R.I.P. Jerry’s Seinfeld’s Influence

Al Berman, Allison Gollust, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Brian Roberts, CBS, Chuck Martin, Comcast, Conan O'Brien, Cory Shields, Dawn Ostroff, Deadline Hollywood, Dick Ebersol, Dick Wolf, Ellen Rakieten, GE shareholder, henriette Mantel, Jamie Farr, Jay Leno, Jay Leno ratings, Jeff Cesario, Jeff Gaspin, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jennifer O'Connell, Jerry Seinfeld, Jill Kennedy, Jimmy Fallon, John Eck, John Ferriter, John s. Dorsey, John Wallace, Khan Manka, Lindsey Vonn, Lynn Calpeter, Manka Bros., Marc Chini, Marc Graboff, Mark Hoffman, Michael Bass, Michael Pilot, NBC Olympic Coverage, Nick Emmerson, Nikki Finke, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Paula Madison, Peter Smith, Phyllis Diller, Richard Cotton, Ron Meyer, Salil Mehta, Sharon Waxman, Steve Capus, Terry Semel, The CW, The Marriage Ref, thewrap.com, Todd Broder, Tom PapaIt’s the end of an era.  When “Seinfeld” went off the air in 1998 (!!) there was no bigger star in television who wielded more influence than Jerry Seinfeld.  Senior creative executives from every major studio were falling all over themselves to get the next Seinfeld project.

But… Jerry decided to take his $100 million (give or take a few million) and went off to enjoy his life.  He did the occasional stand-up event at Caesar’s Palace; the occasional guest spot on a TV series or talk show to give his friends a spike in their ratings; voiced a cartoon bee, etc.

Up until last week, everyone just assumed that Jerry Seinfeld was still as big as he ever was.

Al Berman, Allison Gollust, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Brian Roberts, CBS, Chuck Martin, Comcast, Conan O'Brien, Cory Shields, Dawn Ostroff, Deadline Hollywood, Dick Ebersol, Dick Wolf, Ellen Rakieten, GE shareholder, henriette Mantel, Jamie Farr, Jay Leno, Jay Leno ratings, Jeff Cesario, Jeff Gaspin, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jennifer O'Connell, Jerry Seinfeld, Jill Kennedy, Jimmy Fallon, John Eck, John Ferriter, John s. Dorsey, John Wallace, Khan Manka, Lindsey Vonn, Lynn Calpeter, Manka Bros., Marc Chini, Marc Graboff, Mark Hoffman, Michael Bass, Michael Pilot, NBC Olympic Coverage, Nick Emmerson, Nikki Finke, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Paula Madison, Peter Smith, Phyllis Diller, Richard Cotton, Ron Meyer, Salil Mehta, Sharon Waxman, Steve Capus, Terry Semel, The CW, The Marriage Ref, thewrap.com, Todd Broder, Tom PapaThen something strange happened this week:  Jerry Seinfeld became irrelevant.

After spending millions of dollars for promotional time during the Vancouver Olympics for Jerry Seinfeld’s “The Marriage Ref”, NBC was expecting a really big number.

They even cut the Closing Ceremonies short (to most of the country’s shock and anger) just to show the premiere of “The Marriage Ref”.  And, to be fair, they got a strong number (though, I suspect, with that lead in, NBC could have put on a rerun of “Silver Spoons” and it also would have gotten a big number).

Al Berman, Allison Gollust, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Brian Roberts, CBS, Chuck Martin, Comcast, Conan O'Brien, Cory Shields, Dawn Ostroff, Deadline Hollywood, Dick Ebersol, Dick Wolf, Ellen Rakieten, GE shareholder, henriette Mantel, Jamie Farr, Jay Leno, Jay Leno ratings, Jeff Cesario, Jeff Gaspin, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jennifer O'Connell, Jerry Seinfeld, Jill Kennedy, Jimmy Fallon, John Eck, John Ferriter, John s. Dorsey, John Wallace, Khan Manka, Lindsey Vonn, Lynn Calpeter, Manka Bros., Marc Chini, Marc Graboff, Mark Hoffman, Michael Bass, Michael Pilot, NBC Olympic Coverage, Nick Emmerson, Nikki Finke, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Paula Madison, Peter Smith, Phyllis Diller, Richard Cotton, Ron Meyer, Salil Mehta, Sharon Waxman, Steve Capus, Terry Semel, The CW, The Marriage Ref, thewrap.com, Todd Broder, Tom PapaWith that in mind, last night “The Marriage Ref” settled into its Thursday night 10pm time slot and promptly lost half of its audience.  Don’t get me wrong, these aren’t terrible numbers like Melrose Place or The Beautiful Life on The CW or Severed Fingers on MBS, but not the numbers you want and expect if you have JERRY SEINFELD as your selling point.  You can get those kinds of numbers with Guy Fieri.

