Theater: October 2009 Archives

"LOVE NEVER DIES"?  That's the name of the sequel to the Phantom of the Opera? 

You mean "Love Never Dies" like the tag line to Francis Ford Coppola's 1992 movie "Dracula" starring the great Keanu Reeves doing one of the worst British accents in the history of film?  "Love Never Dies" like that? 

Taking a title from a movie tag line never works.  Does anyone remember "Love Is In The Hair..." the musical version of "There's Something About Mary"?  No!   Because no one was that stupid.

Look, I'm not here to scream fire in a crowded theater and ruin your billion-dollar party.  I'm a musical fanatic and know by heart just about every song Lord Webber has put in a show (and count Aspects Of Love as my favorite - so how crazy am I?)... but come on ALW! 

THE PHANTOM IS NOW GOING TO HAUNT CONEY ISLAND?!  Are you fucking kidding me?!

Why the fuck would Christine Daae even take a gig at Coney Island?  Why the fuck would you hire the SISTER ACT lyricist to do LOVE NEVER DIES?! 

I have plenty of more 'Why the fucks...?' but I'll cut it off right there and just say - please prove me wrong, Lord Webber, but this has 'disaster' written all over it.

Seriously, I haven't heard this bad of an idea for a musical since Manka Bros. announced they were adapting "Rampage Of The Stegosaur" for Broadway!

Lord Webber, if you're so insistent on putting a ridiculous premise like that out there (and you wrote it) then all this show deserves is a joke title - something like:

• The Phantom Goes West
• Yankee Phantom
• Coney Island Ghost (I believe ALW actually wanted to call it The Phantom of Coney Island - or something horrible like that)
  
• Christine Daae's A Little Whore (Thanks to Shane the intern.  He says it'll work in Vegas.)
  
• Coney Opera
• The Phantom 2: Life's A Beach
• Etc.

So, "Love Never Dies" by Lord Webber bows in London on March 9, 2010 (with a most-likely closing date after the summer 2010).  I'm sure there will be enough Phantom phanatics to justify a decent run - but Lord Webber doesn't take bad reviews and slowing box office lightly (i.e., The Woman In White).  And this musical is destined for bad reviews and slowing box office.
 
Good luck to you and your soon to be crestfallen cast.

Jill Kennedy - OnMedea

P.S. - Please don't have them sing a song on the Coney Island Roller Coaster.  I don't want to see The Phantom and Christine circle the theater in a roller coaster singing a love ballad.  Please.