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Khan Manka, Jr. - The Chairman's Blog: October 2010 Archives

October 2010 Archives


If I didn't know better, I would think that my employees only live to embarrass me.

I was just informed that the Manka Bros. Triathlon Team (led by the freakishly pathetic Jay McBee - nice swim trunks, Jay) finished last at this year's Nautica Malibu Triathlon

Last for the fifth straight year!

The Nautica Malibu Triathlon is an annual competition also known as the Entertainment Industry Challenge (EIC) and pits all the major studios (Manka Bros., Warner Bros., Disney, Sony, NBC Universal, Paramount, Fox, etc.) against one another.

Each year I think, well, if we can't beat them at the box office or on television or in music sales or in theme park attendance or in publishing... we can beat them in a triathlon. 

Boy, am I fucking stupid. 

Manka Bros. has become a joke.  We are the flabbiest and most out of shape of all the studios.  Freaking embarrassing.

Maybe we need to start a morning calisthenics program much like they do every year at the Herb Allen Sun Valley Retreat

I don't know what it's going to take, but as a person who owns a home in Malibu, I never want to see pictures of people like this on that beach ever again! 

And that includes you, too, David Geffen!

khan_jr1_small.jpgKhan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios - The World's Largest Media Company

Good afternoon.  I hope you are all enjoying your vacations.  I mean, you can't possibly be working because if you were MANKA BROS. WOULDN'T BE HAVING SUCH A HORRIBLE YEAR!  If you are working, then you obviously suck at your job and should immediately quit for the good of the company!


barry_diller_02.jpgLast weekend I went fishing with Barry Diller up at Pyramid Lake (it's a man-made lake about 60 miles up from Los Angeles off the I-5 freeway).  It turns out, Barry likes to go there a lot.  He has a little boat parked there in a shed. 

I knew he was a wild man (from his Burning Mogul antics at the Herb Allen Mogul Retreat this year) but I had no idea he was such an outdoors man.

He picked me up on Saturday in his Toyota Tundra which was loaded down with a lot of supplies (fishing gear, cooler of beer [Coors], a little BBQ, some granola bars, etc.). 

I don't know the first thing about fishing.  I went one other time in my life - a couple of years ago - at a daddy-daughter weekend in Aspen with some other media moguls.  When Connie, my daughter, tried to cast out a fishing line, the hook got caught in my nose and pretty much did a full on Roman Polanski / Jack Nicholson nose rip from "Chinatown".  I vowed never to fish or camp again. 

But Barry Diller is very persuasive.  He said he needed to get away from everything for a while.  I suggested the Bacara Resort in Santa Barbara.  He suggested a little row boat on Pyramid Lake

Pyramid_Lake_California.jpgPyramid Lake is not your typical mogul hotspot.  It's mainly a place for drunken jet skiers from the Inland Empire.

The first thing I noticed as we drove up the I-5 was Barry's taste in music.  He is a huge Southern Fried Rock guy (Lynyrd Skynrd, the Outlaws, BTO, etc).  I had no idea.  Maybe the drunken jet skiers from the Inland Empire were his cup of tea.

It took a while to get to the lake (he insisted on stopping to help a stranded motorist change a tire) but once we were there, it was surprisingly serene.  Not too many rednecks.  The weather was nice.

His boat - THE VON FURSTENBERG (badly stenciled on the side)  - is very small.  It barely had enough room for two people.  Throw in a cooler full of Coors and the fishing supplies and there was very little space to move.

Once we finally got out on the lake, Barry attempted to show me what to do but I had no interest at all.  He pulled a Nightcrawler out of a can of worms and quickly baited his hook like a pro.  He handed me the can and expected me to do the same. 

"Fuck that," I said.  "Look, Barry, I just want to sit here, talk and drink beer.  I'll never go fishing again after today."

barry_dillers_boat_von_furstenberg.jpgBarry looked a little hurt, sighed, and deftly cast his own line into the lake.  "I like to imagine different people when I stick the hook through the worm", Barry said.  You know, John Malone, Ben Silverman, Michael Eisner... it's kind of like a fun game, you know?"

I immediately wanted to grab that can of worms and start sticking hooks into them - Jay McBee [stick], Robin Rafe, Ethan Rubidoux... all those in Manka Bros. senior management who suck at their jobs and deserve a sharp hook.

Suddenly, Barry's line tensed and his rod started to bend - "Got one!  Grab the net!" 

I won't go into any of the actual fishing details (there are people out there better than me to describe what happens when one fishes) other than to say we bagged that fish and eight more. 

The rest of day we spent out on THE VON FURSTENBERG drinking the entire cooler of beer and talking about the digital transition and how it is affecting our companies.  It was a nice day with an old friend.  (Perhaps one day I'll write about our digital transition conversation - it was really interesting and I think we solved the problem - or I'll just have Jill Kennedy at OnMedea write about it.)

I don't remember much about the rest of the trip but I would like to thank the Rolling Thunder Motorcycle Club for bringing me back home.  I'm not sure how or if Barry got home.

khan_jr1_small.jpgKhan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios - The World's Largest Media Company

mary_parent_3.jpgGood afternoon.  Moments ago (as I was writing up a blog about a fishing trip I took with Barry Diller over the weekend), I was made aware that Gary Barber and Roger Birnbaum have become the heads of MGMGary, Roger and I go way back and I wish them nothing but the best (word of advice - just produce The Hobbit and James Bond movies and everything will be okay.  Let the other studios produce the crap movies that don't make money).

As a casualty of this announcement, I would imagine Mary Parent will no longer be handling the production duties at the studio. 

Because of this, Mary, I would like to offer you a job at Manka Bros.  Much like my offer to Jeff Zucker last week and mostly because of Manka Bros.' recent horrible run at the box office and on television, you can pick whatever job at the studio you would like (with the exception of Lloyd Grohl's - which is not to be touched).

I would gladly fire Robin Rafe (head of the Manka Bros. Theatrical Group) or Jay McBee (head of the Manka Bros. Television Group) immediately if you showed the slightest interest.

Just let me know.  We may not be able to offer you "The Hobbit" but we are producing the 13th century Icelandic sagas The Prose Edda and The Poetic Edda by Snorri Sturluson.  These epics are so much cooler than "The Hobbit" it's not even funny. 

We're also doing a $300 million adaptation of The Book of Habakkuk (for my money, the BEST book of the Bible - Old or New Testament). 

So, as you can see, there are some big things on our plate... we just someone that's competent to shepherd these projects home.

Come home to Manka Bros.  We've got all-you-can-eat yogurt every Friday!

khan_jr1_small.jpgKhan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios - The World's Largest Media Company

About Khan Manka, Jr.

Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. StudiosKhan Manka, Jr. assumed the title of Chairman of the Board of Manka Bros. Studios - The World's Largest Media Company - following his father Harry Manka's death in 1976. Before that he was the member of several Southern California rock bands.

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