Jeff Immelt, Brian Roberts: Jeff Zucker Has Got To Go

ABC, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Beverly Hills Hotel, Brian Roberts, CBS, Comcast, Conan O'Brien, CSI: NY, Dawn Ostroff, Deadline Hollywood, Dick Wolf, Eastwick, ER, GE shareholder, Gossip Girl, Jay Leno, Jay Leno has Failed, Jay Leno ratings, Jeff Gaspin, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jill Kennedy, Jimmy Fallon, John Ferriter, Julianna Margulies, Kate Gosselin, Khan Manka, Law & Order, Manka Bros., Marc Graboff, Nikki Finke, Octomom, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Roth, Producers Caucus Panel, Sharon Waxman, Stop all the clocks..., TCA Winter Press Tour, Terry Semel, The CW, thewrap.com, W.H. Auden, Warner Bros., William Morris Endeavor
ABC, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Beverly Hills Hotel, Brian Roberts, CBS, Comcast, Conan O'Brien, CSI: NY, Dawn Ostroff, Deadline Hollywood, Dick Wolf, Eastwick, ER, GE shareholder, Gossip Girl, Jay Leno, Jay Leno has Failed, Jay Leno ratings, Jeff Gaspin, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jill Kennedy, Jimmy Fallon, John Ferriter, Julianna Margulies, Kate Gosselin, Khan Manka, Law & Order, Manka Bros., Marc Graboff, Nikki Finke, Octomom, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Roth, Producers Caucus Panel, Sharon Waxman, Stop all the clocks..., TCA Winter Press Tour, Terry Semel, The CW, thewrap.com, W.H. Auden, Warner Bros., William Morris EndeavorSo… the top brass at NBC Universal just waited and waited just to see how things would play out – and now the shareholders of GE and Comcast (of which I am one) have a major Zucker problem on their hands.  There is really only one solution at this point:  Zucker must be fired.

How did this man become a top executive in one of the largest media companies in the world without having a clue as to what is going on around him?

About a week ago, I said very specifically what Jeff Zucker needed to do to fix The Jay Leno Show debacle.  I even wrote out his opening remarks to the press.

ABC, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Beverly Hills Hotel, Brian Roberts, CBS, Comcast, Conan O'Brien, CSI: NY, Dawn Ostroff, Deadline Hollywood, Dick Wolf, Eastwick, ER, GE shareholder, Gossip Girl, Jay Leno, Jay Leno has Failed, Jay Leno ratings, Jeff Gaspin, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jill Kennedy, Jimmy Fallon, John Ferriter, Julianna Margulies, Kate Gosselin, Khan Manka, Law & Order, Manka Bros., Marc Graboff, Nikki Finke, Octomom, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Roth, Producers Caucus Panel, Sharon Waxman, Stop all the clocks..., TCA Winter Press Tour, Terry Semel, The CW, thewrap.com, W.H. Auden, Warner Bros., William Morris EndeavorBut this was ignored (granted, he may not even know OnMedea exists) and now it has become a PR disaster.  Does he not see the total public support for Conan now that he is “the victim”?  Not that Zucker gives a shit about public opinion – if he did, maybe NBC wouldn’t consistently be the #4 network.

Conan didn’t have to be “the victim”.  He could have been portrayed as a “Wall Street bank” like Goldman Sachs or JPMorgan – who just got a $65 million payout bonus for doing no work.

Here’s a statement that should have been read two weeks ago:  “We are canceling ‘The Jay Leno Show‘ and moving Jay back to ‘The Tonight Show‘ where he belongs – and where he was #1 for many years.  Conan O’Brien has been a valuable member of the NBC family, but the ratings at 11:30 were not what we had hoped.  However, we have made things right with Conan and paid out his contract – $65 million – and wish him luck wherever he may go next.”

Done.

