Tag: 4H Club

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Mornin’ Eagleville – Bird Watching and Pottery

Mornin’ Eagleville…

We are but warriors of the working day. That’s Shakespeare, folks, but boy does it apply to this community.

I see you out there, Eagleville. I see you.

Four bird watchers from the Tennessee Valley Birdwatching Club were killed yesterday by… birds. I suppose they were large birds – birds large enough to kill a human – or four.

Bird Watchers In Eagleville

Are there still Eagles in Eagleville? And can an Eagle kill a person? More details to follow, I suppose.

Be careful out there, Eagleville.

There’s a new pottery shop on Main Street – Artisan Pottery.

Artisan Pottery on Main Street in Eagleville, TN

Not sure about the name. A little generic for my taste. I’d prefer, you know, Millie’s Pottery Shop & Cupcake Euphoria – or, you know, what I’m sayin’ – something folksy. This is Eagleville!

But, never mind – the important thing is… there’s a new pottery shop on Main Street – and we need new shops. It’s gettin’ a little sparse on the storefront side of things these days.

The new owners are from… oh… OK… i get ya now. The new owners are from La Jolla, California.

La Jolla, California

They make clay pots and, you know, stuff made of pottery. And, as I said, the important thing to remember is they are taking up another empty shop on Main Street. They got that California cash they’re willing to lose – so good luck to ‘em.

The Rigsbys can’t fill all them empty shops. So give the news owners a chance, Eagleville.

Everything from California don’t suck… I wish I had an example – but you get me, right? We accept all people here and if you don’t – then fuck all yourselves… I’m sick of it.

Those of you who hate people and hate in general are running out of towns to move to – so just sit back and accept shit for what it is.

Maybe even try to enjoy yourself.

And, just remember, the pain of parting is nothing compared to the joy of meeting again.

I’ll talk at ya tomorrow…

Sam

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Mornin’ Eagleville – Middle School Musical

Mornin’ Eagleville – Sam here for another mornin’. Let’s hit the ground runnin’.

Several people died last night – not sure why. Not sure why and I don’t have any names. More to come on this story, obviously, since many of our sisters and brothers and husbands and wives and children probably want to know who is no longer alive in this town.

You all know the drill, we’ll let you know as soon as we know. We’ve just got to figure it out and get an accurate count as to how many died, why and how. 

Charlie And The Chocolate Factory – Eagleville Middle School

The Eagleville Middle School production of ‘Charlie & The Chocolate Factory’ absolutely sucked (and my grandson was in it so I’m not being biased). I mean, it completely sucked.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – Eagleville Middle School

Not much talent on that stage at all this year. Sorry, kids, you blow. Better luck next year with ‘Guys & Dolls.’

The Eagleville Thrift Store just announced $1 Dollar Thursdays. So all that crap that’s in that store you can now get for $1 on Thursdays. Makes you wonder why you would go there on Fridays. But ok, Peggy, I’m rooting for you.

Eagleville Thrift Store – $1 Thursdays

That’s Peggy Valentine, you know, down at the Thrift Store. So go buy your little doilies and straws and stuff there on Thursday. Maybe I’ll take a trip down there as well. Maybe pick up some used socks for a buck.

That’ll do ‘er for today.

The Road Less Traveled – Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I – I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.

So remember, Eagleville, if you come to a fork in the road – take it.

I’ll talk at ya tomorrow.

Sam

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Mornin’ Eagleville – Double Negatives

Mornin’ Eagleville… Pretty nice day out there, so get out an enjoy it. Do something with your lives, Eagleville.

I hear a lot of double negatives in this town. Phrases like ‘There ain’t no road that goes there.’ ‘There ain’t no more apples at the store.’ Stuff like that.

My dad, Bill, used to do triple negatives – like one time he didn’t want to take a taxi to the airport, ‘I ain’t gonna take no taxi to no airport.’ Not to be grammar snob (God knows I ain’t that) but ‘I’m not taking a taxi’ would have worked just fine. 

Why am I going into language and how we talk in Eagleville? Because, folks, we are being ‘gentrified.’ Go look up the word. I ain’t got no time to explain it.

Definition of ‘Gentrification’ From Merriam-Webster & Oxford Dictinoaries

And the people from the blue states who are moving into and renovating our ancestors’ old farmhouses for HGTV speak a different way than we do.

Photo from HGTV’s ‘Updating Grandma’s Farmhouse’

Oh, they try to do the accent – but we know it’s bullshit. But one thing I do know, there’s not a lot of double negatives coming out of the University of California at Berkeley. 

University of California – Berkeley

Don’t get me wrong, we’re not the ones that have to change, Eagleville. I’m just putting it out there that the new folks you see walking around town who are buying antiques and thrift store vases and candy bowls from your grandma’s attic sale speak differently than we do and we sorta gotta accept it.

Eagleville Antiques

They’re not farmers – but they’re sure going to try and dress like it.

