Manka Bros. Film Library

Norway 10: Blunt Force Trauma (2000) - Mega blockbuster version of Manka Bros.' 1976 TV hit about ten blonde male Norwegian cops patrolling New York's mean streets. Now they're female and way hot! Tired of the petty crimes occurring in modern day Hell's Kitchen, the babes get wind of terrorist activity in the New Jersey refineries and head for the turnpike. '

Indefatigable (2000) - A man finds himself unable to sleep for several weeks. One night, he discovers there are other just like him, roaming the street, disinfecting the city while the world likes dormant. Written and directed by Manka Bros.' master of creep G. Thad Ubberoth.

Blood Is In The Air (2000) - Horror musical starring Freddy Fingers as Scab-Bat Collins.

The Size Of Golfballs (2000) - Based on the inspiring true story (and Gordon Lightfoot song) of a group of Minnesota landscapers who bravely continue to landscape despite the torrential hailstorm that eventually took their lives.

HIV:III (aka William Shakespeare's HIV:III (2000) - This big budget version of a newly-discovered Shakespeare play in the Manka vaults. William Shakespeare's Henry IV Part III disappeared almost immediately at the box office after failing to find an audience. Those members of the public who weren't scared away by the film's potentially misleading title, nor turned off by its Shakespearean content, nor confused by the absence of any prior Henry I through Henry III films, nor perplexed by the lack of Henry IV's Part I and II, consider this one of the finest films ever produced by the studio.

Magpies And The Berlin Dufflebag (2001) - In 2000, Manka Bros. won an intense bidding war for the film rights to the internationally successful series of 'Magpie' novels by Martin Hagham, about the Newcastle United Football team with otherworldly powers. The first story chronicles the recruitment and training of the elite squad, to the first test of their skills, to their first challenge, an attempt to destroy this squad in their first game against The German Supermen.

Life And Shape (2001) - Renowned Modernist architect Richard Neutra's life is completely fictionalized by former Manka Bros.' child actor turned director Nickey Moorehead. When Neutra builds a moat around Eric Von Sternberg's Hollywood mansion, he and the legendary silent film director clash over whether or not the water should be electrified.

Siege Of The Hancock (2001)- This film, about Islamic terrorists taking over the tallest residential condo complex in Chicago, had the misfortune of opening in theaters on September 12, 2001. [It is the only film ever released in the U.S. to not sell one single ticket.]

The Golf War (2002) - Reactionaries take over the U.N. and make conditions for control over the Middle East. The conditions? Sergio Garcia and David Duval must play 18 holes of 'best ball' golf against the world. Operation Enduring Fairway.

The Writer's Journey (2002) - Film based on the popular screenwriting book. In this perfect story, we follow the Hero on his journey.

One Year Off (2002) - The world has made a huge math error: the millennium really begins January 1, 2001. That's when stuff's really going to explode!

Delta Waves (2002) - G. Thad Ubberoth wrote and directed this psychological thriller about a man who falls asleep one night and never wakes up. Eventually, he meets up with a clandestine group that also cannot wake up. Is it all a dream or are they actually awake? Or dead? The enigmatic janitor on the second floor may have the answer.

Morphine (2002) - Former pop sensation Tommy Tutone directed this splashy musical version of Eugene O'Neill's 'Long Day's Journey Into Night.' [By the time Manka Bros. executives realized they had hired one-hit wonder Tutone instead of Broadway superstar director Tommy Tune the contract had already been signed. Attempts to nullify it proved unsuccessful - as was the film.]

Magpies And The River Of Paanam (2002) - On a road trip to play the Sardarpura Bulldogs, the Newcastle United Magpies elite crime fighters take on police corruption during the genocide of Gujarat.

The Last Thanksgiving (2003) - Horror film that takes place at an idyllic family Thanksgiving dinner in Stowe, Vermont. [Tagline: You WILL lose your appetite.]

Felons In The Family (2003) - After the childless Andersons decide to adopt eight puppy-faced orphans, they soon discover the kids are all master thieves in this comedic take on 'Oliver Twist.'

Swamped (2003) - When a volatile greasy spoon waitress is under-tipped by four exceedingly attractive south Florida teens, she stalks them through the marshlands, bumping them off one-by-one.

Hard Dollars (2003) - A frank but funny view of the rise of the porn industry in the San Fernando Valley based on the life of Randy Pork.

The Terror Inside Allison Dawson (2003) - Head cheerleader has everything going for her - she's popular, she's smart, she's got a great future. There's only one problem - she's full of an ancient terror that could possibly kill us all.

Baby Got Black (2003) - Michael Rappaport stars in this horrible, horrible movie.

Whores And Peony (2003) - Chang Hu's second Manka Bros. film tells the timeless tale of 17th century Luoyang prostitutes, who escape the brutality of their lives by running through piles of Peony petals in a nearby field. [China's Ethics Board refused to allow this film to be shown in Chinese theaters and demanded that Chang discontinue his relationship with Manka Bros.]

