Bob Iger – Page 9 – Chairman's Blog

April 21, 2011

Yemen Theme Park – Update

Good morning.

Many of you have no doubt been reading in the press about the attempted overthrow of the Yemeni President and wonder how that will affect the construction of the Manka Fun Park – Yemen – which is scheduled to open later this year.

I think as long as the protesters don’t destroy any Manka Bros. property (especially the new $5 million Camel Hump Roller Terror in 3D), I’m OK with it.

Getting this theme park built has been a nightmare and over the past few months we’ve really hit a lot of brick walls with the current regime and had to pay out way too many cartons of cigarettes in order to keep construction going. Perhaps new leadership on the side of the people will help expedite theme park construction.

So… after much thought and despite the imploring of other studio moguls, I have made my decision: EVEN DURING THIS TIME OF REVOLUTION, THE THEME PARK CONSTRUCTION WILL CONTINUE.

The people of Yemen have lived under a dictatorship for too long and deserve roller coasters and the All-New Broadway Re-Zoo starring Joey Levitch!

And, this is the right decision for Manka Bros. and its shareholders – because Yemen is a completely untapped market for Western-style entertainment. Bob Iger at Disney has been too busy concentrating on China and Disney Junior to realize where the real money is. Loser. We will have the Yemen market to ourselves.

Now if we can only get a fucking movie that makes money we’ll really be on a roll.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

January 6, 2011January 6, 2012

The Future Is Last Year – CES 2011 Keynote – Khan Manka, Jr.

Good morning.

First off, to all of my friends who are badly hungover this morning – I’m told the Circus Circus Buffet will clean out your system pretty well.

And to all my friends who are still drunk from last night [there are some claps and hoots from the audience] – well done – but pace yourselves, gentlemen and ladies, there are three more drunken days yet to go.

Especially you, Bob Iger! [Bob Iger, in the front row, howls like a wolf.]

Last night, we were at Caesar’s drinking on Cleopatra’s Barge and Bob said he was going to close the place down. I had to remind him it was a casino in Vegas and they don’t close!

Anyway, let’s get started.

How about a joke? What do you call someone who was a nerd in high school but went on to makes billions in technology and basically changed the way we live our lives? A nerd.

I’m not here today as an ally to the consumer electronics industry. Frankly, you can all F yourselves. I’m here to say to all you geeks and computer dorks who think you can tell Hollywood how to entertain the world that today HOLLYWOOD FIGHTS BACK!

I don’t give a shit about your new phone. I don’t give a shit about the “digital cloud” you built to hold all my media files – if you guys really want to be useful, develop a killer App that will clean and organize my garage. And I don’t give a shit about being able to perfectly simulate a Vietnam jungle battle in my family room.

Seriously, why do I need a new phone and new television every fucking year?

When I was a growing up in the 1960s we had one innovation – color television. That lasted us 20 years until we had a VCR that could play tapes of movies. That lasted us 20 years until we had DVD players that could play DVDs of movies.

If you freakin’ tech idiots would have left well and good alone, we Hollywood studios would still be raking in billions from DVD sales and my friend Sumner Redstone wouldn’t have to sell his blood and plasma just to pay the rent. That’s a joke, he actually has other people sell their blood and plasma to pay his rent.

So today, on behalf of Manka Bros. – The World’s Largest Media Company – and my studio mogul brethren, I ask the consumer electronics industry to STOP THE INNOVATION.

Stop making my toaster check the traffic before I leave home.

Stop telling the world which bars and prostitutes I have visited.

Stop having these pointless trade shows that only exist so that media executives can act like they’re working but are actually just partying in Vegas [many ‘boos’ from the crowd].

Imagine the turnout CES would have if it were held in Akron every year.

Stop everything you’re doing and let us premium content creators go back to doing what we do best – entertaining the world.

Don’t you morons understand we just want to make movies and television shows? It’s killing us to constantly spend our time reconfiguring formats to fit the new phone in our hand or the chip in the back of our brains.

We just want it to be 2003 again. So either join us or get the fuck out of our way because we are going backwards and will do everything it takes to do things the way we have always done them. Capisce?

Google, Microsoft and Facebook are not the studios of the future. Audiences can only watch so many movies about computer nerds who save the world and date robot women.

Questions?

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

November 5, 2010April 27, 2011

Yemen Theme Park – November Update

Good morning.

Because of the recent news that mail bombs were sent from Yemen in an attempt to blow up two Chicago-area synagogues, several people have inquired about Manka Bros.’ plans to build a billion dollar Manka Fun Park in Yemen.

After much thought and despite the imploring of other studio moguls, I have made my decision: THE THEME PARK CONSTRUCTION WILL CONTINUE.

Just because there are a few terrorists trying to blow up everything in the United States doesn’t mean that the rest of the people of Yemen don’t deserve roller coasters and the All-New Broadway Re-Zoo starring Joey Levitch!

