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Jeffrey Katzenberg Called Me Last Night - Khan Manka, Jr. - The Chairman's Blog

Jeffrey Katzenberg Called Me Last Night

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Jeffrey_Katzenberg.jpgGood morning.  My old friend Jeff Katzenberg (CEO of DreamWorks Animation) called me last night from The Frolic Room on Hollywood Blvd. and asked if I could come down and meet him.  He was pounding a few shots with his senior management team and got the urge to call me. 

Jeff Katzenberg and I go way back to the 1970s when we used to follow The Grateful Dead.  He actually followed Seals & Crofts for a few years until I turned him onto The Dead.  He ended up logging more Dead shows than I did (and I went to 182 over a 20 year span).

He picked a good time to call.  I wasn't really doing anything last night except watching the Dodgers choke (again) with Haim Saban[NOTE TO FRANK MCCOURT AND THE DODGERS:  Please clinch tonight or I will sell my Suite next year!] 

I left Haim's fortress and had my driver, Alicia, take me down to The Frolic Room.  I just love that old bar.  Such a great mix of high class clientele:  Starlets, studio executives, fashion designers - basically all the beautiful and powerful people converging every night in that tiny space on Hollywood Blvd.

When I walked into the bar, I spotted Jeff standing by the juke box.  Sugar Magnolia was playing.  He was screaming at some poor college guy - telling him he completely missed the hidden meaning and Satanic signs that were built into Kung Fu Panda.  That poor guy actually believed that the movie was made for kids and families.  What a schmuck.  If he only knew the dark side of Jeffrey Katzenberg like I do... Jeff spotted me and gave me a hug.

Jeff_Katzenberg_bee-movie.jpgJK:  Khannie, you son of a bitch!  You made it!

We asked about each other's children and a few other formalities.  He ordered shots of Slivovitz for the entire bar and kept a bottle for the two of us.  We sat and drank.  I knew why he brought me there.

KM:  So... you want to sell me your company, right?

JK:  Khan, what the fuck?!  Can't you wait until Sugar Magnolia is over?  Touch of Grey is coming up after.

KM:  I love that you're holding onto those old days.  Those were good times.

JK:  The fucking best!  Did you know I went to over 200 shows?!

He did another shot.  The song ended.  Jeff turned serious.

JK:  Khan, I want to sell you my company.  DreamWorks Animation is the crown jewel of available acquisitions in this town.  Every studio wants us - but I'm giving you first shot.

KM:  How much?

JK:  Pixar sold to Disney for $8 billion and they only had eight movies.  We've had 19 movies... so I figure $19 billion.  But we also have a bunch in development - so let just make it an even $25 billion.

We both did another shot.

KM:  Cash?

JK:  I sure the fuck don't want your company stock.  Manka Bros. has been in the pisser for decades.

KM:  You sure know how to charm a guy.  Tell ya what... I'll give you $500 million - cash.  Final offer.

jeffrey_katzenberg_shrek.jpgIt's a bit of blur what happened after that. 

Apparently, Jeff had hired a few WWE goons as part of his senior management team.  They proceeded to hold me down and the kick the ever living shit out of me.  They keyed heavily on my groin.

I sort of remember the owner of The Frolic Room coming out and saying he didn't want any trouble in his bar. 

Thank God for my driver Alicia who earned her salary last night.  Somehow she got me out of there.

I woke up this morning in my own bed - with my own doctor at my side telling me everything would be okay.  Because of the Oxycotin, I'm able to work today. 

In my office this morning, I received a gift certificate to Benihana from Jeffrey Katzenberg.  A note read:  "No hard feelings.  Sorry about your balls." 

Before Universal or Fox or Warner Bros. or Paramount or Sony or anyone entertains the thought of buying DreamWorks Animation, you should be warned... if your price is too low, they will physically harm you.

khan_jr1_small.jpgKhan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios - The World's Largest Media Company

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Hollywood Producer said:

Why does everyone keep coming to you, Khan. You guys are in no position to buy a company like Dreamworks animation. Very strange indeed.

Molly Glover said:

You know he's going to try and get at least $10 billion for DreamWorks. Nothing less than Pixar. I think Time Warner is in the best position to get them. And they probably would fit the best there.

Fred T. said:

I love the Frolic room but I've never seen one startlet there. Mostly old drunks and bikers.

Grateful Steve said:

I found stumbled on this story looking for Dead stuff. I had no idea Katzenberg was a D-head. You both would be happy to know the band's archives are going online!

While I would normally be the first to jump into any 'Dead-Head' throwdown where alcohol and Viagra guzzling studio heads are featured, I find this repartee to be in a word: "disgusting".

If this bullshit is to be taken seriously, then the numbers being thrown around show just how doable saving the Motion Picture Home's Long Term Care unit is. While you and Jeff slug down shots of Slivovitz my mother and other residents of Katzenberg's embattled Long Term Care unit are sipping from lukewarm cans of Ensure while their bowels are in an uproar over their cloudy future.

$19 billion for Dreamworks? I hope he gets it, and with it the shame that comes from those so engorged in the game of money that they lose site of their own humanity.


Dear Prior Poster -

This site and everything contained in it is a parody for humor's sake. Did you really fall for it? Thanks for the biggest laugh I have had in years !!! 19 BILLION for Dreamworks??? BAH-HAH !!!

You suffer from SRS (Selective Reading Syndrome) - note where I said 'if this bullshit is to be taken seriously'. You are a parody of whom?

Hmmm interesting stuff

About Khan Manka, Jr.

Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. StudiosKhan Manka, Jr. assumed the title of Chairman of the Board of Manka Bros. Studios - The World's Largest Media Company - following his father Harry Manka's death in 1976. Before that he was the member of several Southern California rock bands.

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