And if the ratings continue to fall, it’s will be increasingly hard for Jerry to recruit big name celebrities to be on the panel (and once you get down to the Phyllis Diller, Jamie Farr level – your show may be in trouble).

There was a time when Jerry Seinfeld could do anything he wanted.  But now, like, say, Lucille Ball in 1986, fewer studios will be returning his calls and signing over a blank check.

But, let me just say this… he absolutely killed on David Letterman the other night.  He’s still one of the great stand ups in history and proved that with one of the tightest six minutes you’ll ever see.  He’s just no longer the most important person in the room.

That spot is reserved for Ben Silverman.

[JEFF ZUCKER UPDATE: He still has a job – though no one seems to know why.

Accel Partners, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Chris Hughes, David Kirkpatrick, Dustin Moskovitz, Eduardo Saverin, Gerald Levin, Greylock Partners, HBO, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Joanna Shields, Jon Miller, Khan Manka, Li Ka-shing, Manka Bros., Mark Cuban, Mark Zuckerberg, Matt Cohler, MySpace, Nicolas Carlson, OnMedea, Owen Van Natta, Paul Buchheit, Peter Thiel, Rupert Murdoch, Sheryl Sandberg, Sumner Redstone, Toy Story 3Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

Leno The King

ABC, Angela Bromstad, Are You Stupid?, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Beverly Hills Hotel, Brian Roberts, CBS, Comcast, Conan O'Brien, CSI: NY, Dawn Ostroff, Deadline Hollywood, Dick Wolf, Eastwick, ER, GE shareholder, Gossip Girl, Jay Leno, Jay Leno has Failed, Jay Leno ratings, Jeff Gaspin, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jill Kennedy, Jimmy Fallon, John Ferriter, Julianna Margulies, Kate Gosselin, Khan Manka, Law & Order, Lindsey Vonn, Manka Bros., Marc Graboff, NBC Olympic Coverage, Nikki Finke, Octomom, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Roth, Producers Caucus Panel, Sarah Palin, Sharon Waxman, Shaun White, Stop all the clocks..., Sven Kramer, TCA Winter Press Tour, Terry Semel, The CW, thewrap.com, USA vs. Canada, W.H. Auden, Warner Bros., William Morris EndeavorWell, that didn’t take long.  There will be lots of “I’m With Coco” and David Letterman supporters that will say “It was expected…”, “Everyone was just curious about the switch…”, “Jay has all those Olympians on the show…”

Whatever.

I write this not as a Jay Leno fan (far from it) – but as a practical person who looks at the numbers.  As I said when there was a debate over whether NBC should keep Conan or Jay… of all the late night hosts on all the networks, Jay Leno is simply the one that more people want to watch.  I’m not talking about “quality” or “educated” people here.  I’m talking about more PEOPLE.

In his first night back in the 11:35pm time slot, Jay Leno destroyed the competition. The Tonight Show with Jay Leno got a 5.7/14 share; David Letterman (3.0/8 share); Nightline/Jimmy Kimmell Live (1.8/6 share).  Tonight, Jay has Sarah Palin and Shaun White on the show.  Who do you think will win?

I think Conan may want to avoid the direct competition and forget about Fox.  I’m sure Fox executives are thinking the same thing today.

[Note to Jeff Zucker:  These results are not because of your brilliance, they are in spite of your ignorance.  The Olympics will lose over $200 million for your network and you won’t make that up with “The Marriage Ref” or “Parenthood” ratings.  You will be fired.]

Accel Partners, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Chris Hughes, David Kirkpatrick, Dustin Moskovitz, Eduardo Saverin, Gerald Levin, Greylock Partners, HBO, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Joanna Shields, Jon Miller, Khan Manka, Li Ka-shing, Manka Bros., Mark Cuban, Mark Zuckerberg, Matt Cohler, MySpace, Nicolas Carlson, OnMedea, Owen Van Natta, Paul Buchheit, Peter Thiel, Rupert Murdoch, Sheryl Sandberg, Sumner Redstone, Toy Story 3Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