While it has been a long slog through the bureaucratic muck and construction of the park has been slow due to increased terror threats, political turmoil and badly handled wire transfers, things are moving along.

Because of all those hurdles, I thought the opening would have to be pushed back a few months (or years), but I was reassured yesterday by the Yemeni leader Ali Abdullah Saleh that since labor costs in that country are non-existent and there are no overtime rules (are you listening America?), the scheduled opening will easily be met.

That’s the beauty of a dictatorship!

This is great news for Manka Bros. because Yemen is a completely untapped market for Western-style entertainment. Bob Iger at Disney has been too busy concentrating on China to realize where the real money is. Loser. We will have the Yemen market to ourselves.

Now if we can only get a fucking movie that makes money we’ll really be on a roll.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

September 1, 2010May 3, 2011

Vanity Fair Can Suck It

Adrienne Gaffney, Alan Deutschman, Amy Wells, Andrew Stanton, Andrew Wylie, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bernard Arnault, Bil Gross, Bill Keller, Biz Stone, Bob Dodd, Bob Iger, Brad Bird, Brian Grazer, Brian Roberts, Chairman's Blog, Chris Meledandri, Christ Albrect, Christ Anderson, David Tepper, David Zaslav, Debi Chirichella, Drew Schutte, Duff McDonald, Elena DeGiuli, Eric Schmidt, Evan Williams, Frank Rich, George Bodenheimer, Graydon Carter, Gretchen Morgenson, Harvey Weinstein, Howard Stringer, J.J. Abrams, Janie Bryant, Jann Weiner, Jason Kilar, jason Wagenheim, Jeanne Milligan, Jeff Bezos, Jeff Skoll, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Jessica Flint, Jessica Jones, Jill Kennedy, John Lasseter, John Malone, Jonathan Ive, Judd Apatow, Kellie A. MacAloon, Khan Manka, Lady Gaga, Larry Fink, Larry Page, Leslie Moonves, Loren Malenchek, Lorne Michaels, Manka Bros., Marissa Mayer, Mark Pincus, Mark Zuckerberg, Matt Blank, Matthew Weiner, Michael Lombardo, Mike Fisher, Nikki Finke, OnMedea, Oprah Winfrey, Pam Dolby, Patrick Wachsberger, Peter Docter, Peter Newcomb, Peter Zuckerman, Philippe Dauman, Richard Plepler, Richard Siklos, Rob Friedman, Robert Thomson, Ronald Perelman, Rupert Murdoch, Ryan Kavanaugh, Ryan Murphy, S.I. Newhouse, Sarah Chubb, Sarah Herring, Sean Parker, Selim Mataracci, Sergey Brin, Seth MacFarlane, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Burke, Steve Jobs, Sue Naegle, Tom Freston, Vivi Nevo, Warren Buffett, World's Largest Media Company

Good evening from the Seychelles.

While I wasn’t planning on contacting anyone except the bartender during my final vacation of the summer, this morning I was forwarded the 2010 Vanity Fair 100 List. Most people consider this list to be an annual ranking of the world’s most powerful media moguls – I consider this list to be shit.

WHY THE FUCK AM I NOT ON THIS LIST?!

We live in a media world dominated by Manka Bros. From the multiplex to the television to the newstand to the internet to every freakin’ handheld device, the people of the world simply cannot avoid Manka Bros. and yet we have been ignored… again.

Frankly, I am shocked that the writers of this story and the publisher of this magazine had the balls to make this grave error in judgment. I think I know why it happened, I just can’t believe that the people who put this bullshit list together would sacrifice their professional integrity over a personal vendetta.

It is simply unconscionable that Lady Gaga, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Ryan Kavanaugh (!!!!), Bob Iger and Barry Diller are on this list – yet I have been left off. Don’t get me wrong, I could care less about this stupid little list. You can’t rank moguls!

Perhaps a little backstory is necessary on how we got to where we are today.

I have known Graydon Carter (Editor-in-Chief of Vanity Fair) for nearly 40 years. We were in a tap and jazz dance class in Hollywood in the late 1960s before I rebelled against my father (the great asshole studio mogul Harry Manka) and turned to rock and roll where I founded the awesome power rock trio known as King Khan.

Due to my severe drug intake during those years, I don’t remember much… but I do remember Graydon kept hounding me to pitch my dad some idiotic movie idea which combined tap dancing and space exploration. I refused and we didn’t talk for many years.

In the mid-1980s (after I had taken over as Chairman & CEO of Manka Bros.), I had a dream about tap dancing astronauts and immediately called Graydon and asked if his idea was still available. It wasn’t.

Turns out, he had recently sold “Black Hole Time Step” (or whatever the hell it was) to Golan-Globus for $3 million (all cash in a suitcase). That movie was later completely rewritten and became Death Wish 4: The Crackdown… but I digress.

