will, I was named Chairman & CEO of Manka Bros. Studios.  I did not want this job.  I wanted to smoke dope and drop acid with my Hollywood friends.  I didn't want to wear shoes and go to an office.  I could feel that my band was really starting to take off.  But C.J. Siegal reasoned with me and said I could immediately sign my own band to the Manka Bros. Records label and record a real album.  This convinced me to take the job. 

But after two weeks in that giant office with movie stars and directors begging you to make their movies, I quickly dropped the band and never recorded that album.  I realized being a media mogul is so much more impressive than being in a garage band.  No matter how good our version of "Smoke On The Water" was. 

So, here we are, 34 years later, and Manka Bros. is the World's Largest Media Company. 

I'll leave you with one final thought - one of the last things my father ever said to me:  "If you're going to waste your life - go ahead and kill yourself.  I'll even give you the pills or the gun to do it!" - Harry Manka (1883-1976).

Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios

]]> tag:mankabros.com,2010:/chairmans-blog//7.489 2010-01-13T17:54:31Z 2010-01-13T18:46:49Z

Yesterday, I was shocked to learn that Oren Aviv was fired as President of Disney Motion Picture Productions.  While I have never met Mr. Aviv personally, I have heard that he is an excellent cribbage player (and you all know how much I admire good cribbage). 

I'm not really sure what Rich Ross has in mind for his executive team at Disney but it seems to me he's really fucking things up and creating a Colonel Kurtz-like environment of ultimate power.  Ultimate power over teenage girl media content... but still ultimate power.

Well, I say, good luck to him.  All I can hope is that my good friend Bob Iger has Mr. Ross on a short leash.  I get a creepy feeling whenever I drive past the Disney Studios as though those freakin' Dwarfs are watching my every move.  I wouldn't be surprised if the severed heads of middle managers start to appear on the Disney perimeter fence - stuck on top of the iron Micky Mouse ears - as a warning to those who don't fall in line.

(And please don't email me about the above comment.  I realize the severed head thing happened many years ago at Manka Bros. when my father, Harry Manka, ran the studio - but it was only that one time - and I heard the guy deserved it.)

Anyway, back to Oren Aviv.  Manka Bros., the world's largest media company, would like to offer Mr. Aviv a very high-level position at the studio.  Perhaps even President of the Manka Bros. Theatrical Group (especially considering how shitty a job Robin Rafe has been doing these last couple of years).  Even Disney's worse year is far better than our best year lately.

Whatever job you think you might like, Oren, just let me know.  I'm happy to push out anyone (with the exception of Lloyd Grohl) to give you a place here.  Things are looking up for Manka Bros. and we'd love to have you on our team.

And don't even think about going to Fox (Rupert Murdoch will make you clean the urinals) or Paramount (Sumner Redstone will make you wipe his ass).

Let me know, Oren, ASAP.

Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios - The World's Largest Media Company


]]> tag:mankabros.com,2010:/chairmans-blog//7.488 2010-01-11T23:10:03Z 2010-01-11T23:35:52Z

Good afternoon. 

Last night, I called MGM CEO Mary Parent to inform her that Manka Bros. would not be bidding on MGM.  Many have speculated that Manka Bros. would be the most likely suitor of MGM (which includes the 4,000 film library) but I have decided that it would no longer be a strategic fit for our company (though if the bidding falls below $1 billion, I may have to rethink things). 

Manka Bros. is the world's largest media company with the world's largest film library and we simply don't need to add 4,000 more titles to it.  Manka Classic Movies, as it is, can only show about 3,500 movies a year (24x7 without commercials).  At that rate, it would take us at least four years to show every film in our library (and we don't want to show every film in our library as most of them are total crap). 

There was a time when I wanted to own all the copyrights of the world.  I think I may be changing my mind now that DVD is dead and pirates are stealing everything we produce.

So, sorry MGM, hopefully Time Warner or Fox will bail your asses out. 

Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios - The World's Largest Media Company

P.S. - I would like to offer Mary Parent a job if the new owners foolishly don't keep her.  She seems really on top of things.
]]> tag:mankabros.com,2010:/chairmans-blog//7.482 2010-01-07T18:58:49Z 2010-01-22T21:01:57Z

Wynn Encore in Vegas!

Yesterday, I received a call from my old friend and employee Warren Lieberfarb.  I was completely taken by surprise as I hadn't heard from him for a few years.  His ego had gotten so completely out of control after he was crowned the King of DVD that I really had no interest in talking to him or dealing with his bullshit. 

It seems that Warren has a new venture in which a large bio-mechanical chip (about the size of a playing card) is inserted under the skin of your arm.  Downloaded onto this chip is your entire library of movies, television shows, games and music (HD or standard def). 