Doubting Thomas: The Movie (2004) - Feature film based on the enormously popular 1980s Manka TV series. Newcomer Cole Fanning (Dakota's 3rd cousin) takes on the role of the boy detective as he investigates the background of the town's new Chief of Police, trusting no one.

Bugger Off! (2004) - The S.C. Johnson Company co-financed this computer animated tale of lovable British cockroaches on the run from an insidious can of Raid.

In The Arms Of An Archer (2004) - The sexy, lonely business editor for the New York Times falls for an archer in the backwoods of Arkansas and goes to live in the woods with him. Based on the Manka Books best-seller 'Archer's Way.'

Can Of Whup-Ass (2005) - Two down-on-their-luck garbage men become the shizzle of their 'hood when they stumble across a magical aluminum can that allows them to dominate the underworld sport of alligator wrestling.

Trainsgendered (2005) - A boy undergoes surgery to become a locomotive. Based on the Manka Children's Book.

Shaw (2005) - Sadistic old pet store owner lures customers with his cute puppies, then chains them in his dank storeroom, forcing them to listen to him read George Bernard Shaw's 'Arms And The Man' aloud every night.

Magpies And The Ice Hotel (2005) - In book three, Newcastle United's supernatural soccer team are summoned to Sweden's Jukkasjarvi village to thwart a band of rebels who are using blowdryers to melt an ice hotel at the peak of tourist season. Or is it global warming?

Shaw 2 (2006) - After 2005's 'Shaw' was a surprising hit, Manka Bros. rushed 'Shaw 2' into production. This time, the sadistic old pet store owner kidnaps customers and reads them George Bernard Shaw's 'Captain Brassbound's Conversion.' If you don't pay attention, he'll do it in a funny falsetto voice.

First And Gillie (2006) - Romantic comedy set in the cut-throat world of competitive worm charming. A hapless male competitor thinks he's in love with Holland's star female charmer, but he fails to notice the mousy but supportive worm handler he's been teamed with for years.

The Witless Protection Program (2006) - Really dumb guys who crossed the mob are given new identities and watched over by a harried FBI agent.

Code Red (2006) - After a Chinese manned space mission fails stranding Chinese astronauts on the Moon, America has to decide whether to launch a very risky rescue mission or let them die.

Rampage Of The Stegosaur (2006) - The greatest event in the history of the world is finally brought to the big screen.

Doo Dads (2007) - Four mild-mannered suburban fathers lose their corporate jobs, but find gainful employment as sassy hairstylists at the hottest salon in Manhattan. Wait until their wives find out!

Magpies On Sadr Day (2007) - After the devastating loss of Jackal, the team's star forward and changeling, to insurgent gunfire in Iraq, the Magpie's talk their owners into letting them play in a tournament in Fallouja, where they attempt to infiltrate Muqtada al Sadr's organization.

Tightwad, MO (2007) - Bank robbers are at wits end when faced with the penny-pinching hostages they encounter at the Savings and Loan in this small Midwestern town.

Lap Of Luxury (2007) - To ease overcrowding in metropolitan prisons, convicts are asked to transfer to remote facilities, lured by premium cable, gourmet food and interest access. When they refuse, officials are forced to add strippers.

Parody Movie (2007) - With the historical success of inexpensive parody comedies, Manka Bros. decided what was good for the goose might be fun for a gander.

Suhale And Purdip Kill A Guy (2007) - Crazy road adventure about college kids Suhale and Purdip and how they react after they kill a guy.

Beyond Remote (2007) - Manka TV star-turned-director Nicky Moorehead bounces back from child molestation charges to helm this tale of nine pre-teen boys stranded on a deserted island, their clothing slowly disintegrating.

Disembowel (2007) - Someone is killing the CEOs of the Fortune 500 companies from 500 down. Next up: #488 - Fiserv CEO Jeffrey Yabuki.

The Bloody Stumps Of Elsa Cry (2007) - Horror movie about Elsa Cry and her bloody stumps.

Freak Accident (2007) - A 30-year-old hot shot, ladder climbing, Ivy League corporate lawyer collides with a circus freak and they change bodies.

Gitter Dunne (2007) - He's a private dick... no, he's a good 'ol boy... private dick... good ol' boy. He's a private dick AND a good 'ol boy out to crack the case of the missing hog.

The Road Less Traveled (2007) - Based on the poem by Robert Frost, a Cyborg cop takes on a gang of motorcycle thugs on a cross-country rampage.

Man Of La Habra (2007) - Teenage Don Quixote struggles to fight the windmills of high school.

Fatal Exception (2007) - The first of best-selling author Brandon Morris' techno-thriller novels comes to the big screen. Corporate I.T. expert Nathan Gerlach has to get past a firewall and proxy settings to save an analyst's PC from crashing.

Cryin' Wolf's First Movie (2007) - Follow the crazy adventures of America's favorite sad wolf. His first appearance on screen since 1975's 'Cryin' Wolf's Indian Christmas.' 'Cryin' Wolf's First Movie' features the voices of the cast of the hit MBS series 'Shroud of Turin.'

