Arrow – Episode 5 – “Damaged”

Reviewed by Vidar – The Norse God of Silence, Stealth & Revenge

With the exception of the island flashback sequences, the rest of Episode 5 – “Damaged” was phoned in.

Phoned in like a little bitch phoning his mother.

Just total shit.

Can it really be possible that everyone is so tired after the first four episodes that they can just decide to take a week off?

There are 22 episodes a season, assholes! This isn’t cable!

Nut up, bitches.

Pull yourselves together. You are producing television for a living.

SUCK IT UP!

The episode titled “Damaged” was indeed that… damaged.

The final 20 seconds of the episode sums it up:

Hurry hurry hurry – “Arrow” needs to get someone on the list – let’s do it in the last five seconds! Quick, before we lose credibility.

OK OK – Vidar understands.

Every season can’t be like “The Sopranos” Season 3.

Quality is impossible to maintain with this sort of hectic production schedule, right?

But now we’re up to 2 out of 5 episodes that were pretty rotten. (To be fair, the other episodes absolutely rock – the first one deserved the Nobel prize for Literature.)

Which means the producers/writers really need to step it up or be prepared to fail.

SO… WHAT WAS GOOD?

Not a hell of a whole lot but there were flashes of brilliance.

• The island: Flashbacks have consistently been good. Now that the Chinese Arrow dude has taken on a Mr. Miyagi type personality (a little too wacky though) there is the possibility that future episodes on the island will turn campy – but, for now, it’s the most riveting thing on “Arrow.”

• Deathstroke – the torture administrator on the island – seemed pretty bad ass. Especially when he caught an arrow headed for this throat in one hand.

Um… nothing much else. The rest of Episode 5 blew.

SO… WHAT SUCKED?

Everything else.

To be specific (in a nit-picky kind of way):

• Diggs in the Arrow costume. Dude was packed in pretty tight. In reality, no chance it even fits over his arms. Oliver/”Arrow” appears to be about 5′ 2″ in real life – Diggs seems to be about a foot taller and wider than that.

• Detective Lance – all implausible (lie detector, his failed case, his demeanor). And, of course, he’s so drunk at the end, his daughter has to pull him out of a bar – all because of what the dude that she is in love with (the guy that killed his daughter and her sister) did to him. Total crap.

• Laurel Lance’s clothes. It appears that last week (the Laurel Lance Breast Episode) was just one director’s choice to strongly feature Laurel Lance’s upper half. This week we were back to normal – and normal blows.

That’s really all Vidar has to say about Episode 5. Vidar didn’t want to even write about it – but knew that once you miss one week – you miss the rest of the season.

So – this is done.

Don’t suck next week “Arrow” or that may be the end of it. Vidar may have to start reviewing some other series like NCIS Season 38.

Or “The Voice.” Christina Aguilera doesn’t have an issue showing cleavage!

“Arrow” is still a great show but one more off week and the audience will start to look for other things as well.

Nut up!

Vidar – The Norse God of Silence, Stealth & Revenge 

P.S. – Vidar must apologize – this was the worst review ever – but there just wasn’t anything at all to say (and Vidar is a little hammered – not like Thor but like… drunk).

• Arrow – Season 1 – Episode 1 – “Pilot”
• Arrow – Season 1 – Episode 2 – “Honor Thy Father”
• Arrow – Season 1 – Episode 3 – “Lone Gunman”
• Arrow – Season 1 – Episode 4 – “An Innocent Man”
• Arrow  – Season 1 – Episode 5 – “Damaged”
• Arrow – Season 1 – Episode 6 – “Legacies”
• Arrow – Season 1 – Episode 7 – “Muse of Fire”