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So, An Insane Thing Happened On My Way To Buying Apple... - Khan Manka, Jr. - The Chairman's Blog

So, An Insane Thing Happened On My Way To Buying Apple...

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khan_manka_broken_ankle.jpgYes, this is an image of a broken ankle.  This is an image of MY broken ankle.  But something as trivial as this will not stop Khan Manka, Jr. from running the world's largest media company - but WE WILL NOT BUY APPLE!  Steve Jobs, his little dog, Sasha, and everyone at Apple can rot in Hell!

Let me explain what happened - the I will tell you where we go from here. 

The Manka Bros. jet (The Joey 1) arrived in Cupertino right on time but the helicopter pilot got a little lost (what can you expect when you're out in the sticks).  I was told by Steve's assistant - Lynn Takahashi - that Steve didn't mind waiting for me and was "very excited" about Manka's inevitable acquisition of his company.

steve_jobs_pink_toy_poodle.jpgAs I walked toward the main entrance, I was greeted by Steve Jobs' little yapping pink poodle dog, Sasha.  This dog was a fucking terror.  Yapping and trying to bite my leg.  When I attempted to shake this horrible creature off my suit pants, I tripped over the dog and fractured my ankle - fractured it in many many pieces.  As I was lying on the ground, writhing in anguish, this wretched pink beast attempt to bite at my face and groin.  No one could hear my cries of pain.  At this point I thought, fuck this.  No one came out for over 20 minutes.  When someone did finally come out, it wasn't Steve Jobs - it was his assistant - Lynn Takahashi.  I quickly told her to find someone to load me back on the helicopter and get me to Cedars Sinai in Beverly Hills.  I wasn't going to have some hick Cupertino doctor sawing off my foot!  I also told her to tell Steve Jobs that our deal was off!  I have never been physically injured so badly by another company.

So, where does that leave Manka Bros.?  Right where we've always been.  At the top.  We don't need to acquire all these companies when our true greatness lies on our own backlot.  And, unlike Universal, our backlot is still in one piece.

There will, however, be some changes to many of your job descriptions.  While I am laid up with my foot elevated above my heart for the next 12 weeks, it was suggested that I hire a nurse to take care of me.  But I've already got enough people on the Manka Bros. payroll to help so why should I incur the extra cost? 

So, for a very select few of my senior executives, here are some new duties (which will require coming up to my house):

Robin Rafe In addition to your role as President of the Theatrical Group, you will be responsible for giving me sponge baths every night, scrubbing and polishing the floors and pool deck every Wednesday and, in general, anything else that I might think of.  If our next movie release opens at #1, I will reduce the sponge bathes to every other  night.

Jay McBee In addition to your role as President of the Television Group, you will be responsible for emptying my urinal which is next to my bed, repairing the roof above the basketball court and cleaning out the gutters.  I will call you when my urinal is getting full (which is... a lot!).

Ethan Rubidoux In addition to your many jobs, you will be responsible for carrying me to the bathroom when I need to go #2.  You will also be responsible for wiping my ass.  I will shift this responsibility to Emily Sachs of the Music Group if you can figure out a way to grow our Consumer Products division.  If it makes you feel any better, Ethan, this would have been Bob Delavian's job - if he still worked for the company.

For everyone else in senior management (and the Board of Directors, too) - you may be receiving a call in the next few hours.  There are many other things I need and I would like to have you all on call.

khan_jr1_small.jpgKhan Manka, Jr, - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios

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About Khan Manka, Jr.

Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. StudiosKhan Manka, Jr. assumed the title of Chairman of the Board of Manka Bros. Studios - The World's Largest Media Company - following his father Harry Manka's death in 1976. Before that he was the member of several Southern California rock bands.

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