ABC, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Beverly Hills Hotel, Brian Roberts, CBS, Comcast, Conan O'Brien, CSI: NY, Dawn Ostroff, Deadline Hollywood, Dick Wolf, Eastwick, ER, GE shareholder, Gossip Girl, Jay Leno, Jay Leno has Failed, Jay Leno ratings, Jeff Gaspin, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jill Kennedy, Jimmy Fallon, John Ferriter, Julianna Margulies, Kate Gosselin, Khan Manka, Law & Order, Manka Bros., Marc Graboff, Nikki Finke, Octomom, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Roth, Producers Caucus Panel, Sharon Waxman, Stop all the clocks..., TCA Winter Press Tour, Terry Semel, The CW, thewrap.com, W.H. Auden, Warner Bros., William Morris EndeavorBut no, team Zucker (which includes the newly-installed Jeff Gaspinthat press conference on Sunday was a textbook on how not to handle something) decided to insult Conan by giving the failed Jay Leno the coveted 11:35pm time slot (a decision I agree with from a ratings / business standpoint) and asking Conan to move back to 12:05amConan should have been let go (the ratings WERE bad) and he should have been given HIS FULL PAYOUT.  Simple.  No PR disaster.

Now that little Zucker has insulted Conan AGAIN by saying he will keep him off the air for 3 1/2 years because “he failed to live up to his promise to me.”  Are you fucking kidding me?   Basta!

So… Jeff Immelt and Brian Roberts – as a GE and Comcast shareholder – I would ask that you please end this ridiculous, horribly managed crisis by firing Jeff Zucker – not when the Comcast acquisition goes through – now.

Accel Partners, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Chris Hughes, David Kirkpatrick, Dustin Moskovitz, Eduardo Saverin, Gerald Levin, Greylock Partners, HBO, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Joanna Shields, Jon Miller, Khan Manka, Li Ka-shing, Manka Bros., Mark Cuban, Mark Zuckerberg, Matt Cohler, MySpace, Nicolas Carlson, OnMedea, Owen Van Natta, Paul Buchheit, Peter Thiel, Rupert Murdoch, Sheryl Sandberg, Sumner Redstone, Toy Story 3Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

Anderson Cooper In Haiti

AC360, Anderson Cooper, Andrew Heller, Ari Emanuel, Ben Silverman, Bill O'Reilly, CNN, David Levy, Greg D'Alba, Haiti Earthquake, Haitian earthquake, Jack Wakshlag, Jay Leno, Jeff Gaspin, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Jim McCaffrey, Jim Walton, John Kampfe, Kelly Regal, Khan Manka, Larry King, Louise Sams, Manka Bros., OnMedea, Pat Robertson, Phil Kent, Roger Ailes, Rupert Murdoch, Scott Teissler, Sean Hannity, Steve Koonin, Stuart Snyder, Wolf BlitzerThere’s a certain comfort I get whenever I see Anderson Cooper parachute or helicopter into a disaster zone. You just get the feeling that he’ll be the first in and last out on the story.

He’ll report the news 24 hours a day in a tight black t-shirt and not hesitate to dive into a search and rescue operation.

This is an cataclysmic, absolutely horrific tragedy on par with the Asian tsunami in 2004. Jay Leno / Jeff Gaspin / Jeff Zucker / Ben Silverman news seems completely ridiculous and unimportant at this time (though I’m sure it will return soon enough).

I’ll be curious to see how much time Fox News devotes to this story. Hopefully their only source won’t be Pat Robertson. You can just tell they are itching to dump this “earthquake story” and get back to bashing President Obama’s health care plan.

Accel Partners, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Chris Hughes, David Kirkpatrick, Dustin Moskovitz, Eduardo Saverin, Gerald Levin, Greylock Partners, HBO, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Joanna Shields, Jon Miller, Khan Manka, Li Ka-shing, Manka Bros., Mark Cuban, Mark Zuckerberg, Matt Cohler, MySpace, Nicolas Carlson, OnMedea, Owen Van Natta, Paul Buchheit, Peter Thiel, Rupert Murdoch, Sheryl Sandberg, Sumner Redstone, Toy Story 3Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

Peter Sarsgaard – Green Lantern Villain – Who Cares!?

Andrew Haas, Ari Emanuel, Ben Silverman, Blake Lively, Carol Ferris, DC Comics, Donald De Line, Donald Deline, Green Lantern, Greg Berlanti, Greg Silverman, Hal Jordan, Hector Hammond, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Khan Manka, Manka Bros., Marc Guggenheim, Martin Campbell, Michael Green, OnMedea, Peter Sarsgaard, Ryan Reynolds, Terry Semel, World's largest Media CompanyOK geeks.  Time to go outside for a little air.

I just noticed that the current most popular item on Digg is a story about Peter Sarsgaard possibly being cast as the villain in next year’s Green Lantern movie.

WHO GIVES A FUCK?!
Jesus Christ, seriously, with the unimaginably horrific tragedy unfolding in Haiti, who cares about who will play the villain in The Green Lantern?!

Sure, he’s a fine actor.  I’m sure he’ll be good in the part.  BUT WHO CARES?! Please don’t spend the valuable time you have remaining in your lives “DIGGING” stories like this.

Here’s how this story should be discussed:

TWEET:  Peter Sarsgaard may play the villain in “The Green Lantern” movie?
RESPONSE:  Cool.

End of story.

Accel Partners, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Chris Hughes, David Kirkpatrick, Dustin Moskovitz, Eduardo Saverin, Gerald Levin, Greylock Partners, HBO, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Joanna Shields, Jon Miller, Khan Manka, Li Ka-shing, Manka Bros., Mark Cuban, Mark Zuckerberg, Matt Cohler, MySpace, Nicolas Carlson, OnMedea, Owen Van Natta, Paul Buchheit, Peter Thiel, Rupert Murdoch, Sheryl Sandberg, Sumner Redstone, Toy Story 3Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

Jeff Gaspin – What The Hell Was That?

ABC, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Beverly Hills Hotel, CBS, CSI: NY, Dawn Ostroff, Deadline Hollywood, Dick Wolf, Eastwick, ER, Gossip Girl, Jay Leno, Jay Leno has Failed, Jay Leno ratings, Jeff Gaspin, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jill Kennedy, John Ferriter, Julianna Margulies, Kate Gosselin, Khan Manka, Law & Order, Manka Bros., Marc Graboff, Nikki Finke, Octomom, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Roth, Producers Caucus Panel, Sharon Waxman, Stop all the clocks..., TCA Winter Press Tour, Terry Semel, The CW, thewrap.com, W.H. Auden, Warner Bros., William Morris EndeavorThe Jay Leno Show cancellation announcement by Jeff GaspinChairman NBC Entertainment – was handled in just about the worst way possible. It should have so simple: Announce the news; admit it was mistake and talk about the exciting changes to come. That’s it.

Instead, Jeff Gaspin’s announcement at the TCA Winter Press Tour was a stunning display on how not to do something. He was defensive (even blaming other parts of the company) and basically said he didn’t really know what they were going to do next.

Let’s break down the key quotes:

Gaspin: “I would have liked nothing more than to give this (The Jay Leno Show) a 52-week try.” (You’re the freakin’ Chairman of NBC Entertainment – don’t you have the power to give it a try for as long you’d like no matter who is against it? Especially if you would have ‘liked nothing more’?

Gaspin: “This was not an issue for the network…” (No, of course not, NBC kicks ass! Fourth place ass. But it still kicks ass!)

Gaspin: “… it was an issue for our affiliates.” (That’s it, blame another part of your company. One great leadership trait is knowing whom should be blamed in a time of crisis.)

Gaspin: “We were making money at 10 p.m. I think, over time, (‘Leno’s’ ratings) might have started to grow. For the network, it was not yet a wrong decision.” (You really went out on a limb on that one. ‘It was not yet a wrong decision?’ What the fuck is that? Come on, Jeff, just say ‘Yes, it was the wrong decision. We failed but we’re going to fix it.’ The culture at NBC has got to change. When the Chairman of the company is afraid of accountability, what hope is there for the rest of the executive team?)

ABC, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Beverly Hills Hotel, Brian Roberts, CBS, Comcast, Conan O'Brien, CSI: NY, Dawn Ostroff, Deadline Hollywood, Dick Wolf, Eastwick, ER, GE shareholder, Gossip Girl, Jay Leno, Jay Leno has Failed, Jay Leno ratings, Jeff Gaspin, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jill Kennedy, Jimmy Fallon, John Ferriter, Julianna Margulies, Kate Gosselin, Khan Manka, Law & Order, Manka Bros., Marc Graboff, Nikki Finke, Octomom, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Roth, Producers Caucus Panel, Sharon Waxman, Stop all the clocks..., TCA Winter Press Tour, Terry Semel, The CW, thewrap.com, W.H. Auden, Warner Bros., William Morris EndeavorSo, Jeff, was “Leno” a mistake?

Gaspin: “I don’t think it’s wrong to take chances. We might have been too early on this one.” (Ah, I see… you’re just ahead of your time. The world is not ready for the bold programming choices coming from NBC. The world is not ready for a powder puff monologue followed by lame celebrity interviews at 10pm. Fight on, lone ranger, one day the world will catch up to your vision.)

You want to know how to avoid a “PR Issue”, Jeff – nut-up and take the blame for a mistake. Obviously, your boss Jeff Zucker is too much of a wimp to acknowledge failure. As I said in October, it’s a stupid TV show that didn’t work – it’s not that big of a deal. It was a programming choice that didn’t work. Simple as that.

Now, get out there and make the best “Law & Order” spin-off that you can.

Godspeed, Jeff Gaspin.

Accel Partners, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Chris Hughes, David Kirkpatrick, Dustin Moskovitz, Eduardo Saverin, Gerald Levin, Greylock Partners, HBO, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Joanna Shields, Jon Miller, Khan Manka, Li Ka-shing, Manka Bros., Mark Cuban, Mark Zuckerberg, Matt Cohler, MySpace, Nicolas Carlson, OnMedea, Owen Van Natta, Paul Buchheit, Peter Thiel, Rupert Murdoch, Sheryl Sandberg, Sumner Redstone, Toy Story 3Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

American Idol – R.I.P.

American Idol, Ari Emanuel, Ben Silverman, Bruce Gowers, Cecile Frot-Coutaz, Freemantle Enterprises, Gaude Lydia Paez, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, John Pritchett, Kara DioGuardi, Ken Warwick, Kevin Reilly, Khan Manka, Manka Bros., Nigel Lythgoe, Nikki Finke, Paula Abdul, Peter Rice, Randy Jackson, Rupert Murdoch, Ryan Seacrest, Scott Grogin, Sharon Waxman, Simon Cowell leaving American Idol, Simon Fuller, Terry SemelAnother iconic American television show is dead.

Simon Cowell (with impeccable timing as always) announced today at the Television Critics Association winter press tour he has decided to leave American Idol to become creator/producer/judge of the American version of his hit UK talent show The X Factor.  That show will launch in 2011 on Fox.

Simon has realized (along with the rest of the country) that American Idol has become irrelevant and knew it was time to move on.

A word of advice to Simon Fuller and the producers of American Idol… make this season your last.  Don’t attempt some lame version of A.I. without Simon Cowell.  It won’t work and people won’t watch.

Accel Partners, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Chris Hughes, David Kirkpatrick, Dustin Moskovitz, Eduardo Saverin, Gerald Levin, Greylock Partners, HBO, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Joanna Shields, Jon Miller, Khan Manka, Li Ka-shing, Manka Bros., Mark Cuban, Mark Zuckerberg, Matt Cohler, MySpace, Nicolas Carlson, OnMedea, Owen Van Natta, Paul Buchheit, Peter Thiel, Rupert Murdoch, Sheryl Sandberg, Sumner Redstone, Toy Story 3Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

Ben Silverman’s DumbDumb Deal

$100 million start up fund, Adam Fogelson, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Chase the Money, Chopped, City Lights TV, CollegeHumor, Dance, Dave Noll, Don't Sweat It, Donna Langley, Doritos, DumbDumb, Electus, Fortune's 40 under 40, Funny or Die, IAC, Jason Bateman, Jay Leno, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jill Kennedy, John Ferriter, Khan Manka, Love Taxi, Manka Bros., media analyst, NBC Universal, Nikki Finke, Notional, On Medea, OnMedea, OnMedea's Top 40 Failures Under 40, Paul Telegdy, Ready, Rick Finkelstein, Ricky Van Veen, Ryan Seacrest, Set, Sharon Waxman, Tara Swisher, Terry Semel, The Biggest Loser, the Jay Leno Show, The Restaurant, The Tonight Show, thewrap.com, twitter, Will Arnett, Will Ferrell, William Faulkner, You vs. America

$100 million start up fund, Adam Fogelson, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Chase the Money, Chopped, City Lights TV, CollegeHumor, Dance, Dave Noll, Don't Sweat It, Donna Langley, Doritos, DumbDumb, Electus, Fortune's 40 under 40, Funny or Die, IAC, Jason Bateman, Jay Leno, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jill Kennedy, John Ferriter, Khan Manka, Love Taxi, Manka Bros., media analyst, NBC Universal, Nikki Finke, Notional, On Medea, OnMedea, OnMedea's Top 40 Failures Under 40, Paul Telegdy, Ready, Rick Finkelstein, Ricky Van Veen, Ryan Seacrest, Set, Sharon Waxman, Tara Swisher, Terry Semel, The Biggest Loser, the Jay Leno Show, The Restaurant, The Tonight Show, thewrap.com, twitter, Will Arnett, Will Ferrell, William Faulkner, You vs. AmericaYes, this deal is as DumbDumb as you can get.

How to build a successful startup:  Step #1 – Use Barry Diller’s money to fund a vanity production label with a friend from high school.

Yes, Jason Bateman and Will Arnett (in particular) are talented guys but anyone who thinks they will spend any real time on this venture is out of their minds.

Sure, we’ll get the standard Will Ferrell-type Funny of Die videos of Bateman and Arnett walking around with a steady-cam eating Doritos and improvising about how easy this internet stuff is – but will anything of value come out of DumbDumb?

Ben Silverman knows the answer to this and laughs at how DumbDumb some people must be.

$100 million start up fund, Adam Fogelson, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Chase the Money, Chopped, City Lights TV, CollegeHumor, Dance, Dave Noll, Don't Sweat It, Donna Langley, Doritos, DumbDumb, Electus, Fortune's 40 under 40, Funny or Die, IAC, Jason Bateman, Jay Leno, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jill Kennedy, John Ferriter, Khan Manka, Love Taxi, Manka Bros., media analyst, NBC Universal, Nikki Finke, Notional, On Medea, OnMedea, OnMedea's Top 40 Failures Under 40, Paul Telegdy, Ready, Rick Finkelstein, Ricky Van Veen, Ryan Seacrest, Set, Sharon Waxman, Tara Swisher, Terry Semel, The Biggest Loser, the Jay Leno Show, The Restaurant, The Tonight Show, thewrap.com, twitter, Will Arnett, Will Ferrell, William Faulkner, You vs. AmericaI would imagine Barry Diller also knows the answer.  Unfortunately, he’s the ultimate DumbDumb in this equation for funding Electus in the first place.

But for now… it’s all just so exciting.  I know I’m just a cockeyed optimist, but I just can’t wait for Ben to change the world again.  And I’m super glad that they took the time out of the arduous process of building the successful DumbDumb business model to appear in Las Vegas for the announcement (along with the awesomely hilarious Notional CEO Lord Ricky Van Veen).

I just hope it’s not the same business model that Ben Silverman developed for ElectusSpend $100 million on the development (but not the execution) of digital content and when that money is gone – launch another start-up with another sugar daddy.