That’s my only message today. No other real news – except the remnants of a hurricane heading our way – but what else is new.

Hurricade Tracker

So… that’ll do ‘her – and may the road rise up to meet you and may the wind be ever at your back.

I’ll talk at ya tomorrow.

Sam

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Mornin’ Eagleville – Uranium and Flying Cats

Mornin’ Eagleville…

I’m feeling a little basic today. Today, we’re gonna get rid of some crazy rumors that have been goin’ around – so let’s get ‘er going…

Marshall Anders’ claim that he discovered plutonium beneath his green bean field is not true.

Marshall Anders’ Green Bean Field (with filter)

While it is true that traces of uranium from the 1950s were used to goose the yield of his crappy crops, there was never enough found that could allow his farm to become nuclear capable.

He thinks he has enough to build a bomb, but he also thinks the Loch Ness Monster is his second cousin.

Loch Ness Monster

The radiation in his soil could barely give him a decent tan.

The flying cat that people along Main Street said actually existed was not actually true. It was actually a bird – and birds do fly, so it is true that people saw something flying – it just wasn’t a cat. So that’s really the end of that.

A Bird Flying In Eagleville – Digital Art

Don’t eat the soup today at the Rigsby Diner and Gelato Shoppe. I’m not allowed to say why – #Lawyers – but let’s just say, if no one eats it, no one will die and that’s always a good day.

Don’t Eat The Soup Today At The Rigsby Diner and Gelato Shoppe

Fifty years ago today, a giant glop of space shit supposedly dropped onto several farms and houses in the Eagleville / College Grove area.

A.I. Imagines What The Massive Space Shit Glop Must Have Looked Liked In 1972

While there is no photographic evidence or living survivors from that time, local historians have compared it to the Ice Age and the death of the dinosaurs. While that seems a little farfetched –we have no proof to contradict that account, so we’ll go with it.

Happy Glop of Space Shit Day, Eagleville – and enjoy a free Glop of Space Shit Turkey Gravy to put on your mashed potatoes at The Dairy Bar today.

Space Glop Mashed Potatoes Available Today At The Dairy Bar

And remember, dare to live the life you have dreamed for yourself. Go forward and make your dreams come true – and we’ll talk at ya tomorrow.   

Sam

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Mornin’ Eagleville – Walnut Jesus

Mornin’ Eagleville… A little gloomy out there this mornin’. But don’t let that put a damper on your day. Make it the best damn day you’ve ever had.

So here we go.

Jake Snyder, the man who said he saw Jesus in a walnut that fell off his tree, has said he would like the controversy to settle down and would like to have his life return to normal.

Jake Snyder’s Walnut Tree

I saw a picture of the walnut and it did look a little like Jesus – but, so what? All kinds of shit looks like Jesus.

Walnut Jesus

We all go to church on Sundays and nobody comes out after and says, ‘Hey, that Jesus in there looked just like Jesus!’ So let’s not make too much of it.

Jake said his kids are getting asked about the Walnut Jesus all day and that it is too much for all of them. 

So…. yesterday, Jake threw the Walnut Jesus into a shredder and he hopes that’s the end of it.

Wood Shredder

He even turned down two hundred dollars from a Jesus museum somewhere in Arkansas just so his nightmare will come to an end.

Jesus Museum – Arkansas

I certainly hope I’m not going to hear about any threats to Jake or his family because he shredded the Walnut Jesus. Didn’t we see enough murder and death a few years ago over that Jesus face in the potato chip? Leave the man alone, Eagleville.

There’s a new flvor of ice cream at the Dairy Bar for the next month… Strawberry.

Strawberry Ice Cream at The Dairy Bar

Mmmm – okay! It’s certainly something I’ll try.

Which is a great reminder, Eagleville. Try new things. Live a little.

See ya later, Alligators.

I’ll talk at ya tomorrow.

Sam

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Mornin’ Eagleville – Sweet Tea and Murder Law

Mornin’ Eagleville.

Looks like a pretty good day. So let’s get it going, Eagleville.

Twin Peaks Made Cherry Pie Popular All Over Again – It Always Popular In Eagleville!

Cherry Pie became a big deal a hundred years ago on the TV show ‘Twin Peaks’ but it has always been a big deal in Eagleville and you throw in a jar of sweet tea – you’ve pretty much got Heaven on Earth right there. Diabetes be damned, we ain’t changing. 

Sweet Tea and Cherry Pie

If you’re thinking of killing someone, don’t do it in, Eagleville, because laws have recently been passed forbidding murder within the city limits. And regardless of what the majority of the people may feel, I say it’s about damn time. 

Murder Is Illegal In Eagleville!

That little loophole in the State and Federal laws has always been a problem in this town, and I’m glad we fixed it!

It’s jam canning time at the Eagleville Baptist Church. So bring your fruit and jars and whatever shit you need to do to get the fruit in the jars.

