November 2010 Archives
Good morning. Today is a very exciting day (much more exciting than that stupid Apple iTunes/Beatles thing).
Today, I announce that Facebook's reign over the world's brains is coming to an end!
Unfortunately, this morning I can only share with you the proposed logo (see image) and the promise that, yes, indeed, Caligula will kill Facebook. How? Through superior engineering, an unmatched global marketing infrastructure and a deep pocketed parent company that isn't afraid to lose a few Billion to win this fight!
While I can't give out any details of this exciting new platform, I can assure you that Caligula is already six times better than Facebook and it hasn't even launched. When it does launch (2011), it will be over ten times better.
Mankaneers around the world have been working around the clock for years preparing for this war.
The ultimate battle for your free time will be joined in 2011. Won't you join us?
Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios - The World's Largest Media Company
Today, I announce that Facebook's reign over the world's brains is coming to an end!
- No longer will 50 year olds spend hours every day buying little pigs for their digital farms.
- No longer will last night's drunken photos greet you first thing in the morning (posted by the designated driver who didn't have a drop).
- No longer will brain cells be lost because instead of actually reading books you only post a Status Update of the books you claim to be reading.
Unfortunately, this morning I can only share with you the proposed logo (see image) and the promise that, yes, indeed, Caligula will kill Facebook. How? Through superior engineering, an unmatched global marketing infrastructure and a deep pocketed parent company that isn't afraid to lose a few Billion to win this fight!
While I can't give out any details of this exciting new platform, I can assure you that Caligula is already six times better than Facebook and it hasn't even launched. When it does launch (2011), it will be over ten times better.
Mankaneers around the world have been working around the clock for years preparing for this war.
The ultimate battle for your free time will be joined in 2011. Won't you join us?
Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios - The World's Largest Media Company
Good morning.In response to my friend Eric Schmidt's announcement that every employee of Google will receive a $1,000 bonus and a 10% raise, I am announcing a $1,001 bonus and 10.1% raise to the Senior Management team at Manka Bros.
Unfortunately, because of the horrible year we are having at the box office and in our Television Group, we are forced to reduce the salaries of everyone below Senior Vice President in order to pay for this salary increase.
The salary reduction and bonus elimination (effective immediately) for VPs and below and support staff will range from 10.1% to 25%.
[Please note: Jay McBee (President of the Manka Bros. Television Group) and Robin Rafe (President of the Manka Bros. Theatrical Group) will not be receiving these bonuses because they really REALLY suck at their jobs.]
If you happen to see any senior management around the studio lot today, be sure and give them a nice congratulations wave (but try not to make eye contact).
Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios - The World's Largest Media Company
Good morning.
Because of the recent news that mail bombs were sent from Yemen in an attempt to blow up two Chicago-area synagogues, several people have inquired about Manka Bros.' plans to build a billion dollar Manka Fun Park in Yemen.
After much thought and despite the imploring of other studio moguls, I have made my decision: THE THEME PARK CONSTRUCTION WILL CONTINUE.
Just because there are a few terrorists trying to blow up everything in the United States doesn't mean that the rest of the people of Yemen don't deserve roller coasters and the All-New Broadway Re-Zoo starring Joey Levitch!
While it has been a long slog through the bureaucratic muck and construction of the park has been slow due to increased terror threats, political turmoil and badly handled wire transfers, things are moving along.
Because of all those hurdles, I thought the opening would have to be pushed back a few months (or years), but I was reassured yesterday by the Yemeni leader Ali Abdullah Saleh that since labor costs in that country are non-existent and there are no overtime rules (are you listening America?), the scheduled opening will easily be met.
That's the beauty of a dictatorship!
This is great news for Manka Bros. because Yemen is a completely untapped market for Western-style entertainment. Bob Iger at Disney has been too busy concentrating on China to realize where the real money is. Loser. We will have the Yemen market to ourselves.
Now if we can only get a fucking movie that makes money we'll really be on a roll.
Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios
Because of the recent news that mail bombs were sent from Yemen in an attempt to blow up two Chicago-area synagogues, several people have inquired about Manka Bros.' plans to build a billion dollar Manka Fun Park in Yemen.
After much thought and despite the imploring of other studio moguls, I have made my decision: THE THEME PARK CONSTRUCTION WILL CONTINUE.Just because there are a few terrorists trying to blow up everything in the United States doesn't mean that the rest of the people of Yemen don't deserve roller coasters and the All-New Broadway Re-Zoo starring Joey Levitch!
While it has been a long slog through the bureaucratic muck and construction of the park has been slow due to increased terror threats, political turmoil and badly handled wire transfers, things are moving along.
Because of all those hurdles, I thought the opening would have to be pushed back a few months (or years), but I was reassured yesterday by the Yemeni leader Ali Abdullah Saleh that since labor costs in that country are non-existent and there are no overtime rules (are you listening America?), the scheduled opening will easily be met.
That's the beauty of a dictatorship!
This is great news for Manka Bros. because Yemen is a completely untapped market for Western-style entertainment. Bob Iger at Disney has been too busy concentrating on China to realize where the real money is. Loser. We will have the Yemen market to ourselves.
Now if we can only get a fucking movie that makes money we'll really be on a roll.
Khan Manka, Jr. - Chairman & CEO - Manka Bros. Studios
About Khan Manka, Jr.
Khan Manka, Jr. assumed the title of Chairman of the Board of Manka Bros. Studios - The World's Largest Media Company - following his father Harry Manka's death in 1976. Before that he was the member of several Southern California rock bands.
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