Khan Manka – Page 10

July 1, 2010July 26, 2012

Facebook Is Worthless

MORE RECENT FACEBOOK POSTS:

Should We Believe Facebook’s Earnings?

Facebook and the Disappearing Valuation (A Fairy Tale)

Facebook Must Be Stopped

Advertise On Facebook – Reach More People Than 10 Super Bowls!

Facebook To Reach 7.3 Billion Users By 2015

————

Original Post (Facebook Is Worthless):

Salacious headline? Yes. True? Also yes.

This is not a slam against the EXTREME popularity and unprecedented GROWTH story that is Facebook. This is a reality check of an unsustainable business model.

Much like a homeowner who can no longer afford an overinflated house purchased during the height of the bubble and decides to walk away, Facebook (with claims that it will hit ONE BILLION users in the not too distant future) has given it all away for free for far to long to change.

But change it must or Facebook Is Worthless.

Imagine the cable networks at their inception (especially premium channels like HBO) giving the channel to anyone for free at the beginning and then trying to convince customers to pay down the line. It’s a daunting task. One that Hulu is going through now – but they made the hard decision, and even though traffic and video streams will certainly fall, it will soon be profitable because it wasn’t too late to right the ship.

Imagine Disney/Pixar putting out Toy Story 3 for free in theaters and trying to make up their costs by throwing up billboards along the walls. What kind of idiot would do that? It would never be considered.

People love (and some actually depend on) Facebook, but it is too late to right the ship – and not just because no one cares or pays any attention to the banner ads that are thrown up against everyone’s status updates. It’s because people are starting to get really bored with it.

There are some late adapters that are still in the ecstasy phase of seeing their old high school friends as they look today (Facebook has ruined surprise factor of high school reunions forever, but I digress), but for the most part – at least in my case – most of my Facebook friends have stopped participating. They will pop on once a day or so just to see if anyone has posted any new drunken pictures or family photos of the new baby, but that’s about it.

My Facebook experience now is basically the same five people posting the same boring crap.

The Bored Office Worker who posts about “needing coffee” – and “can’t wait for Happy Hour!”

The Super Mom who claims every morning – “Went to 8 museums adn made banana bread all before 10am! My kids are awesome and sooooo funny!”

The Quoter who searches quotation websites looking for some daily affirmation that will get about 15 “Likes” and a few “I’m going to use that!” replies.

The Reviewer who writes stuff like “Smoke Monster? Shit Monster if you ask me!”

The Pissed Off Traveler with daily pearls like “10 hours on the tarmac!” and “Yet another delay, thank you American Airlines!”

And that’s about it. Every day, the same five people and I have over 300 Facebook friends (even though I only see about three friends actually in person in any given month).

The valuation on Facebook is so high that no one could possibly acquire it now (not even my employer, the insanely deep-pocketed Manka Bros. Studios) especially considering there is really no monetary growth story.

As it becomes more of a digital dumping ground, costs continue to rise. It has peaked as a global fascination. Check the value of Bebo, Myspace, Friendster, etc. and you’ll see the future of Facebook. Even though Mark Zuckerberg claims he’s different than all the others.

So here’s what Facebook needs to do – start charging every current or new user $0.99/month. Just ninety-nine cents per user per month to use all the features they currently use. New services may make it possible to bump that up to a premium fee down the line.

Millions will leave and start some “Facebook Should Be Free” movement, but other millions (like my five daily posters who feel they need to be heard) will definitely pay. Because $0.99 is nothing. It’s the purchase price of a pig on Farmville. There will still be advertising and cross-promotional opportunities and corporate sponsorships, etc. – multi revenue streams.

But the free culture has to change or Facebook is Worthless.

Deep down, at least to me, this seems to be the reason the IPO hasn’t happened. Zuckerberg says he’s not interested and will delay the IPO as long as possible. Yeah, because it’s a $15 billion company (so they say) with costs that exceed revenue – and no signs of that ever changing.

I wouldn’t be interested in an IPO either.

Someone enlighten me and correct my ignorance.

Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

June 30, 2010April 4, 2011

10 Slideshows You Must See RIGHT NOW!

OK, online media publishers – enough with the freakin’ slideshows! They’re nothing but a waste of time to those who click through all those pages of The World’s Top 10 Shellfish and the Best Tasting Fruits You’ve Never Tasted. What’s the real reason for these time suckages? Page views and ad impressions – the life force of online media (yes, I admit, my humble blog also depends on these metrics). And what’s the best way to rack up page views and ad impressions? Slideshows with one image and, on average, three ads per page. Multiply that by the Top 50 Female Insurance Industry Executives – and you get the idea.

But you didn’t come to this page for my rant against Slideshows – you came to see 10 SLIDESHOWS YOU MUST SEE RIGHT NOW! Let’s get to it! (Note: I have mercifully avoided the obvious and did not put this in Slideshow format.)

10 Unbelievable, Unlikely Animal Friendships

What Booze Looks Like Under A Microscope

June 25, 2010February 8, 2024

Jason Bateman Cuts iPhone Line – Gets Booed

Who cares? He’s a celebrity and celebrities win. Deal with it. No one would care if the Pope or Rupert Murdoch was moved to the front of the line.

I think the ‘booing’ was more because of the Orbit Gum Commercial Jason produced for DumbDumb and Electus than for getting special treatment by a store manager.

I also heard a rumor that at the Apple Store on 5th Avenue in New York, once it was discovered that Ben Silverman was standing in line like a common schmuck, people in front of him laid on the ground. Police then ordered Ben to step over and on their bodies to get to the front. Ben did gladly and was able to get the last phone in stock (which was promptly comped to him by the store because of who he was).

And in Queens, New York, Ricky Van Veen waited in line for over 24 hours and still didn’t get a phone and wasn’t allowed to cut. He also still hasn’t been able to get tickets to Twilight Eclipse.

Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

June 21, 2010April 4, 2011

Electus – COMING SOON!

I see Ben got the message (though the horse and buggy logo doesn’t inspire “future of entertainment”).

“Coming Soon” is a step in the right direction, I suppose. Just be sure and have a “Thanks for the Memories” logo ready once the money is gone.

By the way, I enjoyed the Orbit Commercial. Jason Bateman and Will Arnett are perfect in those commercials. They really made gum chewing cool.

Most gum commercials don’t get a launch party. But most gum commercials aren’t made by Ben Silverman’s company. And with the death of independent film, celebrity parties to show gum commercials just may be the new normal. (The key words here are “gum” and “commercials”.)

Perhaps the next step is for Electus or Notional to come up with an Award that it can give the gum commercial so that Ben can call it “Award Winning” at his next corporate presentation.

And, maybe, down the line, those five minute “gumisodes” can be trimmed down to 30 seconds and shown on regular television – then you’ll really sell some gum. But the fellows at DumbDumb may not think that’s as cool.

Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

June 8, 2010April 4, 2011

Electus.com – Looking Good!

So, after my very long vacation, I decided to check in on my old friend Ben Silverman’s new company – Electus. Now, I’ve been pretty tough on Electus and Ben Silverman since this venture was announced 11 months ago(!) – so, I went to Electus.com with new hope and got nothing… just an error message.

So I went to the IAC Corporate site and got a blurb on Electus – which gave me a link to this… more nothing:

Look, Ben, I realize Electus.com isn’t going to be the final destination for all the brilliant content you produce (I mean, you did create “The Office” – didn’t you? Ricky Gervais owes you big time!), but how about a basic Corporate site with a little information?

Even Notional.com put up a logo – but, then again, Ricky Van Veen is a freakin’ genius.

Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

June 8, 2010April 5, 2011

I’m Back From Mt. Kilimanjaro And Ready To Go

Now THAT’S what I call a month off.

As many of you have noticed, I haven’t been around for the past month (replies to your emails are coming). Where have I been? CLIMBING MT. KILIMANJARO!

I was told MK is considered one of the easiest of the BIG mountains to climb and would require very little training.

After assigning myself the difficult task of bringing down big media buffoons such as Ben Silverman, Meredith Whitney and Jeff Zucker, I don’t have the time to train to climb mountains. And, yet, with only a few hours logged on the Stairmaster, somehow – I MADE IT! More pics and stories to come on that later – but this isn’t a travel blog and I’m sure you can find much more interesting Mt. Kilimanjaro tidbits elsewhere.

As I have been “off the grid” for a month – I was very happy to hear about Jeff Zucker’s potential exit from NBC Universal after the merger. I was very unhappy to hear he may receive upwards of $40 million when he leaves. I was hoping his exit package would only include one big kick in the ass on his way out the door.

I would love to see a Jeff Zucker / Ben Silverman reunion over at the ill-fated Electus.com before it runs out of Barry Diller’s money and shuts its doors for good sometime next year.

Oh, well, a girl can dream, can’t she? It’s great to back.

Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

May 6, 2010April 6, 2011

Meredith Whitney Predicted The Glitch!

While today was an insane day on Wall Street with no one seeming to know anything about why there was so much volatility (Crisis in Greece, Banking Reform, etc.), there was one person who knew all along what would happen. If we would have just listened to her years ago, all of today’s anxiety could have been prevented.

That person? Meredith Whitney.

The brilliant Nostrodamus of Wall Street knew years ago this would happen (as evidenced by the dated quote on today’s stock chart).

Now, I’ve been pretty tough on Ms. Whitney over the past few months (i.e., here and here) – but this is undeniable proof that she really does know what she’s talking about and we’re all idiots for doubting her.

From now on, whatever she says – no matter how ridiculous -should be writ in stone.

Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

April 16, 2010October 10, 2017

Bob Iger Finishes Off The Weinstein Brothers

Alan Braverman, Andrew Mooney, Andy Bird, Anne Sweeney, Aylwin Lewis, Bob Iger, Bob Weinstein, Brent Woodford, Christine McCarthy, Fred Langhammer, George Bodenheimer, Harvey Weinstein, Jay Rasulo, Jayne Parker, John Bryson, John Chen, John Pepper, Jr., Judith Estrin, Kevin Mayer, Khan Manka, Lee Solomon, Manka Bros., Michael Eisner, Miramax, Monica Lozano, Orin Smith, Preston Padden, Rich Ross, Robert Matschullat, Ron Burkle, Ronald Iden, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Jobs, Steve Wadsworth, Susan Arnold, The Weinstein Company, Thomas Staggs, Tina Brown, Walter Liss, World's Largest Media Company, Zenia Mucha

By selling Miramax back to the Weinstein Brothers (that would be Harvey and Bob) and (ahem) Lord Ron Burkle (he who has single-handedly created thousands of jobs in the prostitution and supermarket industries), Disney Chief Bob Iger has effectively given the coup de grace to Harvey and Bob thus ending their 30+ year run in show business.

But, you say, they’ll be running Miramax, picking up awesome Kevin Smith and Ben Affleck movies that the big studios don’t want to make?

Right?

They’re still in the business.

Sorry. Miramax will out of business in five years.

In 2013, a fire sale of the library will be hastily arranged by GoldmanSachsBankOfAmericaJPMorganCiti (a division of Lending Tree) and the price will be less that $200 million.

I suppose the deal allows the total prick and predator Harvey and his brother Bob the chance to die with dignity and go down in flames with the company they started (the name combines their parent’s first names “Miriam” and “Max”) – but I think a real friend (which obviously Bob Iger isn’t) would have said to stay far away from this horribly overpriced mess of fragmented film rights that have very little resale / remake value left in them.

I suppose that’s why Bob Iger is the current toast of the town and Harvey and Bob are just toast. (Texas Toast if you believe this blog.) Karma’s a bitch.

If the new post-Disney Miramax is run as efficiently as The Weinstein Company, Ron Burkle’s $3.5 billion net worth should be exhausted within 10 or 15 years (though I’m sure he’ll pull the plug once $1 billion is gone and save the rest to solve the growing hooker unemployment problem that has ravaged this country.

(At this point, Ron could probably just trade sex for food – which he probably could arrange to get from his former Ralph’s and Food4Less stores. I would hope he would offer food from Ralph’s so the poor girls don’t have to bag their own groceries at Food4Less).