Eagleville Baptist Church

The Church, headed by Jasper Tritt, will provide the equipment and the know-how. All are welcome.  Well… most are welcome. Those who aren’t know who they are. 

If you wanna give blood for those who don’t have good blood, do it. I mean, what the Hell are we doing here?

Eagleville Blood Drive At The Eagleville Clinic

The Eagleville Clinic is welcoming all blood givers. Well… most are welcome and again, those who aren’t… know who they are. Ask for Nurse Donna Jean – she’ll poke ya and promises you won’t feel a thing. 

In Sports, Eagleville High School varsity girls volleyball beat College Grove like an f-ing drum three to two in the all-important league play qualifier.

Eagleville Varsity Volleyball Team Destroyed College Grove!

Whichever team wins the league gets to go to Regionals which could lead to Districts which could lead to State.

Let’s go Eagles! Or should I say… Lady Eagles!

We’ll talk at ya tomorrow, Eagleville. Have a good one.

Sam

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Mornin’ Eagleville – Aliens and Pie

Mornin’ Eagleville…

You betcha we made it. It’s another day – and it’s not so hot. That’s a win-win in my book. So let’s get goin’ on this glorious day.

Alan Rigsby – who with Rigsby Bros. are proud sponsors of Mornin’ Eagleville’ – called our tip line last night with an extraterrestrial sighting! He said an unidentified flying object was spotted directly over the Rigsby Brothers Motel in College Grove and then quickly flew out of the atmosphere before he could activate the camera on his phone. 

Rigsby Bros. Grocery, Auto Repair & Tax Preparation (With UFOs Added By AI)

He did describe the encounter to his granddaughter, Shelby, who is in second grade, and she made a drawing. This is more for fun than for historical fact. So here’s that drawing. Pretty good job, I’d say.

Shelby Rigsby’s Drawing Of UFO Invasion of College Grove, TN

I know for some a sighting like that in College Grove will throw it immediately into the wacko pile because those people over there can’t be trust. But I have known Alan Rigsby most of my life and he is not a liar. So we have to take it at face value and as the truth.

So, there it is – further proof – we are not alone. 

And on that note, the Rigsby Pancake and Waffle Barn is having a special this weekend. An Alien Pancake Special – green pancakes shaped like Alien Faces with butter for eyes – $4.99 for six pancakes and a side of Area 51 Hash Browns. 

Mornin’ Eagleville is brought to you by Rigby’s Tire and Auto. Everyone’s car breaks down but only one place can fix it – Rigsby’s Tire & Auto. Where else would you go? Nashville and all them new blue recruits? Let’s go Brandon. Rigsby’s Tire & Auto.

Rigsby Bros. Tire & Auto

I realize this is a Rigsby heavy episode but those boys do a lot for our community so maybe our community will a lot for them and support those businesses that support us.

One final thing today… the Monthly Eagleville Pie Baking Contest was won by Anita Flores. How that happened, I have no idea. She’s new to town and, apparently, knows her way around the Apricot.

Eagleville Pie Baking Contest

Mama Karen Rigsby was second with her normally dominant Apple pie. So this was a bit of a shock to all us.

Maybe the Aliens rigged it for Miss Flores – or maybe she just knows how to make a pie.

I’ll talk at you tomorrow, Eagleville. And now that we know we’re not alone, that’s just one more reason to be kind.

Have a good one, Eagleville.

Sam

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Mornin’ Eagleville – Petting Zoo and World War 2 Bomb

They say when you cut the head off a snake, the snake stays alive just long enough to bite you and everyone you love. This past weekend, I cut the head off a snake in my tobacco patch and it didn’t bite shit – excuse my language.

Just sayin’, don’t believe anything you hear or read.

So good mornin’ to you all. 

Eagleville Elementary School is having a petting zoo this weekend. The zoo will be two dogs, a cat and three sheep. Thanks for the support, Eagleville. Should be fun for all. 

An undiscovered WW2 test bomb – used for military tests during WW2 training – exploded when a local Book Club group (the Facebook page said there were seventeen active members) was having a picnic on the outskirts of Eagleville near the College Grove line. The book they were reading was ‘All The Light We Cannot See.’ There were no survivors. 

The weather is so freakin’ hot now – no thanks to Brandon – but, I suppose, winter will come at some point in this life. We’ll be in the 90s in the day and the 80s at night. 

In sports, Eagleville High School LaCrosse is having tryouts… nope… nope… nope… not giving LaCrosse anytime here. It’s not a real sport – at least not real in these parts. Connecticut can talk about it all they want.  

That’ll do ‘er for today.

The cherry pie is fresh at the Dairy Bar this morning. So go there and smoke your cigarettes, drink your coffee, eat your pancakes and finish it all off with a nice slice of cherry pie.

Remember, health is genetics. Some fat people die when they’re ninety and some skinny marathon runners die when they’re thirty.

Have a great one. 

Talk at ya tomorrow.

Sam