Nikki Finke – Page 5

January 8, 2010June 22, 2011

Ben Silverman’s DumbDumb Deal

$100 million start up fund, Adam Fogelson, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Chase the Money, Chopped, City Lights TV, CollegeHumor, Dance, Dave Noll, Don't Sweat It, Donna Langley, Doritos, DumbDumb, Electus, Fortune's 40 under 40, Funny or Die, IAC, Jason Bateman, Jay Leno, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jill Kennedy, John Ferriter, Khan Manka, Love Taxi, Manka Bros., media analyst, NBC Universal, Nikki Finke, Notional, On Medea, OnMedea, OnMedea's Top 40 Failures Under 40, Paul Telegdy, Ready, Rick Finkelstein, Ricky Van Veen, Ryan Seacrest, Set, Sharon Waxman, Tara Swisher, Terry Semel, The Biggest Loser, the Jay Leno Show, The Restaurant, The Tonight Show, thewrap.com, twitter, Will Arnett, Will Ferrell, William Faulkner, You vs. America

Yes, this deal is as DumbDumb as you can get.

How to build a successful startup: Step #1 – Use Barry Diller’s money to fund a vanity production label with a friend from high school.

Yes, Jason Bateman and Will Arnett (in particular) are talented guys but anyone who thinks they will spend any real time on this venture is out of their minds.

Sure, we’ll get the standard Will Ferrell-type Funny of Die videos of Bateman and Arnett walking around with a steady-cam eating Doritos and improvising about how easy this internet stuff is – but will anything of value come out of DumbDumb?

Ben Silverman knows the answer to this and laughs at how DumbDumb some people must be.

I would imagine Barry Diller also knows the answer. Unfortunately, he’s the ultimate DumbDumb in this equation for funding Electus in the first place.

But for now… it’s all just so exciting. I know I’m just a cockeyed optimist, but I just can’t wait for Ben to change the world again. And I’m super glad that they took the time out of the arduous process of building the successful DumbDumb business model to appear in Las Vegas for the announcement (along with the awesomely hilarious Notional CEO Lord Ricky Van Veen).

I just hope it’s not the same business model that Ben Silverman developed for Electus: Spend $100 million on the development (but not the execution) of digital content and when that money is gone – launch another start-up with another sugar daddy.

Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

January 8, 2010April 14, 2011

Jeff Zucker – It’s Time To Suck It Up

OK, Jeff, it’s time for you to man-up, nut-up, suck-it-up, eat-it (all those things) and fix this late night issue before it becomes even more of a train wreck.

It’s very simple:

Fire Conan O’Brien and give him all the compensation he is owed as part of a separation deal. (Don’t be a pussy, Jeff, let Conan go to Fox or ABC (or wherever) and pull in an average 2.3/5 share. Who cares?);

Re-install Jay at 11:35 on The Tonight Show and be done with it. (Jay will quickly become the late night King again because my grandmother “really likes those headlines”);

Find some old Law & Order’s laying around that you can air until you develop a couple of decent shows.

Yes, you may have to deal with a couple of months of bad press (“NBC Screwed Conan”… “Jay Not The Right Man”… “Jeff Zucker Sucks At His Job”… etc.) but it will pass and things will be back to where they were last May (with NBC in fourth place – but not late night). It will all be like a horrible dream and we’ll all wake up with Bobby Ewing in the shower.

But these steps need to be taken immediately. In order to save you some time, I’ve drafted your opening comments at the press conference that you should have this afternoon:

“Good afternoon. Thank you for coming. [Insert Nikki Finke joke here – something about her always being prompt and in the front row.] I’d like to take a few moments to discuss our line-up of new dramas at 10pm which will premiere after The Vancouver Olympics. Just kidding – we don’t even have a fucking pilot!

No, I’m here to discuss The Jay Leno Show situation.

[cameras clicking – reporters jostling for position]

Last year, I made a horrible mistake. Ben Silverman actually made the mistake… but I digress.

For some asinine reason, we thought we could put Jay Leno on at 10pm and people would actually watch it. I thought our affiliates would be so happy to have a topical program hosted by one of America’s most beloved comedians as a lead in to their local news.

I was way fucking wrong on that assumption.

It could have been worse. I could have announced that we were merging with AOL or that I had re-hired Ben Silverman to run the network.

So… in order to make things right. I am officially reinstating Jay Leno to The Tonight Show and have paid off the remainder of Conan O’Brien’s contract so that he may pursue other opportunities at other networks. Conan was a great asset to NBC and a huge talent and we wish him nothing but the best – but we’ve decided to go back to Jay at 11:35.

Anyone who has an drama series ideas or any pilots in the can, please have them delivered to Angela Bromstad’s house immediately.

I will now take your questions.”

Do it, Jeff. It’s not too late to fix things.

Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

January 7, 2010April 19, 2011

The Jay Leno Show – R.I.P.

ABC, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Beverly Hills Hotel, CBS, CSI: NY, Dawn Ostroff, Deadline Hollywood, Dick Wolf, Eastwick, ER, Gossip Girl, Jay Leno, Jay Leno has Failed, Jay Leno ratings, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jill Kennedy, John Ferriter, Julianna Margulies, Kate Gosselin, Khan Manka, Law & Order, Manka Bros., Nikki Finke, Octomom, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Roth, Producers Caucus Panel, Sharon Waxman, Stop all the clocks..., Terry Semel, The CW, thewrap.com, W.H. Auden, Warner Bros., William Morris Endeavor

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message The Jay Leno Show is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

Jay at 10pm was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that show would last forever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

W.H. Auden

——————————————————————–
Yes, Ben Silverman and Jeff Zucker really changed the future of television. Actually, no… they didn’t. They didn’t at all.

After all the bravado and presentations.. all the parties and press conferences with claims of blowing up business models and television never being the same… what do we have left? Jay Leno on The Tonight Show at 11:30 and scripted dramas at 10pm.

It’s now up to Ben Silverman’s Electus to change the world. Come on, Ben, you can do it – put down the blonde and get to work.

Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

December 10, 2009April 19, 2011

Should News Corp Buy Viacom

Adam Townsend, Alan Greenberg, Angeline Straka, Anthea Disney, Anthony G. Ambrosio, Ari Emanuel, Arnold Kopelson, Beryl Cook, Blythe McGarvie, Brad Grey, Bruce Gordon, Carl Folta, Charles Gifford, Charles Phillips, Chase Carey, David Devoe, David Poltrack, David R. Angelman, Debra Lee, DeDe Lea, Denise White, Doug Morris, Fred Salerno, Gary Countryman, Gary Ginsberg, Genie Gavenchak, George Abrams, Gil Schwartz, Jack Horner, James Barge, James Bombassei, James Murdoch, Jeff Weiner, Jill Kennedy, John Nallen, Joseph Califano, Joseph Ianniello, Jr., Jr. Frederic Salerno, Judy McGrath, Julie Henderson, Kara Swisher, Khan Manka, Lawrence Jacobs, Leonard Goldberg, Les Moonves, Linda Griego, Louis Briskman, Manka Bros., Martin Franks, Michael Fricklas, Michael Regan, Nikki Finke, OnMedea, Philippe Dauman, Reed Nolte, Richard M. Jones, Robert Kraft, Roger Ailes, Rupert Murdoch, Shari Redstone, Sharon Waxman, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, thewrap.com, Thomas Dooley, Tom Mockridge, Tony Santabarbara, Wade Davis, William Cohen, William Schwartz

YES!

But only Viacom’s cable networks and digital assets. CBS (not wanting to leave the cocoon of Old Media) should buy Viacom’s Paramount Pictures.

Is there any chance in hell this could actually happen? Could Rupert Murdoch pull off an acquisition of that magnitude?

No fucking way. Not while old man Redstone continues to draw a breath.

So, yes, it’s most likely a non-starter. But even in a fantasy scenario, wouldn’t it be great to finally get rid of Viacom and Redstone? Both are simply a mess and completely unnecessary.

[Note: I realize Sumner Redstone is Chairman of the Board and majority stockholder of CBS, but Les Moonves is the much more appealing face of that company, not Sumner. Sumner is the face of Viacom… and the media world has had enough.]

Imagine News Corp (which has the weakest portfolio of cable assets save Fox News, FX and those regional sports thingies) with Viacom’s cable channels: MTV, Nickelodeon, Comedy Central, TV Land, VH1, etc. etc.

This would immediately fill all News Corp’s demographic needs and, in the digital channel universe, put them on par with Time Warner, Disney and, in late 2010, Comcast.

Viacom was never going to be on par with anyone as long as Sumner is around (even with those assets)… so it’s time to shut it down.

As for CBS and their acquisition of Paramount Pictures… they, obviously, just want to be an old media company and ride that peaceful, easy feeling all the way into the grave. Buying Paramount Pictures (and, hey, why not MGM while they’re at it!) would help realize that mid-1990s-vertical-alignment-synergy-world they are striving for. And based on Comcast’s purchase of NBCU (which valued Universal Studios at less than $3 billion), Paramount, with its much smaller film and television library, can be picked up at quite a fire sale bargain. (Wait two years and it will be even more of a bargain!)

Also, this would give CBS the opportunity to shut down the ridiculous CBS Films vanity project before it becomes a further embarrassment.

So, think about it people. A deal like this would really be a win-win-win for everyone… and help us to get rid of (at least a part of) Sumner Redstone once and for all.

Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

November 30, 2009April 21, 2011

Dear Tiger Woods, Please Keep Lying

Online celebrity gossip blogs need you to keep evading authorities and issuing bizarre statements on your website. It’s the only way many of them will be able to survive the current advertising slowdown.

For a while, the crazy death of Michael Jackson and the pending divorce of Jon & Kate sustained TMZ, Defamer, Radar, etc., but now, they really needed something to jack up the Holiday season – and your insane Thanksgiving was the perfect (the absolute perfect) present under the tree.

What you need to do now, Tiger, is barricade yourself inside your home or come out naked and drunk like something on “Cops” (throw in a scream at the helicopters for that extra zing). Maybe you and Kobe could get together and go on some sort of cross-country crime spree ala “Bonnie and Clyde”.

I don’t really care what you decide to do next – but PLEASE DO NOT TELL THE TRUTH. That would kill this story faster than David Letterman confessing his illicit affair on national television.

So, Tiger…

DON’T come to California and host your golf tournament (keep everyone wondering where you are);

DON’T give a press conference to clear everything up (unless you decide to make it a crazy one with someone like Drew Rosenhaus as your spokesperson);

DO go on Oprah and Jay Leno once your wounds have healed for a nice, safe interview that you have full control over (and stick to your story of Elin freeing you with a golf club from your wrecked Escalade);

DO give Elin a flawless 20-carat diamond during “The View” and “thank her for saving your life”…

Etc. etc. etc.

Just don’t tell the truth. That would ruin everything.

Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

November 23, 2009April 21, 2011

White Male Disney Executives Embrace Women

Ari Emanual, Bob Iger, Bob Zemeckis, Claudia Eller, Dawn Chmielewski, Dick Cook, Disney, Jeff Weiner, Jeremy Zimmer, Jerry Bruckheimer, Joe Roth, John Travolta, Johnny Depp, Kara Swisher, Khan Manka, Manka Bros., McG, Nikki Finke, Pixar, Rich Ross, Richard Ross, Robin Williams, Sam Gores, Sandra Bullock, Sharon Waxman, Stacey Snider, Steven Spielberg, Terry Semel, thewrap.com, Tim Burton, Walt Disney Studios

Apparently, Rich Ross has had an epiphany: Women like movies.

According to the Los Angeles Times (and I’m paraphrasing/ reading between-the-lines), Rich Ross has told (male) literary agents at (male) literary agencies (who represent [male] literary writers), that (Walt) Disney Studios would like to produce more films that appeal to women.

It must have been one of those ‘flux capacitor’ moments for Rich Ross and got me wondering about how genius manifests itself. I mean, thoughts this brilliant don’t just come along every day.

So in my own inferior mind, I began to wonder how the scene must have played out in Bob Iger’s office (or wherever it occurred) and believe it happened like this:

Bob Iger, in sweaty shorts and a T-shirt is slamming racquetballs against the giant windows of his office (the one with the Seven Dwarfs outside).

Intercom: Mr. Iger, your nephew, Richard Ross, is here to see you.

Bob Iger: He’s not my nephew. Send him in.

Richard Ross enters.

Rich: Uncle Bob, I want to run something by you.

Bob: Rich, I’m not your uncle.