Jay Leno and Sarah Palin

ABC, Angela Bromstad, Are You Stupid?, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Beverly Hills Hotel, Brian Roberts, CBS, Comcast, Conan O'Brien, CSI: NY, Dawn Ostroff, Deadline Hollywood, Dick Wolf, Eastwick, ER, GE shareholder, Gossip Girl, Jay Leno, Jay Leno has Failed, Jay Leno ratings, Jeff Gaspin, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jill Kennedy, Jimmy Fallon, John Ferriter, Julianna Margulies, Kate Gosselin, Khan Manka, Law & Order, Lindsey Vonn, Manka Bros., Marc Graboff, NBC Olympic Coverage, Nikki Finke, Octomom, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Roth, Producers Caucus Panel, Sarah Palin, Sharon Waxman, Shaun White, Stop all the clocks..., Sven Kramer, TCA Winter Press Tour, Terry Semel, The CW, thewrap.com, USA vs. Canada, W.H. Auden, Warner Bros., William Morris EndeavorABC, Angela Bromstad, Are You Stupid?, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Beverly Hills Hotel, Brian Roberts, CBS, Comcast, Conan O'Brien, CSI: NY, Dawn Ostroff, Deadline Hollywood, Dick Wolf, Eastwick, ER, GE shareholder, Gossip Girl, Jay Leno, Jay Leno has Failed, Jay Leno ratings, Jeff Gaspin, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jill Kennedy, Jimmy Fallon, John Ferriter, Julianna Margulies, Kate Gosselin, Khan Manka, Law & Order, Lindsey Vonn, Manka Bros., Marc Graboff, NBC Olympic Coverage, Nikki Finke, Octomom, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Roth, Producers Caucus Panel, Sarah Palin, Sharon Waxman, Shaun White, Stop all the clocks..., Sven Kramer, TCA Winter Press Tour, Terry Semel, The CW, thewrap.com, USA vs. Canada, W.H. Auden, Warner Bros., William Morris EndeavorLove him or hate him, there is a reason Jay Leno has been #1 and will soon be #1 again in the late night wars.

He will book anyone necessary to get ratings – as evidenced by the top guest on his second night back – Ms. Sarah Palin.

Add to the mix Shaun White, Lindsey Vonn, Apolo Ohno, Brad Paisley, the cast of Jersey Shore and I think it’s game over for Dave as soon as Jay returns.  The Letterman vs. Leno battle will last all but one week.

ABC, Angela Bromstad, Are You Stupid?, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Beverly Hills Hotel, Brian Roberts, CBS, Comcast, Conan O'Brien, CSI: NY, Dawn Ostroff, Deadline Hollywood, Dick Wolf, Eastwick, ER, GE shareholder, Gossip Girl, Jay Leno, Jay Leno has Failed, Jay Leno ratings, Jeff Gaspin, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jill Kennedy, Jimmy Fallon, John Ferriter, Julianna Margulies, Kate Gosselin, Khan Manka, Law & Order, Lindsey Vonn, Manka Bros., Marc Graboff, NBC Olympic Coverage, Nikki Finke, Octomom, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Roth, Producers Caucus Panel, Sarah Palin, Sharon Waxman, Shaun White, Stop all the clocks..., Sven Kramer, TCA Winter Press Tour, Terry Semel, The CW, thewrap.com, USA vs. Canada, W.H. Auden, Warner Bros., William Morris EndeavorABC, Angela Bromstad, Are You Stupid?, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Beverly Hills Hotel, Brian Roberts, CBS, Comcast, Conan O'Brien, CSI: NY, Dawn Ostroff, Deadline Hollywood, Dick Wolf, Eastwick, ER, GE shareholder, Gossip Girl, Jay Leno, Jay Leno has Failed, Jay Leno ratings, Jeff Gaspin, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jill Kennedy, Jimmy Fallon, John Ferriter, Julianna Margulies, Kate Gosselin, Khan Manka, Law & Order, Lindsey Vonn, Manka Bros., Marc Graboff, NBC Olympic Coverage, Nikki Finke, Octomom, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Roth, Producers Caucus Panel, Sarah Palin, Sharon Waxman, Shaun White, Stop all the clocks..., Sven Kramer, TCA Winter Press Tour, Terry Semel, The CW, thewrap.com, USA vs. Canada, W.H. Auden, Warner Bros., William Morris EndeavorIt’s even possible that by week two most people will have forgotten there ever was a ‘Tonight Show controversy’ which will mean less and less “I’m with Coco” fanatics inviting you to join Facebook clubs.

So what have we learned from this whole debacle?  As long as there are publicists and stars who need publicity, the past is meaningless.  Hollywood is a “what-have-you-done-for-me-lately” town.

And what will Jay do for these media hungry whores stars?  Deliver ratings that Conan O’Brien, Jimmy Kimmel or David Letterman can’t (unless Dave could book Sarah Palin again).

And ratings are all that matters.

Accel Partners, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Chris Hughes, David Kirkpatrick, Dustin Moskovitz, Eduardo Saverin, Gerald Levin, Greylock Partners, HBO, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Joanna Shields, Jon Miller, Khan Manka, Li Ka-shing, Manka Bros., Mark Cuban, Mark Zuckerberg, Matt Cohler, MySpace, Nicolas Carlson, OnMedea, Owen Van Natta, Paul Buchheit, Peter Thiel, Rupert Murdoch, Sheryl Sandberg, Sumner Redstone, Toy Story 3Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

UPDATE: Jeff Zucker Still Has A Job

ABC, Angela Bromstad, Are You Stupid?, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Beverly Hills Hotel, Brian Roberts, CBS, Comcast, Conan O'Brien, CSI: NY, Dawn Ostroff, Deadline Hollywood, Dick Wolf, Eastwick, ER, GE shareholder, Gossip Girl, Jay Leno, Jay Leno has Failed, Jay Leno ratings, Jeff Gaspin, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jill Kennedy, Jimmy Fallon, John Ferriter, Julianna Margulies, Kate Gosselin, Khan Manka, Law & Order, Manka Bros., Marc Graboff, NBC Olympic Coverage, Nikki Finke, Octomom, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Roth, Producers Caucus Panel, Sharon Waxman, Stop all the clocks..., Sven Kramer, TCA Winter Press Tour, Terry Semel, The CW, thewrap.com, USA vs. Canada, W.H. Auden, Warner Bros., William Morris EndeavorThe Billion Dollar Question is – WHY?

If I were to talk directly to Jeff Zucker’s current boss (Jeffrey Immelt) and future boss (Brian Roberts), I would quote my new hero, Dutch speed skater Sven Kramer, and say “Are you stoopid?”

Even if we all could forget about the recent mistakes that have been made under Jeff Zucker’s watch

  • Lowest rated network
  • Jay/Conan debacle
  • Hiring Ben Silverman for… anything
  • The absolutely horrendous Olympic coverage which not only sucks but will LOSE millions of dollars.  (The latest horrible decision was to air the TAPE-DELAYED 2-man Bobsled coverage on NBC over one of the best LIVE Olympic hockey games in years – USA vs. Canada.  I’m sure JZ would say it was a brilliant move on his part to force people to find MSNBC on their televisions.)

… at this point, it’s a matter of credibility.  And he has none.

ABC, Angela Bromstad, Are You Stupid?, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Beverly Hills Hotel, Brian Roberts, CBS, Comcast, Conan O'Brien, CSI: NY, Dawn Ostroff, Deadline Hollywood, Dick Wolf, Eastwick, ER, GE shareholder, Gossip Girl, Jay Leno, Jay Leno has Failed, Jay Leno ratings, Jeff Gaspin, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jill Kennedy, Jimmy Fallon, John Ferriter, Julianna Margulies, Kate Gosselin, Khan Manka, Law & Order, Manka Bros., Marc Graboff, NBC Olympic Coverage, Nikki Finke, Octomom, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Roth, Producers Caucus Panel, Sharon Waxman, Stop all the clocks..., Sven Kramer, TCA Winter Press Tour, Terry Semel, The CW, thewrap.com, USA vs. Canada, W.H. Auden, Warner Bros., William Morris EndeavorImagine Jeff Zucker standing in front of a group of Wall Street investor analysts with his PowerPoint slides and telling them “This is the future of television…”  “This is the direction Comcast/NBC needs to go…” “Here are my ideas on how to turn things around…” etc.

Seriously, who the hell would believe he has the answers?  And why does he even get the chance to give the answers.  NBC was once great.  All the missteps really started to snowball AFTER he become Chairman & CEO.  He is into his fourth year and has thus far proven nothing to nobody.

Basta.  Enough.

However, in an effort to make my entries a little more positive, I’m going to attempt to end them all on an upbeat note.  So… that said… I do like the bulky ski resort sweaters Jeff Zucker has been wearing as he talks up NBC’s suck ass Olympic coverage on CNBC.

Accel Partners, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Chris Hughes, David Kirkpatrick, Dustin Moskovitz, Eduardo Saverin, Gerald Levin, Greylock Partners, HBO, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Joanna Shields, Jon Miller, Khan Manka, Li Ka-shing, Manka Bros., Mark Cuban, Mark Zuckerberg, Matt Cohler, MySpace, Nicolas Carlson, OnMedea, Owen Van Natta, Paul Buchheit, Peter Thiel, Rupert Murdoch, Sheryl Sandberg, Sumner Redstone, Toy Story 3Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

Can Elin Woods Learn From Conan O’Brien?