Accel Partners, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Chris Hughes, David Kirkpatrick, Dustin Moskovitz, Eduardo Saverin, Gerald Levin, Greylock Partners, HBO, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Joanna Shields, Jon Miller, Khan Manka, Li Ka-shing, Manka Bros., Mark Cuban, Mark Zuckerberg, Matt Cohler, MySpace, Nicolas Carlson, OnMedea, Owen Van Natta, Paul Buchheit, Peter Thiel, Rupert Murdoch, Sheryl Sandberg, Sumner Redstone, Toy Story 3Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

Jeff Zucker – It’s Time To Suck It Up

ABC, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Beverly Hills Hotel, CBS, CSI: NY, Dawn Ostroff, Deadline Hollywood, Dick Wolf, Eastwick, ER, Gossip Girl, Jay Leno, Jay Leno has Failed, Jay Leno ratings, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jill Kennedy, John Ferriter, Julianna Margulies, Kate Gosselin, Khan Manka, Law & Order, Manka Bros., Nikki Finke, Octomom, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Roth, Producers Caucus Panel, Sharon Waxman, Stop all the clocks..., Terry Semel, The CW, thewrap.com, W.H. Auden, Warner Bros., William Morris EndeavorOK, Jeff, it’s time for you to man-up, nut-up, suck-it-up, eat-it (all those things) and fix this late night issue before it becomes even more of a train wreck.

It’s very simple:

  • Fire Conan O’Brien and give him all the compensation he is owed as part of a separation deal.  (Don’t be a pussy, Jeff, let Conan go to Fox or ABC (or wherever) and pull in an average 2.3/5 share.  Who cares?);
  • Re-install Jay at 11:35 on The Tonight Show and be done with it.  (Jay will quickly become the late night King again because my grandmother “really likes those headlines”);
  • Find some old Law & Order’s laying around that you can air until you develop a couple of decent shows.

Yes, you may have to deal with a couple of months of bad press (“NBC Screwed Conan”… “Jay Not The Right Man”… “Jeff Zucker Sucks At His Job”… etc.) but it will pass and things will be back to where they were last May (with NBC in fourth place – but not late night).  It will all be like a horrible dream and we’ll all wake up with Bobby Ewing in the shower.

But these steps need to be taken immediately. In order to save you some time, I’ve drafted your opening comments at the press conference that you should have this afternoon:

“Good afternoon.  Thank you for coming.  [Insert Nikki Finke joke here – something about her always being prompt and in the front row.] I’d like to take a few moments to discuss our line-up of new dramas at 10pm which will premiere after The Vancouver Olympics.  Just kidding – we don’t even have a fucking pilot!

No, I’m here to discuss The Jay Leno Show situation.

[cameras clicking – reporters jostling for position]

Last year, I made a horrible mistake.  Ben Silverman actually made the mistake… but I digress.

For some asinine reason, we thought we could put Jay Leno on at 10pm and people would actually watch it.  I thought our affiliates would be so happy to have a topical program hosted by one of America’s most beloved comedians as a lead in to their local news.

I was way fucking wrong on that assumption.

It could have been worse.  I could have announced that we were merging with AOL or that I had re-hired Ben Silverman to run the network.

So… in order to make things right.  I am officially reinstating Jay Leno to The Tonight Show and have paid off the remainder of Conan O’Brien’s contract so that he may pursue other opportunities at other networks.  Conan was a great asset to NBC and a huge talent and we wish him nothing but the best – but we’ve decided to go back to Jay at 11:35.

Anyone who has an drama series ideas or any pilots in the can, please have them delivered to Angela Bromstad’s house immediately.

I will now take your questions.”

Do it, Jeff.  It’s not too late to fix things.

Accel Partners, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Chris Hughes, David Kirkpatrick, Dustin Moskovitz, Eduardo Saverin, Gerald Levin, Greylock Partners, HBO, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Joanna Shields, Jon Miller, Khan Manka, Li Ka-shing, Manka Bros., Mark Cuban, Mark Zuckerberg, Matt Cohler, MySpace, Nicolas Carlson, OnMedea, Owen Van Natta, Paul Buchheit, Peter Thiel, Rupert Murdoch, Sheryl Sandberg, Sumner Redstone, Toy Story 3Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

The Jay Leno Show – R.I.P.

