Bob Iger – Page 10 – Chairman's Blog

July 7, 2010July 10, 2012

Dawn Of The Mogul – Sun Valley 2010 – Day 2

Allen & Company retreat, Anne Mulcahy, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Bobby Kotick, Carol Bartz, Charlie Rose, Cory Booker, DumbDumb, Electus, Eric Schmidt, Erin Burnett, Gina Bianchini, Harvey Weinstein, Herb Allen, Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference, Herbert Allen, Jean-Bernard Levy, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jerry Yang, John Donahue, Ken Auletta, Khan Manka, Lachlan Murdoch, Lady Gaga, Leslie Moonves, Lionel Barber, Lloyd Grohl, Manka Bros., Marc Andreessen, Marissa Mayer, Mark Pincus, Mark Zuckerberg, Martin Sorrell, Mathias Dopfner, Mike Bloomberg, Niall FitzGerald, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Reid Hoffman, Richard Parsons, Ricky Van Veen, Rob Wiesenthal, Robert L. Johnson, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Sergey Brin, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Jobs, Sun Valley Retreat, Sun Valley Retreat 2010, Terry Semel, Tom Freston, Tom Friedman, Ursula Burns, Vivi Nevo, Warren Buffett, World's Largest Media Company

Sun Valley Conference 2010

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Day 2:

Good morning… or as they say in Sun Valley “Another Beauty” – in that certain rich hippie way. The first night of the four day drunk fest is over and I’m not feeling too bad considering how much I drank last night.

The dinner was fine. Who knew moose would work so well in a stew? The flan was also not too bad. I was seated between Mark Zuckerberg and Lady Gaga (Mogul? Really?).

That Gaga guy was fine but Mark Zuckerberg was a pain in my ass. I tried to change seats but no one would do it.

It seems Zuckerberg was pissed off that some blogger in my enormous company made some crack that “Facebook Is Worthless”. I have thousands of employees. I can’t be bothered about one freakin’ blogger. What a punk ass dope!

The drinking went well into the night. Rupert Murdoch, Terry Semel and I held court in Herb’s Grotto near the Piranha Tank. As I said yesterday, bartender Bin Tran makes the best freakin’ dirty martinis I’ve ever had. I suck ’em down like water.

Unfortunately, the night had to end and this morning began at 5:00 a.m. with the ridiculous “Dawn of the Mogul” choral arrangement / wake up call (written by Michael Eisner years ago) played over loud speakers to urge us all to:

“Rise, Rise, Rise with the Sun.
We are Moguls.
The World We Run… etc. etc.”

This annoying, horrible song repeats and repeats until we all gather out in the Common Area (a name that seriously needs to be changed. We are far from “common”. I have suggested “Manka Plaza” or “Khan Kourt”).

After we assembled for calisthenics led by Bob Iger (a non-starter for me and almost all of the Tech CEOs), “The Call of the Moguls” fanfare is played while the Allen & Co. flag is raised up the flagpole.

We then recite “The Pledge of the Mogul” (which I will not repeat – but involves words like “integrity”, “philanthropy” and “quality”). All bullshit if you ask me. But there were a few guys (Jeffrey Katzenberg and Harvey Weinstein to name a couple) who were reciting it as though they were brainwashed North Korean school children. They were in tears as they pledged to be the best mogul they could be.

[As a side note, some of us are meeting later in the day to discuss whether Harvey Weinstein can still be considered a mogul. It may be time to ceremonially strip him of this title. We’ll have to see.]

After an awkward group embrace, we were sent our own way by Herb Allen for bike riding, tennis or our own private “thinking time” by the Duck Pond.

We then gathered in the “Great Hall of the Moguls” for a breakfast of waffles and our choice of sausage made from wild game that was recently shot on a local hunting farm. Antelope seems to be favorite among media moguls. The tech moguls go right for the bacon made from wild boar.

So that’s been my morning. I passed on going to several little panel groups and am about to have my first cocktail.

Jeff Zucker and Peter Chernin are sneaking out of the “Women In Technology” panel and joining me to watch the Spain / Germany World Cup match.

Hopefully, something interesting is planned for tonight. I’m so unbelievably bored.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

July 6, 2010July 5, 2011

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference 2010 – Day 1

Allen & Company retreat, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Carol Bartz, DumbDumb, Electus, Eric Schmidt, Gina Bianchini, Herb Allen, Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference, Herbert Allen, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jerry Yang, Khan Manka, Lady Gaga, Leslie Moonves, Lloyd Grohl, Manka Bros., Marissa Mayer, Mark Pincus, Mark Zuckerberg, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Reid Hoffman, Richard Parsons, Ricky Van Veen, Rupert Murdoch, Sergey Brin, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Jobs, Sun Valley Retreat, Sun Valley Retreat 2010, Terry Semel, World's Largest Media Company

Sun Valley Conference 2010

Day 1 — Day 2 — Day 3 — Day 4

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Day 1:

I’m leaving the office and heading to Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Retreat. I’ve been going up for the past 20 years or so and it’s becoming more of a chore than a joy.

It used to be fun to watch Bob Iger and Rupert Murdoch get drunk and do late night karaoke – but not much anymore.

Hopefully, Herb has something up his sleeve this year to pump some life into this dinosaur of a conference. If it’s the same as it was last year and the year before, people are going to stop coming. And that would break poor Herbie’s heart.

I’ll attempt to write about anything interesting that happens – though it all depends on the severity of my hangovers.

While I will reachable by phone, if anyone other than Lloyd Grohl tries to contact me, that person will be fired. If Lloyd Grohl needs to contact me and cell phone service is weak or if I’m holding my iPhone 4 in the wrong position, I can probably be found in Herb’s Grotto next to the piranha tank. The bartender, Bin Tran, makes the best dirty martini in the world.

[Note to my assistant Vicky: I noticed at tonight’s dinner in the Great Hall of the Moguls they have me seated between Mark Zuckerberg and Lady Gaga. I would prefer not to sit next to Zuckerberg. That punk ass kid is a freak.]

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

June 30, 2010May 5, 2011

Beverly Hills High School Commencement Address

Ari Emanuel, Ben Silverman, Beverly Hills High School, Bill Bradbury, Bob Iger, Chairman's Blog, Commencement Address, Harry Manka, Harvey Levin, Herb Hall, Jay Guidetti, Jeff Weiner, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Jeffrey Zucker, Joel Pressman, Josh Butchart, Keith Rust, Khan Manka, Manka Bros., Peter Chernin, Romeo Carey, Rupert Murdoch, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, The World's Largest Media Company, TMZ, World's Largest Media Company

About a week ago, I gave the Commencement Address at my old high school – Beverly Hills High. I wasn’t going to mention this because it didn’t really go as I had planned – but since the assholes at TMZ posted excerpts without my permission, I thought I would put it up without editorial comment or HEAVY EDITING (which TMZ did in an attempt to make me look ridiculous). Sorry shitbags, you lose. I’m too powerful in this town to to ever be considered ridiculous. So here is my speech in its entirety.

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Beverly Hills High School Graduation Ceremony – June 18, 2010

Good afternoon.

I got drunk this morning before coming here because when you are the Chairman & CEO of the World’s Largest Media Company, you can do shit like that.

[A huge cheer goes up from the crowd.]

You’ve all managed to do something that I didn’t even come close to doing – graduate high school. And yet, I’m the only one here running a giant media company. What the fuck is up with that?!

[Another huge cheer.]

I dropped out of this school because I wanted to spend more time smoking pot and working to make King Khan the best goddamned rock band in the world. If my father, the horrible Harry Manka, wouldn’t have died (forcing me to take over as head of Manka Bros. Studios when I was 18 years old), we fucking would have been the best goddamned rock band in the world!

[There is a commotion as the Principal attempts to interrupt Mr. Manka. The students boo the Principal and scream “Let him speak!”]

What the fuck…! Don’t handle me, asshole! I’ll shut this dream crusher of a school down!

Now where was I? Fuck it. I’ll just wing it. Uh, there’s only a handful of us powerful media moguls out there – even more if you count Bob Iger and Jeffrey Katzenberg! I don’t count them – ha! Just kidding – Bob Iger and I like to do jigsaw puzzles together.

The decisions us moguls make affect how the world spends its leisure time. If I tell you to go see Super Draculas next month in 3D at an IMAX theater, you’ll go because we can control your fucking minds. We control what makes you laugh and cry and scream and kill. If you try to cross us, we will destroy your lives.

Most of you kids are rich punks much like I was back in the 1970s. Once your parents die, you’ll be set. But that won’t stop you because you all think you’re so fucking great. You all think you’re entitled to everything without working for it. Most of you will start companies that will fail but somehow, through your little cliques of rich buddies and bitches, you’ll keep getting money to fail and fail again. And you won’t care if you fail because it’s all just a fucking game to you!

[The crowd has turned on Mr. Manka and many things are being thrown at the stage. The Principal manages to grab Mr. Manka around the waist.]

Is that it? Am I done?! Fine! I’ll see you all in Hell!

[Mr. Manka is escorted from the stage, flipping off the graduates and crowd with both hands.]
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You know what? Upon re-reading this transcript, I stand by my speech and think it’s totally brilliant.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

April 13, 2010November 15, 2011

Bob Iger Called Me This Morning

Alan Braverman, Andrew Mooney, Andy Bird, Anne Sweeney, Ari Emanuel, Aylwin Lewis, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Brent Woodford, Brooks Barnes, Chrstine McCarthy, Disney, Fred Langhammer, George Bodenheimer, Ike Perlmutter, Jay Rasulo, Jayne Parker, Jeff Immelt, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, John Bryson, John Chen, John Pepper, Jr., Judith Estrin, Kevin Mayer, Khan Manka, Manka Bros., Michael Eisner, Monica Lozano, New York Times, OnMedea, Orin Smith, Preston Padden, Rich Ross, Robert Iger, Robert Matschullat, Ronald Iden, Sheryl Sandberg, Stacey Snider, Stephen McPherson, Steve Jobs, Steve Wadsworth, Sumner Redstone, Susan Arnold, Terry Semel, Thomas Staggs, Walter Liss, Willow Bay, World's Largest Media company, Zenia Mucha

Bob Iger and I are on different schedules.

This morning, at about 4:30a.m.(!!), Bob Iger called me while hanging from his gravity bar. (He said he likes to hang upside down about two hours in the morning to get the blood flowing into his head.)

This was exposition I really didn’t need as I was completely hungover this morning after another bizarre night of carousing (different story) in Hollywood with Sumner Redstone (who is still staying at my house because he is afraid to be alone).

Bob said he was calling because I was the only person in town that would tell him the truth. “Even Ike Perlmutter is being a total pussy and won’t tell me what’s what…” – (he said off the record).

It seems Bob has been completely racked with guilt due to the glowing puff piece written about him by Brooks Barnes in the New York Times. He said he is having doubts and doesn’t feel worthy for such praise.

“How do you do it, Khan?”, Bob said. “People write horrible things about you all the time – never giving you any praise – and it doesn’t bother you a bit.”

A single tear formed in one of my eyes. I don’t think he could hear the emotion in my voice.

“Hell no, it’s doesn’t bother me, Bob. Manka Bros., while still the world’s largest media company, has had challenging economics for the past 30 years. You have to keep living your life, Bob – your perfect little freakin’ life with your beautiful little freakin’ wife – and not let work get in the way. We’re all doomed to fail.”

At this point, I had to immediately slam a hair-of-the-dog shot of whiskey before I blew last night’s steak and shrimp from Mastro’s all over the bathroom floor.

I continued: “Fuck the press. Fuck them all. If they like you – fine. If you they hate you – better. You don’t want those people propping you up. They’re only propping you up to, eventually, take you down! The fact that you feel unworthy for this praise proves that you are unworthy of this praise. You need to go climb a mountain – get your head straight.”

“Funny you should say that, Khan, I’m climbing K2 next weekend.”

“Fuck you, Bob.”

I hung up and went back to bed. While I do genuinely like Bob Iger (we met in a hippie drum circle on Venice Beach in the 1970s) – I am now hoping he fails at everything he does. Or falls off K2.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

January 13, 2010May 6, 2011

Oren Aviv – Manka Bros. Would Like To Offer You A Job

Alan Bergman, Alan Braverman, Andrew Mooney, Andy Bird, Anne Sweeney, Anthony Marcoly, Ari Emanual, Bob Cavallo, Bob Chapek, Bob Iger, Bob Zemeckis, Brent Woodford, Bruce Hendricks, Christine McCarthy, Chuck Viane, Claudia Eller, Daniel Battsek, Dawn Chmielewski, Dick Cook, Disney, Dr. Ed. Catmull, George Bodenheimer, Greg Brandeau, Jay Rasulo, Jayne Parker, Jeff Miller, Jeff Weiner, Jeremy Zimmer, Jerry Bruckheimer, Joe Roth, John Lasseter, John Travolta, Johnny Depp, Kara Swisher, Kevin Mayer, Khan Manka, Manka Bros., McG, Nikki Finke, Oren Aviv, Pixar, Preston Padden, Rich Ross, Richard Ross, Robin Williams, Ronald Iden, Rupert Murdoch, Sam Gores, Sandra Bullock, Sharon Waxman, Stacey Snider, Steve Wadsworth, Steven Spielberg, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, thewrap.com, Thomas Schumacher, Thomas Staggs, Tim Burton, Walt Disney Studios, Walter Liss, Zenia Mucha

Yesterday, I was shocked to learn that Oren Aviv was fired as President of Disney Motion Picture Productions. While I have never met Mr. Aviv personally, I have heard that he is an excellent cribbage player (and you all know how much I admire good cribbage).

I’m not really sure what Rich Ross has in mind for his executive team at Disney but it seems to me he’s really fucking things up and creating a Colonel Kurtz-like environment of ultimate power. Ultimate power over teenage girl media content… but still ultimate power.

Well, I say, good luck to him. All I can hope is that my good friend Bob Iger has Mr. Ross on a short leash. I get a creepy feeling whenever I drive past the Disney Studios as though those freakin’ Dwarfs are watching my every move. I wouldn’t be surprised if the severed heads of middle managers start to appear on the Disney perimeter fence – stuck on top of the iron Micky Mouse ears – as a warning to those who don’t fall in line.

(And please don’t email me about the above comment. I realize the severed head thing happened many years ago at Manka Bros. when my father, Harry Manka, ran the studio – but it was only that one time – and I heard the guy deserved it.)

But I digress. Back back to Oren Aviv.

Manka Bros., the world’s largest media company, would like to offer Mr. Aviv a very high-level position at the studio. Perhaps even President of the Manka Bros. Theatrical Group (especially considering how shitty a job Robin Rafe has been doing these last couple of years). Even Disney’s worse year is far better than our best year lately.

Whatever job you think you might like, Oren, just let me know. I’m happy to push out anyone (with the exception of Lloyd Grohl) to give you a place here. Things are looking up for Manka Bros. and we’d love to have you on our team.

And don’t even think about going to Fox (Rupert Murdoch will make you clean the urinals) or Paramount (Sumner Redstone will make you wipe his ass).

Let me know, Oren, ASAP – I have a feeling a lot more are about to be fired.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

January 6, 2010May 11, 2011

Yemen Theme Park – January 2010 Update

Good morning and happy 2010!