Handsome And Dradle (2007) - Nancy Meyers directs this tale of a fifty-something devout Orthodox Jewish woman who, while spending Hanukkah in the seaside town of Netanya, Israel, has her whole life turned upside-down when a 17-year-old Palestinian refuse collector falls in love with her. She tries talking to herself, shouting at a computer screen and crying incessantly, but, eventually, he wins her heart.

The Haymarket Eight (2007) - Edward Norton, Ed Harris, Ryan Gosling, Brad Pitt and Adrien Brody all seriously considered starring in this explosive drama chronicling the struggles of the Chicago union anarchists unfairly prosecuted in 1886 for detonating a bomb in Haymarket Square. Martin Scorsese almost directed. The creative talent involved are all worthy of accolades.

Polar Opposites (2008) - A man lives in Antarctica, his soul mate in Northern Canada. They have two days to meet up at the Equator to save the planet (it's explained in the movie) and see if they can stand each other.

Ghost War (2008) - Manka Bros. creepmaster G. Thad Ubberoth has finally overcome his writers block with this tale of a novelist with writer's block who rents a house in New Orleans' Ninth Ward. Inspired by the ghost living there, he writes feverishly, refusing to vacate as Hurricane Katrina's floodwaters chase him further and further upstairs.

Freak Accident 2: I'm In Jail Down Under (2008) - Harlan Williams returns as a successful business man trapped in a sideshow freak's body. He should have never taken that vacation to Australia!

Runtime Error (2008) - Book Two of author Brandon Morris' Nathan Gerlach series. When a bead of sweat from Corporate I.T. expert Nathan Gerlach's brow fries the 'Ctrl' button on a junior executive's keyboard, he races against the clock to repair it so the executive can continue working on his Excel spreadsheet.

Cephalopod (2008) - A group of sailors training for a competition off the coast of Humboldt are faced with a voracious, giant squid with probing arms and tooth-lined tentacles... and a thirst for human blood.

Tae Kwon Doug (2008) - Comedy about Doug Weiner - an accountant pushed around all his life - until he takes a class and becomes 'Tae Kwon Doug.'

Grandpa and The Argonauts (2008) - Greek mythology meets a porch with a rocking chair in rural Kansas.

Flaccid Trip (2008) - Horrible bad-taste comedy that is about as bad anything put on film. Just awful.

The Appliances (2008) - Animated. Based on the successful Manka Bros. children's book series about a family of old-fashioned household appliances who face-off with the new, high-tech gadgets threatening their very existence.

Tyler Perry's The Hills Have Lies (2008) - When the Hill family comes together for Thanksgiving for the first time in years, secrets are exposed, old wounds are opened, and mom's got a new boyfriend - her Mexican gardener!

Whose Preakness Is It Anyway? (2008) - Animated. Children's retelling of 'Whose Life Is It Anyway?' featuring the ghost of broken-legged Kentucky Derby winner Barbaro the horse.

December Spring (2008) - From the Alison Fogle award-winning book 'Carrier Pigeons.' A lonely bachelor from Alberta, Canada, corresponds with a lonely Chilean woman via carrier pigeon.

Unbroken Spirit (2008) - The incredible true story of a drug-addicted, wheelchair-bound Jew named Haif Schamberg, who emboldened his fellow Auschwitz concentration camp prisoners to stand up to their Nazi captors. After the Nazis take away his chair, Schamberg begins his now legendary 6-week crawl through the mud from a bunkhouse to overpower a guard gate, quietly cheered on by the other inmates.

The Cookie Quarantine (2009) - Book Three of author Brandon Morris' Nathan Gerlach series. No one in Accounting can access their user IDs or passwords, and our hero Nathan Gerlach in I.T. is not about to let his painful carpal tunnel get in the way of addressing the issue.

Floors (2009) - From master of horror and ex-Mets 3rd baseman Ray Knight comes this frightening tale of unexpected terror - Floors. Everyone has them. Everyone walks on them. That's how they get you!

4 Minute Miles (2009) - Sex comedy about Miles and his friends as they all try to figure out how to get Miles to last longer than four minutes with hot chicks (or any chick for that matter).

Gurrelieder: BMX Saturday Night (2009) - Arnold Schoenberg's massive song cycle ('Gurrelieder') is adapted to the world of BMX dirt bike racing.

Gregory Lopez: Excellent Plumber (2009) - Character-driven comedy about the best plumber in Chicago.

Ray Edwards: African Explorer (2009) - Character-driven comedy about a former loser who becomes the best African Explorer on the planet.

Mud Jenkins: County Assessor (2009) - Character-driven comedy about the travails of the best county assessor on the planet - Mud Jenkins.

Frozen Heat (2009) - 1980s / 1990s action star Drake Derrek returns to the screen in this 'sequel' to 'Agatha Christie's Crash Landing.'