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OCTOGENARIAN: Those Damn Kids: March 2011 Archives

March 2011 Archives

elephant_toilet.jpg

Don't fret, that's not the subject of my column today - as always, it's THOSE DAMN KIDS!

However, when I am bleeding from the ass, my hatred of those damn kids grows tenfold.  The picture of the elephant on the toilet is not meant to amuse you - it's to show you how I look every Goddamned morning!

Let me give you a little look at my day.  I get up at 4:30am and have read the entire Lansing State Journal by the time most of those little pip-squeaks have crawled out of bed and had their first bowl of frutti-tutti flakes.

Every day, me and Mrs. Aldrich sit on our porch and watch those little jerks scrape dogshit off of their sneakers and onto my lawn.

The vicious cycle starts with the parents of those little Hitlers.  They're the ones who let their little yap dogs (with their craps the size of Lake Michigan) shit on my sidewalk without cleaning it up.  Come rain or shine, those damn kids step in it every morning, then they say 'ewww', scrape it on my lawn then skip off to school so they can learn how to piss on the flag.

It doesn't matter if it's on a day when my ass is bleeding or not... IT DRIVES ME FUCKING CRAZY!!!

But don't cry for me.  As long as I have blood in my veins and bullets in my gun, I'll always have the upper hand against THOSE DAMN KIDS!

I'll talk at you next week...

lester aldrich_small.jpg

Lester Aldrich is a freelance columnist for Octogenarian MagazineManka Bros. Studios is not responsible for any action by our freelance writers.  If Mr. Aldrich actually kills someone, that's his problem. Manka Bros. cannot be held accountable.

lester_aldrich_alone.jpgThe last day I was happy was August 3rd, 1976.  Maybe down the line I'll tell you what happened on that day.  But not today.  I'm too sick and tired to talk about something happy.

The Spartans are going to break my heart again in the tournament - if I live that long.  It's always cold as Hell in this God forsaken Michigan!  I don't think I'll ever be warm again.

THOSE DAMN KIDS can do whatever they want to me and Mrs. Aldrich today... I just don't care.

If they want to throw rocks at Mrs. Aldrich... do it.

If they want to stick vegetables in the tailpipe of my car - knock yourselves out.

If they want to dump wet cement over my rose bushes again - it's all yours, boys!

If they want to stick super glue under the door handle on the car so Mrs. Aldrich's hand gets stuck again - nobody named Lester is going to stop you.

I'm not going to kill them today because I just don't care enough to kill.  No one is joining my revolution.

This is my 86th March 1st and whoop-ti-fucking-do, what a day it is!

I'll talk at you next week...

lester aldrich_small.jpgLester Aldrich is a freelance columnist for Octogenarian MagazineManka Bros. Studios is not responsible for any action by our freelance writers.  If Mr. Aldrich actually kills someone, that's his problem. Manka Bros. cannot be held accountable.

About Lester Aldrich

Lester Aldrich - Those Damn Kids - Manka Bros. - Octogenarian

Lester Aldrich is a World War 2 and Korean War veteran. He has been a contributing writer for Manka Bros.' Octogenarian Mankazine since he turned 80 (eight years ago). He lives in East Lansing, Michigan with his wife of 65 years and really hates THOSE DAMN KIDS.

 

 

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