ABC, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Barbro Holmberg, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Beverly Hills Hotel, Brian Roberts, CBS, Charlie Rose, Comcast, Conan O'Brien, CSI: NY, David Letterman, Dawn Ostroff, Deadline Hollywood, Dick Wolf, Eastwick, Elin Nordegren, Elin Woods, ER, GE shareholder, George Lopez, Gossip Girl, Heidi Montag, Jay Leno, Jay Leno has Failed, Jay Leno ratings, Jeff Gaspin, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jill Kennedy, Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel, John Ferriter, Jon Stewart, Josefin Lonnborg, Julianna Margulies, Kate Gosselin, Khan Manka, Law & Order, Les Moonves, Manka Bros., Marc Graboff, Mark Steinberg, Nancy Tellum, Nikki Finke, Octomom, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Roth, Producers Caucus Panel, Rory Sabbatini, Sharon Waxman, Spencer Pratt, Stephen Colbert, Stop all the clocks..., TCA Winter Press Tour, Terry Semel, The CW, The Hills, thewrap.com, Thomas Nordegren, Tiger Woods, Tony DiSanto, W.H. Auden, Warner Bros., William Morris EndeavorABC, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Barbro Holmberg, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Beverly Hills Hotel, Brian Roberts, CBS, Charlie Rose, Comcast, Conan O'Brien, CSI: NY, David Letterman, Dawn Ostroff, Deadline Hollywood, Dick Wolf, Eastwick, Elin Nordegren, Elin Woods, ER, GE shareholder, George Lopez, Gossip Girl, Heidi Montag, Jay Leno, Jay Leno has Failed, Jay Leno ratings, Jeff Gaspin, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jill Kennedy, Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel, John Ferriter, Jon Stewart, Josefin Lonnborg, Julianna Margulies, Kate Gosselin, Khan Manka, Law & Order, Les Moonves, Manka Bros., Marc Graboff, Mark Steinberg, Nancy Tellum, Nikki Finke, Octomom, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Roth, Producers Caucus Panel, Rory Sabbatini, Sharon Waxman, Spencer Pratt, Stephen Colbert, Stop all the clocks..., TCA Winter Press Tour, Terry Semel, The CW, The Hills, thewrap.com, Thomas Nordegren, Tiger Woods, Tony DiSanto, W.H. Auden, Warner Bros., William Morris EndeavorAs Tiger Woods slowly reemerges from hiding and Team-Tiger Damage Control goes full throttle, there is an interesting parallel to be made between the Tiger/Elin Woods drama and the NBC/Conan O’Brien drama (which cost all of us a few months out of our lives).

Imagine Conan and Elin on one side and Tiger, Jay Leno, Jeff Zucker and NBC and on the other.

The parallel begins with a couple of a wide-eyed youths – dreaming of the big time.

  • Elin: Is a nanny for a Swedish golf pro and hangs around a lot of single golfers on tour but really only imagines herself with one man… the crown jewel of golfers… Tiger Woods.

ABC, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Barbro Holmberg, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Beverly Hills Hotel, Brian Roberts, CBS, Charlie Rose, Comcast, Conan O'Brien, CSI: NY, David Letterman, Dawn Ostroff, Deadline Hollywood, Dick Wolf, Eastwick, Elin Nordegren, Elin Woods, ER, GE shareholder, George Lopez, Gossip Girl, Heidi Montag, Jay Leno, Jay Leno has Failed, Jay Leno ratings, Jeff Gaspin, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jill Kennedy, Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel, John Ferriter, Jon Stewart, Josefin Lonnborg, Julianna Margulies, Kate Gosselin, Khan Manka, Law & Order, Les Moonves, Manka Bros., Marc Graboff, Mark Steinberg, Nancy Tellum, Nikki Finke, Octomom, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Roth, Producers Caucus Panel, Rory Sabbatini, Sharon Waxman, Spencer Pratt, Stephen Colbert, Stop all the clocks..., TCA Winter Press Tour, Terry Semel, The CW, The Hills, thewrap.com, Thomas Nordegren, Tiger Woods, Tony DiSanto, W.H. Auden, Warner Bros., William Morris Endeavor———————————————————————–

  • Conan: Finally gets “The Tonight Show” in 2009 after slumming it for 16 years at 12:35am.
  • Elin: Finally gets a marriage proposal in 2004 from Tiger Woods after slumming it as a nanny for Jesper Parnevik’s kids.

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  • Conan: Jay Leno retires from “The Tonight Show” and prepares to launch an ill-conceived prime time talk show – “The Jay Leno Show”Conan, believing NBC’s promise, happily takes over the reigns of “The Tonight Show” and looks forward to a long and prosperous run as host.
  • Elin:  Tiger Woods retires from his crazy single days and prepares for an ill-conceived life of domestic bliss.  Elin, believing Tiger, happily sets up a life of wealth and prosperity (and has two children to complete the ideal picture).

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  • Elin:  Tiger Woods crashes a Cadillac Escalade into a tree after Elin Woods decides to move a few of his teeth from the front to the back of his mouth with a 7 iron.

ABC, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Barbro Holmberg, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Beverly Hills Hotel, Brian Roberts, CBS, Charlie Rose, Comcast, Conan O'Brien, CSI: NY, David Letterman, Dawn Ostroff, Deadline Hollywood, Dick Wolf, Eastwick, Elin Nordegren, Elin Woods, ER, GE shareholder, George Lopez, Gossip Girl, Heidi Montag, Jay Leno, Jay Leno has Failed, Jay Leno ratings, Jeff Gaspin, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jill Kennedy, Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel, John Ferriter, Jon Stewart, Josefin Lonnborg, Julianna Margulies, Kate Gosselin, Khan Manka, Law & Order, Les Moonves, Manka Bros., Marc Graboff, Mark Steinberg, Nancy Tellum, Nikki Finke, Octomom, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Roth, Producers Caucus Panel, Rory Sabbatini, Sharon Waxman, Spencer Pratt, Stephen Colbert, Stop all the clocks..., TCA Winter Press Tour, Terry Semel, The CW, The Hills, thewrap.com, Thomas Nordegren, Tiger Woods, Tony DiSanto, W.H. Auden, Warner Bros., William Morris Endeavor————————————————————————

  • Conan: Begins to feel humiliated by rumors of Jay Leno returning to late night.
  • Elin: Begins to feel humiliated by rumors of Tiger Woods having 11 mistresses (6 of them ‘serious’).