But enough about Ron Burkle’s (alleged) shenanigans mentioned above, this is about Harvey and Bob – two guys who changed the film distribution industry by taking on the big guys with small movies (and many times winning). But the greedy, creepy bastards sold off the dream for $80 million to Disney and now, the even greedier bastards, want it back for $600 million.

The classic example of throwing good money (well, Ron Burkle’s money) after bad.

Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

April 13, 2010June 22, 2011

Ben Silverman Is Not A Visionary

OK, don’t go all crazy MIPTV Conference people, Ben Silverman didn’t say shit that hasn’t been said before by… everyone producing new media content.

Perhaps he says it in a way that make people think it sounds new or perhaps people just want to party with the guy – but it’s crazy how he can speak for 45 minutes and not say a thing.

I still don’t know what the hell Electus is based on the way Ben tries to define it (the website offers no help).

It sounds to me like a production company. A production company that will have Facebook Fan areas and YouTube channels. Basically like every production company on the planet.

It will be a production company that acquires (or JV’s) ideas for reality and game shows that can be exploited in the U.S. and international markets. Please tell King World, Telepictures, Mark Burnett, Endemol, etc. or other companies that have been doing this FOR DECADES that your idea is revolutionary, Ben. I’m sure they would laugh you out of the room and tell you to stop stealing their stuff.

Electus’ plan is to bring Burbank, Madison Avenue and THE WORLD together before a project goes forward – basically marrying advertisers with content producers up front. Perhaps you should Google (or “Electus’le” – which will be your way of rebranding Google – in a deal you’ll announce by Press Release and then we won’t hear about it ever again) the concept for the ‘Soap Opera’ from the 1930s.

If your plan (if I may interpret it from your Press Release to announce the deal to create DumbDumb) is just to stick a bag of Doritos in Will Arnett’s hand while he and Jason Bateman talk about their love for Doritos (plus they’ll attempt to throw in some silly plot that’s added just for fun) while one of them Twitters about his love for Doritos and encourages viewers to “Fan” Doritos on Facebook… then that’s fine and dandy.

Everybody gets paid by Doritos and everybody (probably) makes money. It’s called a commercial.

Seriously, producing “branded” content with celebrities doesn’t mean shit. It means they’re doing commercials and probably feeling pretty bad about themselves once they have to start announcing the winners of the Electus Award for Cheesiest Doritos Fanatic (which no doubt encompasses the person who can get the most people to join the Twitter feed).

There’s nothing wrong with that. Money is money. That’s why you’re in business. Just don’t call it revolutionary or visionary or YOUR IDEA! It’s just a production company. Screech has a production company. Everybody is doing what you’re doing.

Do it in 1994 as the internet is just coming into people’s homes… then it’s revolutionary.

Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

April 8, 2010April 6, 2011

Ben Silverman’s MIPTV Keynote Address

It recently came to my attention that Ben Silverman was asked to give a keynote address at this year’s MIPTV Conference in Cannes, France on April 13, 2010. Realizing that Ben is a very busy man (what with single-handedly changing the media landscape… again), I have taken the liberty of drafting his keynote address for him.

Based on everything I know about him through interviews and presentations, etc., I have attempted to write the speech in a style he would find the most comfortable.
———————–
Ben Silverman – Founder and CEO of the new multimedia company Electus – a groundbreaking partnership with media mogul Barry Diller’s leading interactive company IAC.

(As the lights dim, a low hum emits from somewhere, smoke machines fill the stage with a heavy mist. A lightning bolt appears to strike the back of the stage followed by a thunderclap – leaving the silhouette of… A MAN.)

BOOMING VOICE OVER: Since the dawn of time, only one man has had the balls to change the world. To change the way we think, we feel, we speak. To change the way we laugh, the way we cry. The guts to change 10pm programming on broadcast networks. His name… is Ben.

(A pin spotlight pulls out to reveal BEN SILVERMAN in all his glory – sunglasses, suit that he probably slept in with the tie loosened – unshaven. He points to the sky as another lightning bolt shoots out of his finger. “Rock You Like A Hurricane” by The Scorpions screams from the speakers as he floats magically toward the podium on a hydraulic saucer.)

All is silent (except, I imagine, for the thunderous applause from the lucky MIPTV crowd).

Ben Silverman: Yeah… all right… good morning Cannes. Hell of a town you got here. I don’t know what kind of poison you serve in your bars, but you fuckers got me drunk!

(From the wings, Notional founder and CEO Ricky Van Veen is heard cackling.)

Ricky Van Veen: You got that shit right! Whooo!

Ben Silverman: Before I get started, how about a shout out for my little pissant buddy over there, Notional Founder and CEO Ricky Van Veen!

(There is a smattering of applause and bunch of “who the fuck is that” looks throughout the crowd.)

Ben Silverman: All right, all right… Let’s get going. It’s really great to be here at the MIPTV conference. What the hell does ‘MIP’ mean anyway? Nobody seems to know.

Ricky Van Veen: Damn straight on that one, cat daddy!

Ben Silverman: Can it, Ricky.

Ricky Van Veen: I get it “Cannes”! That’s where we are! Freakin’ hilarious, boss.

Ben Silverman: Shut the fuck up, Ricky.

Ricky Van Veen: Sorry, daddy-o.

Ben Silverman: (holding up a cocktail) And I said more vodka than tomato juice, bitch.

Ricky Van Veen: Sorry bout dat.

(Ricky comes on stage and takes Ben’s drink to freshen it up.)

Ben Silverman: Anyway… Now we’re cruising. You guys (and ladies) are all International Television folk, right? Excellent. How’s business? It’s great to see the Polish TV delegation out there.

(There is applause from a delegation of Polish Television Executives.)

Ben Silverman: The last I heard from you guys in Poland, you were dealing with the problems of screen doors on your submarines, right? And I heard your library was closed because someone stole THE BOOK! Am I right? Anway, I see you guys have television now. Welcome to the 20th century! Next stop, the internet!

(A screen behind Ben descends from the ceiling revealing his PowerPoint presentation. The light envelops him in a Christ-like glow. The first slide is Ben Silverman’s professional timeline.)

Ben Silverman: After I created “The Office” in the UK and decided to bring it to America, I really needed a new challenge. So I told NBC Universal Chairman Jeff Zucker I wanted to be the head of NBC. He said I was overqualified for the job and would be better suited to be his boss… but I convinced him that I would prefer to run NBC for a while and see how that goes first.

(Another slide – Images of Jay Leno, Conan O’Brien and Jeff Zucker.)

Ben Silverman: When Zucker told me he wanted to move Jay Leno to 10pm and cancel all the dramas in that time slot, I said he was crazy. “It will never work”, I said. I predicted at the time The Jay Leno Show would last approximately four months before the affiliates would complain about having a crappy lead-in. But Jeff Zucker was insistent. So he did it. He moved Jay to 10pm… and I quit.

(Another slide – giant Electus logo… a smaller IAC logo barely noticeable.)

Ben Silverman: Having conquered the broadcast network world, I decided the one space where every content producer was having trouble was the online world. It was a challenge I couldn’t refuse. The person who figures out how to make money with content on the internet will be made King! Everyone is losing shitloads of money right now. “It’s a space that can’t be tamed, Ben.” “Please, Ben, don’t try it.” Everyone was being a whiny little bitch to me, begging me not to go into New Media. When Barry Diller pleaded with me to take $100 million and start Electus, I told him it wouldn’t work. “It’s throwing good money down the toilet”, I said. But he insisted.

(Another slide – Ben Silverman holding a mini-dv camcorder.)

Ben Silverman: I just wanted to have a little mini-dv camcorder and some really good out of work writers looking for a break and I wanted to create a low-cost, high-quality content site. It’s the only model that works. But Mr. Diller, being used to high-cost, low-quality content, insisted that I take the money. So I did. And, today, I’m happy to say, there is still some money left.

(Slight applause.)

Ben Silverman: I will now take your questions.

————————————————————————-
Note to Ben, just copy and paste the text into Word, print it out, and you have your speech.

You’re welcome.

Jill Kennedy – OnMedea