To make a long story short, after the recession hit in 2008 and everyone eventually declared print media dead, I made a hostile bid for Conde Nast (parent company of Vanity Fair) from its parent company – Advance Publications – for $8 million. Even though the publishing industry was extremely challenged, I figured for the right price it would be a good fit nestled within the Manka Bros. Publishing Group.

Advance Publications Chairman & CEO S.I. Newhouse told me to ‘GO F MYSELF’.

I decided to take the high road from that remark and raised my bid to $8,000,100 and told S.I. to use that extra $100 to pay for the movers to clear out his office. I never heard back and here we are today.

Obviously, my old friend Graydon is afraid for his job and knew putting me on the Vanity Fair 100 list would not be looked on favorably by his ultimate corporate boss – Mr. Newhouse.

But things tend to even out over time. I have instructed our in-house media watchdog Jill Kennedy – Editor-in-Chief of OnMedea – to start putting together our own little list.

I’m thinking of calling it: THE MANKA 100 – Top 100 Failures In Media.

Hmmm… where should I start?

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

August 10, 2010June 11, 2015

Book Club Meeting On Rupert Murdoch’s Boat

Allen & Company retreat, Anne Mulcahy, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Bobby Kotick, Carol Bartz, Charlie Rose, Cory Booker, DumbDumb, Electus, Eric Schmidt, Erin Burnett, Gina Bianchini, Harvey Weinstein, Herb Allen, Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference, Herbert Allen, Jean-Bernard Levy, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jerry Yang, John Donahue, Ken Auletta, Khan Manka, Lachlan Murdoch, Lady Gaga, Leslie Moonves, Lionel Barber, Lloyd Grohl, Manka Bros., Marc Andreessen, Marissa Mayer, Mark Pincus, Mark Zuckerberg, Martin Sorrell, Mathias Dopfner, Mike Bloomberg, Niall FitzGerald, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Reid Hoffman, Richard Parsons, Ricky Van Veen, Rob Wiesenthal, Robert L. Johnson, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Sergey Brin, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Jobs, Sun Valley Retreat, Sun Valley Retreat 2010, Terry Semel, Tom Freston, Tom Friedman, Ursula Burns, Vivi Nevo, Warren Buffett, World's Largest Media Company

Good morning from the Canary Islands!

I’m on the Manka Bros. Employee Yacht (The King Khan) which was paid for by all your hard work!

As a reminder, because it is the “Employee Yacht” (paid for by a slight deduction from your weekly paychecks), one of you will be eligible to host your very own party for your friends or colleagues on this very yacht. The date set for this party is, I believe, a Tuesday in February – so be sure and sign up for the drawing.

Because we’re deep in the dog days of August, I am out of Hollywood and off the coast of Africa.

I was finally able to arrange for my Monthly Mogul Book Club Meeting which took place yesterday. Unfortunately, it was Rupert Murdoch’s time to host the meeting which meant it was either going to be in Rupert’s crappy North Hollywood apartment or his ridiculous excuse for a yacht.

Since we’re all out of town, we decided to meet on his “yacht” – actually a shitty old rickety sea trawler in desperate need of a paint job. He has named it “The Chase Carey.” It was once called “The Peter Chernin” but those letters appear to have been violently scratched out.

But Rupert didn’t get to be Rupert by buying fancy mansions and yachts. He got where he is today by eating mac & cheese and drinking water from the tap in his $750 / month North Hollywood apartment.

Rupert’s boat was anchored near the run-down port city of Naples, Italy. Since he didn’t have a helipad on his boat, we all had to deal with the inconvenience of getting there by either jetski or motorboat.

In attendance was Rupert Murdoch, Barry Diller, Jeff Zucker, Ben Silverman (replacing Harvey Weinstein – who officially lost his mogul status), Bob Iger, Sumner Redstone (by phone), Les Moonves and myself. (We really wanted to try and get some female moguls involved in the group but those are really hard to come by these days. The only person close to mogul status is what’s her name from Facebook – that chick from the Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference.)

Anyway, because I had such a hard time remembering what happened at the last book club meeting once we started doing Slivovitz shots, this time I brought a little recorder to document the event. My assistant, Vicky, was kind enough to transcribe it and post it here:

———————–

Mogul Book Club Meeting – August 9, 2010 – Rupert Murdoch’s Boat “The Chase Carey”

Rupert: Murdoch: Thanks for coming. Thanks Khan for pulling this all together. I don’t have anything other than Keystone Beer on the boat, so hopefully you all got my note about bringing your own drinks. I do have a cheese plate and few leftover crackers from our TV Upfront Presentation in May.

Our book this month is “The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.” I would like to thank Sumner Redstone for providing us all with a new iPad with the book preloaded onto it.

Sumner Redstone (over speaker phone): I didn’t provide any such thing! What the fuck? Who sent you all iPads? I’m not in the iPad giving business! Who sent it? I’m not gonna kill that person – I just want to talk to him.

