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Yesterday's Super Bowl Made Me Want To Kill... - OCTOGENARIAN: Those Damn Kids

Yesterday's Super Bowl Made Me Want To Kill...

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Yesterday's Super Bowl™ made me want to kill THOSE DAMN KIDS in my neighborhood.  I've never seen a worse display of athleticism in my 80-some years on this ridiculous planet.

earl_dutch_clark.jpgLet me tell you about a REAL football player.

His name was Earl "Dutch" Clark and he's a Hall of Famer who played for the Detroit Lions back when football meant something.

In 1928, a strapping young 24-year-old from an unknown tiny school called Colorado College was listed on the All-American football team.  He was one of the most versatile players in football history.  He was never afraid to play with broken leg and often killed his opponents when he hit them.  THAT'S a hit!

In 1931, he signed with the Portsmouth Spartans of the NFL and was with them for two bloody seasons.  In one particular game, with a leg dangling from its socket, he dragged the entire Brooklyn Dodgers team into the end-zone, scoring all the points in a 19-0 victory.  He played offense AND defense unlike the pussies in the current NFL.  In his two years with Portsmouth, he was All-Pro quarterback both seasons.

But Portsmouth couldn't afford his hefty $140 a game salary so he left pro football in 1933 to coach at Colorado School of Mines.

The following year, the Portsmouth team moved to Detroit to eventually become the Detroit Lions - the greatest football franchise in the history of the game!

Ol' Dutch was All-Pro quarterback four seasons in a row and led the league in scoring in 1935 and 1936.  Legend has it, in 1936, he ate several footballs on a dare during half-time of the Lions / Chicago Bears game and had to have his stomach removed, but he was able to return to the game and run for the winning touchdown!  THAT'S toughness!  THAT'S football!

Bones were his shoulders pads.  Blood was his water bottle.  In the old days, deaths on the field were never recorded as statistics but Dutch lead the team every year.  Everyone was afraid of Dutch Clark.

Yesterday, on that travesty of a Super Bowl™, I heard the announcers talk about that unstoppable Giant defensive line... big fucking deal.  Earl "Dutch" Clark killed on the field and then killed anyone who tried to help the wounded.

That's just the way the game was played back then.

The 1935, Detroit won the NFL championship, beating the New York Giants 26-7.  In that game, Clark had a 40-yard touchdown run even after the opposing team threw knives and rocks at him to try and slow him down.

His final year as a player was 1938... the last decent year in the NFL.  He left the game in 1943 after serving as a coach of the Cleveland Rams.  He just couldn't take it anymore, calling football "a sport only fit for little girls. Players don't even like to bleed anymore."

I hear you, Dutch.  Where are you when we need you most?

I'll talk at you next week...

lester aldrich_small.jpg

Lester Aldrich is a freelance columnist for Octogenarian MagazineManka Bros. Studios is not responsible for any action by our freelance writers.  If Mr. Aldrich actually kills someone, that's his problem. Manka Bros. cannot be held accountable.

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About Lester Aldrich

Lester Aldrich - Those Damn Kids - Manka Bros. - Octogenarian

Lester Aldrich is a World War 2 and Korean War veteran. He has been a contributing writer for Manka Bros.' Octogenarian Mankazine since he turned 80 (eight years ago). He lives in East Lansing, Michigan with his wife of 65 years and really hates THOSE DAMN KIDS.

 

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