Rich: We can play it that way. I’m hip to that.

Bob: What’s on your mind?

Rich: Women.

Bob: Really? You? Explain.

Rich: I think we need to make movies that appeal to women. Kagan recently did a study that came to the conclusion that women actually go to movies. That they actually… enjoy movies.

Bob: You mean like Pirates of the Caribbean and Walt Disney’s A Christmas Carol?

Rich: I mean like Twilight and Sandra Bullock movies.

Bob: Jesus Christ. What the fuck are you saying to me?

Rich: I’m saying we need to get together with some of the top male screenwriters and producers in Hollywood and come up with the next generation of “Twilights” and “Sandra Bullock” movies. In order to survive, we need to tap more women.

Bob: Then do it. You have my full support.

Rich: Thanks, Bob.

Bob: Uncle… Bob.

Rich smiles and leaves.

That may not have been exactly the way it played out – but the end result will be films manufactured by men that attempt to appeal to women that do nothing but turn women off.

My advice to Disney: Pirates of the Caribbean 4. Appeal to women when you have a good story to tell, not by turning a “John Travolta” script into a “Sandra Bullock” script.

Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

November 19, 2009April 21, 2011

Notional – R.I.P.

The revolution is over… and what a crappy revolution it was.

Notional – the only company to ever come up with the idea for a dating show in a taxi; a competitive cooking show; a home makeover show; as well as several shitty internet game shows in development including “Ready, Set, Dance”, “You vs. America” and “Chase the Money” – is dead.

Yes, I realize Notional hasn’t got up on its feet yet – but, based on the announcement of the “slate” today, Notional IS creatively dead. Physically, they’re still on life support and won’t be dead until 2011 or so (thus the tombstone – thanks, R).

Oh, well. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see what content visionary (and current Notional CEO) Ricky Van Veen will think up next. Hopefully something that will have the same forward-thinking press release that mentions words like “revolutionary” and “ground-breaking.”

I must apologize to Barry Diller and all IAC shareholders for killing off his two latest content creation ventures before they really got started – (I killed Ben Silverman’s cure for what has been a cancer of bad content and business models on the internet, Electus, a couple of weeks ago… also before the launch) – but it had to be done.

Come on, Ricky, freakin’ internet game shows? Who gives a shit? You were so clever until you started spending Barry Diller’s money. What does he get for making you rich? You… trying to make him poor.

The only show you could produce that could possibly work is you and your new best friend Ben Silverman going out every night and partying your brains out then putting your escapades up on the internet for everyone to see. You could actually erect the elusive paywall on that one. Just imagine it… you, Ben and hot chicks in bars… X-rated.

THAT is programming only you guys can do in just the right pathetic way. And THAT is your only competitive advantage.

Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

November 17, 2009April 22, 2011

Meredith Whitney Is Wrong

Alley Insider, allthingsd, Ari Emanuel, Benjamin Swinburne, BMO Capital, Bulgarian Proverb, CNBC, Credit Suisse, David Blaine, Deadline Hollywood, Dom Perignon, Earnings Report, Erin Burnett, Femme Aux Bras Croises, Glenn Vogelman, Goldman Sachs, Greycroft Partners, Henry Blodget, Ian Sigalow, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Logsdon, Jessica Reif Cohen, Jill Kennedy, Khan Manka, Lehman Brothers, Manka Bros., Maria Bartiromo, Meredith Whitney, Meredith Whitney Advisory Group, Merrill Lynch, Morgan Stanley, Nikki Finke, OnMedea, Oppenheimer & Co., Picasso, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Silicon Alley Insider, Spencer Wang, Terry Semel, Uri Geller, Vijay Jayant, World's Largest Media Company, Yahoo!

Meredith Whitney has been right in the past.

Meredith Whitney has been wrong in the past.

Meredith Whitney will be right about some things in the future.

And Meredith Whitney will be very wrong about some things the future.

The point?

Meredith Whitney doesn’t know shit about the future. Meredith Whitney doesn’t know shit about what the world will be like in the future. David Blaine doesn’t know what the world will be like in the future. Or Uri Geller or Sarah Michelle Gellar. NOBODY knows about the future!

When Meredith Whitney goes on CNBC with the Money Honey (Maria Bartiromo) and throws bombs while yelling fire at a stock market and overall economy that is struggling, what good does it do?

