Batman v. Superman: Dawn Of Justice
With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen
What a returning for me.
Back to the cinema.
Back to finger thoughts on computers.
Back to Kossu (thank you Odin).
Time to write.
“Where was the Kimmo?” you may all have asked – at least 3,575 emailed to find where my life was. I was with the writer’s block.
The worst of all writer’s block that ever blocked. That block was named “sobriety.” They said “go to rehab.” I said “no, no, no.” Then they said “to rehab you go or your job is toast.”
I said “OK.”
A year goes by.
“Write, Kimmo” says the Boss Man. “How?” said I. My brain thoughts are stuck with no Kosso or sweet, sweet smoke.
Then I met Magda.
She was a Swede, so I was all “run away, she will eat your soul.” But her boobies were too perky and I was stuck with her love.
One night, afraid that she would strangle my neck in her sleep – (Finns and Swedes are like cats and dogs who have more hate than cats and dogs) – I snuck to the kitchen. In the freezer was Kossu. “Eff sobriety in the A!” I said – then gurgled the fire water into my gaping mouth hole. Then I found old green in a coat pocket – still smokeable.
I was buzzed, and kinda high… I was complete again.
So now, I am for writing – block gone!
Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice.
What more to say?
Do superheroes wear their underwear outside their pants? Damn straight!
Superman (Henry Cavill) is an alien illegally. He blowed up Gotham real good while bitch slapping General Zod (Michael Shannon) in previous movie, Steely Man.
This makes Batman (Ben Affleck) all like “you are an alien – if there’s even 1% chance that you might steal my car, I must 100% put my foot in your butt!”
Then Lex Luthor (Jesse Eisenberg) starts with the twitching like Katherine Hepburn. But without the good acting. He, like a junior high mean girl, wants Sup and Bat to fight!
Sup is busy trying to get busy with Lois Lane (Amy Adams). She keeps looking for news, but only finds that women are only to be saved.
Until Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot –hubba hubba!) comes along. She don’t need no saving. And she has a lasso!
Shit gets weird.
There is a kryptonic alien beast that looks like my Xbox had to this life traveled and then pooped out a giant monster.
There is fighting.
Sup flies to space with the kryptonic poop monster, then, when nuked, falls back to earth like a Malaysian airliner.
There are winners and losers.
And Jeremy Irons as a smarter Alfred.
That’s all you get from me – spoilers are for assholes, and my assholishness is at a low level – that’s for sure.
So, one drunken thumb happily up, another thumb stoned, also happy, also up.
Go see this movie, theater-style.
It is big and dumb, like Duane Johnson. But a lot better.
Be surrounded by geeks. And nerds. You will be so filled with movie love that you, too, may become a geeky nerd. So be it.
Don’t forget the sweet, sweet smoke. Trust me!
P.S. There were no random shots fired in people today on a mass scale in this country. Step up, America!
P.P.S. After The Drunkening, try to say Saoirse Ronan three times fast. It is unpossible.
HEAR KIMMO’S REVIEW RIGHT HERE: