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Friday Nights are Hell Around Here... - OCTOGENARIAN: Those Damn Kids

Friday Nights are Hell Around Here...

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Friday nights are Hell around here and God knows I've never been too high on abortions.  But if it meant that I would get one peaceful Friday night, I would have aborted every one of THOSE DAMN KIDS in the third trimester with the head sticking out!

Me and Mrs. Aldrich get back from Denny's about 5:45 every Friday night.  I like to have me a LaBatt's or three to sort of wind down from the week.


Then the sun goes down and it all starts.

First comes the blaring of car horns and the high pitch screaming as they pass by.  Do these stupid kids want the whole neighborhood to think they're idiots?  Dick suckers so high on pot they can't even drive straight!

About an hour later, when they think I'm asleep, comes the TP.  If those little squirts new how scarce that stuff was during the war and what we had to use to wipe our butts, they'd think twice about throwing roll after roll all over my 100-year-old elm tree.

Then it's shaving cream and flaming manure time. 

Like clockwork, those sissymarys write unmentionable sayings all over my driveway and lawn then set a bag of shit on fire.  The retards then ring the bell to let me know what they've done.  I GODDAMNED KNOW WHAT YOU'VE DONE!  YOU'VE RUINED MY GODDAMNED LAWN IS WHAT YOU'VE DONE!

I swear to Jesus Christ, last Friday, if I could have unlocked the bullets in time, there'd be three less of THOSE GODDAMNED KIDS in the world.

And every Saturday it takes Mrs. Aldrich half the day just clean all that crap up.

I'll talk at you next week...

lester aldrich_small.jpg

Lester Aldrich is a freelance columnist for Octogenarian MagazineManka Bros. Studios is not responsible for any action by our freelance writers.  If Mr. Aldrich actually kills someone, that's his problem. Manka Bros. cannot be held accountable.

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Fred T said:

You got to stop yelling at the kids, Lester. They have more energy than you and a lot more TP.

About Lester Aldrich

Lester Aldrich - Those Damn Kids - Manka Bros. - Octogenarian

Lester Aldrich is a World War 2 and Korean War veteran. He has been a contributing writer for Manka Bros.' Octogenarian Mankazine since he turned 80 (eight years ago). He lives in East Lansing, Michigan with his wife of 65 years and really hates THOSE DAMN KIDS.



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