World War Z
With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen
This week has made me hard.
It is hard when tragedy is the brain state to be in.
And I was.
I thought it was his death.
On the internet, my eyeholes made my brain see the truth – Gandalf was dead. “Noooooo!” my mind thoughts shrieked with silence.
“There are two more Hobbits with movies!” they again cried.
“He ass kicked Balrog – there is no “in this world” death for Gandalf!”
My squirting tears made for the red faced embarrassing at stupid Starbucks.
It turns out my mind thoughts were out of my mouth shouted.
Really loud.
The barista to me says “Gandalf is fictional – It is James Gandolfini who am dead.”
Well, that is suck.
“The Soprano Family” was all-time favorite of all Finns.
No reunion show now.
Not even in Italian heaven, for Tony bathed in an evil bath.
You are remembered with smiling, James Gandolfini – except for “The Last Castle.”
That move was a floating turd in your acting punchbowl.
Now for the reviewing.
“World War Z.”
I had a great learning from this movie-film:
Never read a book.
Especially if there is a film in the future which will give the believing that the movie is based on the book with the same name.
How many times am I to be the stupid guy?
“Starship Troopers” – sooo excited!
Movie – title, bugs, and space. Nothing else in common with cool book.
“The Postman” – thought in head book in shit future, well done!
Movie – title, postal uniform and horses. And Kevin Goddamn Costner. Barf.
Now “World War Z” – epic oral history of near end of mankind – super cool!
Movie – title, zombies, war. And Brad Goddamn Pitt. Double barf. With chunks.
Plot? Kind of.
All of it starts with a typical day in Philadelphia with zombies playing a big game of “Zombie Bite Tag.”
Rules are to run very fast, then bite the person running to the away place and then he/she is “it.” You (the zombie biter) are still “it”, too.
“Zombie Bite Tag” goes on until even people in Israel are “it.”
Gerry Lane (Brad Goddamn Pitt) with his wife Karin (Mireille Enos of “Wow! All Those Killings!”) don’t like “Zombie Bite Tag” and try to make it become to stop.
And make Kimmo try to care about if they are to be totally dead or just as dead as their acting. I (after sweet, sweet smoke and half a liter of Kossu) played “Zombie Bite Tag” with ice cream bon-bons, but not being a zombie from this dumb film, I swallowed.
Delicious!
Thoughts from “World War Z.”
In WWZ world, all zombies are from Usain Bolt. Thems suckers am fast!
Here’s how Zombie Olympics Sprint Finals are the results:
Bronze – tie! “The Walking Dead” zombies and “Night of the Living Dead” zombies! Damn shufflers.
Silver – tie! “28 Days Later” zombies (I know, Rage Virus… shut up, nerds!) and “Resident Evil” zombies (don’t start with me, nerds!). Fast, but enough fast?
Hells no!
Gold – “World War Z” zombies! By a long shot. Men rubbing against boys. No contest.
And in packs. Like high school girls. But less dangerous.
So, what was for learning with this movie-film?
Damon Lindelof is a hacker writer hack. Last 30 minutes remaking happened and he was the “writer.”
30 minutes of “I really need another hit of smoke/Kossu if interesting is to be me to this film.”
Don’t believe the hacking?
See “Lost” Season 6. Hack, hack, hack. And hack again.
Also, (SPOILER ALERT – STOP READING NOW, NERDS!) when Arabs and Israeli’s sing together, zombies must make it stop. Singing is anger to the undead.
They climb and run and bite and climb. (NO MORE SPOLERS – I DON’T THINK SO AND HOPE NOT)
Finally? Never read a book. The movie will only disappoint you like the internet death of Gandalf.
Even if it was always the other guy anyway. Gandolfini. Finland will miss you.
Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium
P.S. Summer T.V.! Live action “Simpson’s Movie” called “Under the Dome” is to be the bomb! The good bomb, as the saying comes from the kids. What would you do Under the Dome? When the weed ran out? Other than the crying…
I saw this movie. The zombies were cool but Brad Pitt’s acting was horrible!
You can’t have a PG-13 Zombie film. There will be no blood or eating of flesh. Kind of like how the PG-13 rating on The Hunger Games removed any of the violence that would have helped that mess out. But can’t have that R keeping the teenies away.
Box office > Good movie. Thanks, Hollywood.
P.S. Before some fan-boy gets all butt-hurt: I realize that The Hunger Game trilogy was for teenies, but the books never shied away from the violence and the impact violence had on everyone that took part in it.
Without out box office there is no movie – right? At some point commerce has to intersect art. Correct?
I have produced on Public Access TV since the fall of 2000 with “The Professor Noodle Show” addressing science and human values issues. My Sci-fi novels began in 1987. My first manuscript in college in 1979 for a creative writing class. Publishers replied there’s no way to “market” your stories. I wrote about hygenically safe Spacepeople quantum physics emotionally Gay-liberated family super-culture. All my ideas have broke through fences since 1987 although I am poor, old and declining fast. And I’d do it all again.
The book was absolutely brilliant, very well written. It was a series of short stories woven together to tell the story of the fall and rise of the human race during the zombie apocalypse. And there were no fast zombies! This movie looks like it completely eviscerated the book. If you want to make a zombie movie, fine, but don’t take one of the best written books of the last 5 years, make your own zombie movie, and then just use the title. Ugh.
I want to see the film because it looks good. It’s unfortunate that it looks like it has absolutely nothing to do with the book.
I like the visuals on the posters very authenic it makes you want to truly see what’s all in the movie. Great concept!
I read the book. It was very good can’t wait to see what the movie did. All kinds of Zombie Philosophy’s being thrown out there today. Still a fan of Terintino’s take on zombies in his film where they have were already putrified and when they got hit by anything they exploded as a putrified body should. That film is Planet Terror…….check it out
I haven’t read the book and will sooner or later watch the flick. I just wanted to say I will never read another movie (I never do anyway) except yours. Funny, short and sweet. Nerds!
*review*
https://www.facebook.com/yura.teplyakov
Война миров Z – стоила того, чтобы мечтать о ней год! Фильмы про зомби моя страсть и моя слабость, входя в гипермаркет я первым делом вычисляю где “лопатный” отдел, насколько прочны стеллажи, в какую сторону закрываются двери подсобных помещений, стоя в пробке я прикидываю на каком грузовике я буду пробиваться в случае нашествия и входя в общественный туалет я знаю чем можно защититься и где пути эвакуации – я ОЧЕНЬ люблю зомбифильмы!
Так вот, WWZ как и полагается новинке – самый охрененно крутой, интересный и трогательный фильм про зомбиапокалипсис!!! Он круче ходячих! Прости меня, единственный смотренный мною сериал кроме Санта-Барбары…
И да! Не стоит хотеть чтобы эта хрень стала реальностью! Даже со всем говном нашей жизни она стоит того чтобы иметь возможность любоваться ночным и дневным небом без страха за свою жизнь и жизнь близких!
Единственное, все таки стоило уебать локтем сидящему рядом комментатору, а мне нельзя было задерживаться в полиции – работа!
I get the taste of bad zombie, how much more of a killing can we do on them besides making them as fast as Usain Bolt, as colourful as snow white, as bloody as a snacking t-rex, as dumb as my shoe ….. May be the focus should be surviving the next summer heat wave caused by a sun spot caused by …. come on i can’t tell you my next script until its 50% done 🙂
Zombie movies have never been about the zombies, but about those trying to survive.
Michael, check out the Twilight Zone episode Heat Wave.