December 2008 Archives

Good morning.  As this challenging year comes to a close, I just wanted to say to the employees that are left at Manka Bros., have a great holiday and I'll see you at some point next year.

Because my bitch of an ex-wife has taken my daughter, Connie, with her to some God awful place in Colorado for the remainder of Hanukkah, I have decided to go to my private island in Turks & Caicos. 

Several other powerful media moguls will be going with me to spend a few days in the Caribbean sun before we all have to return to the horrible grind of running a major media company.  I would tell you the names of those coming with me, but Bob Iger at Disney said not to say a word - that Wall Street would read something into it and send our stock prices further down.  Peter Chernin and Jeff Zucker wanted me to say we were meeting to prove to Wall Street that we're willing to work during the holidays to figure out our problems - but  I have decided to remain quiet.

If something interesting happens, I'll blog about it in this space.

Keep working!  2009 must be better!

Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios

Good morning.  I have received information from my lawyer Bert Fields and my accountants at PricewaterhouseCoopers that the Khan Manka, Jr. Charitable Trust (which contributes millions to various worthwhile causes including the MankaWish Foundation) has been wiped out completely by that scumbag Bernie Madoff.  This is another stunning event in an unbelievably horrible year.  I'm still trying to piece together how it could have happened.

Bernie Madoff was just so goddamned charming when I met him at a dinner for Steven Spielberg's Charitable Trust that I just wrote him a check for the entire amount of my charitable trust right on the spot.  I suppose someone in my organization (HELLO DAVID CHANG!) should have vetted this asshole - but it's too late now.  Everyone who met this guy was completely fooled. 

Once, at a cocktail party for Mort Zuckerman's Charitable Trust, Madoff told me that I was the best dressed media mogul he had ever seen!  Again, I absolutely melted and gave him all the cash in my wallet and told him to do whatever he wanted to with it.

I even had him baby sit my daughter Connie when she was a baby.  He often fed my cats (Sasha and Khan, Jr. Jr.)  while I was away on business.  I just trusted him more than I trusted myself. 

He even had the balls to call me last week and ask for bail money.  He was so charming on the phone, I freakin' nearly broke down and gave it him.  But then I remembered that he was the jerkoff that cost my charity millions of dollars.

Burn in Hell, you fucking loser.

I have contacted Joey Levitch about organizing several fundraisers to help replenish the Khan Manka Charitable Trust.

Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios

P.S. - I am happy to report, however, that my personal assets are just fine.  Thanks to everyone for your concern.

Due to shareholder complaints and widespread condemnation in the press for being "incredibly insensitive" to all those whose lives were ruined during our recent massive cutbacks and layoffs, I have decided to cancel our 2008 Holiday Party at Dodger Stadium scheduled for this Wednesday night.  Sorry.  Maybe your friends who were fired shouldn't have bitched so much to the press and the... ahem... blogosphere.

A scaled down event will be this Wednesday night at the Smoke House Restaurant in Burbank for EVPs and above.  I may or may not be there for this crappy event - Clint Eastwood is having some sort of thing at his house.

Happy Holidays.

Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios

Good morning.  I received a very nice Christmas card from King Abdullah of Jordan yesterday (I am Jewish.  He is Muslim - but no matter) in which he is seated on a magnificent horse in a red suit bringing presents to all the children of the world. 

In his note, he asked if I would like to buy one of his prize racehorses as he would like to get out of that business so he can concentrate more on philanthropic activities with Angelina Jolie.

In these very difficult economic times in which I am sitting on a large amount of cash that I don't know what to do with (there is no way in Hell I am dumping more money into the pitiful Manka Bros. stock! - NYSE: MBX), I'm seriously thinking about King Abdullah's proposal.  Maybe my racehorse would be like Seabiscuit and, by winning, help bring the country out of a Depression.

So... I would like to get the opinions of the Manka Bros. employees (especially you financial eggheads).  Should I buy a racehorse and bring it to Burbank to train and, hopefully, win the Triple Crown?   What other suggestions would you have for my cash?  I need to do something with it by the end of the year.

King Abdullah said I can name the horse whatever I would like.  I'm thinking of calling it - "Jay McBee Is The Worst Television Executive Ever".  This way, when the horse is racing, the track announcer would say "Coming up around the front... Jay McBee Is The Worst Television Executive Ever!"  Just hearing that over and over again would be worth the price of the horse right there.

Give me your thoughts.

Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios

P.S. - If I get the horse, I think I want to convert one of the Writer's Bungalows on the studio lot into a stable so that I can see the horse at lunchtime.

Good morning.  Following a dinner I had last night at Cut with Les Moonves and his stunning wife, Julie Chen, I have come to the conclusion that Manka Bros. will not pursue the purchase of CBS.

I have speculated privately with my chief lieutenants at the studio that this might be a good fit considering the horrendously crappy year we have been having at MBS (the last five years really) - but I have decided that even at a relatively cheap and, frankly, embarrassing market cap of $5 billion, it's still not worth the money.  If the price drops to about $500 million, maybe we'll talk again.  Hopefully, the phone call that Les had to make last night to Sumner Redstone went okay.  I know Sumner needs the cash quickly but the timing just wasn't right.

I told Les this doesn't mean he's no longer in my Monthly Mogul Book Club... and we had a good laugh over that.

So my message to Jay McBee and his Television Group team - START DEVELOPING BETTER FREAKING SHOWS!  You have been given a very short lifeline.

Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios

This afternoon we had a Manka Bros. senior executive meeting and we have some leftover cookies.  In the spirit of the Holiday Season, I would like to offer these cookies to anyone who wants them - first come, first serve.

The cookies are located in the hall outside my office suite.  I think there are eleven or twelve cookies left and probably a few half-eaten ones as well.

Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios

P.S. - Would the person who grabs the last cookie please return the tray to the Commissary.  Thank you.