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  • Elin: Rather than take the suck ass deal offered, Elin decides to hold out for $800 million!  Take that suckers.

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As for the future?  Here’s my guess:

  • Conan: Having finalized the divorce from NBC, agrees to a deal with TBS.
  • Elin: After finalizing the divorce from Tiger, agrees to go on a disastrous first date with Rory Sabbatini (or some other less successful golfer that wishes he was Tiger Woods).  She breaks her promise not to talk about Tiger’s affairs and loses everything.  The book doesn’t sell and she moves in with John Daly.

————————————————————–

Dear Elin:

Conan couldn’t in good conscious stay at NBC (even though his dream life went up in flames) and you can’t stay with Tiger (even though your dream life has gone up in flames).  Take the money and run to that house in Sweden.  You will have a better future.

Accel Partners, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Chris Hughes, David Kirkpatrick, Dustin Moskovitz, Eduardo Saverin, Gerald Levin, Greylock Partners, HBO, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Joanna Shields, Jon Miller, Khan Manka, Li Ka-shing, Manka Bros., Mark Cuban, Mark Zuckerberg, Matt Cohler, MySpace, Nicolas Carlson, OnMedea, Owen Van Natta, Paul Buchheit, Peter Thiel, Rupert Murdoch, Sheryl Sandberg, Sumner Redstone, Toy Story 3Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

“Hesher” Has 22 Producers

At the upcoming Super Bowl in Miami, 22 players are absolutely necessary to play the game.  Apparently, 22 producers are absolutely necessary to make “Hesher” – an independent film premiering at the Sundance Film Festival (and just picked up for distribution by Newmarket) starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Natalie Portman.

There’s a fixed joke in Hollywood that you can’t throw a rock without hitting a screenwriter.  It seems, for those of us inclined to throw rocks, you can’t throw a rock at Sundance without hitting an independent film producer.

What happens if, by some chance, “Hesher” gets nominated for an Academy Award next year.  Only three producers are allowed on the ballot and actually receive the award.  What happens to the other 19 and what is the process for weeding it down to three?  Wouldn’t that be a great reality show?

And “Hesher” is not an isolated case.  It appears to be a trend.

Here are three films that were at the Sundance Film Festival and the number of Producers that were necessary to produce them.

22 Producers, Aaron Dowing, Aleen Keshishian, Andrew Sawyer, Anne O'Shea, Annette Bening, Annette Savitch, Ari Ackerman, Ari Emanuel, Ben Silverman, Celine Rattray, Christy Cashman, Daniela Taplin Lundberg, Galt Niederhoffer, Gary Gilbert, Gina Kirkpatrick, Happy Walters, Hesher, J. Todd Harris, Jay Franks, Jay Rifkin, Jeff Davis, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Levy-Hinte, Jennifer Todd, Jill Kennedy, Johnny Lin, Jonathan Weisgal, Jordan Horowitz, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Josh Duhamel, Julianne Moore, Katie Holmes, Khan Manka, Lucy Cooper, Manka Bros., Mark Ruffalo, Matthew Weaver, Michael Benaroya, Natalie Portman, Neil Katz, Newmarket, OnMedea, Pamela Hirsch, producer's credit, Ravi Nandan, Riva Marker, Rob Ortiz, Ron Stein, Scot Armstrong, Scott Kluge, Scott Prisand, Spencer Susser, Steven Saxton, Sundance Film Festival, Super Bowl 44, Suzanne Todd, Taylor Kephart, Terry Semel, The Kids Are All Right, The Romantics, Wayne Chang, Win SheridanHesher (22 Producers – including “Executive” and “Co”-Producers)

  • Lucy Cooper
  • Matthew Weaver
  • Scott Prisand
  • Natalie Portman
  • Spencer Susser
  • Johnny Lin
  • Win Sheridan
  • Jonathan Weisgal
  • Wayne Chang
  • Aleen Keshishian
  • Annette Savitch
  • Scot Armstrong
  • Ravi Nandan
  • Aaron Dowing
  • Rob Ortiz
  • Scott Kluge
  • Jeff Davis
  • Jay Rifkin
  • Ari Ackerman
  • Jay Franks
  • Happy Walters
  • Gina Kirkpatrick

 

