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Khan Manka, Jr. - The Chairman's Blog: December 2009 Archives

December 2009 Archives

Good morning.  As this challenging year comes to a close, I just wanted to say to the employees that are left at Manka Bros., have a great holiday and I'll see you at some point next year.

khan_manka_island.jpgBecause my bitch of an ex-wife took my daughter, Connie, with her to some God awful place in Colorado for Hanukkah, I have gone to my private island in Turks & Caicos

Several other powerful media moguls are here with me to spend a few days in the Caribbean sun before we all have to return to the horrible grind of running a major media company. 

I would tell you the names of those here, but Bob Iger and Sumner Redstone said not to say a word - that Wall Street would read something into it and send our stock prices further down.  Jeff Zucker, Brian Roberts and Strauss Zelnick also wanted me to remain quiet.

If something interesting happens, I'll blog about it in this space.

Keep working!  2010 must be better!

khan_jr1_small.jpgKhan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios

P.S. - Remember, if you are Jewish, Christmas Day is NOT a paid holiday.
sumner_redstone_2.jpgbobs_big_boy_burbank_sign.jpgOver the weekend, I went to Sumner Redstone's Holiday Party at Bob's Big Boy in Burbank.  It was a pretty sad event with only a few of the invited guests bothering to show up. 

Sumner kept staring at the front door and mumbled over and over:  "Well, it IS raining..." and "After the rain stops, I'm sure more will show up", etc.

The few of us that did venture out on that cold, rainy Saturday really wish we didn't.  It was me, Phillipe Dauman, Ben Silverman (with some girl who talked non-stop about how she slept with Tiger Woods), Melinda (the first lady of magic), Sherry Lansing and Fred Willard.  We had a table in the center of the restaurant.  There were no booths available.

This was a new low for Sumner (and, frankly, a new low for me for daring to be seen there). 

As many of you know, Sumner has been living on-and-off at my house ever since announcing his divorce several months ago and I felt bad for the old guy.  There are rumors out there that News Corp. and his old media enemy Rupert Mudoch want to buy Viacom for the cable channels.  While I don't really think that's a possibility, Sumner believes everything he reads on the Internet and reacts accordingly.  He told me if Rupert tries to buy him out, he will kill everyone involved and book the first Virgin Galactic flight into outer space where he will live out his days in peace.

The Bob's Big Boy waitress assigned to our table was getting angry that Sumner wanted to wait for more people to arrive before ordering.  She finally said there would be no more free ice tea until food was ordered.  "There are people waiting for this table," she said.

super_big_boy.jpgWith that, we ordered.  I got the Super Big Boy with onion rings and a strawberry shake.  Phillipe Dauman was going to get the lemon cod but changed his mind once he heard what I was getting.  He decided on the Super Big Boy with onion rings and a chocolate shake.  Everyone else got a variation on the same theme.

The rest of the evening was too pathetic to mention in much detail: 

  • Melinda (the first lady of magic) balanced a spoon on her nose about twenty times;
  • Fred Willard went on and on about a sewer problem he was having at his house;
  • Ben Silverman talked about how he was going to Les Moonves' CBS party (which was being held later that night at the Nokia Theater with special musical performances by The Black Eyed Peas and Taylor Swift);
  • Sherry Lansing and myself were also headed to the CBS party.  (Sumner was not invited.)
Our food arrived quickly and the burgers were undercooked.  None of us really cared because we wanted to get out of there as fast as possible.

When the checked arrived, Sumner patted his pockets as though he forgot his wallet.  Melinda (the first lady of magic) picked up the check for the table.  The party was over by 7:30. 

Worst Holiday party ever - though the strawberry shake was excellent.

khan_jr1_small.jpgKhan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios - The World's Largest Media Company

P.S. - I'll write about the unbelievable time I had at the CBS party at a later date.

eric_mika_publisher_hollywood_reporter_small.jpgGood morning. 