ABC, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Beverly Hills Hotel, CBS, CSI: NY, Dawn Ostroff, Deadline Hollywood, Dick Wolf, Eastwick, ER, Gossip Girl, Jay Leno, Jay Leno has Failed, Jay Leno ratings, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jill Kennedy, John Ferriter, Julianna Margulies, Kate Gosselin, Khan Manka, Law & Order, Manka Bros., Nikki Finke, Octomom, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Roth, Producers Caucus Panel, Sharon Waxman, Stop all the clocks..., Terry Semel, The CW, thewrap.com, W.H. Auden, Warner Bros., William Morris Endeavor

ABC, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Beverly Hills Hotel, CBS, CSI: NY, Dawn Ostroff, Deadline Hollywood, Dick Wolf, Eastwick, ER, Gossip Girl, Jay Leno, Jay Leno has Failed, Jay Leno ratings, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jill Kennedy, John Ferriter, Julianna Margulies, Kate Gosselin, Khan Manka, Law & Order, Manka Bros., Nikki Finke, Octomom, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Roth, Producers Caucus Panel, Sharon Waxman, Stop all the clocks..., Terry Semel, The CW, thewrap.com, W.H. Auden, Warner Bros., William Morris EndeavorStop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message The Jay Leno Show is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

Jay at 10pm was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that show would last forever:  I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now:  put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

W.H. Auden

——————————————————————–
Yes, Ben Silverman and Jeff Zucker really changed the future of television.  Actually, no… they didn’t.  They didn’t at all.

After all the bravado and presentations.. all the parties and press conferences with claims of blowing up business models and television never being the same… what do we have left?  Jay Leno on The Tonight Show at 11:30 and scripted dramas at 10pm.

It’s now up to Ben Silverman’s Electus to change the world.  Come on, Ben, you can do it – put down the blonde and get to work.

Accel Partners, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Chris Hughes, David Kirkpatrick, Dustin Moskovitz, Eduardo Saverin, Gerald Levin, Greylock Partners, HBO, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Joanna Shields, Jon Miller, Khan Manka, Li Ka-shing, Manka Bros., Mark Cuban, Mark Zuckerberg, Matt Cohler, MySpace, Nicolas Carlson, OnMedea, Owen Van Natta, Paul Buchheit, Peter Thiel, Rupert Murdoch, Sheryl Sandberg, Sumner Redstone, Toy Story 3Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

Xfinity – R.I.P.

Alix Cottrell, Amy Banse, Andy Forssell, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Arthur Block, Ben Silverman, Brian Roberts, Chadwick Ho, Comcast, David Cohen, Dr. Judith Rodin, Edward Breen, Eric Feng, Fancast, fancastXfinity, Gerald Hassell, Hulu, J. Michael Cook, Jason Kilar, Jean-Paul Colaco, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Honickman, Jill Kennedy, Joe Collins, Johannes Larcher, Julian Brodsky, Karin Gilford, Kenneth Bacon, Khan Manka, Lawrence Salva, Manka Bros., Michael Angelakis, Michael Sovern, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Ralph Roberts, S. Decker Anstrom, Samuel Schwartz, Sheldon M. Bonovitz, Stephen Burke, Terry Semel, Tom Fuelling, Xfinity, Xfinity TVYesterday, I told Comcast to dump Fancast and embrace Hulu.

Today, we learn that Comcast has decided to change the name of Fancast to FancastXfinity or just Xfinity.

Horrible – horrible name.

No one will use it.

Xfinity is dead.

As I said yesterday to Comcast (and say again today), dump Fancast (Xfinity) and embrace Hulu.  You might as well get some benefit from this disastrous acquisition of NBC Universal.

All other confusing video watching sites owned by Comcast (currently running or in development) must be destroyed.

While on the subject of Comcast NBC Universal, my boss, Khan Manka, Jr., had a truly bizarre conversation with Comcast CEO Brian Roberts last night.  I’m still trying to make sense of it.  Check it out here.

Accel Partners, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Chris Hughes, David Kirkpatrick, Dustin Moskovitz, Eduardo Saverin, Gerald Levin, Greylock Partners, HBO, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Joanna Shields, Jon Miller, Khan Manka, Li Ka-shing, Manka Bros., Mark Cuban, Mark Zuckerberg, Matt Cohler, MySpace, Nicolas Carlson, OnMedea, Owen Van Natta, Paul Buchheit, Peter Thiel, Rupert Murdoch, Sheryl Sandberg, Sumner Redstone, Toy Story 3Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

Comcast Should Dump Fancast, Embrace Hulu

Andy Forssell, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Arthur Block, Ben Silverman, Brian Roberts, Chadwick Ho, Comcast, David Cohen, Dr. Judith Rodin, Edward Breen, Eric Feng, Fancast, Gerald Hassell, Hulu, J. Michael Cook, Jason Kilar, Jean-Paul Colaco, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Honickman, Jill Kennedy, Joe Collins, Johannes Larcher, Julian Brodsky, Kenneth Bacon, Khan Manka, Lawrence Salva, Manka Bros., Michael Angelakis, Michael Sovern, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Ralph Roberts, S. Decker Anstrom, Sheldon M. Bonovitz, Stephen Burke, Terry Semel, Tom Fuelling

Here’s why:

Andy Forssell, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Arthur Block, Ben Silverman, Brian Roberts, Chadwick Ho, Comcast, David Cohen, Dr. Judith Rodin, Edward Breen, Eric Feng, Fancast, Gerald Hassell, Hulu, J. Michael Cook, Jason Kilar, Jean-Paul Colaco, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Honickman, Jill Kennedy, Joe Collins, Johannes Larcher, Julian Brodsky, Kenneth Bacon, Khan Manka, Lawrence Salva, Manka Bros., Michael Angelakis, Michael Sovern, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Ralph Roberts, S. Decker Anstrom, Sheldon M. Bonovitz, Stephen Burke, Terry Semel, Tom Fuelling“OPTION 1:  SWITCH TO ANOTHER BROWSER?”

What is my five-year-old daughter and my 90-year-old grandmother supposed to do with that?!

When I go to Hulu, I get no prompt that says (in so many words) “MY MACHINE IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO FOR THIS WEBSITE!” – it just plays the videos I want to watch.  That’s it.  No downloads.  No waiting.  No rebooting.

Andy Forssell, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Arthur Block, Ben Silverman, Brian Roberts, Chadwick Ho, Comcast, David Cohen, Dr. Judith Rodin, Edward Breen, Eric Feng, Fancast, Gerald Hassell, Hulu, J. Michael Cook, Jason Kilar, Jean-Paul Colaco, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Honickman, Jill Kennedy, Joe Collins, Johannes Larcher, Julian Brodsky, Kenneth Bacon, Khan Manka, Lawrence Salva, Manka Bros., Michael Angelakis, Michael Sovern, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Ralph Roberts, S. Decker Anstrom, Sheldon M. Bonovitz, Stephen Burke, Terry Semel, Tom FuellingI’m sure Fancast has a lot of good stuff on it, but enough with the “download this player” and “update your browser” and all that crap we have had to endure for the past 10 years.  You’ve made me feel outdated and behind-the-times for too long.  Now I realize it was all bullshit.

Now that Comcast owns Fancast AND Hulu (1/3 of it), it’s time to dump the one that sucks.

Sorry Fancast.

Accel Partners, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Chris Hughes, David Kirkpatrick, Dustin Moskovitz, Eduardo Saverin, Gerald Levin, Greylock Partners, HBO, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Joanna Shields, Jon Miller, Khan Manka, Li Ka-shing, Manka Bros., Mark Cuban, Mark Zuckerberg, Matt Cohler, MySpace, Nicolas Carlson, OnMedea, Owen Van Natta, Paul Buchheit, Peter Thiel, Rupert Murdoch, Sheryl Sandberg, Sumner Redstone, Toy Story 3Jill Kennedy – OnMedea