Bob Iger And The Future Of Media

Last night, as I was sitting in the Manka Bros. suite at Dodger Stadium attempting to patch things up with my ex-girlfriend Rebecca DeMornay, there was a knock on the door.  It was Bob Iger - Chairman & CEO of Disney.  He noticed that the sliding glass doors that face the field were shut and lights were dimmed.

"Aren't you watching the game?, he said.

"I'm a little busy here, Bob.  What the fuck do you want?"

"Oh, nothing - we're out of ice in the Disney suite..."

I knew he wasn't out of ice.  I've known Bob Iger for over twenty years.  He wanted to talk about the future - more specifically, the future of media.

Realizing that the moment was over, I ordered Rebecca DeMornay to leave.  We would have to try and patch things up another time.  She mumbled something about going over to the NBC Suite and then left. 

"Have a seat, Bob.  What's on your mind?"

Bob helped himself to a tall Johnny Walker Blue [Note to my assistant - Vicky, the liquor cabinet is to remain locked at all times.  I am the only one allowed a key!].  He took a huge gulp, poured another and started a long rant.  It went something like this:

"I hate that we have to make stupid fucking short dumbass movies for the internet.  Ten years ago, there were only five or six legitimate media moguls - now everyone thinks they're a fucking mogul!  Just because you can fall on your ass while trying to ride a skateboard down a railing doesn't make you a movie mogul!  Do you think Eisner is happy making that bullshit that he makes?  That Sorority chick thing?  Come on... really?" 

"I know," I said, "it's crazy out there.  Our short film Squirrel Eating Orange remains the most viewed video on our website.  It was produced for five dollars and has grossed more than our last six big screen movie releases combined.

I could tell Bob was getting really agitated because of the amount he was sweating.  I calmly told him that times are changing and threw in some sort of dinosaur metaphor which basically meant "adapt or die".

He continued pacing:  "I know I've said that people would be willing to pay for online content - but we all know, people won't pay for shit!  Why pay for shit when your own butt will make it for free?"

I didn't follow that analogy.

He said he was thinking about paying Johnny Depp $100 million for a five minute short about the new Ford Focus.  "We're not sure if he's going to be Jack Sparrow or just Johnny Depp.  I know it would be pretty difficult to work the new Ford Focus into an old-fashioned pirate movie."

We then talked for a few minutes about various ways to combine Johnny Depp and the Ford Focus and suddenly realized how truly pathetic we had become. 

After another drink, Bob continued:  "It wasn't supposed to be like this.  We slogged our way up through a series of miserable marketing jobs and finally made it to the top of the Corporate chain because of a promise - that one day we would become awesome powerful and control the emotions of the world!  WE tell the world when to laugh, when to cry and what time to be entertained.  If Happy Days starts at 8:00 - that's when you watch it and that's when you laugh.  If we move it to another time - THAT'S WHEN YOU WATCH IT AND THAT'S WHEN YOU LAUGH!"

I agreed.  While my story of reaching the top isn't exactly the same as Bob's - [My father, Harry Manka, died and he made me head of the studio in his will.  Before that, I was in a band], - I could totally relate to what he was saying.  "You know, Bob, I've said this many times - and I think I speak for all the moguls out there when I say - it would be great if we could just use our power to crush everything categorized as "New Media" and just get back to making big studio movies and big studio TV shows like the old days."

Bob couldn't have agreed more and added:  "I mean now when I listen to music, I don't even know if it's any good because I can't tell if it was done by a real band or just some idiot in his basement on his computer."

With that, there was another knock on the door.  Sumner Redstone came in:  "Hey, Khan... oh, hi Bob." 

Sumner noticed the Johnny Walker Blue and poured himself a tall one - "Khan, I need an answer.  Are you gonna take CBS off my hands - or what?  I really need the cash."

When times are tough, everyone comes running to Manka Bros.  It always happens.

Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios