Mornin’ Eagleville…
I’m feeling a little basic today. Today, we’re gonna get rid of some crazy rumors that have been goin’ around – so let’s get ‘er going…
Marshall Anders’ claim that he discovered plutonium beneath his green bean field is not true.
While it is true that traces of uranium from the 1950s were used to goose the yield of his crappy crops, there was never enough found that could allow his farm to become nuclear capable.
He thinks he has enough to build a bomb, but he also thinks the Loch Ness Monster is his second cousin.
The radiation in his soil could barely give him a decent tan.
The flying cat that people along Main Street said actually existed was not actually true. It was actually a bird – and birds do fly, so it is true that people saw something flying – it just wasn’t a cat. So that’s really the end of that.
Don’t eat the soup today at the Rigsby Diner and Gelato Shoppe. I’m not allowed to say why – #Lawyers – but let’s just say, if no one eats it, no one will die and that’s always a good day.
Fifty years ago today, a giant glop of space shit supposedly dropped onto several farms and houses in the Eagleville / College Grove area.
While there is no photographic evidence or living survivors from that time, local historians have compared it to the Ice Age and the death of the dinosaurs. While that seems a little farfetched –we have no proof to contradict that account, so we’ll go with it.
Happy Glop of Space Shit Day, Eagleville – and enjoy a free Glop of Space Shit Turkey Gravy to put on your mashed potatoes at The Dairy Bar today.
And remember, dare to live the life you have dreamed for yourself. Go forward and make your dreams come true – and we’ll talk at ya tomorrow.
Sam