As Tiger Woods slowly reemerges from hiding and Team-Tiger Damage Control goes full throttle, there is an interesting parallel to be made between the Tiger/Elin Woods drama and the NBC/Conan O’Brien drama (which cost all of us a few months out of our lives).
Imagine Conan and Elin on one side and Tiger, Jay Leno, Jeff Zucker and NBC and on the other.
The parallel begins with a couple of a wide-eyed youths – dreaming of the big time.
- Conan: Becomes a comedy writer for such shows as “The Simpsons” and “Saturday Night Live”, works his way up to get his own late night talk show on NBC but deep-down only imagines himself the host of one show… the crown jewel of the late night talk shows… “The Tonight Show”.
- Elin: Is a nanny for a Swedish golf pro and hangs around a lot of single golfers on tour but really only imagines herself with one man… the crown jewel of golfers… Tiger Woods.
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- Conan: Finally gets “The Tonight Show” in 2009 after slumming it for 16 years at 12:35am.
- Elin: Finally gets a marriage proposal in 2004 from Tiger Woods after slumming it as a nanny for Jesper Parnevik’s kids.
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- Conan: Jay Leno retires from “The Tonight Show” and prepares to launch an ill-conceived prime time talk show – “The Jay Leno Show”. Conan, believing NBC’s promise, happily takes over the reigns of “The Tonight Show” and looks forward to a long and prosperous run as host.
- Elin: Tiger Woods retires from his crazy single days and prepares for an ill-conceived life of domestic bliss. Elin, believing Tiger, happily sets up a life of wealth and prosperity (and has two children to complete the ideal picture).
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- Conan: Jay Leno’s ratings crash after one week on the air. Jeff Zucker at NBC begins to question the decision to move Jay to prime time especially considering Conan O’Brien’s horrible ratings.
- Elin: Tiger Woods crashes a Cadillac Escalade into a tree after Elin Woods decides to move a few of his teeth from the front to the back of his mouth with a 7 iron.
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- Conan: Begins to feel humiliated by rumors of Jay Leno returning to late night.
- Elin: Begins to feel humiliated by rumors of Tiger Woods having 11 mistresses (6 of them ‘serious’).
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- Conan: Rather than take the suck ass deal offered, Conan decides to leave NBC with $45 million.
- Elin: Rather than take the suck ass deal offered, Elin decides to hold out for $800 million! Take that suckers.
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As for the future? Here’s my guess:
- Conan: Having finalized the divorce from NBC, agrees to a deal with TBS.
- Elin: After finalizing the divorce from Tiger, agrees to go on a disastrous first date with Rory Sabbatini (or some other less successful golfer that wishes he was Tiger Woods). She breaks her promise not to talk about Tiger’s affairs and loses everything. The book doesn’t sell and she moves in with John Daly.
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Dear Elin:
Conan couldn’t in good conscious stay at NBC (even though his dream life went up in flames) and you can’t stay with Tiger (even though your dream life has gone up in flames). Take the money and run to that house in Sweden. You will have a better future.
Jill Kennedy – OnMedea