Using the (patent pending) LieberScanner 8000, this library can be transferred to any TV, PC or mobile device with a simple scan of the barcode on the chip in your arm. 

Normally, I would have hung up on Warren right there (especially when he drones on and on about something as ridiculous as the LieberScanner 8000) but he mentioned that he was having a party in his suite at the Bellagio and I had nothing else to do last night (Terry Semel, the jerk, bailed on our dinner plans at the last minute for "something else he had to do").

I arrived at Warren's suite via a private solid gold elevator.  He had quite a set up - similar to Marlon Brando in Apocalypse Now.  High-tech hangers on and home video geeks stood around the outer lobby of his suite just hoping to get a glimpse of the great man.  But only a privileged few (such as myself) were allowed inside.

Warren and I go back about 30 years to the beginnings of the home video boom.  When the VHS cassette was first introduced, I hired Warren to go from house-to-house to sell Manka Bros. film titles from the trunk of his 1974 Datsun.  He was so good at selling shitty copies of "Black Illiad" and "Mother Trucker" for $89.95 each that I offered him the chance to head up our new home video division - but he had already taken a job with Warners.

Things really fell apart between him and me when he was trying to get DVD off the ground and Manka Bros. was firmly in the DIVX camp (we still are today - though, reluctantly, we do offer our titles on DVD).  We're also still in the HD-DVD camp... Fuck Blu-ray!).

So... to continue... I entered the inner-sanctum of Warren's suite to see him holding court in front of a 75-inch plasma screen.  His right arm was exposed to show the giant chip embedded in his arm.  Surrounding him was a group of slackjawed lapdog executives all salivating at the thought of this new technology and what it can do for them. 

Now Warren doesn't actually have the funding yet for this new idea, so for his demonstration he was using a child's scanner from some Fisher-Price grocery store toy.  He continued:

Warren Lieberfarb:  ... As the LieberScanner 8000 rolls over the barcode, my entire library is now transferred to every device in the room - the television, the computer, the iPhone, etc.

Nothing really happened when he clicked the scanner, but people were impressed nonetheless.  It was only Lady Gaga that brought up any kind of criticism. 

Lady Gaga:  Why does it have to be implanted in your arm?

Warren Lieberfarb:  Who the fuck are you?  Are you wearing butterfly wings?  And are they bleeding?

Lady Gaga:  Just answer the question.

Warren Lieberfarb:  The chip is implanted in your arm so that you always have your intellectual property with you.  You won't lose it if it's sewn into your arm.  And, when you want to buy more movies and music, just scan the item and it's downloaded into the chip and charged to your credit card.

Lady Gaga:  Why not just put everything on a small storage device and put it in your wallet or purse?  This idea is so stupid.

Warren Lieberfarb:  I want her out of here.  Throw her off the roof and see if she can fly.

A couple of MBA-types, who looked like they worked out, grabbed Lady Gaga by the wings and pulled her screaming out of the room.

I had seen enough and knew, like Strauss Zelnick's recent rooftop salon, that I probably shouldn't have come.  I decided to leave without even saying hello to Warren.  I'll send him a fruit basket and wish him well on his new venture.

Tonight, I'll be playing poker with Ben Silverman at the Palms.  If I survive, I'll write about it.

Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios - The World's Largest Media Company




]]> tag:mankabros.com,2010:/chairmans-blog//7.481 2010-01-07T17:52:52Z 2010-01-07T18:10:13Z

Good morning and happy 2010! 

Because of all the recent terrorist activity going on in Yemen, I just wanted to give a quick update on the status of Manka Bros.' billion dollar Manka Fun Park Yemen. 

As many of you may remember, I went to Yeman last August for the groundbreaking ceremony.  After that, due to political turmoil and badly handled wire transfers, they never got around to actually starting construction.

Now, it seems that there are terrorists operating in and around the site for the future theme park. 

I just want to assure everyone involved that steps have been taken to ensure the safety of any future tourists to our theme park.  Metal detectors have been installed and intense cavity searches will be conducted on anyone entering the park.  So safety is not an issue and we are moving forward with the project as planned.

Even though I thought the opening would have to be pushed back a few months to 2011, I was reassured by the Yemeni leader Ali Abdullah Saleh that since labor costs in that country are non-existent and there are no overtime rules, the scheduled opening later this year will easily be met. 

That's the beauty of a dictatorship!

This is great news for Manka Bros. because Yemen is a completely untapped market for Western-style entertainment.  Disney has been too busy concentrating on China to realize where the real money is.  Losers.  We will have the market to ourselves.

Now if we can only get a fucking movie that makes money we'll really be on a roll.

Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios ]]> tag:mankabros.com,2009:/chairmans-blog//7.480 2009-12-21T22:10:52Z 2009-12-21T22:14:11Z

this challenging year comes to a close, I just wanted to say to the employees that are left at Manka Bros., have a great holiday and I'll see you at some point next year.

Because my bitch of an ex-wife took my daughter, Connie, with her to some God awful place in Colorado for Hanukkah, I have gone to my private island in Turks & Caicos. 

Several other powerful media moguls are here with me to spend a few days in the Caribbean sun before we all have to return to the horrible grind of running a major media company. 

I would tell you the names of those here, but Bob Iger and Sumner Redstone said not to say a word - that Wall Street would read something into it and send our stock prices further down.  Jeff Zucker, Brian Roberts and Strauss Zelnick also wanted me to remain quiet.

If something interesting happens, I'll blog about it in this space.

Keep working!  2010 must be better!

Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios

P.S. - Remember, if you are Jewish, Christmas Day is NOT a paid holiday.
]]> tag:mankabros.com,2009:/chairmans-blog//7.479 2009-12-15T00:42:19Z 2009-12-16T00:13:58Z

Over the weekend, I went to Sumner Redstone's Holiday Party at Bob's Big Boy in Burbank.  It was a pretty sad event with only a few of the invited guests bothering to show up. 

Sumner kept staring at the front door and mumbled over and over:  "Well, it IS raining..." and "After the rain stops, I'm sure more will show up", etc.

The few of us that did venture out on that cold, rainy Saturday really wish we didn't.  It was me, Phillipe Dauman, Ben Silverman (with some girl who talked non-stop about how she slept with Tiger Woods), Melinda (the first lady of magic), Sherry Lansing and Fred Willard.  We had a table in the center of the restaurant.  There were no booths available.

This was a new low for Sumner (and, frankly, a new low for me for daring to be seen there). 

As many of you know, Sumner has been living on-and-off at my house ever since announcing his divorce several months ago and I felt bad for the old guy.  There are rumors out there that News Corp. and his old media enemy Rupert Mudoch want to buy Viacom for the cable channels.  While I don't really think that's a possibility, Sumner believes everything he reads on the Internet and reacts accordingly.  He told me if Rupert tries to buy him out, he will kill everyone involved and book the first Virgin Galactic flight into outer space where he will live out his days in peace.

The Bob's Big Boy waitress assigned to our table was getting angry that Sumner wanted to wait for more people to arrive before ordering.  She finally said there would be no more free ice tea until food was ordered.  "There are people waiting for this table," she said.

With that, we ordered.  I got the Super Big Boy with onion rings and a strawberry shake.  Phillipe Dauman was going to get the lemon cod but changed his mind once he heard what I was getting.  He decided on the Super Big Boy with onion rings and a chocolate shake.  Everyone else got a variation on the same theme.

The rest of the evening was too pathetic to mention in much detail: 

• Melinda (the first lady of magic) balanced a spoon on her nose about twenty times;
  
• Fred Willard went on and on about a sewer problem he was having at his house;
  
• Ben Silverman talked about how he was going to Les Moonves' CBS party (which was being held later that night at the Nokia Theater with special musical performances by The Black Eyed Peas and Taylor Swift);
• Sherry Lansing and myself were also headed to the CBS party.  (Sumner was not invited.)

Our food arrived quickly and the burgers were undercooked.  None of us really cared because we wanted to get out of there as fast as possible.

When the checked arrived, Sumner patted his pockets as though he forgot his wallet.  Melinda (the first lady of magic) picked up the check for the table.  The party was over by 7:30. 

Worst Holiday party ever - though the strawberry shake was excellent.

Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios - The World's Largest Media Company

P.S. - I'll write about the unbelievable time I had at the CBS party at a later date.

]]> tag:mankabros.com,2009:/chairmans-blog//7.474 2009-12-07T18:07:26Z 2009-12-07T19:17:02Z

Good morning. 

The brain trust of The Hollywood Reporter has come out with what they say will be the World's Largest Media Companies after the Comcast NBC Universal deal goes through.  BULLSHIT, I SAY!

THR has had it in for me ever since I threatened to buy them and shut them down after a scathing and hurtful review of the Manka Bros. film "Freak Accident" appeared in their 'paper' a couple of years ago.  So I'm not totally surprised they left Manka Bros. off their chart.  But I am, frankly, shocked that they would throw truth out the window so carelessly over a personal vendetta.  (Maybe that's naive of me - especially in this town.) 

I suppose this is the price I pay for not buying those bullshit, complete waste of money "For Your Consideration" ads.

Fine, Eric Mika (Publisher - The Hollywood Reporter).  You live by your ethical standards and I'll live by mine.

The chart shown on this page (and here), which my senior executive team at Manka Bros. put together over the weekend, clearly shows the correct ranking of World's Largest Media Companies.