Because of all the recent terrorist activity going on in Yemen, I just wanted to give a quick update on the status of Manka Bros.’ billion dollar Manka Fun Park Yemen.

As many of you may remember, I went to Yeman last August for the groundbreaking ceremony. After that, due to political turmoil and badly handled wire transfers, they never got around to actually starting construction.

Now, it seems that there are terrorists operating in and around the site for the future theme park.

I just want to assure everyone involved that steps have been taken to ensure the safety of any future tourists to our theme park. Metal detectors have been installed and intense cavity searches will be conducted on anyone entering the park. So safety is not an issue and we are moving forward with the project as planned.

Even though I thought the opening would have to be pushed back a few months to 2011, I was reassured by the Yemeni leader Ali Abdullah Saleh that since labor costs in that country are non-existent and there are no overtime rules, the scheduled opening later this year will easily be met.

That’s the beauty of a dictatorship!

This is great news for Manka Bros. because Yemen is a completely untapped market for Western-style entertainment. Disney has been too busy concentrating on China to realize where the real money is. Losers. We will have the market to ourselves.

Now if we can only get a fucking movie that makes money we’ll really be on a roll.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios

December 21, 2009May 11, 2011

Happy Holidays From Chairman & CEO Khan Manka, Jr.

Ari Emanuel, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Brian Roberts, Chairman's Blog, Disney, Electus, Fox, Hanukkah, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Khan Manka, Manka Bros., NBC Universal, News Corporation, Peter Chernin, private island, Robert Iger, Strauss Zelnick, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, Turks & Caicos, Wall Street, Xfinity

Good morning.

As this challenging year comes to a close, I just wanted to say to the employees that are left at Manka Bros., have a great holiday and I’ll see you at some point next year.

Because my bitch of an ex-wife took my daughter, Connie, with her to some God awful place in Colorado for Hanukkah, I have gone to my private island in Turks & Caicos.

Several other powerful media moguls are here with me to spend a few days in the Caribbean sun before we all have to return to the horrible grind of running a major media company.

I would tell you the names of those here, but Bob Iger and Sumner Redstone said not to say a word – that Wall Street would read something into it and send our stock prices further down. Jeff Zucker, Brian Roberts and Strauss Zelnick also wanted me to remain quiet.

If something interesting happens, I’ll blog about it in this space.

Keep working! 2010 must be better!

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

P.S. – Remember, if you are Jewish, Christmas Day is NOT a paid holiday.

October 19, 2009July 25, 2011

The Future Of Television – As Told To Me By Michael Eisner

All For Nots, Anne Sweeney, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Dick Cook, Disney, duck hunting, Future of Television, Haim Saban, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Khan Manka, Manka Bros., Michael Eisner, Military helilcopter, Prom Queen, Robert Iger, Samhas7friends, Steven Spielberg, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, the Chairman's Blog, Tornante Company, Veoh, Vuguru, Allen & Company retreat, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Carol Bartz, DumbDumb, Electus, Eric Schmidt, Gina Bianchini, Herb Allen, Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference, Herbert Allen, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jerry Yang, Khan Manka, Lady Gaga, Leslie Moonves, Lloyd Grohl, Manka Bros., Marissa Mayer, Mark Pincus, Mark Zuckerberg, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Reid Hoffman, Richard Parsons, Ricky Van Veen, Rupert Murdoch, Sergey Brin, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Jobs, Sun Valley Retreat, Sun Valley Retreat 2010, Terry Semel, World's Largest Media Company, Chase Carey, James Murdoch, Elisabeth Murdoch, Lachlan Murdoch, Jim Gianopulos, Joel Klein, Jon Miller, Steve Burke, Michael Angelakis, Leslie Moonves, Philippe Dauman, Jeff Bewkes, John Martin, Howard Stringer, Rob Wiesenthal, Michael Lynton, John Malone, Greg Maffei, Haim Saban, David Zaslav, John Hendricks, Mike White, Edgar Bronfman, Len Blavatnik, Tim Armstrong, Peter Chernin, Tom Freston, Carol Bartz, Jerry Yang, Mark Pincus, Owen Van Natta, Brian Roberts, Jason Kilar, Wayne Willich, Reid Hoffman, Harvey Weinstein, Diane Von Furstenberg, Andrew Mason, Jason Kilar, Ben Horowitz, Gina Bianchini, Mark Pincus, Ali Pincus, Robert Wiesenthal, Tom Freston, Bing Gordon, Bill Gates, Chris Christie, Martin Sorrell, Eric Lefkofsky, Oprah Winfrey

Good afternoon.

Over the past few days, Michael Eisner’s lawyers have attempted to put a muzzle on me.

Apparently, M.E. didn’t like the idea of me blogging about our Duck Hunting trip last week and wanted to try and stop me from putting up a part two. Some of the top lawyers in Hollywood have been fighting and I’m completely fed up with it. I’m just going blog and don’t give a shit what the repercussions may be.

As I was saying last week, Michael Eisner picked me up in his military-style helicopter and took me duck hunting. I had never been duck hunting before and I don’t scare easily, but when I climbed into that Duck Blind with M.E. and saw the crazed look in his eyes, I was afraid.

As he started to load his 12-gauge shotgun with shells, he looked up:

M.E.: It gets a lot darker at night for me than anyone else in the world. I’m going to leave my head to science so they can try to figure out what the hell was going on inside my brain.

We sat in silence for about five minutes. Someone had already loaded a gun for me and I had it across my lap, not quite sure what to do with it. M.E. fluttered his eyes a bit as he blew softly into an ominous sounding duck call that echoed over the lake.

KM: So… what do we do? Sit here and wait for the ducks and then try to shoot them?

M.E.: Waiting for the ducks. Ha, that’s the problem with Manka Bros. You’re always waiting for the ducks.

KM: What the fuck does that mean? I run the biggest media company in the world and you’re telling me what’s wrong with my company? What do you got? Baseball cards?

Suddenly, M.E. leaped to his feet, swinging the gun up.

M.E.: QUACK RIGHT SHOOT!

He blasted two quick SHOTS. There were two quick duck HONKS. And then two quick SPLASHES.

M.E: Katzenberg! Ducks!

His dog, Katzenberg, leaped out of the blind and swam toward the killed ducks. Katzenberg gathered them in his mouth and swam back to the blind.

M.E.: Good dog. Pretty slow on the trigger there, Khan.

KM: You don’t mind if I just sit here, do you? I really don’t want to shoot at ducks. My life is interesting enough.

M.E.’s eyes darted back and forth, not sure whether to shoot me or let it go. We momentarily returned to small talk, asking about each other’s families and our health, etc. M.E. shot eight more ducks. Katzenberg fished them out of the pond. Finally, M.E. got around to the point he wanted to make.

M.E.: The future of television is fucked.

KM: In its current form, yes, I would say it is challenged.

M.E.: In any form. It’s over. Spending additional dollars on a declining asset is what dumb asses do.

KM: There’s still an audience. You gotta put something on the air. Severed Fingers is profitable just from International sales. Why quit a business that’s profitable?

M.E.: Why don’t you sell typewriters or bulk up on VHS cassettes or dial-up modems? Plenty of people still need those things and you’ll make a profit since it means so fucking much to you. Whoop-tee-fuckin-do!

His eyes were starting to roll back into his head. I knew I had to get out of there. I had no idea where I was but I did have my Blackberry and was able to send a PING to my assistant, Vicky. Once she receives my distress call I am normally picked up within the hour no matter where I am in the world.

KM: Then, tell me Michael, where do you think media is headed? Online? Cell phones? You know, Manka Bros. is spending $1 billion on short-form internet-only content.

M.E.: I will shoot you dead if you mention the “I” word again. The Internet is over. My online series “Prom Queen” hit at the peak of that fad. No no… the future is right here.

KM: What do you mean? A couple of guys talking by a pond with a loaded gun in their hands?

M.E.: That’s part of it. Human interaction is the future. It’s real. Something you can’t slap a banner ad next to and call it “paid content”. It’s just you, me and the meat that we kill and eat. I’m going “into the wild”.

He seemed sincere. He looked tired. Frankly, he looked done.

M.E.: You may go, Khan. If you tell anyone about this conversation, I will hunt you down and slaughter you like a mountain goat.

Michael Eisner’s chopper took me away and I was back in Los Angeles in time to watch the suck-ass Dodgers lose. Mariska Hargitay was the only guest allowed in the Manka Bros. Suite at Dodgers Stadium.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

P.S. – Do not fret, Manka Bros. will still be producing high-quality television content long after Michael Eisner freezes to death in a bus outside of Fairbanks, Alaska.

October 14, 2009July 25, 2011

Duck Hunting With Michael Eisner

Good afternoon.

I have just returned safely from one of the weirdest fucked up days I’ve had in a long time (and I’ve had quite a few fucked up days lately).

On Monday night, I received a call from my old pal and competitor Michael Eisner (M.E.) who, as you know, used to be the Chairman & CEO of Disney before (as he says it) “being released into the wild by the Board of Directors to fend for himself”.

M.E. wanted to pick me up at 3:00 a.m. by helicopter and take me to one of the private duck hunting ponds he owns in northern California to do some hunting and talk about The Future of Television.

I explained that normally I would jump at that opportunity (I had never been duck hunting in my life) but I had Sumner Redstone staying at my house and he was not in the best emotional state (because he’s almost broke).

After a few moments of back-and-forth negotiations with M.E., it was settled that I would be picked up at 2:00 a.m. and I was to turn Sumner Redstone out into the street. (Michael Eisner is a master negotiator.)

At 2:00 a.m., M.E. arrived right on time, his massive military-style helicopter landing on my Great Lawn. The fucker didn’t seem to care that I had recently had a million dollar landscaping job completed.

He was dressed in combat fatigues with his face painted green and brown and brandishing two 12-gauge shotguns. I was dressed in gym shorts, t-shirt and tennis shoes. I wasn’t aware there was a costume for duck hunting.

M.E.: Are you fucking kidding me, Khan? Seriously, what the fuck is your problem? What are you wearing? Do you have your own gun or do you need to rent one from me?

I explained that I have never been duck hunting and didn’t realize there were special clothes.

M.E.: To kill a duck, you have to think like a duck. Capisce?

I wouldn’t think a duck would want to wear those clothes or that make-up. But I played along and found an old Army General’s uniform that my dad (Harry Manka) used to wear around the Manka Bros. studio lot to intimate talent.

I put that on and smeared my face with camouflage make-up that M.E. had with him. I would have to rent a duck-shooting-gun from M.E. as the only weapons in my house were controlled by my security team.

Flying low over the southern California mountains, M.E. leaned out of the chopper observing the pre-dawn movements of the San Fernando Valley like he was in the jungles of Vietnam. He held this position and didn’t speak for the approximate two hour flight to a remote area south of Sacramento.

Suddenly, through a mist, a giant pond appeared with large reeds sprouting out of it. M.E. looked up and gave me a wink.

M.E.: (pointing down) Quack-gri-la – we’re home.

The chopper landed and several very serious handlers came out to greet us – all dressed in military fatigues and wearing ridiculous duck-shooting hats with ear flaps.

M.E.: I’m going to take a couple of minutes to let my balls stop vibrating, then I’ll meet you in “the blind”.

Apparently, he meant “duck blind”… and I didn’t know what that was – but I was soon to find out.

And I was soon to get into a very interesting discussion on The Future of Television (which was quite different from my discussion on The Future of Media with Bob Iger – M.E.’s successor at Disney).

But now, I’m worn out. So I’ll get into all that tomorrow.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

September 29, 2009July 27, 2011