I’m not saying she should pull her punches if she seriously thinks a double-dip recession is inevitable. I’m just saying… she has no idea if a double-dip recession is inevitable. Nobody does. Much like the pundits who say the market is going to 15,000.

I understand Meredith Whitney has to be salacious to back up that rebel, bad girl photo on the front of the website (and above) for her company. “What will that renegade MW say this time? Get ready to sell sell sell!”

But now, Meredith, you are, once again, in the unenviable position of rooting against the American economy – desperately hoping to be right to uphold your “reputation” and secretly wishing the worst so that you can say on CNBC in the spring “Well, I called it last November, Maria.”

Even though you know… you don’t really know.

I don’t care about your precious math and underlying fundamentals, Meredith, and all the bullshit numbers you’ll throw out to back up whatever you’re trying to say – just admit that nobody knows nothing.

Not even a woman with a zebra on her wall.

Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

November 13, 2009April 22, 2011

The TV.com Awards?

I received an email this morning from a friend who said: “Jill, OMG, you have to click on this link and vote for my show!”

“Vote for what?”, I said.

“The Best Of 2009 TV.com Awards! My show was nominated!”

Are you fucking kidding me? The Best of 2009 TV.com Awards? What? What I mean say is… huh? The fuck?

I was wondering why everyone here at Manka Bros. is running around so excited. I thought it was because it is Friday – but no, IT’S BECAUSE THE BEST OF 2009 TV.COM NOMINATIONS ARE OUT! (And this is not to be confused with the 2009 TV.com Awards which were announced a month or so ago – I think.)

I am soooo nervous. Will “30 Rock” finally break out and beat “The Big Bang Theory” for their first ever Best of 2009 TV.com Award? Will “The Big Bang Theory” finally emerge from its “Two and a Half Men” shadow and beat “30 Rock” to win their first ever Best of 2009 TV.com Award?

Actually, everyone who wins will win their very first Best Of 2009 TV.com Award. Because this is the first year of the Best of 2009 TV.com Awards!

Seriously, this town has got to stop giving out meaningless awards. I know we thrive on it and need these awards desperately to boost our egos (even more) but enough is enough. As a multi-year winner of the BLOGGY for Best General Media Blog, I know how it feels to have your name called. But we really need to stop it.

Woody Allen said it best in “Annie Hall“: “What’s with all these awards? They’re always giving out awards. Best Fascist Dictator: Adolf Hitler.”

And I have certain questions for the people at TV.com (owned by CBS). Have they only nominated shows from companies that have agreed to license their content to TV.com? Are any shows nominated that can only be found on competitor site Hulu.com, for instance? It makes you question the legitimacy of The Best of 2009 TV.com Awards.

However, the lawyers and executives at CBS don’t have to worry. I’m not going to poke around too much, because I really don’t care. I just wanted you all to know that, if I had to, I could blow the lid off this scandal and bring down The Best of 2009 TV.com Awards!

Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

November 9, 2009April 22, 2011

Attention FoxPop and All Other Home Entertainment Groups

STOP DOING SHIT! Just stop it. People have already lost their ability to focus on any one particular thing and you want to “FoxPopize” your movies?

Let me explain. 20th Century Fox (that name is truly fitting in this case) is debuting a new service called FoxPop on the upcoming Blu-ray and DVD release of “Night At The Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian”. While a viewer is watching this horrible film, FoxPop will send out “a constant barrage of facts, photos, games and trivia questions related to the movie” to the user’s Mac, PC or iPhone.

Who gives a fucking shit?!

Do the execs at Fox Home Entertainment really think the consumer’s viewing experience will be enhanced and they will, in turn, embrace and save the dying DVD business by buzzing someone’s iPhone when T.rex appears on screen and asking “how many bones does this dino have?” Most people barely have time to watch one movie a month and you’re trying to waste more of their time!

It’s obvious Fox has quite a bit of extra money lying around to be able to attempt this lame exercise. But I beg you… please stop with all the bullshit and put your money where it really needs to go: Digital downloading technology, consumer education about digital downloading and digital downloading implementation.

That’s the future – not a zapping an iPhone to tell us how many hair follicles Ben Stiller has on his head.

Jill Kennedy – OnMedea