Bob Iger: I got it from Philippe Dauman. He signed both your names and said “Sorry he couldn’t make it.”

Sumner Redstone (over speaker phone): Dauman? I’ll kill him.

Jeff Zucker: Can we fucking talk about the stupid book? I’ve got a meeting on Brian Roberts’ yacht off Capri in two hours.

Les Moonves: Do you still work for him or has he fired you? Nikki Finke hasn’t been clear about this.

Jeff Zucker: Look, Leslie… I fire – I don’t get fired. Capisce?

Barry Diller: I thought you said you had a cheese plate?

Rupert Murdoch: Maybe Lachlan didn’t set it out. There’s a cooler there on floor with ice in it. It may be there.

Sumner Redstone (over speaker phone): Are we going to talk about the book? This “Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” is a fiery bitch. I think I could do a show with her of some kind.

Bob Iger: Stop trying to make me throw up, Sumner.

Sumner Redstone (over speaker phone): I’ll ‘throw up’ you – right up your ass.

Barry Diller: There’s no cheese in this cooler, Rupert. The ice is all frosted together. Did you have fish in here?

Khan Manka, Jr.: The guy who wrote the book is from Finland or something, I think. He’s pretty hot right now. We may go after his next book.

Jeff Zucker: He’s dead, you moron.

Khan Manka, Jr.: Weren’t you fired yet, Fucker?

[Lots of laughs in the room.]

Barry Diller: Rupert! Did you have fish in this cooler? Fuck it. Ben go back to Naples and pick up some cheese. This is bullshit.

Jeff Zucker: This IS bullshit. I have to go.

Bob Iger: So we’re not talking about the book?

Les Moonves: Fine with me. I didn’t read it.

Ben Silverman: I had the coverage faxed to Diddy’s yacht last night but I haven’t perused it.

Sumner Redstone (over speaker phone): I’ll ‘peruse’ you – right up your ass!

Rupert Murdoch: There’s a movie coming out. I’ll just watch that. What studio’s got that?

Les Moonves: Sony.

Rupert Murdoch: Fuckers ain’t got “Avatar” though, do they? Maybe we should invite Michael Lynton to the next meeting.

Jeff Zucker: Is he really a mogul? You never hear about him in the press.

Rupert Murdoch: Still not fired yet, huh? I give it another five minutes. Gentlemen, please leave your booze behind, I’m having people over tonight.

[Everyone leaves the boat.]

Sumner Redstone (over speaker phone): Hello? Are we talking about the book? Hello? What the fuck is this? I can wait longer than you. I’m gonna live forever…

———————————

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

July 28, 2010May 4, 2011

Manka Bros. Would NOT Like To Offer Steve McPherson A Job

Alan Braverman, Andrew Mooney, Andy Bird, Anne Sweeney, Ari Emanuel, Aylwin Lewis, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Brent Woodford, Brooks Barnes, Chrstine McCarthy, Disney, Fred Langhammer, George Bodenheimer, Ike Perlmutter, Jay Rasulo, Jayne Parker, Jeff Immelt, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, John Bryson, John Chen, John Pepper, Jr., Judith Estrin, Kevin Mayer, Khan Manka, Manka Bros., Michael Eisner, Monica Lozano, New York Times, OnMedea, Orin Smith, Preston Padden, Rich Ross, Robert Iger, Robert Matschullat, Ronald Iden, Sheryl Sandberg, Stacey Snider, Stephen McPherson, Steve Jobs, Steve Wadsworth, Sumner Redstone, Susan Arnold, Terry Semel, Thomas Staggs, Walter Liss, Willow Bay, World's Largest Media company, Zenia Mucha

… at least not until after the investigation of sexual harassment is complete.

If it turns out he is completely innocent and didn’t do any of the fucked up shit that is leveled against him – I just may reconsider and offer Stevie Mac a job (as I did yesterday).

Actually, he’s no longer Stevie Mac to me until the charges are cleared. He’s Stephen McPherson. Manka Bros. has enough troubles.

Good thing my friend Bob Iger has the sense to replace him with some English guy. English men would never do this sort of thing.

An [alleged] sexual harasser would not do well at Manka Bros. – especially in the Television Group. Most of the women of Manka Bros. are very good at taekwondo. I know because I’ve… witnessed it first hand.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

July 27, 2010May 4, 2011

Manka Bros. Would Like To Offer Steve McPherson A Job

So the idiots at Disney have decided to let Steve McPherson “resign”. (As an aside, my great friend Bob Iger is NOT included as one of the “idiots”. Bob, with whom I just had a truly bizarre week with at Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Retreat, is great.)

If I may just say – WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY THINKING?!!

I personally feel that Stevie Mac (as I remember him when he was a Manka Bros. intern right out of Pierce College in Woodland Hills) is one of the great network programmers in history and believe that ABC is fucked because he is leaving.

However, this disgraceful negative can easily turn into a Manka Bros. positive.

