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OCTOGENARIAN: Those Damn Kids: June 2010 Archives

June 2010 Archives

As you get older, doctors must replace some of your parts to keep you alive and shut down other parts that you don't need all together.

Having a colostomy bag is not fun and if I had the choice over, I would have preferred to die of cancer.  It is the equivalent of taking a dump in your pocket several times a day and then cleaning out the pocket.

But I don't worry... this column today is not about taking a dump in my pocket. It's about THOSE DAMN KIDS!

ice_cream_man.jpgSummertime is the absolute worse time for me and Mrs. Aldrich because of three little words - ICE CREAM MAN!  This little pussy in his white "uniform" comes through the neighborhood 4 or 5 times a day clanging that little pansy song It's A Small World After All.

If that hippie bastard would only drive a little faster, he could run over several of those little sugar craving squealing babies every day.

First, I'd like to say, I enjoy a plate of ice milk as much as the next man.  Me and the Mrs. go the Sizzler on occasion and I get the soft serve after a nice steak dinner.

bomb_pop.jpgBut these kids aren't in the Sizzler (when they are we hightail it straight for Denny's). They are outside, dangerously close to the heel of my lawn, bouncing up and down like little girlie pogo sticks with their Rocky Roads and Tuttie Fruttie Bomb Pops.

Mrs. Aldrich found two popsicle sticks on my lawn last week.  She thought it was "cute" and told me the stupid little joke that was written on the stick: "Where do plants play football?" "The Ivy League."  She was laughing like a hyena - I wanted to ram the sticks up her nose.

I prefer winter. Nobody eats ice cream in the winter.

I'll talk at you next week...

lester aldrich_small.jpgLester Aldrich is a freelance columnist for Octogenarian MagazineManka Bros. Studios is not responsible for any action by our freelance writers.  If Mr. Aldrich actually kills someone, that's his problem. Manka Bros. cannot be held accountable.

About Lester Aldrich

Lester Aldrich - Those Damn Kids - Manka Bros. - Octogenarian

Lester Aldrich is a World War 2 and Korean War veteran. He has been a contributing writer for Manka Bros.' Octogenarian Mankazine since he turned 80 (eight years ago). He lives in East Lansing, Michigan with his wife of 65 years and really hates THOSE DAMN KIDS.

 

 

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