Dear Tiger Woods, Please Keep Lying
Online celebrity gossip blogs need you to keep evading authorities and issuing bizarre statements on your website. It's the only way many of them will be able to survive the current advertising slowdown. For a while, the crazy death of Michael Jackson and the pending divorce of Jon & Kate sustained TMZ, Defamer, Radar, etc., but now, they really needed something to jack up the Holiday season - and your insane Thanksgiving was the perfect (the absolute perfect) present under the tree.
What you need to do now, Tiger, is barricade yourself inside your home or come out naked and drunk like something on "Cops" (throw in a scream at the helicopters for that extra zing). Maybe you and Kobe could get together and go on some sort of cross-country crime spree ala "Bonnie and Clyde".
I don't really care what you decide to do next - but PLEASE DO NOT TELL THE TRUTH. That would kill this story faster than David Letterman confessing his illicit affair on national television.
So, Tiger... DON'T come to California and host your golf tournament (keep everyone wondering where you are);
DON'T give a press conference to clear everything up (unless you decide to make it a crazy one with someone like Drew Rosenhaus as your spokesperson);
DO go on Oprah and Jay Leno once your wounds have healed for a nice, safe interview that you have full control over (and stick to your story of Elin freeing you with a golf club from your wrecked Escalade);
DO give Elin a flawless 20-carat diamond during "The View" and "thank her for saving your life"...
Etc. etc. etc.
Just don't tell the truth. That would ruin everything.
Jill Kennedy - OnMedea 0 TrackBacks
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11 Comments
About Jill Kennedy
Jill Kennedy is an Ivy League MBA / refugee from Lehman Brothers.
Manka Bros. (and the Manka Business Channel) hired her (for a very low sum) to cover the world of media (not the world of Medea) in her own words without corporate interference.
About Medea
Medea was a real bitch from classical mythology - as most famously dramatized by Euripides.
She was a sorceress and wife of Jason, whom she assisted in obtaining the Golden Fleece. When Jason deserted her, she chopped up their children. One could say, Medea acted as rationally as a major media company.
Tips, Scoops and Smoking Guns
No, no, Jill - I really don't want to hear any more about it. I'm amazed that mistress has already secured Gloria Allred as her lawyer. For what?
It's not lies, Jill. It's true. Also, his clothes were on fire after the accident and I was also able to put the flames out using the golf club. I actually had to use 2 clubs - a driver and a hybrid.
I mean, I HEARD that's how it happened. I'm not the actual Elin from the story.
He's not coming to his tournament. So that will keep the rumors flying.
I haven’t read all the comments, so perhaps this has already been remarked upon, however, does it not strike anyone as surprising that Tiger, worth a shitload of money and who is arguably the most recognizable athlete in the world, would drive around in a vehicle that did not have bullet proof glass? (or in this case, 3 iron proof)
haha, Tiger is so crazy! I love him.
Oprah is such a great person. Always giving and giving and giving! If only the world was filled with more people as kind spirited as she is.
lol, Tiger is so funny! hopefully he can recover from this.
Greetings from Helsinki. I read your blog with a lot of attention. Good luck.
I still think Tiger is the greatest golfer of all time. In spite of his mistakes of the course, he still rocks!
One of Tiger's ex gf is claiming that he is the father of her son LoL Seems like this Tiger saga is not over yet