Pension Fund Shot?

Retirement money dried up?  Stop your bitching and do what me and Mrs. Aldrich do - EAT DOG FOOD.  And not that premium Alpo crap - I'm talking Chappie Original Dog Food Meal!

Me and the Mrs. have been through tougher times than this.  A 39 cent can of dog food is a goddamned feast compared to what we used to eat.  Every time I see Those Damn Kids out on my lawn eating ice cream like it's VJ Day, I just want to take the flag off my porch, impale them and carry them back to the depression where after we ran out of dirt to eat, we were forced to eat the termites that were eating our house.

I don't know who's to blame for this economic crisis (George Bush, Barack Obama, Lansing Mayor Virg Bernero, Those Damn Kids) - frankly, I don't care.  Not as long as there is decent food to be had for $0.39!

I'll talk at you next week...

Lester Aldrich is a freelance columnist for Octogenarian Magazine.  Manka Bros. Studios is not responsible for any action by our freelance writers.  If Mr. Aldrich actually kills someone, that's his problem. Manka Bros. cannot be held accountable.