Jeffrey Katzenberg Called Me Last Night

Good morning.  My old friend Jeff Katzenberg (CEO of DreamWorks Animation) called me last night from The Frolic Room on Hollywood Blvd. and asked if I could come down and meet him.  He was pounding a few shots with his senior management team and got the urge to call me. 

Jeff Katzenberg and I go way back to the 1970s when we used to follow The Grateful Dead.  He actually followed Seals & Crofts for a few years until I turned him onto The Dead.  He ended up logging more Dead shows than I did (and I went to 182 over a 20 year span).

He picked a good time to call.  I wasn't really doing anything last night except watching the Dodgers choke (again) with Haim Saban.  [NOTE TO FRANK MCCOURT AND THE DODGERS:  Please clinch tonight or I will sell my Suite next year!] 

I left Haim's fortress and had my driver, Alicia, take me down to The Frolic Room.  I just love that old bar.  Such a great mix of high class clientele:  Starlets, studio executives, fashion designers - basically all the beautiful and powerful people converging every night in that tiny space on Hollywood Blvd.

When I walked into the bar, I spotted Jeff standing by the juke box.  Sugar Magnolia was playing.  He was screaming at some poor college guy - telling him he completely missed the hidden meaning and Satanic signs that were built into Kung Fu Panda.  That poor guy actually believed that the movie was made for kids and families.  What a schmuck.  If he only knew the dark side of Jeffrey Katzenberg like I do... Jeff spotted me and gave me a hug.

JK:  Khannie, you son of a bitch!  You made it!

We asked about each other's children and a few other formalities.  He ordered shots of Slivovitz for the entire bar and kept a bottle for the two of us.  We sat and drank.  I knew why he brought me there.

KM:  So... you want to sell me your company, right?

JK:  Khan, what the fuck?!  Can't you wait until Sugar Magnolia is over?  Touch of Grey is coming up after.

KM:  I love that you're holding onto those old days.  Those were good times.

JK:  The fucking best!  Did you know I went to over 200 shows?!

He did another shot.  The song ended.  Jeff turned serious.

JK:  Khan, I want to sell you my company.  DreamWorks Animation is the crown jewel of available acquisitions in this town.  Every studio wants us - but I'm giving you first shot.

KM:  How much?

JK:  Pixar sold to Disney for $8 billion and they only had eight movies.  We've had 19 movies... so I figure $19 billion.  But we also have a bunch in development - so let just make it an even $25 billion.

We both did another shot.

KM:  Cash?

JK:  I sure the fuck don't want your company stock.  Manka Bros. has been in the pisser for decades.

KM:  You sure know how to charm a guy.  Tell ya what... I'll give you $500 million - cash.  Final offer.

It's a bit of blur what happened after that. 

Apparently, Jeff had hired a few WWE goons as part of his senior management team.  They proceeded to hold me down and the kick the ever living shit out of me.  They keyed heavily on my groin.

I sort of remember the owner of The Frolic Room coming out and saying he didn't want any trouble in his bar. 

Thank God for my driver Alicia who earned her salary last night.  Somehow she got me out of there.

I woke up this morning in my own bed - with my own doctor at my side telling me everything would be okay.  Because of the Oxycotin, I'm able to work today. 

In my office this morning, I received a gift certificate to Benihana from Jeffrey Katzenberg.  A note read:  "No hard feelings.  Sorry about your balls." 

Before Universal or Fox or Warner Bros. or Paramount or Sony or anyone entertains the thought of buying DreamWorks Animation, you should be warned... if your price is too low, they will physically harm you.

Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios - The World's Largest Media Company