This chart was additionally reviewed by several leading independent external auditors in New York, Los Angeles, Hong Kong and Instanbul and is the most current and accurate World's Largest Media Company chart available. 

And... as you can see by the size of the dark blue bar in the chart, MANKA BROS. REMAINS THE WORLD'S LARGEST MEDIA COMPANY!

Please reflect this fact in any future reporting you do on this subject.  Failure to report the truth may cost you dearly.

Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios - The World's Largest Media Company
]]> tag:mankabros.com,2009:/chairmans-blog//7.471 2009-12-02T17:34:28Z 2009-12-02T18:41:18Z

Good morning.  I just want to say to all the thousands of Manka Bros. employees who think they've got a shitty job... you have no idea how lucky you are.  You could work at Comcast.

My old friend Brian Roberts called me in a panic last night. 

[A little back story:  Brian and I go way back to my days in King Khan (my 1970s rock band).  Brian filled in one night on bass and was absolutely horrible.  For some reason, he thought he would be able to rock and get chicks without even knowing how to hold the damn instrument.  I fired him after one song.  Audience member Dexter Clangfree jumped on stage and finished the show (and became our full time bass player).  Brian still hung around the band like a groupie and we eventually let him into our inner circle.  We called him "Bogart Brian" because once you passed him a joint, you never got it back.]

Anyway... Brian called me last night in an absolute drunken panic about this upcoming disastrous acquisition of NBC Universal.  The first words out of his mouth were:  "Khan, what the fuck am I doing?  This is madness.  Why would anyone in their right mind overpay for a failed broadcast network and failed movie studio!  Didn't you read 'The Curse of the Mogul'?"

I told him he wasn't in his right mind but added that 'The Curse of the Mogul' is complete bullshit and he shouldn't pay any attention to what the jealous, wannabe mogul hacks who wrote that book had to say. 

I continued:  "Manka Bros. is the world's largest media company.  There is no disputing that - and there wasn't one mention of Manka Bros. it that goddamned book!  All credibility is lost right there.  And these fuckers are going to tell me that being the biggest isn't a competitive advantage?   Put Mike Tyson in a boxing ring with Wally Cox and tell me that size isn't a competitive advantage!"

There was a pause.  I could hear ice clinking through the other end of the phone.  I knew Brian was drinking heavily.

I finished my thought:  "That said... this Comcast / NBC deal is fucking stupid.  You should do what Tiger Woods didn't do... pull out."

Brian whimpered like he always does when in a tight corner:  "I can't do that, Khan.  There is something... bigger at hand here.  I can't talk.  They're watching my every move.  ZUCKER CROWS AT DAWN!... I'm sorry, Khan, I've put your life in danger.  Pray for me!"

He let out an anguished grunt which was followed by a muffled click... and he was gone.

Zucker Crows At Dawn?  Poor Brian.  Another successful brainwashing by Jeff Zucker - who continues to amaze me in his ability to fail upward.  Somebody should just fire that guy before more people lose their minds. 

Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios - The World's Largest Media Company

P.S. - To all Comcast shareholders... SELL SELL SELL!
   
]]> tag:mankabros.com,2009:/chairmans-blog//7.463 2009-11-19T18:32:03Z 2009-11-19T20:06:01Z

Good morning.  Last night at about midnight, after a few minutes of pathetic begging by my 12-year old daughter Connie (who is also a newly-minted Manka Bros. Board member), I had my driver, Leif Garrett (yes, former child star) drop her off at the line of freaks waiting to get tickets to The Twilight Saga: New Moon.  She told me she was going to meet her (punk ass) friends Jenny and Skylark and wouldn't be back until she has seen the movie - and then added... "it might take days".

This got me thinking:  When was the last time Manka Bros. had a film that people wanted to see so bad that they lined up days in advance to see the first showings. 

The answer?  Never.  Fucking never.  It's an embarrassment.

We've had people show up to block the theater - as they did in 1989 after we made a film based on "Piss Christ", the controversial photograph by Andres Serrano, but never anyone camping out because they couldn't wait to see it.

This has to change.  I called Robin Rafe (President of the Manka Bros. Theatrical Group) at around 3:00a.m. this morning and told her to get right on it.  I want movies made by Manka Bros. that generate excitement, and buzz, and long lines at the theaters.  In short, I want mega-blockbusters! 

I don't believe I am being unreasonable here.  I only want four or five of these types of films every year - year-after-year.  And this will fit nicely into our BIG CONTENT STRATEGY launched a few months ago.

I would like a list of these big ideas before Thanksgiving.  If you don't think this is possible, please cancel any Thanksgiving plans you may have and stay at the studio until I have my list.

Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios - The World's Largest Media Company

P.S. - I will be in Aspen for Thanksgiving with Mariska Hargitay - so please send the list to my house there if it's not ready by Monday (November 23).


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