February 2008 Archives

Please do not allow this woman onto the studio lot.  I am ordering an immediate stop to any projects that are being developed for Ms. De Mornay.  Somebody go over to her house and pick up the stuff I sent her.  I will never discuss this woman again.

I still want the extra Oscar ticket as I am waiting to hear from Ashley Judd on whether she would like to drive together to the Academy Awards.

Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios

Someone had better get these tickets for me immediate!  I need an extra ticket in case Rebecca De Mornay decides to go with me.  Also, I'm going to need to know who I'm wearing so when paparazzos ask I'll be able to tell them. 

The Night Before Oscar Party at my estate has been cancelled because Bob Delavian forgot to mail out the invitations.  We all know he's been fired as Head of Publicity and then rehired as the Manka Bros. shoeshine boy - but we really need to think of something else terrible that we can do to him.  No one deserves it more.

Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios

... that Rupert Murdoch wants to merge his internet properties with Yahoo!  As you can imagine, this sickens me.  Sickens me more than anything Bob Delavian ever did.  Remember a few months ago when I wanted Manka Bros. Studios to buy Yahoo! and no one really got back to me with a plan to do it?  You all know my history and friendship with ex-Chairman & CEO Terry Semel.  I went to his house for the Super Bowl for Christ's sake!  In 1989, when he was at Warner Bros. and was getting read to open his summer Batman movie I was kind enough to move You Reeka (starring Yahoo Serious) to a different weekend - even though I knew our movie would be a bigger hit.  My move helped his film perform much better than it would have.  HE OWES ME!

I recently ran into dreamy Silicon Valley stud and senior Yahoo! executive Jeff Weiner (who was very close to coming to Manka Bros. Studios instead of Yahoo! - but he wanted some of his salary and bonus to be paid in stock options and at the time our stock had no value) and he wondered if we were working on a deal for his company.  I had nothing to say to him because I didn't know.  I DIDN'T KNOW!  He made some snide punk ass remark like "Wow, you've got a great grip on your company there, Khan."  Everyone is to blame for the fact that I didn't even know if we were going to buy Yahoo! or News Corporation (or both).

Well, let me be clear.  Manka Bros. Studios is going to buy News Corporation and Yahoo!  This is be a hostile takeover if necessary.  Get on it, people!  I will not be humilated again in front of someone as great as Jeff Weiner!

Get to work,

Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios

Hello Manka Bros. Employees:

My name is Emily Sachs and I am President of the Manka Music Group.  You may have noticed - and Khan Manka Jr. has generously allowed me to address you here - that we didn't win any Grammy Awards last night.  This is an absolute travesty and Mr. Manka is, rightly, completely furious.  I am grateful to still have my job and I promise to work harder than ever to bring the Manka Music Group back to the prominence we once had.

So what happened last night:

The simple reason is - that while we have by far the greatest musical artists in the world - the former Head of Publicity - Bob Delavian - FORGOT to submit our top 2007 artists for consideration.  If you don't submit your artists for consideration... you aren't considered.  As as been chronicled over the past few days, Bob is no longer the Head of Publicity.  Thank God.  He has been replaced by the very able and extremely attractive Kim Felber.  She will make sure that our musical artists are taken care of in the future.  So no worries there, Seamus!

So that's the reason.  I want to personally apologize to all of our great artists (including Mac McCord whose CD "Go In There And Get You Some" would have been a shoe-in for Album of the Year) and to assure you all that it won't happen next year!  That's a Manka Music promise!

Thank you for your understanding.

Emily Sachs, President - Manka Music Group

Good morning, Manka Bros. employees.  Mr. Manka wanted me to type in a few words this morning.  He called and said his car wouldn't start and he might not be back in the office for another week or so. 

I noticed today's "This Day In Manka History" was the day we bought the rights to Cormac McCarthy's "Rampage Of The Stegosaur".  As we all know, the subsequent film released summer 2006 turned out to be a huge disappointment (what was it, a $200 million write off, David?)...

But the day we bought the rights for $25 million (an industry record for a novel) - that was a great day.  We were anticipating an insane bidding war with all the other studios.  When that didn't happen (why, I'll never know), I remember we wanted to retract our initial bid of $20 million to something more reasonable (like $2 or $3 million) but Khan Manka himself stepped into the negotiations and said "No, we have integrity.  We stand by our bid.  In fact, let's raise it to $25 million.  Mr. McCarthy has written an epic story for the ages and he must be paid!"  Even though we had to lay off a few lower level people because of the amount we paid out - I think it was still a courageous decision on Manka Bros. part.  Something we should all be proud of.

And the saga of "Rampage" is not over.  This summer "Rampage of the Stegosaur - The Musical" opens on Broadway; a direct to DVD movie is being produced (one of the most expensive direct to DVD movies from what I hear); as well as a slew of new video games and toys (which just missed being released for the Christmas Holidays - but will be available by President's Day).

So, be proud, Manka Bros. employees - you work for a great company with a great future.  Thanks to our Chairman & CEO Khan Manka for giving me this opportunity to write to you today.

Robin Rafe, President - Manka Bros. Theatrical Group

What the fuck?  Is someone trying to make me look like a clown?! 

Good morning.  It's Super Tuesday.  I hope all the Manka Bros. employees have exercised their right to vote (unless you're an illegal alien working on one of our non-union television shows).  If you haven't voted yet, I'm sorry you missed this opportunity.  We do not allow employees to vote during the work day as it makes for a very unproductive day (we have the same policy for jury duty).  If you have finished your work and think you can possibly get out of the office and to your polling place by 7:00 - by all means, vote.  (If you can get away from the office by 7:00 tonight - then I know why we have failed as a company over the past year.)  You're all a bunch of fucking lazy slobs!

Mike Gravel is our man!  If you're looking for who Manka Bros. is endorsing - MIKE GRAVEL is it.  He WILL be the next President of the United States and I will have a front seat at the inauguration!  Manka Bros. will be the official movie studio of President Mike Gravel!

Enough reading of blogs - back to work.

Khan Manka Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios

What the fuck?  I was at Terry Semel's house and every time there was a commercial break during the game I kept saying "I think our ad for 'Spinners' is coming up."  But then it never came up.  There was a commercial of a guy putting battery chargers to his nipples and another one with dancing lizards - but nothing from MANKA BROS.?!!!  I LOOKED FUCKING RIDICULOUS IN FRONT OF EVERY OTHER MOGUL IN TOWN!

Somebody please get back to me.  I'm trying to remain calm.  It was only the highest rated Super Bowl ever!  An ad buy would have been the biggest bargain in the history of advertising!  If "Spinners" doesn't open number one next month - heads will roll!

Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios