Blood Sausage – Mornin' Eagleville

October 11, 2024October 16, 2024

Mornin’ Eagleville – Bird Watching and Pottery

Mornin’ Eagleville…

We are but warriors of the working day. That’s Shakespeare, folks, but boy does it apply to this community.

I see you out there, Eagleville. I see you.

Four bird watchers from the Tennessee Valley Birdwatching Club were killed yesterday by… birds. I suppose they were large birds – birds large enough to kill a human – or four.

Are there still Eagles in Eagleville? And can an Eagle kill a person? More details to follow, I suppose.

Be careful out there, Eagleville.

There’s a new pottery shop on Main Street – Artisan Pottery.

Artisan Pottery on Main Street in Eagleville, TN

Not sure about the name. A little generic for my taste. I’d prefer, you know, Millie’s Pottery Shop & Cupcake Euphoria – or, you know, what I’m sayin’ – something folksy. This is Eagleville!

But, never mind – the important thing is… there’s a new pottery shop on Main Street – and we need new shops. It’s gettin’ a little sparse on the storefront side of things these days.

The new owners are from… oh… OK… i get ya now. The new owners are from La Jolla, California.

They make clay pots and, you know, stuff made of pottery. And, as I said, the important thing to remember is they are taking up another empty shop on Main Street. They got that California cash they’re willing to lose – so good luck to ‘em.

The Rigsbys can’t fill all them empty shops. So give the news owners a chance, Eagleville.

Everything from California don’t suck… I wish I had an example – but you get me, right? We accept all people here and if you don’t – then fuck all yourselves… I’m sick of it.

Those of you who hate people and hate in general are running out of towns to move to – so just sit back and accept shit for what it is.

Maybe even try to enjoy yourself.

And, just remember, the pain of parting is nothing compared to the joy of meeting again.

I’ll talk at ya tomorrow…

Sam

September 25, 2024September 26, 2024

Mornin’ Eagleville – Double Negatives

Mornin’ Eagleville… Pretty nice day out there, so get out an enjoy it. Do something with your lives, Eagleville.

I hear a lot of double negatives in this town. Phrases like ‘There ain’t no road that goes there.’ ‘There ain’t no more apples at the store.’ Stuff like that.

My dad, Bill, used to do triple negatives – like one time he didn’t want to take a taxi to the airport, ‘I ain’t gonna take no taxi to no airport.’ Not to be grammar snob (God knows I ain’t that) but ‘I’m not taking a taxi’ would have worked just fine.

Why am I going into language and how we talk in Eagleville? Because, folks, we are being ‘gentrified.’ Go look up the word. I ain’t got no time to explain it.

Definition of ‘Gentrification’ From Merriam-Webster & Oxford Dictinoaries

And the people from the blue states who are moving into and renovating our ancestors’ old farmhouses for HGTV speak a different way than we do.

Photo from HGTV’s ‘Updating Grandma’s Farmhouse’

Oh, they try to do the accent – but we know it’s bullshit. But one thing I do know, there’s not a lot of double negatives coming out of the University of California at Berkeley.

Don’t get me wrong, we’re not the ones that have to change, Eagleville. I’m just putting it out there that the new folks you see walking around town who are buying antiques and thrift store vases and candy bowls from your grandma’s attic sale speak differently than we do and we sorta gotta accept it.

They’re not farmers – but they’re sure going to try and dress like it.

That’s my only message today. No other real news – except the remnants of a hurricane heading our way – but what else is new.

So… that’ll do ‘her – and may the road rise up to meet you and may the wind be ever at your back.

I’ll talk at ya tomorrow.

Sam

September 13, 2024September 13, 2024

Mornin’ Eagleville – Aliens and Pie

Mornin’ Eagleville…

You betcha we made it. It’s another day – and it’s not so hot. That’s a win-win in my book. So let’s get goin’ on this glorious day.

Alan Rigsby – who with Rigsby Bros. are proud sponsors of Mornin’ Eagleville’ – called our tip line last night with an extraterrestrial sighting! He said an unidentified flying object was spotted directly over the Rigsby Brothers Motel in College Grove and then quickly flew out of the atmosphere before he could activate the camera on his phone.

Rigsby Bros. Grocery, Auto Repair & Tax Preparation (With UFOs Added By AI)

He did describe the encounter to his granddaughter, Shelby, who is in second grade, and she made a drawing. This is more for fun than for historical fact. So here’s that drawing. Pretty good job, I’d say.

Shelby Rigsby’s Drawing Of UFO Invasion of College Grove, TN

I know for some a sighting like that in College Grove will throw it immediately into the wacko pile because those people over there can’t be trust. But I have known Alan Rigsby most of my life and he is not a liar. So we have to take it at face value and as the truth.

So, there it is – further proof – we are not alone.

And on that note, the Rigsby Pancake and Waffle Barn is having a special this weekend. An Alien Pancake Special – green pancakes shaped like Alien Faces with butter for eyes – $4.99 for six pancakes and a side of Area 51 Hash Browns.

Mornin’ Eagleville is brought to you by Rigby’s Tire and Auto. Everyone’s car breaks down but only one place can fix it – Rigsby’s Tire & Auto. Where else would you go? Nashville and all them new blue recruits? Let’s go Brandon. Rigsby’s Tire & Auto.

I realize this is a Rigsby heavy episode but those boys do a lot for our community so maybe our community will a lot for them and support those businesses that support us.

One final thing today… the Monthly Eagleville Pie Baking Contest was won by Anita Flores. How that happened, I have no idea. She’s new to town and, apparently, knows her way around the Apricot.

Mama Karen Rigsby was second with her normally dominant Apple pie. So this was a bit of a shock to all us.

Maybe the Aliens rigged it for Miss Flores – or maybe she just knows how to make a pie.

I’ll talk at you tomorrow, Eagleville. And now that we know we’re not alone, that’s just one more reason to be kind.

Have a good one, Eagleville.

Sam

September 11, 2024September 13, 2024

Mornin’ Eagleville – Blood Sausage and Bourbon

Mornin’ Eagleville… yep, we’re in it. Hang on.

If you like blood sausage then the Rigsby’s got a treat for you – free blood sausage with an oil change this Saturday at the Rigsby Garage.

Blood Sausage and Coffee at Rigsby Bros. Grocery & Auto Repair & Tax Preparation

And thanks to the Rigsby’s for sponsoring today’s show…

Rigsby Bros. Grocery & Auto Repair & Tax Preparation

Sheila Barnhart has had a Hell of time raising money for the Eagleville Food Bank. The food don’t buy itself, Eagleville, and more people need it than donate. So, let’s step up!

Especially you homesteaders from out of state who have moved from blue states for cheap real estate. Step up, libtards, you got the money from selling your house in California.

Step up!

Harlis Brown’s 1975 Skylark at The Dairy Bar

It’s classic car day at the Dairy Bar – which normally means Harlis Brown and his 1975 Skylark – but they keep trying at the Dairy Bar to get people there. So stop by for a burger and a shake and look, again, at the Skylark.

Six skydivers – trying to break a record for lowest parachute deployment – smashed into the ground on the Eagleville farm of Mary Landis. The drop zone flight originated from Nashville. There were no survivors… (beat)… And, if I may editorialize… idiots.

If kids like candy then grown men like Bourbon – and this weekend the Bourbon will be flowing like candy at the Annual Rutherford County Dry County Drukening, in which the dry county laws are dropped so that good Christian folks of this county can chug-a-fuckin;-lug and drink and drink and get drunk and drunk.

That’ll doer for another day.

Be good, Eagleville, and we’ll catch you tomorrow…

Sam