Manka Bros Studios - Home
Manka Bros Businesses
Manka Bros Studios - Home
Manka Bros Theatrical Manka Bros Television Group Manka Music Group Manka Bros Publishing Group Broadway Manka Manka Faith Manka Kids Manka Bros Corporate
Those Damn Kids from Octogenarian Mankazine
Manka Bros Message Boards
Contact Manka Bros
OCTOGENARIAN: Those Damn Kids: April 2010 Archives

April 2010 Archives

In 1944, I was ordered to go to Spain after five months of heavy fighting in eastern France.  I counted 35 kills in my personal quest to get to the Rhine but my fuck-ass superior officer thought I was 'over-zealous' in my hatred for strangers and told me to take a break from killing. 

captain_ralph_jackson.jpg

My superior officer was a pussy - but I won't smear his name here - he was, after all, a decorated hero in the war to end all wars (WWI) and a valuable member of the super-duper war to end all wars (WWIl).  I think Captain Ralph "Ol' Pussy" Jackson (oops) would have been ashamed of himself if he actually thought the allies would win.  But I think he always thought the Nazis would win, so he hedged his bets.

We can only hope Ol' Pussy Jackson is burning in Hell now for being weak.  Though I don't think Satan would have much to do with him.  What does Satan need with pussy ass weak field commanders?

Anyway, I was ordered to go to SpainSouthern Spain.  The only thing I knew about southern Spain was nothing.  I knew they ate goat brains and pig feet but that was it. 

I wasn't expecting to see "La Trucha" (The Trout)La Truca was a flamenco dancer.  And she was the love of my life.  And I don't give a shit if Mrs. Aldrich reads this! 

I never knew a dance could seduce me so.  Once you are in "La Trucha's" grip you pretty much have to kill her to get out. I spent five glorious days with "the trout" and then I had to leave and kill more Nazis.  Ol' Pussy Jackson came to his senses and realized that the Nazis had to be killed.   La Trucha tried keep me with her by threatening my life with her high-heel nail-studded Flamenco shoes.  But I got away... yep... and I'm not saying what happened to La Trucha on that September night in 1944.

Fuck La Trucha!  She might have been a double agent for all I knew.  Fuck that bitch!  As long as Nazis are alive, I must kill them.  I would have killed La Trucha - the love of my life - if she were a Nazi.  I would kill my mother if she were a Nazi. ALL NAZIS MUST DIE!  Don't try to win me over with your flamenco crap.  It won't work!  SCREW YOU, LA TRUCHA!  No fish will defeat democracy!

I realize this has nothing to do with THOSE DAMN KIDS, but sometimes you have to kill others in order to kill yourself.  Capisce?

I'll talk at you next week...

lester aldrich_small.jpg

Lester Aldrich is a freelance columnist for Octogenarian MagazineManka Bros. Studios is not responsible for any action by our freelance writers.  If Mr. Aldrich actually kills someone, that's his problem. Manka Bros. cannot be held accountable.

There's not a man outside waiting to kill me if I step out of my house and there's NOT a terrible flu virus killing off the old people of the world (Swine Flu is for pussies!).  The only problem, as I see it from my front porch in eastern Michigan, is THOSE DAMN KIDS!

john_glenn.jpg

When John Glenn circled the world in the Friendship 7 in 1962, there weren't kids on skateboards jumping over your car or riding bikes on your lawn.  The only kids I saw back then were saluting the flag.  The only kids I saw back then respected their elders.

Look here, I can remember 1928.  How many of you assholes can say that? (ed. note: non-octogenarians, that is)

I remember when things were really bad.  When children cried when they were hungry and policemen were corrupt.  We've won six wars over the past 80 years (eight if you count Iraq and Afghanistan!).

flaming bag of shit.jpgWhat have the 12 year-olds of today done?  They broke my front window for one.  Yep, they sure did that. 

Hit Mrs. Aldrich in the legs with a ball.  That sure was "cool".

Ding dong ditch 'em?  Oh, you bet.

Flaming manure? 
12 bags, 12 days.

One day, Mrs. Aldrich and I were on our way out to movie and little Snotty Scotty got it into his mind to throw firecrackers at Mrs. Aldrich.  Real classy, Snotty.  You're lucky she lost her hearing years ago, jerk!

Kids at the supermarket yell at me for parking in a handicap spot.  I haven't straightened my right leg in 20 goddamned years, fuckers!  Of course I'm handicapped!

I hate the kids of today.  I wish they were all dead.

No, there's no Seven Plagues of the Bible or Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse coming to destroy the world.  The only thing that will destroy this God forsaken planet is THOSE DAMN KIDS!

I'll talk at you next week...

lester aldrich_small.jpg

Lester Aldrich is a freelance columnist for Octogenarian MagazineManka Bros. Studios is not responsible for any action by our freelance writers.  If Mr. Aldrich actually kills someone, that's his problem. Manka Bros. cannot be held accountable.

About Lester Aldrich

Lester Aldrich - Those Damn Kids - Manka Bros. - Octogenarian

Lester Aldrich is a World War 2 and Korean War veteran. He has been a contributing writer for Manka Bros.' Octogenarian Mankazine since he turned 80 (eight years ago). He lives in East Lansing, Michigan with his wife of 65 years and really hates THOSE DAMN KIDS.

 

 

Tag Cloud

Humor Blog Directory

Manka Bros. Studios - All Rights Reserved

http://www.mankabros.com