Because of our mutual disrespect of Ben Silverman and everything he represents (please read the Manka Bros. Business blogger Jill Kennedy for more details), I would like to offer Steve McPherson the job of running the Manka Bros. Television Group (including the hopelessly lost MBS Television Network).

We currently have a President of the Television Group, Jay McBee, but he really sucks and only has his job because he won a random draw nationwide competition based on a code found underneath a Pepsi cap. Before winning, he worked at a Radio Shack in Sioux City, IA. In the TV business, that is almost always enough of a qualification. However, based on the recent announcement of our 2010/2011 fall schedule, I believe it’s time for a change.

So, Stevie Mac – please call my assistant, Vicky Adler-Modry, and set up an appointment so we can talk.

Thanks for your acceptance in advance.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

July 15, 2010May 5, 2011

I Have Restarted My Monthly Book Club

Allen & Company retreat, Anne Mulcahy, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bill Bradley, Bob Iger, Bobby Kotick, Brian Grazer, Brian Roberts, Candice Bergen, Carol Bartz, Charlie Rose, Chase Carey, Chris Silbermann, Cory Booker, Diane Von Furstenberg, Don Graham, DumbDumb, Electus, Eric Eisner, Eric Schmidt, Erin Burnett, George Bodenheimer, Gina Bianchini, Gordon Crawford, Haim Saban, Hank Vigil, Harvey Weinstein, Herb Allen, Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference, Herbert Allen, Jean-Bernard Levy, Jeff Berg, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Bezos, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jerry Yang, Jim Berkus, Jim Gianopulos, Jim Robinson, John Donahue, Jon Miller, Jonathan Dolgen, Ken Auletta, Ken Chenault, Khan Manka, Lachlan Murdoch, Lady Gaga, Larry Page, Leslie Moonves, Lionel Barber, Lloyd Grohl, Manka Bros., Marc Andreessen, Marissa Mayer, Mark Pincus, Mark Zuckerberg, Martin Sorrell, Mathias Dopfner, Michael Ovitz, Mike Bloomberg, Mogul Book Club, Niall FitzGerald, Owen Van Natta, Patt Morrison, Peter Chernin, Philippe Dauman, Phillippe Dauman, Rachael Ray, Reid Hoffman, Richard Parsons, Ricky Van Veen, Rob Wiesenthal, Robbie Bach, Robert L. Johnson, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Sergey Brin, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Burke, Steve Jobs, Stieg Larsson, Sun Valley Retreat, Sun Valley Retreat 2010, Terry Semel, The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, Tim Armstrong, Tom Freston, Tom Friedman, Tom Glocer, Tom Rothman, Ursula Burns, Vivi Nevo, Warren Buffett, Water For Elephants, World's Largest Media Company

Good morning.

I’m back in office after a few days at an Indian [editor’s change: Native American] Teepee sweat camp to get all the Sun Valley alcohol out of my system. That Herb Allen really knows how to over serve his guests.

About the only good thing to come out of that suck ass Sun Valley Retreat last week was the commitment from a few of my fellow moguls to restart our Monthly Book Club.

The last book club meeting we had was a couple of years ago and it was a disaster.

As I recall, Carl Icahn crashed the meeting and threatened to wage a proxy war to take over all our companies but I promptly had him removed by security. [Editor’s note: Mr. Manka, according to his own blog, actually invited Mr. Icahn to that meeting. But it is true that he had him removed by security.]

Poor, pathetic Carl is such a joke he’s not even able to take over Lionsgate – the puniest of all the studios. So, sorry, Carl, you won’t be getting an invite to my Mogul Book Club. RULE #1: YOU MUST BE A MOGUL. Harvey Weinstein will also not be getting an invite. Ben Silverman will be taking his place.

As I told my mogul friends (Bob Iger, Rupert Murdoch, Phillipe Dauman, et al) at The Drankin’ Hole last week, our book selection is “The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo”. Everyone seems to be talking about this Stieg Larsson guy (maybe Manka Bros. should hire him to write something) – so I think it will be a better selection than our last book – “Water For Elephants”.

The meeting will be at Haim Saban’s house one week from Sunday – so get your assistants to pick up the book and get reading!

To my Senior Management Team at Manka Bros., I suppose we should have some sort of meeting to see what the fuck is going on around here and why haven’t had a hit movie this summer!

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

July 9, 2010July 5, 2011

Song Of The Mogul – Sun Valley 2010 – Day 4

Sun Valley Conference 2010

Day 1 — Day 2 — Day 3 — Day 4

—————————————–

Day 4:

I’m told Harvey Weinstein was the first to arrive at The Drankin’ Hole – an Idaho-friendly way of saying ‘bar’.

During the conference, the bar has been dubbed the Herb Allen Memorial Drankin’ Hole. I’m not sure why “Memorial” is in there since Herb is very much alive – but, that’s Idaho for ya.