22 Producers, Aaron Dowing, Aleen Keshishian, Andrew Sawyer, Anne O'Shea, Annette Bening, Annette Savitch, Ari Ackerman, Ari Emanuel, Ben Silverman, Celine Rattray, Christy Cashman, Daniela Taplin Lundberg, Galt Niederhoffer, Gary Gilbert, Gina Kirkpatrick, Happy Walters, Hesher, J. Todd Harris, Jay Franks, Jay Rifkin, Jeff Davis, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Levy-Hinte, Jennifer Todd, Jill Kennedy, Johnny Lin, Jonathan Weisgal, Jordan Horowitz, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Josh Duhamel, Julianne Moore, Katie Holmes, Khan Manka, Lucy Cooper, Manka Bros., Mark Ruffalo, Matthew Weaver, Michael Benaroya, Natalie Portman, Neil Katz, Newmarket, OnMedea, Pamela Hirsch, producer's credit, Ravi Nandan, Riva Marker, Rob Ortiz, Ron Stein, Scot Armstrong, Scott Kluge, Scott Prisand, Spencer Susser, Steven Saxton, Sundance Film Festival, Super Bowl 44, Suzanne Todd, Taylor Kephart, Terry Semel, The Kids Are All Right, The Romantics, Wayne Chang, Win SheridanThe Kids Are All Right (starring Julianne Moore, Annette Bening and Mark Ruffalo – 13 Producers)

  • Gary Gilbert
  • Jeffrey Levy-Hinte
  • Celine Rattray
  • Jordan Horowitz
  • Daniela Taplin Lundberg
  • Steven Saxton
  • Ron Stein
  • Christy Cashman
  • Anne O’Shea
  • Riva Marker
  • Andrew Sawyer
  • Neil Katz
  • J. Todd Harris

 

22 Producers, Aaron Dowing, Aleen Keshishian, Andrew Sawyer, Anne O'Shea, Annette Bening, Annette Savitch, Ari Ackerman, Ari Emanuel, Ben Silverman, Celine Rattray, Christy Cashman, Daniela Taplin Lundberg, Galt Niederhoffer, Gary Gilbert, Gina Kirkpatrick, Happy Walters, Hesher, J. Todd Harris, Jay Franks, Jay Rifkin, Jeff Davis, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Levy-Hinte, Jennifer Todd, Jill Kennedy, Johnny Lin, Jonathan Weisgal, Jordan Horowitz, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Josh Duhamel, Julianne Moore, Katie Holmes, Khan Manka, Lucy Cooper, Manka Bros., Mark Ruffalo, Matthew Weaver, Michael Benaroya, Natalie Portman, Neil Katz, Newmarket, OnMedea, Pamela Hirsch, producer's credit, Ravi Nandan, Riva Marker, Rob Ortiz, Ron Stein, Scot Armstrong, Scott Kluge, Scott Prisand, Spencer Susser, Steven Saxton, Sundance Film Festival, Super Bowl 44, Suzanne Todd, Taylor Kephart, Terry Semel, The Kids Are All Right, The Romantics, Wayne Chang, Win SheridanThe Romantics (starring Katie Holmes and Josh Duhamel – 11 Producers)

  • Daniela Taplin Lundberg
  • Jennifer Todd
  • Suzanne Todd
  • Michael Benaroya
  • Taylor Kephart
  • Galt Niederhoffer
  • Katie Holmes
  • Riva Marker
  • Celine Rattray
  • Pamela Hirsch
  • Ron Stein

 

Look, I’m sure all these people played a vital role in their respective films’ journey to the screen… or not (only those on the production really know what’s going on here).  But a Producer credit used to be highly-coveted and very difficult to get – in most cases after years of paying dues and working up the cinematic ladder.

Today, it seems, the credit is handed out like film festival swag.  Now, when I meet someone who says they are a producer on an independent film, I am inclined to say “Oh, really, what, did you deliver the food?”

Accel Partners, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Chris Hughes, David Kirkpatrick, Dustin Moskovitz, Eduardo Saverin, Gerald Levin, Greylock Partners, HBO, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Joanna Shields, Jon Miller, Khan Manka, Li Ka-shing, Manka Bros., Mark Cuban, Mark Zuckerberg, Matt Cohler, MySpace, Nicolas Carlson, OnMedea, Owen Van Natta, Paul Buchheit, Peter Thiel, Rupert Murdoch, Sheryl Sandberg, Sumner Redstone, Toy Story 3Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

CBS Films – R.I.P.

