Amandla Stenberg – Behind the Proscenium

The Hunger Games

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

I have waited for this longer than time may seem to you.

Or even longer.

So when the cinema doors opened I was fully ready for an eyeball party!

Yes, “The Hunger Games” is finally open.

Smoke was smoked.

Popcorn was popped.

Kossu was in the fun pocket for in the theater for drinking.

Yes!

Then my confusion – is this about Finland? Dirt. Trees. Poor people. District 12 is Finland!

Then my panic pulls out (too much weed) and I realize that I’m in the right film theater.

First things right now: Jennifer Lawrence is hot. So hot that I have a Winter’s Bone in the springtime.

Movie critic humor (for the win)!

So, what did we see? Plot is now!

The story of “The Hunger Games” is set in an indeterminate future. North America is destroyed. From the ashes rose the country Panem, which consisted of the Capital and original 13 districts.

After an uprising a district was destroyed. In order to remember the debt of the districts, Capitol held once a year the so-called Hunger Games, in which 24 young people compete in a battle to the death against each other – in each district a girl and a boy.

In the 74^th Hunger Games something unexpected happens: This part is that her younger sister Prim (Willow Shields) to the Hunger Games must be reported, the 16-year-old Katniss Everdeen (Jennifer Lawrence) volunteers as a tribute.

This is the greatest movie that has ever been told.

The cool, cool book was cool – but the cinema book is even more cooler. Because it is not read, but seen with my (your) own eyes!

Reading is the suck. Except for my reviews.

First (since she is the lead and smoking hot) Jennifer Lawrence is to win every award of acting. Only her “overly large for a starving girl” boobs were a distraction.

Sometimes it is good to be distracted.

Woody Harrelson as the drunken Haymitch reminds me of me when the Kossu flows and I become the state of drunk.

As the badass leader, Donald Sutherland is old and must like mothballs and kidney medication smell – because he is old. The boys gave me jealousy for their nearness to Katniss.

Gale (Liam Hemsworth – why is a 30 year old up for the 12-18 year old Reaping? He is older than Haymitch. Weird.) and Peeta (Josh Hutcherson) both have inner stiffies for Katniss, but only Peeta gets too close for my comfort. And yours. She is mine.

Other actors were also good to acting: Elizabeth Banks, Lenny Kravitz, Stanley Tucci, Wes Bentley (excellent face beard!), all greatness.

The directing Director – Gary Ross – was also the shit.

Battle scenes were with less blood flowing than the book, but more real blood than that “Twilight” crap that was smeared on my brain last year.

Hoping for the R rated directors cut on Blu-ray with many limbs cut to pieces.

Now, just wait on Hollywood with no originality or even an idea. Remake of “The Hunger.” Another movie of “Aqua Teen Hunger Force.” Movie from board game “Hungry Hungry Hippos.”

For now, just go see “The Hunger Games.”

Have I mentioned that Jennifer Lawrence is hot? She is fully formed (and not 16 – at least in this world)!

Any bad?

Only if you are so stuck up that reading is cool and you remember the book. SPOILERS! Mutations looked like “Twilight” wolves for retards (redundant). Where were the tongue-less freak Avox people (movie foul!)? Foxface needed lines (hot for fox (redundant), yet not Jennifer).

That’s it. Not bad.

Verdict?

Two thumbs up… no joke here. Although District 12 brings Finland into my head, I still have the love on.

May the odds be ever in your favor – except for “Twilight”… that shit can die in a fire.

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. “The Voice” may be the thing for T.V. to watch. Erin Martin? Advancing in singing competition with looks? I loveAmerica!!!

“Colombiana”

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

1992.

Colombia (cocaine, not District of).

The little nine-year Cataleya witnessed the murder of her parents. She manages to escape the slaughter with difficulty and takes refuge in the United States with Emilio, her mobster uncle.

(My mobster uncle was Jarkko – he drowned in a Norwegian fjord smuggling high proof liquor. No movies for Jarkko. Why Norway, Jarkko, why?)

Fifteen years later, she is working for him as a hit-person. Your business card, an orchid drawn on the chest of their victims is a message to the murderers of their parents, because Cataleya’s determination to take her revenge to its logical conclusion.

Even if it means sacrificing everything she loves.

Exactly like James Caan in “Thief”. But with a worse soundtrack (Tangerine Dream FTW!)

Written and produced by Luc Besson, “Colombiana” is one of those crappy ass movies that proves the French film a commercial for American coinage.

Or “The Birdcage” – but much less gay.

With an international cast, led by Zoe Saldana, Jordi Moll and Cliff Curtis, “Colombiana” has a technical bill as carefully as the rest of the production of Besson.

I stand by that statement.

The plot is predictable and tend to be known by all who read bestsellers or industrial enjoy thrillers which today are content to nurture the multiplex.

Zoe Saldana portrays Cataleya Restrepo, a girl so beautiful and smart (but no longer blue… I see you! “Avatar”, you lump heads… ), whose fortunes changed from a tragedy: her parents were murdered in Bogotá by order of a vicious drug dealer. Well mannered drug dealers are not so bad from what I hear.

Since then, Cataleya has learned to handle all types of weapons with two very different purposes.

On the one hand, shines the minions who work in the service of her uncle Emilio (Cliff Curtis).

For another, she spends her free time to settle criminals hoping to find the one that killed their parents, like we all would do, but less pretty.

In short, we have here yet another version of vigilante cool, capable of sacrificing one’s neighbor without entirely losing morality.

Otherwise, there is some relationship between this heroin and other Cataleya invented years ago by Besson: Nikita!

As usual in such films, the atmosphere is a key element. Since the filming took place between Paris, Chicago,Miami,New Orleans and Mexico City, is not surprising that the most characteristic of each of these urban environments come to light in the display.

Of the cities. For our eyeballs.

The director, Olivier Megaton, Olivier Fontana is really called, is part of the Team Besson since he directed “Transporter 3” (poop pile).

For more signs, was also the second unit director of “Hitman” (poop pile), which gives us the key to his specialty: persecutions, parkour (French people climbing walls like tweekers), shootings and, ultimately, all these more or less frenetic sequences that characterize the genre that we occupies.

Summary: Zoe Saldana is a fox.

“Columbiana”, though made by people who make poop piles, is not a poop pile. WHAT?!

One thumb has a stiffie, the other is neutral, like Switzerland without the snobbery.

Netflix for sure.

Save your money for Apollo 18. At the trailer, I made my own poop pile… a poop pile for good!

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. September 20^th brings us new Glee. Lindsay, don’t let me down.

Tag: Amandla Stenberg

The Hunger Games [REVIEW]

Colombiana [REVIEW]