After the past two horrible nights and after Manka Bros. received ZERO Emmy Nominations earlier in the day, I was in no mood to stay sober. So I was relieved that we would finally be devoting an evening to the fine art of getting drunk. And drunk we did get.

But my depression was Harvey Weinstein’s depression’s bitch. He lost an entire studio earlier that day. At least Manka Bros.’ standing as the World’s Largest Media Company is intact. Harvey ain’t got shit.

The Drankin’ Hole is nestled deep within the Sun Valley Lodge and there would be no access to anyone lower than mogul status with the exception of bartender Bin Tran (best dirty martinis in the world!) whose job it was to keep the drinks flowing and the bar fully stocked.

The March of the Moguls into the bar began immediately after LeBron James announced he was going to Miami. I don’t really care where LeBron goes – but it seems to me we can’t slam a guy who would prefer to spend his winters in Miami over Cleveland. Call me crazy. Most entering the room were talking about it and kept calling him a “moron” except George Bodenheimer – who called him a genius. “Wait till you see the overnights!”

So… I won’t bore anyone with the bullshit chitchat that went on while waiting for the effects of alcohol to take over our brains. (One side note: Bob Iger did ask if I wanted to buy ABC. I had to ‘gently’ remind him that I already owned a major broadcast network – MBS. I must apologize to Bob. I didn’t mean to dress him down so cruelly in front of the other moguls. But I worry about Bob. I think he’s starting to lose his memory).

I think it was Terry Semel who figured out how to turn on the Karaoke machine. He was fiddling around with something on the little stage in the bar and suddenly there was BLAAHT from one of the speakers.

“Is this on? Is this on?”, Terry said. “I’d like to propose a toast… to Herb Allen for continuing to boost our egos by designating us the most important people of the world every year. To my fellow Moguls… for being the most important people in the world. And to Bin Tran – for making the best dirty martinis in the world!” This last one got the biggest applause. “Now let’s sing!”

Terry Semel started things off with Barry Manilow’s “Ready To Take A Chance Again”. It was sung about an octave too low and was more spoken then sung. But it had heart. If you know Terry’s voice, you get the idea.

I would say the most embarrassing moment came when Harvey Weinstein sang a sloppy drunk version of “I Will Survive”. We all seemed to feel this was a bit too on the nose. It got truly pathetic when he sang the chorus “I Will Survive” and we all sang back “No, You Won’t!” Sad sad sad.

For myself, I always start off with “Me and Bobby McGee” and then later I do “Jeremy” by Pearl Jam. Always a crowd favorite – but I used to be in a band.

Other highlights included Jeff Zucker (“Desperado”), Brian Roberts (“Everybody Dance Now”), Haim Saban (“Summer Wind” and “My Way”), Diane Von Furstenberg surprised us all with the entire “Bohemian Rhapsody”, Chase Carey did an unbelievably killer version of “Keep On Rocking In The Free World”, Larry Page, Sergey Brin and Eric Schmidt really embarrassed themselves with “Livin’ On A Prayer” and Mark Zuckerberg sang some song by Kelly Clarkson that no one really knew or paid attention to.

We kept waiting for Barry Diller to sing that song he does every year from “Les Miserables” – but he decided not to sing this year. I can imagine he’s exhausted from last night’s “event”.

The evening was concluded perfectly by Warren Buffett and Herb Allen who got together on stage and thanked everyone and then did a heartfelt version of “Last Dance”. By the time it got the “fast skate” portion (a throwback term to my roller disco years in the 1970s), we were hopping around in a joyous drunken way, singing along and enjoying our power.

Last night was a truly great night.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

July 8, 2010July 10, 2019

Burning Mogul – Sun Valley 2010 – Day 3

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Herb Allen's Sun Valley Conference 2016, Sun Valley Lodge, Bin Tran, Vin Tran, Lee S Ainslie III, Yousef Al Otaiba, Hans-Holger Albrecht, Paul G Allen, James Anderson, Marc Andreessen, Michael Angelakis, Tim Armstrong, Nikesh Arora, Neil M Ashe, Emilio Azcarraga, Manvinder S Banga, Lionel Barber, Craig R Barrett, Willow Bay, Andreas Bechtolsheim, Marc Benioff, Jeffrey Berg, James Berkus, Michael S Berman, Mark Bertolini, Gary Bettman, Jeff Bewkes, Jeffrey P Bezos, Aneel Bhusri, The Right Honorable Tony Blair, Gregory R Blatt, Anthony H Bloom, Michael R Bloomberg, Steven R Boal, Scott A Bommer, Cory A Booker, Jeffrey H Boyd, Sergey Brin, Glenn Britt, Tom Brokaw, Michael J Brown, Howard G Buffett, Susie Buffett, Warren Buffett, John Burbank, Stephen Burke, Erin Burnett, Ursula Burns, John E Bush, Jeanie Buss, John A Canning Jr., Chase Carey, Wences Casares, Mark Casey, Kenneth Chenault, Peter Chernin, Brian Chesky, Richard Chilton, Chris Christie, Lewis Cime, Adriana Cisneros, Gustavo Cisneros, Vittorio Colao, Timothy Collins, Patrick Collison, Timothy Cook, Anderson Cooper, David Corkins, Delos Cosgrove, Dick Costolo, Cristian Croitoru, Henry Crumpton, Jose Luis Cutrale, Will Danoff, Philippe Dauman, Christopher Davis, Alfonso de Angoitia, John DeGioia, Diego Della Valle, Brian Demain, Andre Desmarais, David DeVoe, Feroz Dewan, William DeWitt, Barry Diller, Daniel Doctoroff, Jonathan Dolgen, John Donahoe, Jack Dorsey, Michael Duke, Mathias Dopfner, David Ebersman, Wesley Edens, Marvin Edwards, Eric Eisner, Michael Eisner, John Elkann, Thomas Evans, Randel Falco, Jose Antonio Fernandez, Michael Ferror, Niall W. A. FitzGerald, Thomas Friedman, Michael Fries, Tommy Frist, Daniel Fulton, Michael Fux, Mala Gaonkar, Whitfield Gardner, William Gates, Melinda Gates, Julius Genachowski, Daniel Gilbert, Thomas Giovine, David Goldberg, Roger Goodell, Bing Gordon, Donald Graham, Brian Grazer, Brad Grey, John Griffin, Andreas Halvorsen, Reed Hastings, General Michael Hayden USAF, James Heavener, John Hendricks, John Henry, John Heyman, Kazuo Hirai, John Hock, Reid Hoffman, Won Pyo Hong, Lisa Hook, Ben Horowitz, Drew Houston, Robert Iger, David Ignatius, Martin Indyk, Phillip Jackson, Eli Jacobs, Paul Jacobs, Robert Johnson, Salar Kamanger, Peter Karmanos, Alexander Karp, Michael Karsch, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Michael Keating, Brian Kelly, Muhtar Kent, Joseph Robert Kerrey, Dara Khosrowshahi, Seth Klaman, Joel Klein, Peter Klein, Philip H Knight, Victor Koo, Robert Kotick, Robert Kraft, Henry Kravis, Ynon Kreiz, Blake Krikorian, Ananda Krishnan, Stan Kroenke, Daniel Lamarre, Michael Larson, Martin Lau, Michael Leavitt, Jay Lee, Eric Lefkofsky, Theordore Leonsis, Max Levchin, David Levin, Phil Libin, Martin Lipton, Bryan Lourd, Kenneth W Lowe, Michael Lowenstein, Dan Lufkin, Dennis P LYnch, Michael Lynton, Maurice Levy, John Malone, Robert Marcus, Morris Mark, Donald Mattrick, Kathleen A McCarragher, General Stanley A McChrystal, Andrew McKenna, General Montgomery C Meigs, Lorenzo Mendoza, Ron Meyer, Roberto Mignone, Hiroshi Mikitani, Bill Miller, Kenneth Miranda, Thomas Monahan, Leslie Moonves, Luis Alberto Moreno, Dan Moskovitz, Craig Mundle, James Murdoch, Rupert Mudoch, Lachlan Murdoch, Nathan Myhrvold, Michael Neidorff, Jonathan M Nelson, Vivi Nevo, Sam Nunn, Michael E O'Hanlon, Daniel J O'Keefe, Don O'Neal, Ronald L Olson, Evan Osnos, CL Butch Otter, Michael Ovitz, Larry Page, Stephen G Pagliuca, Saul Pannell, Mark Papa, William Pappendick, MIchael Pausic, Minxin Pei, Francois-Henry Pinault, Mark Pincus, Laurene Powell, Lawrence F Probst, Rebecca Quick, Thomas Rabe, Jay Rasulo, Jerry Reinsdorf, Danny Rimer, Richard Riordan, Ambassador Charles H Rivkin, Brian Roberts, James Robinson IIi, James Robinson IV, Fernando Rodes Vila, Brian Rogers, Congressman Mike Rogers, Charlie Rose, Daniel Rose, Wilbur L Ross, Haim Saban, Karim Sadjadpour, Sheryl Sandberg, Ricky Sandler, Ted Sarandos, Fayez Sarofim, Nassef Sawiris, Eric Schmidt, John Schneider, Christopher Schroeder, John Scully, Allan Selig, Nicole Seligman, Eric Semler, William Siegel, Herbert Siegel, Ben Silbermann, Christopher Silbermann, Louis Simpson, Eduardo Sirotsky Melzer, Andrew Sorkin, Sir Martin Sorrell, Thomas Staggs, Cristina Stenbeck, David Stern, Michael Stone, Sir Howard Stringer, Robert Swan, Peter Thiel, Mark Thompson, Sebastian Thrun, Thomas Tull, Peter Ueberroth, Joseph Vacanti, Jeffrey Van Harte, Owen Van Natta, Martin Varsavsky, Leftie Vaughn, Michelangelo Volpi, Alexandre Von Furstenberg, Dian von Furstenberg, Casey Wasserman, David Weinberg, Judd Weinberg, Jeff Weiner, Harvey Weinstein, Wallace R Weitz, Robert Werbel, Michael White, Meg Whitman, Jim Wiatt, James Williams, Fred Wilpon, Jeffrey Wilpon, Fred Wilson, David J Winters, Nicholas Woodman, Major General Amos Yadlin, Jerry Yang, Jed York, David Zaslav, Dirk E Ziff, Gianfranco Zoppas, Mark Zuckerberg, Jack Ma, Jeff Bezos, Tony Wible, Marissa Mayer, General Stanley McChrystal, John Kerry, Michael Bloomberg, Justin Trudeau, Iggy Azalea, 2017 Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference 2017, Usain Bolt, Burning Mogul