Adam Townsend, Alan Ruck, Amy Baer, Angeline Straka, Anthony Ambrosio, Ari Emanuel, Arnold Kopelson, Brendan Fraser, Bruce S. Gordon, Bruce Tobey, Carl Folta, Carla Santos Shamberg, CBS Films, Charlie Gifford, Chase Carey, David Andelman, David Poltrack, Debbie Miller, DebManka Bros., Diego Velazquez, Doug Morris, Fred Salerno, Gary Countryman, Geeta Anand, Gil Schwartz, Harrison Ford, Harvey Weinstein, Jared Harris, Jeff Weiner, Jill Kennedy, Jordana Glick-Franzheim, Joseph A. Califano, Joseph Ianniello, Josh Rothstein, Jr., Keri Russell, Khan Manka, Leonard Goldberg, Les Moonves, Linda Griego, Louis Briskman, Manka Bros., Martin Franks, Meredith Droeger, Michael Shamberg, Nan Morales, News Corporation, OnMedea, Patrick Bauchau, Phillippe Dauman, Reid Sullivan, Richard Jones, Rik Toulon, Rob Friedman, Robert Nelson Jacobs, Rupert Murdoch, Sam Hall, Shari Redstone, Stacey Sher, Steven Friedlander, Summit Entertainment, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, The Weinstein Company, Thomas Dooley, Tom Vaughan, Viacom, Wade Davis, William S. Cohen
CBS Films - R.I.P.

I’m actually surprised there isn’t more inside media coverage of the disastrous debut of CBS Films’ first release – Extraordinary Measures starring Harrison Ford and Brendan Fraser ($6.0 Million opening weekend from over 2,500 theaters – finishing 8th behind “Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel” in its 5th week).

I realize the Jay/Dave/Conan/Jeff Zucker drama is a much sexier story but CBS Films’ failure is another example of the cocksure executive that believes he can do no wrong.

Les Moonves, former bit player on “The Six Million Dollar Man” turned powerful CBS media mogul, is the exec on the hot seat this time.  (Personally, I can imagine Jeff Zucker pushing this story just to get his name out of the press.)

Four years ago, when Sumner Redstone was completing the disastrous Viacom / CBS split, Mr. Moonves wanted Paramount Pictures so badly that when he didn’t get it, he decided he could create a new Paramount Pictures from scratch – CBS Films.

It’s a cold Monday morning at Black Rock today.

I’m assuming there will be two maybe three more failed releases in 2010 and then a decision to “refocus CBS’ energies on our booming cable network distribution platforms and new media” (translation: the end of CBS Films).

The R.I.P. tombstone above is generous in giving CBS Films a four year lifespan (2007-2010) considering the first release wasn’t until this past weekend – but I think three years of staffing up and development does count as being in business.

Adam Townsend, Alan Ruck, Amy Baer, Angeline Straka, Anthony Ambrosio, Ari Emanuel, Arnold Kopelson, Brendan Fraser, Bruce S. Gordon, Bruce Tobey, Carl Folta, Carla Santos Shamberg, CBS Films, Charlie Gifford, Chase Carey, David Andelman, David Poltrack, Debbie Miller, DebManka Bros., Diego Velazquez, Doug Morris, Fred Salerno, Gary Countryman, Geeta Anand, Gil Schwartz, Harrison Ford, Harvey Weinstein, Jared Harris, Jeff Weiner, Jill Kennedy, Jordana Glick-Franzheim, Joseph A. Califano, Joseph Ianniello, Josh Rothstein, Jr., Keri Russell, Khan Manka, Leonard Goldberg, Les Moonves, Linda Griego, Louis Briskman, Manka Bros., Martin Franks, Meredith Droeger, Michael Shamberg, Nan Morales, News Corporation, OnMedea, Patrick Bauchau, Phillippe Dauman, Reid Sullivan, Richard Jones, Rik Toulon, Rob Friedman, Robert Nelson Jacobs, Rupert Murdoch, Sam Hall, Shari Redstone, Stacey Sher, Steven Friedlander, Summit Entertainment, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, The Weinstein Company, Thomas Dooley, Tom Vaughan, Viacom, Wade Davis, William S. CohenAnother possibility for CBS would be to acquire Summit Entertainment. At least then they would have two guaranteed hits in the pipeline – the final two “Twilight” movies.

Or… my personal dream plan, somehow have CBS either acquire or wrest away Paramount from ViacomNews Corporation buys the cable channels from Viacom (assets they sorely need).  Viacom shuts down thus getting us one step closer to saying bye-bye to Sumner Redstone forever.

Regardless of what happens, CBS’ old media experiment is not going to make it.  But Les Moonves can take solace in the fact that a very exciting Super Bowl is coming to CBS and he still runs one of the top two broadcast networks in the country.

There was a time when that would have been enough for one man.

Accel Partners, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Chris Hughes, David Kirkpatrick, Dustin Moskovitz, Eduardo Saverin, Gerald Levin, Greylock Partners, HBO, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Joanna Shields, Jon Miller, Khan Manka, Li Ka-shing, Manka Bros., Mark Cuban, Mark Zuckerberg, Matt Cohler, MySpace, Nicolas Carlson, OnMedea, Owen Van Natta, Paul Buchheit, Peter Thiel, Rupert Murdoch, Sheryl Sandberg, Sumner Redstone, Toy Story 3Jill Kennedy – OnMedea