The brain trust of The Hollywood Reporter has come out with what they say will be the World's Largest Media Companies after the Comcast NBC Universal deal goes through.  BULLSHIT, I SAY!

has had it in for me ever since I threatened to buy them and shut them down after a scathing and hurtful review of the Manka Bros. film "Freak Accident" appeared in their 'paper' a couple of years ago.  So I'm not totally surprised they left Manka Bros. off their chart.  But I am, frankly, shocked that they would throw truth out the window so carelessly over a personal vendetta.  (Maybe that's naive of me - especially in this town.) 

I suppose this is the price I pay for not buying those bullshit, complete waste of money "For Your Consideration" ads.

Fine, Eric Mika (Publisher - The Hollywood Reporter).  You live by your ethical standards and I'll live by mine.

worlds_largest_chart_2010_white_blue_border.jpgThe chart shown on this page (and here), which my senior executive team at Manka Bros. put together over the weekend, clearly shows the correct ranking of World's Largest Media Companies.

This chart was additionally reviewed by several leading independent external auditors in New York, Los Angeles, Hong Kong and Instanbul and is the most current and accurate World's Largest Media Company chart available. 

And... as you can see by the size of the dark blue bar in the chart, MANKA BROS. REMAINS THE WORLD'S LARGEST MEDIA COMPANY!

Please reflect this fact in any future reporting you do on this subject.  Failure to report the truth may cost you dearly.

khan_jr1_small.jpgKhan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios - The World's Largest Media Company
brian_roberts_comcast.jpgGood morning.  I just want to say to all the thousands of Manka Bros. employees who think they've got a shitty job... you have no idea how lucky you are.  You could work at Comcast.

My old friend Brian Roberts called me in a panic last night. 

[A little back story:  Brian and I go way back to my days in King Khan (my 1970s rock band)Brian filled in one night on bass and was absolutely horrible.  For some reason, he thought he would be able to rock and get chicks without even knowing how to hold the damn instrument.  I fired him after one song.  Audience member Dexter Clangfree jumped on stage and finished the show (and became our full time bass player).  Brian still hung around the band like a groupie and we eventually let him into our inner circle.  We called him "Bogart Brian" because once you passed him a joint, you never got it back.]

Anyway... Brian called me last night in an absolute drunken panic about this upcoming disastrous acquisition of NBC Universal.  The first words out of his mouth were:  "Khan, what the fuck am I doing?  This is madness.  Why would anyone in their right mind overpay for a failed broadcast network and failed movie studio!  Didn't you read 'The Curse of the Mogul'?"

brian_roberts_comcast_ceo.jpgI told him he wasn't in his right mind but added that 'The Curse of the Mogul' is complete bullshit and he shouldn't pay any attention to what the jealous, wannabe mogul hacks who wrote that book had to say. 

I continued:  "Manka Bros. is the world's largest media company.  There is no disputing that - and there wasn't one mention of Manka Bros. it that goddamned book!  All credibility is lost right there.  And these fuckers are going to tell me that being the biggest isn't a competitive advantage?   Put Mike Tyson in a boxing ring with Wally Cox and tell me that size isn't a competitive advantage!"

There was a pause.  I could hear ice clinking through the other end of the phone.  I knew Brian was drinking heavily.

I finished my thought:  "That said... this Comcast / NBC deal is fucking stupid.  You should do what Tiger Woods didn't do... pull out."

Brian whimpered like he always does when in a tight corner:  "I can't do that, Khan.  There is something... bigger at hand here.  I can't talk.  They're watching my every move.  ZUCKER CROWS AT DAWN!... I'm sorry, Khan, I've put your life in danger.  Pray for me!"

He let out an anguished grunt which was followed by a muffled click... and he was gone.

Zucker Crows At Dawn?  Poor Brian.  Another successful brainwashing by Jeff Zucker - who continues to amaze me in his ability to fail upward.  Somebody should just fire that guy before more people lose their minds. 

khan_jr1_small.jpgKhan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios - The World's Largest Media Company

P.S. - To all Comcast shareholders... SELL SELL SELL!

About Khan Manka, Jr.

Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. StudiosKhan Manka, Jr. assumed the title of Chairman of the Board of Manka Bros. Studios - The World's Largest Media Company - following his father Harry Manka's death in 1976. Before that he was the member of several Southern California rock bands.

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