Sun Valley Conference 2010

Day 1 — Day 2 — Day 3 — Day 4

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Day 3:

There is an unspoken and unwritten code among us moguls that I am about to break.

I have seen many things over my crazy life – from drugged out son of movie mogul Harry Manka in the 1960s and 70s to my current life as head of Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company – but nothing prepared me for the fucked up shit that Herb Allen (& Co.) put us through last night. This is a sick and pathetic world (even for us rich and powerful) and you either join the sick and pathetic to survive or die trying.

While the media that is gathered behind the barbed wire and gun toting secret police outside the walls of the Sun Valley Lodge will hear one story about last night’s “charity gala hosted by Diane Von Furstenberg” – the real story is what happened on the other side of the Lodge.

At 7:46 PM, the lights went out in my room. This wasn’t a problem since it was still light outside. I could see fine. A slow, ominous drum beat could be heard in the distance. Then, the distinct voice of Charlie Rose came over the loudspeakers in what I thought was Latin but just turned out to be bad pronunciation. I started to make out the words:

“Seekers and Outliers…
Don’t Blink…
It’s An Inflection Point…
The Tipping Point…”

There was a pounding on the door of my suite. I looked over and saw smoke coming from underneath the door. I put on a robe and opened the door.

Standing there was Sergey Brin and Larry Page dressed in chain mail – almost like Oakland Raider fans. Sergey was holding a smoke machine. Larry, speaking in as low a pitch as possible (but still pretty high), said: “You have been chosen. The Master demands your presence.”

Behind them, down the hall, I could see Jeff Zucker and Brian Roberts (badly disguised in homemade Spider-man costumes) drag a screaming Jeffrey Katzenberg out of his room and down the hall. Katzenberg was screaming: “I just need to finish this fucking call, you assholes!”

I went peacefully in my bathrobe to wherever the Google guys were taking me. Why the fuck not? This conference was already a dud as far as I’m concerned. This could actually be something interesting.

It was odd to see the Hotel Staff continue to say things to me like “Good evening, Mr. Manka” and “How are you tonight, sir?” – while being led to some secret location by Sergey Brin and Larry Page in chain mail. I believe they were supposed to put a hood on my head because once we got outside they stopped and argued a bit and then put a hood on my head. I could hear a few kids jumping into the nearby pool and having a good time.

As I walked toward something in complete darkness, the drum beat got louder and more intense and I could feel the heat of fire. My hood was suddenly pulled from my head and I had to laugh at what I saw–

–Barry Diller – in tight, small burlap sack shorts, a pair of metallic wings on his bare arms that were on fire at the tips and nothing else – standing in front of me in all his glory. I believe he had taken advantage of the free spray tan offered by the hotel.

Behind him, on the ground doing Chinese splits in front of a large Burning Figure was Jon Miller. He was staring right at me as though he was about to kick my ass.

Barry was having some trouble holding up the metal wings, so Haim Saban and Les Moonves each held up a wing.

Barry Diller spoke to me in that slow, effeminate but oh-so-frightening voice: “Khan Manka, are you new media or old media?”

I told him I didn’t believe in the concept of old and new media. It’s just media to me.

Barry Diller: Wrong answer!

What followed (and I can’t keep writing because there are more pointless presentations and panels to go to today) was an insane night of dancing around fires; simulating the drinking of blood (which were actually Cape Cods with red food dye squeezed out of bota bags); rubbing canola oil and dirt onto each others bodies; something called the “golden shower test”; and, lastly, Barry demanded a human sacrifice which we all quickly decided should be Marc Andreesson. I’ll never get his screams out of my head.

It was just the worst freakin’ night of my life.

Afterwards, the lights came up and we were all given a goody bag by Herb Allen of various new handheld devices including the iPhone 4, the Droid and the latest iPad.

This morning, 5:00 a.m. came really early. The last thing I wanted to hear was the “Dawn of the Mogul”.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company