Unbe-fucking-lievable! If I didn’t know better, I would think that my employees only live to embarrass me. I was just informed that the Manka Bros. Triathlon Team (led by the freakishly pathetic Jay McBee – nice swim trunks, Jay) finished last at this year’s Nautica…
Good morning. The brain trust of The Hollywood Reporter has come out with what they say will be the World’s Largest Media Companies after the Comcast NBC Universal deal goes through. BULLSHIT, I SAY! THR has had it in for me ever since I threatened…
Due to the shitty year Manka Bros. has had at the box office, the crappy television shows that were produced for our horrible television networks, declining music sales and the frightening losses in our Publishing Group, I have decided to cancel the 2010 Manka Bros….
Good morning. In response to my friend Eric Schmidt’s announcement that every employee of Google will receive a $1,000 bonus and a 10% raise, I am announcing a $1,001 bonus and 10.1% raise to the Senior Management team at Manka Bros. Unfortunately, because of the…
Good morning. Because of the recent news that mail bombs were sent from Yemen in an attempt to blow up two Chicago-area synagogues, several people have inquired about Manka Bros.’ plans to build a billion dollar Manka Fun Park in Yemen. After much thought and…
Good morning. As this challenging year comes to a close, I just wanted to say to the employees that are left at Manka Bros., have a great holiday and I’ll see you at some point next year. Because my bitch of an ex-wife took my…
Good morning. I just want to say to all the thousands of Manka Bros. employees who think they’ve got a shitty job… you have no idea how lucky you are. You could work at Comcast. My old friend Brian Roberts called me in a panic…
Good morning. I just received word from our media research department that, based on size, Manka Bros. Studios remains the World’s Largest Media Company for the 23rd straight year even after last quarter’s very disappointing earnings report (and party) in which our Theatrical Group didn’t…
Good afternoon. Someone immediately get me an advance copy of “The Curse Of The Mogul: What’s Wrong With The World’s Leading Media Companies” by Jonathan A. Knee, Bruce C. Greenwald and Ava Seave. I want to see what those assholes esteemed writers have to say…